Judging Character - How to not be bad at it?

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chalkyresidue

chalkyresidue

I’m a book keeper’s son
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jul 8, 2022
This feels timely.

Are you a good judge of character? Can you spot a bad actor coming a mile away? Are you prone to overlooking red flags from acquaintances who’ve endeared themselves to you in some kind of way? (Does it ever not bite you in the ass?)

If you suck at this kind of thing, share stories we can learn from. If not, please give us some tips as tricks
 
I’ll start.

In my youth I had some niche hobbies and desperately wanted some pals to share them with. Eventually I put together a little cohort, and I knew they were weird but we had some good times. I never had any trouble with them. They had all kinds of dramas with people I never met, but I assumed it was a coincidence.

Shit got real once I found a serious significant-other, though. When both sets of our friends started to wind up in the same places it became clear that my old pals were completely not housebroken. Sex pest behavior galore, pathetic attempts to triangulate mutual acquaintances against each other… it was humiliating. Who the hell are you people? I guess I never saw it because I was never in the crosshairs. I ran far the hell away from that shit. I understand they think I broke the bros before hos code. Whatever, man. Forget my name and move on.
 
Your body has instincts and senses. If you're not a retarded faggot you can use them to detect body language, voice and cadence, eye motion, all sorts of things. You can learn a lot about someone before ever saying anything to them.

If you're not a retarded faggot. Also just as likely your senses and instincts are dogshit and you're not much of a man if you can't already do this.
 
Good old physiognomy never lies.
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First accept that you can never completely know someone, even if you spent every waking hour with them you can never 100% understand their thinking. Actions matter the most but keep in context what provokes those actions. it's less about what they do and more what they do in response to different things.
That's all vague as fuck because people are a messy gelatinous mess. The best thing is to try not to put blinders up. If someone's bad news youll see it, the tricky part is acting once you notice it.
 
chalkyresidue said:
I’ll start.

In my youth I had some niche hobbies and desperately wanted some pals to share them with. Eventually I put together a little cohort, and I knew they were weird but we had some good times. I never had any trouble with them. They had all kinds of dramas with people I never met, but I assumed it was a coincidence.

Shit got real once I found a serious significant-other, though. When both sets of our friends started to wind up in the same places it became clear that my old pals were completely not housebroken. Sex pest behavior galore, pathetic attempts to triangulate mutual acquaintances against each other… it was humiliating. Who the hell are you people? I guess I never saw it because I was never in the crosshairs. I ran far the hell away from that shit. I understand they think I broke the bros before hos code. Whatever, man. Forget my name and move on.
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No matter how bad they were, there's no way for a man to extol the virtues of being "housebroken" without sounding like a complete and utter faggot.
 
Pomniman said:
No matter how bad they were, there's no way for a man to extol the virtues of being "housebroken" without sounding like a complete and utter faggot.
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I would much rather be an effete cardigan wearing faggot than a maladapted manchild. Some people hate a faggot, everyone hates a weird nerd.
 
SwiftBucks said:
I would much rather be an effete cardigan wearing faggot than a maladapted manchild. Some people hate a faggot, everyone hates a weird nerd.
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>2026 join date
>I'd rather be psychically (and eventually physically, let's not kid ourselves here) trooned out in the name of "adapting" than be called a heccin' weird nerd manchild

Checks out.
 
Pomniman said:
No matter how bad they were, there's no way for a man to extol the virtues of being "housebroken" without sounding like a complete and utter faggot.
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Ok, swap in “pissing and shitting all over the floor” if it helps you wrap your head around the thing better.
Have you ever had to explain why someone you introduced to a social circle had unprotected sex with about a dozen people, set them fighting with each other while also giving them all genital warts, and then expects you to be a pal and come to the doctor with them because waaah they think they might have cunt wart cancer
 
Not really. In fact I've been too charitable to people that didn't deserve it and even though it hasn't come to do stuff like ruin lives is something I beat myself over because usually it ends up ruining my social stock. I'm one of those morons that sees a little bit of myself in others too often and ends up missing the warning signs.

I think the healthiest approach is to listen to everybody and trust nobody. Give everyone a fair shot and let them evidence themselves. Usually the people that are the most similar to us will end being the ones that let us down the hardest if we give them the importance of assuming they are exactly like us.
 
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Ryo Ma said:
Your body has instincts and senses. If you're not a retarded faggot you can use them to detect body language, voice and cadence, eye motion, all sorts of things. You can learn a lot about someone before ever saying anything to them.

If you're not a retarded faggot. Also just as likely your senses and instincts are dogshit and you're not much of a man if you can't already do this.
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I think the problem for OP, as with a lot of people is that they do have these instincts and senses but let their good nature get in the way/ override what those instincts/senses are telling them. I've done this myself in the past and been burnt. Giving people the benefit of the doubt does often backfire
Blue Gem Kosher Queen said:
Not really. In fact I've been too charitable to people that didn't deserve it and even though it hasn't come to do stuff like ruin lives is something I beat myself over because usually it ends up ruining my social stock. I'm one of those morons that sees a little of bit of myself in others too often and ends up missing the warning signs.
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Case in point. Been there done that

Lip Glossary said:
, I've learned the best rule of thumb: whenever somebody shows you who they are, believe them.
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This, this so much, and this applies not just on an individual level but a societal level too. Western Europe and the UK is learning this lesson the hard hard way with Muslims

Personally I have found a couple of things are absolutely reliable red flag warning signs;

1) Substance abusers/ addicts or use of shit like meth. Avoid at all costs

2) Palestards - everyone I have met who is a full on Palestine supporter is either irredeemably stupid/ignorant or irredeemably evil. Or both
 
It's ok to be the ugly, and a duckling since ducks are better looking than vast majority of people.

It's NOT ok to face the world after being both home schooled and remote college'd thus skipping having to observe and integrate with the masses you got to know WHY to hate without ever having done so.
 
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