- Joined
- Apr 19, 2022
KIWI FARMSKiwi Farms is a
PREHISTORY 
Before Kiwi Farms was Kiwi Farms, it existed as a more archaic iteration: a Chris Chan-centric forum on the CWCki appropriately named, "CWCki Forums". The forum was entirely dedicated to trolling Chris and documenting his activities, but had strict guidelines over what could and couldn't be done around Chris: No whiteknighting, no weening, no alogging, and no enabling. Naturally, half the site ignored these rules and made their retardation known to the entire internet.
Around this time, lolcow culture began to peak, and CWCki Forums wanted a slice of the burgeoning pie. It was no longer enough to have a forum dedicated entirely to stalking Chris Chan. The CWCki hungered for new souls to feed its eternal internet jihad, and a certain chubby-cheeked hamster feeder had the solution.
HUMBLE BEGINNINGS
Kiwi Farms began as a pet project of notorious cyberterrorist and fat woman fetishist, Joshua Conner "Iban" Moon, during the early days of the Chris Chan craze. During this time, Iban was still recovering from his hurtcore neko shota addiction and PTSD from getting spammed reaction pictured by retards on 8chan, but like the brave trooper he was, he soldiered on and built Kiwi Farms from the ground up; nurturing the place like a fragile pepper seed until it grew into the plump, festering, rotten banana pepper it is today.
As the farms grew, so too did its catalogue of cows and selection of discussion topics. Thus, marked the beginning of Kiwi Farms as we know it.
DEAGLE NATION AND DARKSYDEPHIL 
Although Chris Chan was impetus for the site's creation, he would not remain the uncontested champion for long, as many challengers rose up to the mantle. These upstarts would include Jace Connors, a schizophrenic former marine with weaponized autism as strong as the sun, and Phillip Burnell, a faggot lets-player addicted to WWE gachas and junk food.
Jace would later drop from KF's radar after his gay performance artist larp grew stale and his deep-cover gayop on the site was exposed, but DSP would continue to be a thorn in Josh's side, leading to his most epic meltdown yet.
Words, words, words...
☠ LEGION OF DOOM ☠
In January of 2016, Josh caught the ire of a balding child molester by the name of Samuel Collingwood Smith, better known by his handle, Vordrak. Smith's antics on the Farms began back in December of 2015 when he messaged @Dyn for ball pics after he saw a video of the latter doing sick smoke ring tricks after inhaling a large quantity of Opal. Smith's opinion of the Farms would remain largely neutral until a thread was made against him in late January. At this point, it was full-out WAR in Smith's head, and he was ready to use any means neccessary.
From April to late 2016, Smith would team up with Tommy Tooter, Alex Mahan, and Margaret Pless to form the Autistic Legion of
He also slept with @Elaine Miller
FIRST BLOOD
In June of 2016, the Farms would claim its first kill after a mentally-ill evolved mole creature from Canada did a flip off the nearest molehill and landed in a pit of dog cum. Many people speculated that her suicide was driven by the relentless cyberbullying she recieved on the Farms, but it was far likelier that her receding hairline played a much bigger role.
The fallout caused by her suicide would be the first in a long chain of controversies that the Farms would find itself embroilled in, paving the way for shenanigans to come.
She also posted her ass (I AM NOT LINKING THE PICS, YOU CAN LOOK FOR THEM YOURSELF)
COUCH CUCK DIES
On 7 December 2017, @FuckYou tried shooting up a high school and failed epic style when he got cucked by a couch. He later an-heroed when he couldn't move it.
CHRISTCHURCH MASSACRE 
On 15 March 2019, a
On the 17th of that month, the New Zealand Police contacted Josh via email, demanding he take the video of the massacre down. Josh promptly told the cops to sod off, resulting in the site's ban in New Zealand. Although KF had found itself in hot water prior to the shooting, this rash response by Josh is what truly mired the site in deep shit and marked the beginning of the end.
