John's Next Scam - place yer bets!

[Elbe]

An all-girl e-sports manager because goddamn it John was born to lead.

Or maybe some kind of roving motivational speaker 'My name is Brianna Wu and here is my story....'

 

[Peace and Harmony]

all-girl e-sports manager

Oh man I forgot about this one, this is definitely a good one.

 

[A Useless Fish]

My money is on either a tell all autobiography that John will get an underage cousin to write to for him like that kid who writes the Axe Cop comics, since he won't have to pay him shit but who will still be better able to string sentences together than he is.

Or, John will go the way of the Mattress Girl, and become a performance artist/porn star, which will allow him to take shits on people's floors, while gaggles of woke-minded journos take turns huffing his farts and writing about his 'genius'.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

Book/journalist angle seems likely, but in typical Wu fashion, he'll never actually deliver on anything and keep promising a book/article and inbetween "writing" he'll make various "as a writer/journalist" tweets. I think this will a relatively short Wu "profession" period though and will last until he finds some new scam to latch onto.

 

[DontTellMeHowToPlay]

If it somehow involves the elusive Natalie O'Brien, I will be a happy camper.

 

[GaryGrey]

Whatever Wu does it has to meet the following things:

• Wu is the ultimate athority
• Trying and failing counts as success
• Low upfront cost and/or donation based payment
  
• High public visibility
  
• CIS white male dominated field
• Requires volunteers/employees
• Hard to measure progress

A book about Wu's accomplishments despite the worlds constant harassment. It will not only have Wu's personal stories but similar stories from others. The key thing will be how at the end of each story their lives are worse for the harassment, yet every one of Wu's stories will end with Wu overcoming the harassment and growing stronger from it. Wu couldn't write a complete book and hiring a ghost writer will be too expensive.

 

[Doc Cassidy]

Hopefully she'll open a Chaturbate account, that would be pretty funny.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Having found his carrer as a canidate fusstrating, I think John will next claim to be an arthur. He can tell his Twitter flock that he's making great progress on his book (Please donate to my Patreon <3 <3 <3!) but won't have to show anyone the pile of blank pages.

 

[Ruin]

Memoir or columnist are the two most likely in my mind but I sincerely hopes he gets into E Sports because of how hilariously bad he is at Vidya. That Wolfenstein video where he couldn't pass the tutorial mission on easy difficulty is still one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen.

 

[Optimus Prime]

Memoir or columnist are the two most likely in my mind but I sincerely hopes he gets into E Sports because of how hilariously bad he is at Vidya. That Wolfenstein video where he couldn't pass the tutorial mission on easy difficulty is still one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen.

I think they tried getting into the e-sports thing VERY briefly, but even they're smart enough to know he would fail miserably at it since Wu can't even win at basic RPGs without having to cheat code the first boss fight. Up against people who even are of average casual level would own Wu's ass.

 

[RandomNobody]

I see a franchise opportunity in his future.

"Johnny Wu's Dilation Station"

 

[Karellen]

She’s going to try to make Rocket THE tech podcast instead of A tech podcast.

Honestly I have no clue what she’ll do next. She’s shit all over everyone involved in video games and now she’s shit all over everyone in politics, especially in Boston.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

Wu couldn't write a complete book and hiring a ghost writer will be too expensive.

I will ghost John's autobiography for a flat fee of $125,000 (paid in full upfront, just to avoid any later confusion or misunderstanding about the precise meaning of "other valuable considerations"). This guarantees that Frank will lose a lot less money on Sans Penis (my working title) than he did on Rev 60. There will be no NDA, so I'll keep you guys informed.

 

[Kroster]

She'll spend the next year writing think pieces about how hard it was to be a woman in politics and how the Democrats stacked the deck against progressive women, and how she's planning to run until she wins.

When it's time to pull papers for the next round, she'll mysteriously stop talking politics, and start talking about her book deal about women in the professional racing circuit. This book will never materialize either.

 

[millais]

Become a basement dog breeder

 

[Kosher Dill]

Become a basement dog breeder

That only works if you can breed them faster than they die off.

 

[Very Honest Content]

I'm probably being naive here, taking John at his stated word, but he's claimed he'll be running again once he collects his loss in the primary, so get ready for the rerun episode...

 

[AnOminous]

Whatever it is, and no matter how much of a scam it's intended to be, John's global incompetence at any relevant skill will mean it will cost Frank six figures, again.

 

[Intelligent Calcium]

Will go into comics like Zoe, especially if "Comicsgate" is still going then.

 

[Piss Clam]

An idiots guide to never getting your car running.

How I learned to take pictures with a motorcycle I've never ridden and don't have a license for.