Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

[actually]

She did and she is now semi-vegetarian (according to her Instagram she eats fish but not poultry or red meat).

Pescatarian, most likely.

 

[ReentryPhantom]

Pescatarian, most likely.

Pescatarian.... But she did have a steak the other day.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

For an explanation of why Phil prefers pig slop over anything more sophisticated, the explanation is that they're the culinary version of instant gratification - no complex flavor or textures, just a mushy hunk of salt and fat with meat or potatoes mixed in there. It's the same reason he considered that meat on the bone from the Filipino place "hard work" and goes for liters of gin over a glass of high-quality red wine.

We saw this very early on when he did his "Cooking with the King" segments. I think it was the first one he attempted which was those cheese, egg and bacon sandwiches. What did he do? He sprayed the pans with cooking spray and said, "I'm a gamer. I don't have time to melt some butter". When he could have done that in the time it took him to say it. He looks for the easy way out and doesn't always realize that it's not necessarily the better or fastest way to do it.

And Philthy wouldn't know a quality red wine if he tasted one. The man's taste buds have been destroyed by drinking cheap gin over the years so the only way he can get any satisfaction is to use lots of salt and fat in his food which is what he's been eating. And, looking at Khet, she's been eating more than her fair share of it as well.

Pescatarian, most likely.

There's nothing the matter with that if you can stick to it. While I don't advocate for going vegetarian or vegan I do say we eat too much meat as it is. Cutting back a little and eating more veggies and fish is much better for you.

 

[UncleTusky]

We saw this very early on when he did his "Cooking with the King" segments. I think it was the first one he attempted which was those cheese, egg and bacon sandwiches. What did he do? He sprayed the pans with cooking spray and said, "I'm a gamer. I don't have time to melt some butter". When he could have done that in the time it took him to say it. He looks for the easy way out and doesn't always realize that it's not necessarily the better or fastest way to do it.

Then some time post move to Renton we finally learned why he killed the series: "Cooking with the King" was literally everything he knew how to make. He didn't just stick to simple recipes, he couldn't be bothered to learn more than about a half-dozen staples. It would certainly explain why he got QVC mashed potatoes and deli mac and cheese for his Thanksgiving abortion in 2020.

Edit: I can't believe I forgot pouring bacon grease down the toilet because he was too lazy to dispose of it properly. He's lucky that didn't wreck his piping.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Then some time post move to Renton we finally got the explanation for why he killed the series: "Cooking with the King" was literally everything he knew how to make. He didn't just stick to simple recipes, he couldn't be bothered to learn more than about a half-dozen staples. It would certainly explain why he got QVC mashed potatoes and deli mac and cheese for his Thanksgiving abortion in 2020.

Oh that hurts.

I mean mashed potatoes are one of the easiest things to make. Along with a decent mac & cheese. It just takes a little time and effort two things that Dark Dave doesn't have. But of course Khet was supposed to come do all that. But we found out later she was strictly meat and potatoes. And since Philthy has a double portion of everything, Khet followed suit and ballooned up to where she is now.

 

[UncleTusky]

Oh that hurts.

I mean mashed potatoes are one of the easiest things to make. Along with a decent mac & cheese. It just takes a little time and effort two things that Dark Dave doesn't have. But of course Khet was supposed to come do all that. But we found out later she was strictly meat and potatoes. And since Philthy has a double portion of everything, Khet followed suit and ballooned up to where she is now.

You're forgetting what happened a few months-maybe a year after moving in: She went from making home cooked meat and potatoes and casseroles (to be fair with her crappy upbringing I doubt she had the chance to learn anything sophisticated) to making nothing but ready-made/frozen/boil-in-bag meals - those things are a heart attack in a box, the only meals I've ever seen with more calories were MREs designed for active duty soldiers. And that's on the nights when they don't just order Doordash which, based on the Indian "Feasting with the King", means 3 entrees + multiple sides for 2 people.

If you want to be entertained but mildly depressed I think some of the posters in the "Cooking with Kat" thread made a game of figuring out the exact frozen dinner Phil tried to pass off as homemade.

Edit: Phil doesn't just have silly ideas about portion control, he loves using food to flex too - supposedly when he was still active in the FGC he would always order the most expensive thing on the menu no matter what. I could see him ordering extra when Kat first showed up in a laughably autistic attempt to show he could take care of her, only to never cut back because one (or both) of them liked having the extra food, and eventually that gave us 250-pound Kat.

Edit x2: I have a second theory for why Kat might be 250 elbees now: When she first moved in with Phil, she was doing her best to be his ideal woman - she was going to cook and clean for him, she had some important job that would bring money into the house, and she was moderately attractive (horse jokes aside 2017-18 Kat was decent looking, I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen in public with her). Then her grifter senses tingled and she realized Phil was so desperate to keep her around that she could get away with almost anything. That's why the cooking went out the window after a few months, I'm not sure he ever mentioned her cleaning after the initial reveal but his offhand comments make the Snort Fort sound like a disaster zone now, then eventually she stopped giving a fuck about her weight too and just ate like, well, a pig. And the kicker? She was right, Phil hasn't put his foot down at all and just makes the occasional passive-aggressive comment about exercise on stream.

