Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

[D_Tractor]

 

[DerichLovesNWA]

On the topic of Tales from the Pigpen, there’s also the one where allegedly Kat’s shirt got caught on a drawer and it literally spooked her like an animal and she ran and ripped it out of the casing. She then realized what happened and then just left the broken drawer and cluttered silverware on the ground to go to her job. Later, Phil found it and thought he was ransacked before his mature adult brain deduced what happened.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

View attachment 2876226

I wonder if her foster mom really died or if she's just posting insane ramblings again.

 

[Kosher Dill]

there’s also the one where allegedly Kat’s shirt got caught on a drawer and it literally spooked her like an animal

Do you have a link for this one? I've just got to hear.

 

[DerichLovesNWA]

Do you have a link for this one? I've just got to hear.

I’m having trouble finding it exactly for some reason but I’m not going insane from being in the vortex because someone else talked about it:

Link

 

[We Are The Witches]

@Kosher Dill @DerichLovesNWA
It's probably this video.
He takes his time to fully tell the story, so TLDW: Drawers made of staples, not screws. Lower grade cabinets, why did they put this in a nice, high end house like mine. My wife's shirt got caught, she pulled and yanked the front of the cabinet.

-at 29:15-

 

[Kosher Dill]

Lower grade cabinets, why did they put this in a nice, high end house like mine.

This was supposed to be the BMW of houses!

Doesn't sound like this is a "Kat The Retard" story though, alas.

 

[Two Yum Yums]

I wonder if her foster mom really died or if she's just posting insane ramblings again.

Her foster mom isn't dead. When Jenna is having a particularly schizo day she'll start spam posting about her foster mom molesting her, and will make a bunch of weird, fake instagram accounts (@Joannethepedo is her most recent one) to call her out and doxx her.


Edit: Jenna and @Anony same person confirmed.

 

[LordPriapus]

@Kosher Dill @DerichLovesNWA
It's probably this video.
He takes his time to fully tell the story, so TLDW: Drawers made of staples, not screws. Lower grade cabinets, why did they put this in a nice, high end house like mine. My wife's shirt got caught, she pulled and yanked the front of the cabinet.

-at 29:15-
https://youtube.com/watch?v=RlGIz3Pg75A:1755

I appreciate you researching this, but I had to tap out after like 75 seconds. He's the worse story teller. The more he spergs out over shit, the less interesting the topic is that he's talking about.

 

[DZoomer]

Her foster mom isn't dead. When Jenna is having a particularly schizo day she'll start spam posting about her foster mom molesting her, and will make a bunch of weird, fake instagram accounts (@Joannethepedo is her most recent one) to call her out and doxx her.


Edit: Jenna and @Anony same person confirmed.

View attachment 2878051

And to think some kiwis got their panties in a bunch because of that guy fucking Jenna, LMAO.

 

[Trappin in the Trap]

I appreciate you researching this, but I had to tap out after like 75 seconds. He's the worse story teller. The more he spergs out over shit, the less interesting the topic is that he's talking about.

He can make a 2 minute story feel like 20 by getting caught up in tangents, doubling back and adding worthless backstory. Him trying to explain anything at all is rough. Even his daily weekly schedule segments are drawn out.
It's a talent, really.

 

[Schmeckel]

He can make a 2 minute story feel like 20 by getting caught up in tangents, doubling back and adding worthless backstory. Him trying to explain anything at all is rough. Even his daily weekly schedule segments are drawn out.
It's a talent, really.

I wouldn't so much say it's a talent. He can make the most mundane activity sound like a Sisyphean task. The real talent would be to make it sound remotely believable to anyone not already caught with the pignosis. Listening to any of his drawn out tales makes this abundantly clear.

If you approached a random person and told them that your day consists of: Waking up, turning on computer programs, taking a dump, playing video games for hours, taking another dump, eating microwaved slop, playing more video games for a few hours, and then drinking gin...and asked them if they thought that would constitute a hard day's work, they'd punch you right in the mouth. BUT, if you told them that same series of events the way Phil would tell it, that random person would swear he's working harder than 95% of anyone with a job ever. Of course, assuming he told it in a way that sounded anywhere near the ballpark of "feasible."

