- Joined
- Apr 23, 2020
Part 1: Legends In Dairy Lactation: The Littlest Lolcow
Meet the Lolcow:
A perfect combination of rage, stupidity, self-loathing and self-defeat. Their vestigial limbs provide little more than tiny rudders cutting through the air while they bounce off of their overdeveloped udders. Their muzzles are permanently smooshed by having to smash their faces into the grass to eat. A mutant species molded through the unnatural selection of another equally twisted perversion of Mother Nature, the Kiwi Farmer.
They have a prophecy among their people that “one day a lolcow would possess the Golden Broom in order to break the power of the wicked Kiwi and rule them most ironically.” (Lactations 41:9.5-9.99)
There was only one pure enough, one who kept her udders from touching the ground by the sheer conviction that she and she alone was above it all. She was beautiful. She was determined. She was pure malice. She was destined for greatness… She was the littlest lolcow!
But now milked to near extinction in the wild by the Kiwi Farms' relentless pogroms of lol harvesting in their homeland of Pozznia Erpzogoveda, the remaining lolcows gather for their annual ritual.
Their idol is Lardoxx(Xe/Xer): a bloated floating transgressive stone head from the Sovite Union and powered by the cosmic HRT Crystal. Every year on the same sacred hillside, Xe galvanizes his devout race of lolcows in their resolve to think only of their own self-induced problems as someone else's fault.
What will become of the Kiwi Farms? Stay Trooned for Part 2!
Meet the Lolcow:
A perfect combination of rage, stupidity, self-loathing and self-defeat. Their vestigial limbs provide little more than tiny rudders cutting through the air while they bounce off of their overdeveloped udders. Their muzzles are permanently smooshed by having to smash their faces into the grass to eat. A mutant species molded through the unnatural selection of another equally twisted perversion of Mother Nature, the Kiwi Farmer.
They have a prophecy among their people that “one day a lolcow would possess the Golden Broom in order to break the power of the wicked Kiwi and rule them most ironically.” (Lactations 41:9.5-9.99)
There was only one pure enough, one who kept her udders from touching the ground by the sheer conviction that she and she alone was above it all. She was beautiful. She was determined. She was pure malice. She was destined for greatness… She was the littlest lolcow!
But now milked to near extinction in the wild by the Kiwi Farms' relentless pogroms of lol harvesting in their homeland of Pozznia Erpzogoveda, the remaining lolcows gather for their annual ritual.
Their idol is Lardoxx(Xe/Xer): a bloated floating transgressive stone head from the Sovite Union and powered by the cosmic HRT Crystal. Every year on the same sacred hillside, Xe galvanizes his devout race of lolcows in their resolve to think only of their own self-induced problems as someone else's fault.
What will become of the Kiwi Farms? Stay Trooned for Part 2!
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