Kiwi Farms Unofficial Analog Horror Hate Thread - THE VHS SLOP FILES

[lolcow yoghurt]

 

[TheArtilleryman]

Analog horror to me means frigthening strangers at night with a clown mask. Wtf do they mean by "analog"?

 

[Polyarmory]

I'm not entirely sure what "analog horror" even is, other than that the way to talk about it is apparently 30-minute video essays on Youtube where some guy soys out about the "grim implications" of some fictional bullshit (where it's grim in-universe). Even Breadtube's video essays have more substance than such droning, tedious effluvium.

 

[Hellwalker]

Analog horror to me means frigthening strangers at night with a clown mask. Wtf do they mean by "analog"?

Anything that looks like it was made before 2007.

 

[Core Theorist]

Why do all of these devolve into "god is le dead xdd trans rights!!" anyway?

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

Someone in another thread said that analog horror is popular with zoomers because the scariest thing they can imagine is not having a cell phone.

I'm starting to wonder if that's right.

 

[TheArtilleryman]

Low effort indie trying to sound fancy then? Does Buckshot Roulette count? That ones pretty good.

Edit: Iron Lung and Swallow the Sea also

 

[Grog]

Analog horror to me means frigthening strangers at night with a clown mask. Wtf do they mean by "analog"?

Photoshopped distorted faces with a VHR filter.

 

[Sooty Soot]

You can't spell Analog horror without anal

 

[W'rkncacnter]

I remember hearing how amazing this series called "Greylock" was. At this point I had already assumed all analog horror was dog shit so I give it a watch and part way through there's an archaeologist discussing some engravings. The fucking guy says there's an inscription in "Ancient Roman".

How someone can spend dozens of hours on a project and let something like that slip is beyond me.

 

[Calandrino]

(the song was "Uptown Girl" by Billy Joel)

 

[Burakumin Bro]

If you cant beat them join em.

DA NOOL FILES.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL. WATCH OUT FOLX,

*the little rascals theme plays*

If you see an account named Null but with an Ü watch out. That is a Fake ass Nigga.

Fake ass niggas are invading us watch out they

WOOOOOOOO

YEAH BITCH DIZ IS DA FAKE AZZ NIGGA INVASION WE WUZ HORROR MOSTA YEAAS

*interference end*

*Cut to null's face with a bazillion filters and le analog horror stretched face*

Help we are being invaded THERE IS AN ALTERNATE KIWIFARMS SITE

 

[I hate women (like you)]

isnt analog horror just the zoomer version of haunted games creepypastas? except they cant read so they make videos instead

 

[W'rkncacnter]

THERE IS AN ALTERNATE KIWIFARMS SITE

Tape [REDACTED]: The onion farms incident

 

[Grog]

isnt analog horror just the zoomer version of haunted games creepypastas? except they cant read so they make videos instead

Haunted game creepypastas were already for zoomers except when they were 12.

 

[Cardinal Cardinal]

I don't necessarily hate analog horror, just the majority that makes low effort garbage like any other genre.
It's derivative of finding an old super 8 reel, record, or wax cylinder recording. The impurities of the quality can either create a reason for no satisfactory end to a story or just mask a bad idea or writing.
SCP and cursed images got wrecked by idiots who didn't get the concept too.

 

[Blue Gem Kosher Queen]

I give up guys.
I'm out.

 

[Beautiful Border]

So I've been waiting for an opportunity to talk about this, and this thread seems like it. In my opinion, there's only one type of analog horror that's actually scary: Old-school public information films, like the Protect & Survive shorts:

This is scary because of who made it, why they made it, and the implications of it. More specifically: It was made by the British government and only intended to be aired if a nuclear war seemed imminent. If this was airing on TV and you were watching this, it meant civilization was probably about to end. That's an incredibly spooky concept, and it's been made spookier by the passage of time. The vintage feel and presentation makes you feel like you're peering into another timeline where the Cold War ended in a much more grim fashion, and reminds you that could have been our timeline if things had gone slightly differently.

In my opinion, the entire genre of "Analog Horror" is simply various attempts to replicate things like Protect and Survive and the uneasy feeling they give you... and they've all failed. Because they're not actually real. You can't replicate the context it represents.

 

[Tablet County]

People who say analog horror sucks have never seen that episode of Best of the Worst where they watch a tape about preparing for a funeral that slowly degrades and dies as they watch it.

 

[didelphigina]

Finally, a thread on this. It's been long coming. We needed an official thread to document the ridiculousness of Analog Horror and the incredibly low standards people have with it.

Most of these so called """analog""" horrors are just digital horrors, anyway. Slapping a VHS template onto your video does not constitute it as "analog horror" in the slightest.

In my opinion, the entire genre of "Analog Horror" is simply various attempts to replicate things like Protect and Survive and the uneasy feeling they give you... and they've all failed. Because they're not actually real. You can't replicate the context it represents.

I think it's mostly because they try too hard to replicate it. They try too hard to tell, don't show. They try too hard to be creepy and when we know what to expect from it, then that factor is thrown out of the window. That's why a mass portion of Analog Horror videos or people recreating old PSAs, EASs, etc, suck at it. As with many modern day inspiration-heavy projects, they never study how or why they were so effective. They just see one supposed crucial aspect and stick onto it like glue.

Sometimes it is cooler to record and place things on an actual VHS or an early 2000s recorder. Makes it far more authentic.