Kiwi Merch 2025

[A_right_horrorshow]

News hamster mousemat for MATI interviewing various characters like slobbermutt/lolcows of history would look sick

 

[The Ancestor]

Kiwi Flavored Whisky

and people said they are basically indestructible and can still be found where they put them.

Oh yeah I remember when Dick posted a picture of his laptop you could see he tried to scratch off the kiwi sticker and it didn’t work

 

[You're MDNWU]

As much as I'd love a Cobra bullion bar or coin, I'm fairly certain you said you'd never do that again.

Maybe a wand.

Maybe a KF glass or mug

 

[Cemetery Support]

KiwiFarms stickers so I can slap them on any retarded tranny flag stickers in the wild

Seconded! Make them Eggshell so they're hard to peel off!

 

[Runch]

So since this is short notice, we should probably start figuring out which kiwilings would make for best merch. I could get some arranged in MSPaint or something but for now, list some ideas of cool ones you've seen, or go browse around WPlace looking for good ones. Look for clear and obvious silhouettes, not a blob of pixels that's hard to make out.

Some ideas:

• Several kiwis fishing
• A kiwi on an island meeting a mermaid kiwi
• Two kiwis facing each other with a heart above them
• A kiwi in a little car
• A kiwi next to a big sandwich with a music note above him
• A blackened kiwi on fire next to a crowd of kiwis with exclamation points above their heads
• Two kiwis having a sword duel
• A kiwi with GF near a sad kiwi with no GF

 

[Orphaned Punk]

Poster of Kiwi bay. (Manually editing the designs to be full/without vandalism)

 

[Mound Dweller]

The background comic is a good one; I would buy (several) full-sized posters of it.
A fabric versions would be even better but I'd settle for a movie poster version.

 

[Dialation Station]

Throwing these concepts I drew for last year's Halloween merch in here.



Personally, I think tarot slobbermutt would look snazzy as a holographic sticker.

 

[Plum Smuggler]

How about lolcow themed garbage pail kid kids/stickers. Imagine collecting your own Sapphixy, ADF, Amber Lyn, etc…

 

[bigasscigar]

I like the mousemat idea. Maybe a simple kiwi design in the foreground with all the random.txt in the background, sounds neat to me.

 

[Optavia Sales Rep]

I like the sticker idea. I can do a bunch of little designs I think for super cheap, high margins, lots of stickers. I'll find someone who can print.

You could do a little kiwiling for each major section of the site (Lolcow, Salon, Off-topic, Thunderdome, Prospering Grounds). The don't need to be overly detailed, the Salon one could just be the kiwiling with the two pixel bow in purple.

 

[Runch]

As much as I like stickers, I hope there is also a more permanent type of item like a mousepad or mug.

 

[Bloitzhole]

Actual real reaction stickers. Dirt cheap to print and people would order for sure.
When you find a post upsetting, you'll be able to physically put the MATI reaction hat sticker right on the poster's pfp on your screen (Bonus points for extra strong glue)

 

[Hooked on phobics]

Actual real reaction stickers.

God the potential there. Imagine after a lolcow freak out, mati hat stickers appear near where it happened

 

[Nonconsentual Pronouns]

bait status: taken

I want user-made, Halloween-relevant merch that isn't going to contribute to clutter, so stickers and posters sound great depending on the images. I'm going to throw my hat in at light speed for posters of the Halloween wallpaper contest winners. Yes, I'm biased, but they're amazing and IDGAF; you have objectively bad taste if you don't like at least most of them. The spoof movie posters specifically would add another layer of theme. I'm also quite confident that the artists would be thrilled about their art being used in a merch run. They most definitely deserve the recognition.

The Left 4 Dead: Total Retard War poster was your favorite, as well as a crowd favorite, IIRC.

Absolute must, IMO. It was the one that when you ran into it on stream, made you go "Holy shit!" and stop in your tracks, giving you an impression that got you to set some serious expectations for the contest going forward.

Another absolute must. Everything about it looks so legit, it's adorable, and the vintage style gives me the feels.

Not a movie poster, but the quality is too good to pass on.

There are way too many more that I'd love to see included, both within the chosen winners and entries that IMO, belong in the winners' circle. Posters might be the fastest possible merch to run, from first contact with the vendor to packages hitting porches. I'd prefer to support you and the site while our best artists get some more glory, but if these don't get an official run, I'll get the Aliexpress chinks or someone to print some off for me. We love our kiwis, our effort-posters. We love our artists, yeah they're important.

@NaggotFigger , I'm still dying to see the completed version of this.

 

[NaggotFigger]

I wish I could finish it, but I unfortunately scrapped it

 

[Gene Sinclair]

I would love a desk mat.

 

[Google.com]

Another idea, Kiwi mutant and Kiwiling trading cards. I don't not have the photoshop skills for this sadly, but I think it'd be a good idea.

 

[Goonon]

Kiwi or news hamster badge reels would be cool, though admittedly they won't be useful to most. Maybe bookmarks? Also seconding the poster suggestions above, lots of already-existing designs are cool even if you don't have time to accept new submissions.

 

[Niggs Monaghan]

Kiwiling plushie, please.

Or just any kiwilings stuff. I love them. Maybe even the kiwiling with a bow.

A calendar would be nice too!