Pleasure Is Principle: Kinky Consequences Shouldn’t Have A Damn Thing To Do With White Supremacy
Kinks do require some learning and unlearning to safely practice them
madamenoire.com
It’s very rare that I let anyone kink shame me. I like to believe that sexually I’m unbothered and that stigma has no place in my sex life. However a few years ago, in my mid 20s, I became more transparent and would casually discuss my new favorite kink–breeding. WebMD defines a breeding kink as “a strong attraction to the idea of getting — or getting someone else — pregnant. Frequently, this fetish involves a person with a penis ejaculating into someone with a uterus, “breeding” them.” The fact that WebMd even has a definition for breeder kinks is both hilarious and validating for me.
So yes, I was literally craving creampies. I took “shooting the club up” literally and requested that my cervix be the set of a reenactment of the intro scene to Belly.
Now, let me ground this piece in the understanding that anyone and everyone engaging in any form of sex, no matter how vanilla or kinky, requires consent from all parties. It’s important that I center consent when discussing the sex at hand because there is a narrative that engaging in this kink without consent is acceptable, especially if there is some form of contraception, e.g., the pill or an IUD. Know that even if consent if established in the context of initiating sex, that does not include the act of fluid exchange, which requires additional consent and confirmation.
I offer that disclaimer not only for the readers’ safety and autonomy, but because consent played a major role in my exploration of this kink and the power I was able to reclaim through its practice.
After explaining to my homegirls what a breeder kink was and that it was something I was seriously exploring, they were not pleased. Many explaining that there were ugly ties to slavery and the traumatic experiences of Black families on plantations. Which is true. But as someone who studied African-American history at an HBCU, I didn’t warrant a history lesson about how I’ve shamed my ancestors. But I did require an explanation for the reach from my bedroom into the past. How was something I found so much pleasure and power in sexually, as a Black person, tied to slavery?
After laying up and doing some pillow talk with a partner at the time, we came to an agreement. Somehow, white supremacy had shown up in our sex, uninvited and unannounced. But multiple things can be true at once. Yes, slave breeding was indeed an industry and breeding plantations were absolutely a site where violence and reproductive coercion took place. And, yes, concern and confusion about how Black people can engage in this kink is also valid. But what we were doing didn’t feel coercive or violent, it felt intimate and liberating.
I gave birth to my daughter the summer of my freshman year in high school. After that, my partner at the time felt my status as a parent gave him consent to ejaculate inside of me whenever he pleased. I eventually had to get on birth control without him knowing and spent the remainder of our relationship playing dumb when he questioned why I wasn’t pregnant. After that relationship ended, I had no interest in sex without condoms regardless of my method of contraception.
In my early 20s, I found myself in a serious relationship with a partner who I trusted, he was honestly giving me that work, y’all. So I decided to have an IUD placed so we could enjoy sex without condoms or the risk of pregnancy. We still used the pullout method, and we never practiced intentional insemination, even if it was something that crossed my mind and even came up in conversation. He made it clear that was not something he was interested in and would not consent to and I respected that. His negotiation was to incorporate edging, a method of stretching out how long it takes to reach orgasm, for one or both partners. There was a risk there and knowing he nearly ejaculated inside of me was a thrilling compromise.
By the time I reached my mid 20’s, that relationship had faded and I was exploring sex as a single woman again. I eventually reconnected with an old college hookup which became a pretty regular thing. One year after a homecoming day party, we plotted to link up later that night. After some cute foreplay, things got really nasty on that man’s couch. Eventually, we made it to the bed and he asked me how I felt about ditching the condom, I consented and things got even nastier. Then, after about 45 minutes and frustration banging from his fed up neighbors, he was ready to finish, and asked me where it should go. I told him to keep it in there and he did.
For months it became a regular thing for us, sometimes he’d moan his wants for me to have his babies, other times I’d yell obscenities about me ovulating or jokingly state that I wasn’t on birth control just for a little razzle dazzle. We never had pregnancy scares, we were transparent with one another about our other sexual partners and got tested together regularly.
We loved it.
This was the most empowered I had ever felt in all of my years having sex, so how was it that even when I wasn’’t sleeping with white people, their bullshit attempted to steal my Black ass joy? Black people should never police ourselves to caution white supremacy, not in the classroom, workplace or bedroom.
I understood the concerns of my friends, and other Black people’s responses on kink discussion boards. But we have to practice boundaries with white supremacy and what we allow it to dictate. Dismantling white supremacy doesn’t require us to make space for it in every part of our Black ass lives. If this was the case, white supremacy would shift those with slave kinks or rope bunnies.
Kinks do require some learning and unlearning to safely practice them. This also looks like finding a variety of methods. I’ve established new entry points to practice breeding kinks myself. If I have a partner who wants to occasionally visit this kink and not make it a regular practice for us, I just grab a plan B emergency contraception from my closest pharmacy or abortion clinic to have on standby. I’ve also found pornography and mastubration to get me through between partners, the creampie category (specifically from double penetration) is something I will watch and masturbate to but haven’t had the audactiy to apply in practice, yet. And my favorite–having a partner with a vasectomy, the freedom, the mess, I highly recommend.
I made a public request for thoughts and quotes from others that have breeder kinks and found that I’m not alone:
I also got some pointers.
- “I mean, like, do I ACTUALLY want to get pregnant? Eh, probably not. But that danger? The risk is what keeps me turned on. It’s even to the point for myself and my partners that after having sex, I use his cum as lube and masturbate. With consent!! The increased danger of my orgasm pulling his cum closer to my cervix, in addition to just the slip of our homegrown lubricant is just *chefs kiss*” Solei Brown, She/Her
- “Just because I’m trans doesn’t mean I can’t have a breeding kink too! And yes… we can still get pregnant but that’s definitely NOT the goal. It’s something about the power, control and warmth.” Miles, He/They
- “Having a breeder kink for me is the feeling of being free and taking risks. Knowing that during this act I can just be into it and not have to worry about pulling out gives me a euphoric sense I never thought I’d feel. Then as a Dom when my sub/brat gives me permission or even begs for me to breed them, it’s even more satisfying in the end and I love it. I never knew it was a kink because people always said “you better pull out cause she’ll get pregnant”. I never knew the satisfying feeling that could come from it.” Pooh, He/Him
