Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[Blue Miaplacidus]

Let’s say a big time record company comes along and gives cobra a multi album contract or an adult swim hit show. A bunch of money that gets him off his ssi. Realistically what do you guys think happens? A giant bell tower with an accompanying construction fiasco? Would it get built or would he be back to broke in 2 years? Would he abandon his YouTube channel? Would Clint not being able to manage life for cobra lead him further down a path of destruction with booze and drugs? My bet is on an overdose from some research chemical he gets off one of his new scummy hangers on.

Considering a few things like his lack of self control, his counter full of boner pills, nugenix, swiftbux scams, being sent fake winning lottery tickets and not even realizing he won 50k and claiming he lost, not being able to add up 2 dimes and a nickel without a calculator, and just being cobes I'd predict this;

Within 1 month he will have to fire up a stream arms crossed while grumpy and sober "what the fuck is up toobz, My dad is jealous of my fame and doesn't understand his son is a rock star youtube celery and is bitching about me being 300 in the negative. He can't even text me to say he's proud of me and loves when I sniff my step sisters dirty panties, no he's just jealous of my fame and whines about my bank account. Anyway toobs donashuns preeshiated but not necessary" *orders 80$ worth of taco johns*
Every penny will have been spent on chaturbate whores, retarded trinkets, various scams by trolls, and lots of alcohol. He will also have purchased a model T that he will never drive that will rot in the driveway of his shitty apartment until it needs to be sold for budlight money.

 

[Baby Cakes]

Let’s say a big time record company comes along and gives cobra a multi album contract or an adult swim hit show. A bunch of money that gets him off his ssi. Realistically what do you guys think happens? A giant bell tower with an accompanying construction fiasco? Would it get built or would he be back to broke in 2 years? Would he abandon his YouTube channel? Would Clint not being able to manage life for cobra lead him further down a path of destruction with booze and drugs? My bet is on an overdose from some research chemical he gets off one of his new scummy hangers on.

Cobes is done with synthetic drugs (we kinda went over this a few pages back). If Homedad found out Cobes got a lucrative offer like that, he would do his due diligence and probably give Cobes advice. But, we know you can't tell Cobes nothing; so we also know how it's gonna go. Cobes got money? Cobes get booze, tobacco, and food. Cobes got a lot of money? Cobes gonna have a lot more of those things in a bigger apartment.

Spoiler: Rambling

I don't like 'if' games or scenarios that aren't likely. But, if Cobes did get a Smiling Friends voice role or something like that, I really don't think the producers of those shows would stain their reputation with screwing a known idiot out of work and money. We know Cobes could lie about the numbers to make the producers look bad (Bayonetta's voice actress did this) but that would blow up in Cobes' face and burn any gig bridge that may be extended to him. Kind of a bizzaro Patrice O'neal move if you know what I mean.

 

[BallsMcLongDong]

Cobes is done with synthetic drugs (we kinda went over this a few pages back). If Homedad found out Cobes got a lucrative offer like that, he would do his due diligence and probably give Cobes advice. But, we know you can't tell Cobes nothing; so we also know how it's gonna go. Cobes got money? Cobes get booze, tobacco, and food. Cobes got a lot of money? Cobes gonna have a lot more of those things in a bigger apartment.

Spoiler: Rambling

I don't like 'if' games or scenarios that aren't likely. But, if Cobes did get a Smiling Friends voice role or something like that, I really don't think the producers of those shows would stain their reputation with screwing a known idiot out of work and money. We know Cobes could lie about the numbers to make the producers look bad (Bayonetta's voice actress did this) but that would blow up in Cobes' face and burn any gig bridge that may be extended to him. Kind of a bizzaro Patrice O'neal move if you know what I mean.

No way. They'd know what sort of hilarity would come from actually paying him what they owe him. Sort of like Comfortably Numb-ing him. If he's broke, he's not unhinged and funny to laugh at, just sober and whiny. With money, boy howdy. Imagine if Cobes could start affording drugs, too.

 

[Bogliacci]

Cobes is done with synthetic drugs (we kinda went over this a few pages back). If Homedad found out Cobes got a lucrative offer like that, he would do his due diligence and probably give Cobes advice. But, we know you can't tell Cobes nothing; so we also know how it's gonna go. Cobes got money? Cobes get booze, tobacco, and food. Cobes got a lot of money? Cobes gonna have a lot more of those things in a bigger apartment.

Spoiler: Rambling

I don't like 'if' games or scenarios that aren't likely. But, if Cobes did get a Smiling Friends voice role or something like that, I really don't think the producers of those shows would stain their reputation with screwing a known idiot out of work and money. We know Cobes could lie about the numbers to make the producers look bad (Bayonetta's voice actress did this) but that would blow up in Cobes' face and burn any gig bridge that may be extended to him. Kind of a bizzaro Patrice O'neal move if you know what I mean.

They said the only reason they didnt get Chrischan on the show was because he would blab about it, and then he raped his mom so the situation was sort of auto-resolved. I dont think they'd screw with cobes like that at all, since he's a FELLOW ARTIST.