Phil is a terrible liar and his delusions of grandeur cause him to try to explain things as if he's trying to explain AP-level calculus to an entire class. His talent isn't his story telling. He's got the passive "talent" of wheelchairs and dent-domes being drawn to the vortex, and that's not so much a talent as it is just the unfortunate nature of the interwebs.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

It really is. This is entirely speculation and not something I can back up at all, but I have started to question if some of the dumb food related things that Kat does are actually Phil doing it. His ego won't let him admit to making mistakes, especially since he knows he'd be mocked, but he thinks these stories are hilarious, in the same vein of him getting giddy when he spilled water on himself. If it happened in a way where he could have blamed Kat, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd run to talk about it on prestream, saying she was the one who spilled the water and how hilarious it was, while also making himself look like a good guy by saying he swooped in with a towel to be the hero.

The reason I think it, besides Phil's natural inclination towards lying, is his inability to tell convincing lies. A lot of the times, it seems to be a case of "Khet just stood there." I give Khet a lot of grief for being simple, but even I think that's a little too far. To me, it reads like Phil lacking creativity with his lie/not having enough human interaction to know how someone would actually act. So he just makes Khet sounds like an NPC in the game, doing nothing while he has to swoop in. It stood out more to me in the garbage disposal incident, where Khet supposedly put the bones in and then just stood there not doing anything until Phil turned it off.

My first thought was, Phil put it in the disposal because he's too stupid to remove the bones, then he realized his mistake and turned it off. And because he lives an empty hermit lifestyle, he thought this was hilarious or exciting or who knows what and needed to be retold. Or maybe it was supposed to be a criticism against Indian food, since we know Phil gets upset when food is on a bone, he wants to relax when he eats, not do work. I'd assume that applies for throwing stuff out as well.

It's tough to say, because based on her stream experiences, she really was just sitting there not doing anything, but I always chalked that up to her not wanting to be on stream so she was just really out of it thinking about playing Skyrim or whatever. I don't think Khet is capable of living alone, but she can at least handle working a minimum wage job and managed to get up to Seattle, even if Phil was paying for stuff. She has to have at least *some* level of reaction beyond just blankly sitting there.

Some of the reactions also seem more like things Phil would do. Crying over food? That's definitely strikes me as being more of a Phil thing then Khet. Given how content she was with potato based meals, it doesn't seem like she has nearly the same level of respect for robust flavors that DSP does. I'd actually believe it more if Phil said Khet accidentally put sour cream on, but ate the whole thing anyway and didn't realize until after she was done. But it's also possible Phil just sucks at telling stories, and the stories he tells are so boring as it is that it makes it feel like it has to be some sort of lie.

Kat may be kind of dim, or at least I'm guessing she is, but something to keep in mind with her is that she almost certainly has far more real world experience. She hasn't had an easy life. Meanwhile Phil's largely been a coddled manbaby his entire life.

Whenever Phil screws up, fixing it is a simple two step process of 1) decide on who else to blame and 2) get the paypigs (or formerly mama/papa Burnell) to replace it.
On the other hand for people like Kat if they screw something up they're going to have to live with it, so even if they aren't "smart", they have no option but to learn how to function on a basic level.

So I agree, when it comes to the "How would any grown adult not know better?" class of fuckups, Phil definitely seems like he'd be the more likely culprit. Kat may be dumb, but I doubt she's incompetent.

PS: Maybe I'm just a fatass but honestly french toast with sour cream sounds like it would be alright. Nothing but routine for old SameSydePhil though, so in the trash goes the perfectly good food.

Her foster mom isn't dead. When Jenna is having a particularly schizo day she'll start spam posting about her foster mom molesting her, and will make a bunch of weird, fake instagram accounts (@Joannethepedo is her most recent one) to call her out and doxx her.


Edit: Jenna and @Anony same person confirmed.

View attachment 2878051

Imagine using your time and resources to try to help a kid in need and not only do they grow up to be a useless drugged out whore anyways, but they also repay you by publicly accusing you of being a child molester whenever they're in the mood.

Classy as usual, Jenna.

 

[UncleTusky]

Another Kat mini-update: According to Phil she got turned down for a new job because the other applicants were more qualified. Obviously this comes from an unreliable narrator but to me this sounds like Phil wants Kat to do better (read: bring in more money) than part-time cashier at Fred Meyer's - even if you believe she was fired or quit it's impossible for her to be underqualified for that job. I have not worked in retail so others can correct me but I am more than a little surprised she could not at least get promoted to full-time after 2 years and counting.

 

[Derich 2nd of coomland]

Another Kat mini-update: According to Phil she got turned down for a new job because the other applicants were more qualified. Obviously this comes from an unreliable narrator but to me this sounds like Phil wants Kat to do better (read: bring in more money) than part-time cashier at Fred Meyer's.

