Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Amateur musician, YouTube Streamer, wandmaker, and self-proclaimed "sexy goth badboy". Perpetually circling the drain.

[Ravier Xavenblood]

hes making sex sounds with that burrito

He sounds like he's having disgusting oral sex with most of the food he eats.

 

[Star Spangled Bogger]

Cobes truly is a gothic rockstar cowboy from hell. Channelling his raw trauma into his music.

He just keeps on winning. Nal must be seething hard at the Toxic Love track.

New album coming soon, TMDWU!

 

[The Cunting Death]

DRINKING AND DYING ALONE IN YOUR ONE HORSE TOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNNN

Living the dream.

 

[Ravier Xavenblood]

Cobes truly is a gothic rockstar cowboy from hell. Channelling his raw trauma into his music.

He just keeps on winning. Nal must be seething hard at the Toxic Love track.

New album coming soon, TMDWU!

Was that actually NAL audio in the beginning of that song? Because if that is, that's king shit. Even better than when he recorded Clint crying for his song Daddy Dearest like 10 years ago.

 

[Meat Streets]

I want Josh to do an open mic night with his jokes so fucking bad.

That would be so amazing, and so very painful. All I can see is Joaquin Phoenix with a drink combo in his hand.

It makes me sad af that shit is so bleak for our boy. He could do more. It's on him though, with whatever efficacy he still has. REGARDLESS: TNALD.

 

[slumped]

I'm praying for Cobes. I hope he has a killer redemption arc after he kills the bog witch.

 

[Star Spangled Bogger]

Joaquin Phoenix with a drink combo in his hand.

If one day there is a Boglim Biopic made, which actors would play the parts? We need nominations for Cobes, Clint, Nal, Stephanie, Darf, Warlord, Walt and Angie, Scrapper Steve, Ellen, Aaron, Mr Green, etc.

 

[Nigger Cobson]

I’m sorta new to the Cobraverse, but why does Cobes include nigger rap shit into his music? Isn’t he supposed to be a rockstar?

 

[Meat Streets]

If one day there is a Boglim Biopic made, which actors would play the parts? We need nominations for Cobes, Clint, Nal, Stephanie, Darf, Warlord, Walt and Angie, Scrapper Steve, Ellen, Aaron, Mr Green, etc.

Not an actor, specifically a bad actor, but I've been saying Keffals is a dead ringer for NAL. He does look much younger though, having daily baths in the blood of babies like Lady Bathory. Maybe he could play a cut away dream scene? Imagine it: Keffals as a young, hopeful NAL, working at Home Depot, almost normal UNTIL...

 

[biggacracka]

If one day there is a Boglim Biopic made, which actors would play the parts? We need nominations for Cobes, Clint, Nal, Stephanie, Darf, Warlord, Walt and Angie, Scrapper Steve, Ellen, Aaron, Mr Green, etc.

Mandatory Nick Cage as the whole cast but I think he would make a good Cobes or Clint

 

[JarJar Stinks]

Local archive
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Source files instead of screencaps

Spoiler: SOURCE

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If Cobes shoots her, or himself, Chris should suffer.
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He's holding his shotgun to his chin.
Hello feature friends: the screencap is from this post. Here are relevant clips.
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She's hiding the camera, because she's in a discord call with the paypig who paid for her flight out there, against Cobra's wishes. So that is why the screen is black at first.
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This is a leaked call with the paypig, she spent hours fighting with Cobra, completely naked on a discord call with the paypig, to try and get him (Cobra) in a gotcha. Local archive of the "call" here.
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this is the kind of reply that makes me want to A-log and touch poop

 

[Xenomorph]

Was that actually NAL audio in the beginning of that song? Because if that is, that's king shit. Even better than when he recorded Clint crying for his song Daddy Dearest like 10 years ago.

Sorry man I cant get with you on thinking Clint crying for his son in a song as "King Shit".

 

[Meat Streets]

@biggacracka

The issue is most actors aren't fugly, except character actors, but I'm really struggling thinking of any that would make sense. I would nominate Anne Ramsey to narrate the film, as an old NAL, but she's dead so RIP.

But Aaron would be easy to cast. There are dudes that dress up like Joseph Stalin in Red Square. You can take a picture with one of them for very few rubles. Fly one of them homeboys an hour away to Kazakhstan or some shit for that scene. Don't let him drive there though, I'm sure he'd catch a DUI.

 

[Law]

Fuck everywhere there poor retarded drunk folk there's gonna be poor retarded drunk folk with guns.

I love my country

The issue is most actors aren't fugly, except character actors, but I'm really struggling thinking of any that would make sense.

He'd be a CGI character played by Andy Serkis.

 

[Star Spangled Bogger]

I’m sorta new to the Cobraverse, but why does Cobes include nigger rap shit into his music? Isn’t he supposed to be a rockstar?

In the long ago he would freestyle rap with his friends, and despite being a self professed metalhead he really loves the dad rock. In previous drunken singalong streams he even sang along to Taylor Swift if I remember right.

His freestyle rap ability is one of his genuine god given talents despite his low intelligence. He has an unusual creative ability with language which is one of the reasons he's so funny. If he had an IQ of 130 instead of 70 he would be a semi famous musician instead of a (prolific) outsider musician.

 

[ArgFly]

In previous drunken singalong streams he even sang along to Taylor Swift if I remember right.

I believe you do remember right. There has been little evidence that he actually listens to metal besides his constant references to Cradle of Filth, and I don't even know if they're metal and I'm not about to find out.

Edit: Just kidding I googled it and they are considered "extreme metal".

 

[Cambiar]

Cobes truly is a gothic rockstar cowboy from hell. Channelling his raw trauma into his music.

He just keeps on winning. Nal must be seething hard at the Toxic Love track.

New album coming soon, TMDWU!

I listen to Cobra's Crude Christmas Carols all through the holiday season. It's genuinely hilarious.

 

['Ole Dente]

I’m sorta new to the Cobraverse, but why does Cobes include nigger rap shit into his music? Isn’t he supposed to be a rockstar?

Josh is an aspiring rap artiste as well.

Josh is like 1/6th wigger. Most of us are adults and we can concede that Limp Bizkit is in fact fucking cool but people like Josh take it to a whole new level by going to actually see ICP with your methhead friend and your zoophilic goat fucking friend, capping off the night by getting sprayed with Faygo by Violent J.

 

[clipartfan92]

Gender relayshuns rant with Albertson's fizzy water drink combos.

In this video, Cobes says he's got 10 songs on the new album. The tracklist:

Great day to die
Trolls can suck my ass crack
Rock n roll never dies
Drinkin and dyin alone
Never say goodbye
Bullets in the wall
Life ain't fair
Toxic love
Life is miserable, death is merciful
People are fake

edit:

 

[Star Spangled Bogger]

I have thought long and hard and here are my picks for the Cobra Biopic.

Cobra: Danny De Vito or Jackie Chan
Warlord: Michael Cera or Steve Buchemi
Scrapper Steve: Peter Stormare
Scrapper Steve's wife: a pumpkin with a drawn of face, hollowed out, with burgers stuffed inside
Darf: John Candy or Jonah Hill
Stephanie: Lindsay Lohan
Clint: Ryan Renolds
Mr Green: Timothy Charomet
Arron: A piss soaked paper bag
Door Dashers: Nicolas Cage
Cool Taste: Benedict Cumenbach or whatever it's spelled
Schon: CGI Andy Serkis or live action Peter Dinklage with sharpie eyeliner
NAL: A real life warthog infected with aids and syphilis, who will be euthanised in the final scene.