 

[Yung Dalph]

When Phil is the one ultimately buyin the meals, don't expect the most healthy either. Whatever is for dinner that night is what Phil is buying, and as you can see its a lot of it.

Aside from door dashing and Taco Bell, I still want to see what their groceries are lookin' like minus the alcohol.

It doesn't have to be healthy as long as he can delude himself into thinking it is. This is the same guy who gaslit himself into thinking a mountain dew Kickstart is good for you. His thought process in general is pretty weird when it comes to healthy food - it can be healthy if it has veggies in it, despite spraying the pan with Pam 15 times beforehand.

Sometimes I think it is because he is pretentious, and believes that the fancier something is presented, the better quality it is. That's why he constantly uses 'gourmet' as a synonym of 'high quality'. Other times I think its because he's determined to eat a certain thing already, and just needs to convince himself that it's good for him. So there we go with the mental gymnastics....

Phil feels like a child having to explain himself to his parents over everything. Maybe he used to do it as a child since he claims his parents were strict. Now he's transferred this way of behaving with his audience. He has to explain that on his day off they went to a restaurant, that was neither too cheap nor too expensive, was not 'gourmet' but also wasn't 'El cheapo', and they had food that was very heavy but also not unhealthy. It was very authentic though. And he knows, because, well... It said it on the menu or something.

I can't imagine the lifestyle of constantly having to explain yourself for an abstract group of people's validation, but it has turned him into a good little cuck and that's fun to watch.

I mean mashed potatoes are one of the easiest things to make. Along with a decent mac & cheese. It just takes a little time and effort two things that Dark Dave doesn't have. But of course Khet was supposed to come do all that. But we found out later she was strictly meat and potatoes. And since Philthy has a double portion of everything, Khet followed suit and ballooned up to where she is now.

The man has absolutely 0 cooking sense.

He's "the recipe follower" stereotype, where he follows a recipe exactly to the tee, then wonders why his dish is under/overcooked. He has no perception of what makes a meal good, when it is ready, and so on. That's why he's limited to cooking trailer park food, which I assume appeals to Kat, seeing that's where she comes from.

We've seen his pizza, sauce, hotdogs, tacos and he somehow manages to fuck them up or at least get the process wrong every time.

Phil's one of those people who are not capable of literally anything, to the extent where they become a case study.

Also, as to why Kat is fat - she let herself go after the marriage because her future was somewhat secured, same thing with DSP; he didn't feel like he had to try and impress her anymore, and started putting less effort. So nowadays I assume they just eat whatever DSP wants since he's the man of the house. Also he let her get fat as fuck so no other man likes her except degenerates with trailer park thot fetishes, in which case Jenna's having competition.

 

[Little Bill]

In case anyone is curious as to why Phil as started talking about 'working out' and 'power walking' as much lately, his beloved Kat looks like Rosemary from Shallow Hal. If you can believe it, she's actually gotten heavier since last year. They both have become super self-conscious about her weight. My guess is that she's pushing 250-300 pounds nowadays.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

He's "the recipe follower" stereotype, where he follows a recipe exactly to the tee, then wonders why his dish is under/overcooked. He has no perception of what makes a meal good, when it is ready, and so on. That's why he's limited to cooking trailer park food, which I assume appeals to Kat, seeing that's where she comes from.

He doesn't even do that. I remember last year he talked about fucking up a Christmas roast, he found some old medieval recipe of making a roast online and fucked it up by only putting in half a cup of red wine when the recipe called for 2 cups, then cried about it ending up dry.

 

[clothes in my closet]

In case anyone is curious as to why Phil as started talking about 'working out' and 'power walking' as much lately, his beloved Kat looks like Rosemary from Shallow Hal. If you can believe it, she's actually gotten heavier since last year. They both have become super self-conscious about her weight. My guess is that she's pushing 250-300 pounds nowadays.

How do you know shes gotten heavier?

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

He doesn't even do that. I remember last year he talked about fucking up a Christmas roast, he found some old medieval recipe of making a roast online and fucked it up by only putting in half a cup of red wine when the recipe called for 2 cups, then cried about it ending up dry.

Or his infamous "tuna panini" he tried to make on "Cooking With the King".

He says for every 6 oz of tuna you add half a cup of mayo. To which I say, "no". That's more or less what you'd use for 2 cans of tuna or what he's making there. And he goes for a full cup of that stuff making the most disgusting mess you've ever seen.

But then at the same time he does follow recipes EXACTLY. This is why his totally authentic Italian sauce would contain 1 cup of sugar. A tablespoon is all that's needed if your tomatoes are too acidic. But he copied this carefully from Mama Scalfani and she obviously put in lots of sugar into her sauce. Or maybe it was a one time thing or, more likely, he wasn't paying attention when writing it down. But due to his autism he's followed that recipe ever since. And it also means he really likes sweets because there is no way that that sauce didn't come out tasting like candy.

 

[Sup3r]

He doesn't even do that. I remember last year he talked about fucking up a Christmas roast, he found some old medieval recipe of making a roast online and fucked it up by only putting in half a cup of red wine when the recipe called for 2 cups, then cried about it ending up dry.

