Frustrating that our most vulnerable in this world are often cut off by systems that can be hard to access for the people who need them. I hope that you can get what you need in terms of your meds, will be thinking of you.
Luckily I actually managed to work out the issue with my ADHD meds. I was able to see my psychiatrist and get them. it still pisses me off that they were giving me issues with that though. but I imaged to get my ADHD meds finally.
I know telling you to stay away from things like fetlife and tinder might seem a bit stupid and insensitive to the issues you have when it comes to forming bonds and relationships with people who "get" you but the rate of ghosting I dont see going down anytime soon, especially for people who dont fit the normal mold.
I actually don't use fetlife anymore. it's really just that that was the only option. if there was a better place, I DEFINATELY would have tried it instead.
What you're telling me here actually reminds me of a post I made on YouTube earlier:
I ALWAYS intended on finding a lover/partner through my youtube videos (another reason why I'm ALWAYS shirtless in them) but clearly that didnt work out... there are nice people who watch me on youtube but for the most part, my youtube videos tend to attract REALLY stupid people the majority of the time,
like the idiot who was pretending to be Rolf's cousin 
I seriously can't believe someone was actually retarded enough to do it. The only reason why I fell for that is because I was getting
overly optimistic and I seriously thought i'd see real pictures of Rolf alive. And the whole reason why they pulled that fucking scheme is because they didn't like me posting about Rolf when they could have just UNFOLLOWED MY FUCKING POSTS LIKE I WANTED THEM TOO!
The whole point of me rambling about that is to explain that those are mainly the kind of people my youtube videos attract (obviously there are exceptions, but for the most part, it's crazy spergs like that, DEFINATELY NOT OBSESSIVE IN THE WAY I WANT A MAN TO BE EITHER!) it's upsetting really because I seriously DID TRY... but i also had ZERO LUCK on ANY dating site.
From what ive heard Fetlife seems like a place firmly in fantasy for a lot of people who dont intend to carry over anything intimate into real life, I wouldnt waste your time on people like that in the future, they are only interested in weird sex stuff and they wouldnt actually care about you.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT FETLIFE IS! just a bunch of lying idiots! even the first message that this goon sent me! I was able to smell the deception but my
overly-optimistic mind got the best of me, that's why i kept talking to him & it's not like I had anyone better to talk to unfortunately
I'm still spending every single day by myself and it's still wearing down on me (mainly because im getting stir-crazy & i HATE the place i live at and my adoptive parents are too fucking stupid to help me find a new place to live) but im trying to focus more on Rolf instead. He still feels very far away even though i have visions of him every time I sleep,
but it's not like I sense him constantly (I SERIOUSLY WISH I DID THOUGH!)
for example, if you watch the movie
CARNIVAL OF SOULS:
^that movie is about a woman being stalked by a ghost man (it reminds me of me/Joe-Winko & Rolf, except I actually like Rolf & LOVE SEEING HIM ALL THE TIME, but the woman in this movie is scared of the ghost man stalking her.)
this is the woman who is being stalked by the ghost in that movie:
& this is the ghost guy who's stalking her:
if you get the chance to, watch the whole movie & try to add up the amount of time that woman spends with the ghost guy who's stalking her! and compare that to all the times in the movie when the woman isn't with the ghost guy! the moments she spends without him GRATELY outnumber the moments she spends with him! sadly, that's also the case for Rolf & I
when I see him in my dreams or have visions of him while im awake, the visions & dreams are usually Very breif. there are exceptions but most of the time, I don't feel him as close. it hurts. he's aware of this also, and he even told me that "even though I don't feel him, he's always there". A lot of time I have to focus really hard to feel him with me. that's why i have his postmortem pictures hanging up all over.
I NEVER WANT HIS FACE TO FADE FROM MY MIND ♥
and when the negative stuff happens, it makes it even more difficult for me to sense him.
im currently trying to research ways to induce hallucinations so i see him more often ♥
been doing any art as of late?
Actually I have. I just finished this fake newspaper article about myself (
unfortunately it's fake...)
it's based off the time I was going to be left for dead in Arkansas. I been thinking about that a lot lately. The only reason why it didn't happen is because the guy drove off and left without taking me
If it would have gone my way, I would have been gone for 10 years
2015 was actually around the time I began to get annoyed with a lot of the people watching me on YouTube
they would have never known what happened either.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE GET SO CREEPED OUT BY THIS?? IT'S ONLY ABOUT ME DYING! NOT ANYONE ELSE! 
EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SCARED TO COMMENT!
here's the rest of the articles if anyone is interested (
apparently I couldn't decide where my body would have been found at...)
Somewhere in an alternate reality, Joe Winko roams free through never-ending-fields of Heaven since Summer 2015 ♥ spared from all the fucking drama the next 10 years of his life would have brought him ♥ Forever 19 ♥