Or Khet is not the hopeless drugged up potato we have been speculating, and wants more than just stacking shelves for the rest of her working life.

Might this be the opening shot for the Panda arc 2.0?

 

[Cyber Bowling]

Or Khet is not the hopeless drugged up potato we have been speculating, and wants more than just stacking shelves for the rest of her working life.

Might this be the opening shot for the Panda arc 2.0?

I think it's leading up to Khet pulling a Phil and basically going "nothing I can do" to justify why she becomes a hermit who spends all her time playing Skyrim in her office.

It's good that she at least wants to work, but it doesn't sound like she's particularly motivated at her job. A lot of what we hear is her complaining about her limited part time job. She wants a promotion, but I think it's because she thinks an office job would be easier than retail. Which, fair, there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting an easier job, it's not exactly a secret retail jobs suck. But it doesn't sound like she's actually doing anything to get a promotion/better job.

I think it's the same mindset that got her with Phil in the first place. She wanted to get a better life, but instead of actually trying to improve things, she decided to cheat on her boyfriend and shack up with Phil, knowing he'd give her free room and board.

It's pretty clear she struggles with, well, practically everything. Given what we know about her past it isn't a shock. The best thing for her would be making a friend who is patient enough to basically sit her down and explain what she needs to do to become an actual adult. Needless to say, Phil isn't that person. Both because he's too selfish to care about anyone else and because he has no idea how to be an adult either. That's why I think she'll eventually give up on working at all and rely entirely on Phil to cover the costs of everything while she lives in the gaming den, waddling out every so often when Phil orders Door Dash.

 

[UncleTusky]

Or Khet is not the hopeless drugged up potato we have been speculating, and wants more than just stacking shelves for the rest of her working life.

Might this be the opening shot for the Panda arc 2.0?

This isn't just Kat wanting to move up in the world, this is also Phil trying to make his money problems his girlfriend/wife's problem. That's a terrible idea for their marriage in particular because there's no affection - he has nothing to offer besides his money so if that's declining she has every reason to start looking for her new mark.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

This isn't just Kat wanting to move up in the world, this is also Phil trying to make his money problems his girlfriend/wife's problem. That's a terrible idea for their marriage in particular because there's no affection - he has nothing to offer besides his money so if that's declining she has every reason to start looking for her new mark.

There are few times I will ever believe something Phil says at face value, but when he says Khet doesn't contribute to the bills, I 100% believe him. If he was using Khet as a secondary income source, she wouldn't be there, let alone married to him. The success of their relationship hinges on the fact that Phil pays for everything. Not that I think they have much interaction, but when they do, I think Phil plays up his successful side, not his begging side. He sometimes does it in chat, when people start to mock him for how much he begs, he gets upset and breaks his begging narrative by talking about how great he's doing, or when he accidentally slips up and mentions he made thousands of dollars in superchats or whatever, only to quickly memory hole it and LIMB anyone who calls him out.

Remember, Phil still pulls in over 100k a year. He's also a giant pussy. Even if he ran out of money for WWE pulls, there's no way he'd be brave enough to ask Khet for money. I imagine he doesn't share any financial details with Khet, and even if he did, I don't think Khet would understand them. She'd just stare blankly at the papers until Phil asked if she wanted Door Dash.

This is speculation, but I think Khet only works right now because she's trying to follow her checklist of what successful adults do. She knows she's supposed to work, but doesn't understand what a career is, that's why she's only been doing part time retail work all this time. I think if Phil had his way, Khet wouldn't work at all and fully align her hermit schedule alongside his.

 

[Michael Janke]

that's why she's only been doing part time retail work all this time. I think if Phil had his way, Khet wouldn't work at all and fully align her hermit schedule alongside his.

except for the fact that he made leanna work.
if his ability to pay bills is ever in danger and he can't declare bankruptcy again, he'll try to get Khet to pick up the slack. but if he does that, she's gone.
if i were Khet or if Khet were a little smarter. she'd work full time and save up for a few years since phil pays for everything. then when phil goes bankrupt again with no way out, i'd move out.
at least 3 years is plenty of time to prepare for the inevitable.

 

[Two Yum Yums]

Jenna has covid (forgot to screenshot yesterday), is sleeping in car parks, and seems to be planning her own suicide now. If only she had a sister who wasn't a total waste of space who could support her.

Spoiler: The increasing mental decline of Jenna