Hell, he changed his family's precious sugar sauce recipe because he thought it a bit "too sweet". He'll always think he knows better.

 

[grump]

Oh that hurts.

I mean mashed potatoes are one of the easiest things to make. Along with a decent mac & cheese. It just takes a little time and effort two things that Dark Dave doesn't have. But of course Khet was supposed to come do all that. But we found out later she was strictly meat and potatoes. And since Philthy has a double portion of everything, Khet followed suit and ballooned up to where she is now.

You're forgetting what happened a few months-maybe a year after moving in: She went from making home cooked meat and potatoes and casseroles (to be fair with her crappy upbringing I doubt she had the chance to learn anything sophisticated) to making nothing but ready-made/frozen/boil-in-bag meals - those things are a heart attack in a box, the only meals I've ever seen with more calories were MREs designed for active duty soldiers. And that's on the nights when they don't just order Doordash which, based on the Indian "Feasting with the King", means 3 entrees + multiple sides for 2 people.

If you want to be entertained but mildly depressed I think some of the posters in the "Cooking with Kat" thread made a game of figuring out the exact frozen dinner Phil tried to pass off as homemade.

Edit: Phil doesn't just have silly ideas about portion control, he loves using food to flex too - supposedly when he was still active in the FGC he would always order the most expensive thing on the menu no matter what. I could see him ordering extra when Kat first showed up in a laughably autistic attempt to show he could take care of her, only to never cut back because one (or both) of them liked having the extra food, and eventually that gave us 250-pound Kat.

Edit x2: I have a second theory for why Kat might be 250 elbees now: When she first moved in with Phil, she was doing her best to be his ideal woman - she was going to cook and clean for him, she had some important job that would bring money into the house, and she was moderately attractive (horse jokes aside 2017-18 Kat was decent looking, I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen in public with her). Then her grifter senses tingled and she realized Phil was so desperate to keep her around that she could get away with almost anything. That's why the cooking went out the window after a few months, I'm not sure he ever mentioned her cleaning after the initial reveal but his offhand comments make the Snort Fort sound like a disaster zone now, then eventually she stopped giving a fuck about her weight too and just ate like, well, a pig. And the kicker? She was right, Phil hasn't put his foot down at all and just makes the occasional passive-aggressive comment about exercise on stream.

I doubt Khet does much more cooking than Phil these days ie none. It takes a certain diligence to home cook even relatively simple meals with regularity, diligence that usually translates into not being morbidly obese. Those people you see on my 600lb life didn't get that way through their intense love of cooking things for themselves. That body you saw in the 2021 isn't the body of someone who Adam Ragusas their way through the kitchen every day. Most if not almost all their meals are likely doordashed or at best readymade or restaurant.


Maybe on very rare occasions she take a break from her duties as Archmage of Winterhold to fry something up.

 

[QwahlityKahntent]

In case anyone is curious as to why Phil as started talking about 'working out' and 'power walking' as much lately, his beloved Kat looks like Rosemary from Shallow Hal. If you can believe it, she's actually gotten heavier since last year. They both have become super self-conscious about her weight. My guess is that she's pushing 250-300 pounds nowadays.

looks like we're getting close to the skin-suit wearing saga

 

[_XXIII_]

Maybe on very rare occasions she take a break from her duties as Archmage of Winterhold to fry something up.

Fuck me, this got me good. Bravo.

You just know she's got a shit tier Khajit character and just does the most mundane fetch quest bullshit and finds it enthralling. No way she doesn't spend hundreds of hours collecting alchemy ingredients.

I'd put money on the boring bitch actively avoiding any interesting quests in case any Daedra show up and it gives her flashbacks of Jenna's exorcism.

 

[Quantum Diabetes]

Hey guys is this a picture of Khet from 5 years ago?

 

[LolCowCentral]

How do you know shes gotten heavier?

Her face in the photo that was captured outside of the gas station.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Hey guys is this a picture of Khet from 5 years ago?View attachment 3578884

Looks about right. Who's the one in the pink next to her? Is that her sister or tard wrangler?

 

[QwahlityKahntent]

Her face in the photo that was captured outside of the gas station.

No he’s saying she got even fatter since the pic implying he has first hand knowledge of what she currently looks like.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

looks like we're getting close to the skin-suit wearing saga

A question I sometimes wonder: if Kat had a heart attack and died and none of the detractors realized, how long would Phil be hiding her corpse in the freezer? Maybe he'd plan to only keep her there for a few days, but he'd keep pushing it off until next thing he knew it had been a couple years.

Eventually he'd just get her taxidermied in a sitting position, so she could continue to fulfill all her obligations in the marriage: sitting in the house staring ahead blankly, sitting in the car staring ahead blankly while Phil talks at her, and continuing to be technically legally married to Phil.

It would be exactly like things always were but with a fraction of the doordash costs! Thank of how much more he'd have for WWE champions! Phil should definitely consider murdering Kat. It just makes sense financially.

Hey guys is this a picture of Khet from 5 years ago?View attachment 3578884

Considering that I'm sure she doesn't shave anymore I'll bet she's about that hairy nowadays.