BYUUCIDE
Around late 2020, a babyfur Nintendo ROM modder named David Kirk Ginder (who also went by "Byuu" on the internet) discovered his thread on the farms, and gave his express approval of it, finding the critique meaningful and well-deserved. This would last for about a few months before Byuu changed his mind on the thread, and begged Josh to take it down lest he commit sudoku with his 10000-times folded nip sword and end up in the big litterbox at the firey core of the Earth.
An eternity in the bowels of babyful hell would've been a fantastic punishment for the bastard. Unfortunately, Byuu took the coward's route and faked his death with a jar-full of Uyghur ashes. To this day, Byuu's name has still not shown up in the official Japanese death records for foreign nationals, and it is very likely that Byuu is still alive.
THE MERGE In August of 2021, a walking Chernobyl mutant by the name of Isabella Loretta Janke tried to troll Chris Chan epic style by
The Isabella drama lead to an influx of some very retarded and lol-worthy halals, including @Angry Canadian, @Spooky Bones, and GiBi
TRANNYPOCALYPSE
In early 2022, Josh angered some tranny faggot named Lucas by uploading his fart fetish porn to the site without his permission. This was around the time where I stopped paying attention to gay online spats, so I have no idea about the specifics, but suffice to say, many valid trans queens died on that day, leaving behind a ditch-shaped power vaccuum that none could fill. This would provide the perfect conditions for the rise of a particularily-nasty chinese granny tranny:
(No, it's not Nate)
109 COUNTRIES On 3 September 2022, Kiwi Farms was finally banned from the clearweb following the #DropKiwiFarms scandal, and was forced to retreat into the sewers. The Farms stayed active on TOR for several months during the summer, before reawakening on a piss-soaked sidewalk in Poland, with no memory of the past night.
Since then, the Farms have been expelled from 109 different domains and service providers. These include:
- Cloudflare
- Hurricane Electric
- HostGator
- Epik
- Xenforo
- DDoS-Guard
- .pl
- .ru
- .hk
- .tw
- .es
MATI Josh's gay podcast that he uses as a personal diary. Talked about his weightloss journey and the pidgeons on his balcony before he deepfried and ate them.
SPLINTER SITES AND OTHER FAGGOTRY
For the past 3 years, Kiwi Farms and @Kenneth Erwin Engelhardt's Onion Farms have been locked in a tense cold war for dominance over the cowsphere: Josh's fat woman simpery and TERF-lust vs Kengle's parasocial obsession with Nigerian cinema, with no clear victor in sight. However, for a brief two years, there was another contender: lolсow.org.
The brainchild of @cjöcker and daddy's money, lolсow.org quickly became the personal toilet of @SIGSEGV, who transformed the fledgeling dissident lolcow repository into a 'cado anus worship shrine, destroying the site's reputation forever. It would later get DFE'd after Sig threatened to shoot *insert sitting US president here* in his soft skull at *insert White House addesss here*.
In addition to Onion Farms and lolcow, there is also metokur.us and cwcki.club, but those two sites are dead nigger forums that don't deserve more than a cursory mention.
NOTABLE BOARDS
Q&A: The King of all Boards. Fun, chill place to shitpost. Leave all your gunt-guarding and politisperging by the door and let your imagination run wild.
International Clique: Interesting board populated by ESL retards. Chill userbase; no Amerifats. Home to the best lolcow on the site.
Internet Famous: Refuse pit of braindead zoomers and the in-cels (internet celebrities) they worship. The poor man's IP2 with half the enjoyment. Proxy zone for twitter slapfights. Will always be COAL.
Autistic Thunderdome: Bigoted chud pissbaby tr*mp-worshippers who hate vaccines and want to groom all children into neo-nazis. Evil republicans with boomer opinions. Eternal enemy of @Hollywood Hulk Hogan.
Beauty Parlor: Inhospitable den of crusty cat-ladies with a raging lust for cock and the sandiest vaginas in the world. Gigantic alog spergs and spiteful misandrists who are jealous of transgenders for passing better than them. Users goon to the thought of little boys being molested.
True & Honest Subforum: Unremarkable faggots.
The end. Go home.
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