 

[Dave Blackman]

Did anyone see the food hack video this absolute treasure posted last night? The video about ten minutes long with no sound at all? I love that he talks about being in the negative and needs to spend better and here he is hacking microwaveable items into a sandwich no one wants.

 

[Baby Cakes]

No way. They'd know what sort of hilarity would come from actually paying him what they owe him. Sort of like Comfortably Numb-ing him. If he's broke, he's not unhinged and funny to laugh at, just sober and whiny. With money, boy howdy. Imagine if Cobes could start affording drugs, too.

Yes, Cobes with money is entertaining. Cobes with more money would be a crossfaded goof-fest on cam and I'd be all for it. I do not think Cobes would buy anything stronger than weed.

They said the only reason they didnt get Chrischan on the show was because he would blab about it, and then he raped his mom so the situation was sort of auto-resolved. I dont think they'd screw with cobes like that at all, since he's a FELLOW ARTIST.

I don't think they would either but it's a 'what if' situation anyways.

 

[PixarsTedKennedy]

Let’s say a big time record company comes along and gives cobra a multi album contract or an adult swim hit show. A bunch of money that gets him off his ssi. Realistically what do you guys think happens? A giant bell tower with an accompanying construction fiasco? Would it get built or would he be back to broke in 2 years? Would he abandon his YouTube channel? Would Clint not being able to manage life for cobra lead him further down a path of destruction with booze and drugs? My bet is on an overdose from some research chemical he gets off one of his new scummy hangers on.

There was a documentary I once saw about rappers who spent their advances on dumb shit then went bankrupt when the record company came to collect. I would imagine Cobes being in the same predicament.

 

[Grift Garrison]

Roles on Adult Swim shows and record deals where the artist can't tour, get streams, or sell records don't pay enough to get Cobes a mansion or a bell tower; not even in Casper. At best he buys a double wide trailer and a lifetime supply of Monster and Jack Daniels.

 

[Devious Dave]

Roles on Adult Swim shows and record deals where the artist can't tour, get streams, or sell records don't pay enough to get Cobes a mansion or a bell tower; not even in Casper. At best he buys a double wide trailer and a lifetime supply of Monster and Jack Daniels.

I really do hope he can buy a dingy little house or trailer eventually because I feel so sorry for his neighbor's having to listen to his wood lathe and smell paint fumes
Seriously how does his land lord let him have a wood lathe in a apartment complex...

 

[PixarsTedKennedy]

I can't understand the wood lathe either. Isn't that an insane fire hazard? I've never lathed a wood but I imagine the dust from it is flammable as fuck.

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

I can't understand the wood lathe either. Isn't that an insane fire hazard? I've never lathed a wood but I imagine the dust from it is flammable as fuck.

Yes it can be.

If you saw his lathe video recently he's just really unsafe in general with it but the amount of dust he's spewing off and not cleaning up can pose a risk not on it's own as it's piling up but it can get hot enough to cause other things to ignite, the people I know (like myself) who have mixed use workshops i.e. wood and metal are anal about keeping wood dust and shavings clean to reduce the fire risk an that's something he's not thought of.

 

[PixarsTedKennedy]

And a wood fire is not a grease fire so he can't use his grease wizard skills of yelling "godammit" at it like he did when he was cooking those fries. He'd be powerless against it.

 

[Unabomber Eleven]

For those who don't know, Null is considering paying Cobes 100 dollars a month to receive and scan his mail.

Well, not to shit in this Easter basket, but…. The last cow Null tried to help was Chris…..

Is Null the anti-good luck charm?

 

[Spicboyskafan]

The boglim warlock

 

[Passacaille]

And a wood fire is not a grease fire so he can't use his grease wizard skills of yelling "godammit" at it like he did when he was cooking those fries. He'd be powerless against it.

You underestimate his Dark Boglim Magic. If you recall from the video, his true control over fire was shown as he uttered power-word STOP!, with all the magical potency he could muster in his whiny bitch voice. There is no elemental power he can't control!

I wish Cobra all the success in the world. I'd love for him to have his clocktower mansion and his three octave carillon. He talked about having people over for Christmas/New Years parties. He would be playing the carillon while his guests were enjoying his drink-combos. With what we know about his practise discipline (his ability to consistently mangle the national anthem year after year on 4th of July and Veterans day), watching him struggle with Jingle Bells would bring me such joy! And it wouldn't just be on the internet, he'd have a live audience in his guests and the rest of the now victimized city of Casper!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all th--- GAH'DAMMIT!

But with multiple tons of iron bells! Haha, yesssss...

 

[Blue Miaplacidus]

There was a documentary I once saw about rappers who spent their advances on dumb shit then went bankrupt when the record company came to collect. I would imagine Cobes being in the same predicament.

It's the same with every trash retard who hits the lottery. Seriously read about these people, it's hilarious. One dude was going to the same strip club every night with a briefcase full of his winnings(all of his winnings), until one of the strippers boyfriends robbed him for everything in the parking lot. I think I've only read about one dude who actually invested his winnings sensibly. He lived in a trailer with his mom, who was a real estate agent, she wanted him out of the house and off the playstation so sent him to the store. He bought a ticket, and won. He bought a house and a car for him and his mom, gave the rest of the winnings to his mom to invest into real estate, and worked 20 hours a week at a job he enjoyed. Not sure if has fallen apart since I last read about it, but at the time they were making bank and didn't fuck it up, but that's not the case for most retards who suddenly find themselves flush with cash. Stupid people are stupid people.

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

It's the same with every trash retard who hits the lottery. Seriously read about these people, it's hilarious. One dude was going to the same strip club every night with a briefcase full of his winnings(all of his winnings), until one of the strippers boyfriends robbed him for everything in the parking lot. I think I've only read about one dude who actually invested his winnings sensibly. He lived in a trailer with his mom, who was a real estate agent, she wanted him out of the house and off the playstation so sent him to the store. He bought a ticket, and won. He bought a house and a car for him and his mom, gave the rest of the winnings to his mom to invest into real estate, and worked 20 hours a week at a job he enjoyed. Not sure if has fallen apart since I last read about it, but at the time they were making bank and didn't fuck it up, but that's not the case for most retards who suddenly find themselves flush with cash. Stupid people are stupid people.

Yea there are two people like this that spring to mind, the "King of the Chavs" dude won a shit load of money and lived a Lavish by Chav standards anyway life ugly cars, ugly designer cloths, many aggressive dogs and in under two years - he's fucking broke back on his bin round and acting like a cunt.

There was also another guy who won it big on the lottery in the early 00's who essentially used it to show off with £1.2 million, his plan for investment was buying lottery tickets and winning again, he left his wife and 5 kids, got another woman pregnant dumped her, did the same again, and died from a OD with a grand total of 3p in his pocket.

I think he left behind a total of 7 or 8 kids with nothing to show for it apart from his domestic violence arrest records.

That's what Cobes's would look like if he won the lottery, or got a stack of cash - it would just be a better grade of hovel and drinks for a while with even more people like floor lord trying to game him for money till he's broke and they all disapear back into the wild and leave the misazma of the Cobraverse.

 

[Unabomber Eleven]

Yea there are two people like this that spring to mind, the "King of the Chavs" dude won a shit load of money and lived a Lavish by Chav standards anyway life ugly cars, ugly designer cloths, many aggressive dogs and in under two years - he's fucking broke back on his bin round and acting like a cunt.

There was also another guy who won it big on the lottery in the early 00's who essentially used it to show off with £1.2 million, his plan for investment was buying lottery tickets and winning again, he left his wife and 5 kids, got another woman pregnant dumped her, did the same again, and died from a OD with a grand total of 3p in his pocket.

I think he left behind a total of 7 or 8 kids with nothing to show for it apart from his domestic violence arrest records.

That's what Cobes's would look like if he won the lottery, or got a stack of cash - it would just be a better grade of hovel and drinks for a while with even more people like floor lord trying to game him for money till he's broke and they all disapear back into the wild and leave the misazma of the Cobraverse.

There’s the 3rd option too: knowing you don’t know shit about money, legit asking for help, being too dumb to recognize a predator/troll when they circle you, and get merked for your millions, like this dude:

Woman who killed $30 million lottery winner backs Florida bill that would keep names secret: "It puts a target on them"

Dorice Donegan "Dee Dee" Moore is serving a life term in the 2009 shooting death of lottery winner Abraham Shakespeare.

www.cbsnews.com

 

[charlesdickens]

If Josh has any success be it some kind of voice acting, lottery, etc. -- he won't be able to keep it a secret. He will tell someone online and the trolls will ruin it. Since he lost all of his real life friends, he has succumbed to the fatal flaw of every lolcow, he cannot help himself to share things online.

He's going to have "friends" and trolls online that ruin anything for him as long as he continues his online presence. Go to a bar? They'll call nonstop. Get a new apartment? Review bomb the place, call the landlords, deliver food to it, send gay hookups to it.

 

[Phalanges Mycologist]

He's going to have "friends" and trolls online that ruin anything for him as long as he continues his online presence. Go to a bar? They'll call nonstop. Get a new apartment? Review bomb the place, call the landlords, deliver food to it, send gay hookups to it.

I wonder how much of that is a compulsion to avoid some form of isolation he feels vs a need to show off, I mean he wants to advertise to the world nearly everything he does short of sitting on the bog and announcing he's about to crown (well OK most of the time) but he has a need to share his location when he's going some place slightly more interesting than the corner store.

Think about it for a second even your most online non cow doesnt advertise every time they cross the threshold as much as Cobes, the most you'll do as a normal humanbeing is something like "Love I'm going the shop for some fags, need anything?" you wont set up a stream to follow your shuffle to the shop, your 10 minutes of mixing various libations together and then a grump stream post event.

He knows he gains undesirable attention to himself, he carry's on doing it despite it never once bringing him something positive... Hell when he records and not streams he get's made fun off, noticeably so.