Kiwi Parenting

[LiveFromNS]

I have a daughter who will be 20 next month. Happy to answer any questions some of the first few posters may have.

 

[tomgirl4life]

I'm hardly an expert, but I have a little boy who's going to be 18 months next week, and I have to say that while it can sometimes be difficult, it is the best thing I have ever done.

 

[Gaol]

Kids are great but as stated they are not for everyone, it's something that takes a lot of personal time of from you and it's the biggest responsibility you will ever have in your life. If you love to go wherever you want whenever you want, kids are not really for you.

 

[KatsuKitty]

I want kids, but I'm coming to the logical conclusion I shouldn't have kids and am considering just allowing my sterility during TG therapy. Here's why. This will sound really bad, but stick with me, I'm being provocatively honest.

I want normal kids. I don't want disabled kids. I don't want "bad" kids. And if they weren't normal, I wouldn't love them.

This single sentence in my view makes you unfit to be a parent. Even if you want to be a parent. But the fact of the matter is, I just don't want disabled kids. I wouldn't truly love them. I wouldn't view them as enriching or contributory to life. They'd just be, quite frankly, a pain in the arse. Even worse, what about one with behavioural issues? Do I have it in me to restrain an 80-pound kindergartener during temper tantrums, spend my life savings defending them in juvenile court as a teen, then pay them visits at a supermax after they're locked up? Do I have it in me to still love my kids if they were profoundly bad instead of normal and good?

The answer, for me, is no.

As a parent, you have the duty to support your children through all pitfalls and tribulations. And honestly, I wouldn't. That means I shouldn't have kids. And I don't think I will, just based on the fact that I want a normal kid and not just a kid.

I would only be a good loving parent if my kids were normal. There is much more required than just being there for the normal ones to be a truly effective parent. In my own judgement, I am not prepared to be a parent until I can accept the possiblity that they very well can ruin my entire life, and it is my obligation to continue supporting them.

 

[KatsuKitty]

I think you are being too hard on yourself there. See, all parents want healthy children. They all want their children to be happy. If given the choice between a healthy, normal child and one with a severe disability, no one in their right mind would choose to have a disabled child because it would suck for the child.

Since you are, as far as I know, a pretty major homo, there is no risk of you impregnating a woman any time soon. Which means the whole thing is a non-issue for you; any child you would have would either be adopted or born through a surrogate, which allows you a pretty large control over the health of your unborn child, as opposed to people who fall in love and have one the natural way.

On the topic of this thread: I am a parent and it's pretty awesome.

My point is that being a parent is a major responsibility and one that requires a selflessness that I and admittedly a lot of other people simply don't possess.

To be a truly effective parent, I need to become selfless to a point I don't see myself ever becoming, at least in the near future.

One must not wish for, but be prepared for a lifetime of caring for a theoretical disabled child. It is the thought experiment I propose that differentiates unfit from fit parents, because the lifetime selfless care and love of a major dependent is an act of goodness few other acts can match.

 

[AnOminous]

One must not wish for, but be prepared for a lifetime of caring for a theoretical disabled child. It is the thought experiment I propose that differentiates unfit from fit parents, because the lifetime selfless care and love of a major dependent is an act of goodness few other acts can match.

Truly unfit parents don't even do that thought experiment. They just fuck until a sprog pops out and then they fuck up their own lives and their child's, too.

 

[Bugaboo]

My feelings on kids changes day to day, sometimes I hate them, sometimes they're ok. I mostly always hate babies though because they scream and smell funny.
If I had to get a kid I'd adopt an older child but I think I'll stick to animals

 

[Wildchild]

I work at a shift-staffed foster home, so I'm more or less a paid part time parent.

Honestly, someday if I decide to have children, then I want to adopt a troubled child with emotional need that I would be able to help them through. Not severe emotional needs to the point where they need constant supervision, but I believe that I could help out and relate to a child who has suffered from trauma issues.

Also, I wouldn't be adding another kid into the world, contributing to overpopulation.

 

[Bertram]

I've entertained the possibility of perhaps having children in the past, but I don't think I'd really be responsible enough to do so. Children require a great deal of effort and I'm chronically lazy, pretty much.
On the other hand, I feel it's important to continue one's own culture and genes. My thoughts essentially being that if reasonably intelligent and cultured people don't reproduce and rear children, then the world gradually fills with stupid people and barbaric cultures whilst the civilized and intelligent people die off.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

I've entertained the possibility of perhaps having children in the past, but I don't think I'd really be responsible enough to do so. Children require a great deal of effort and I'm chronically lazy, pretty much.
On the other hand, I feel it's important to continue one's own culture and genes. My thoughts essentially being that if reasonably intelligent and cultured people don't reproduce and rear children, then the world gradually fills with stupid people and barbaric cultures whilst the civilized and intelligent people die off.

Read a parenting book called "The Idle Parent" and you'll soon come to realise that children need very little effort to thrive provided the effort you make is the correct effort.

 

[Doctor Professor Timon]

I'm not a parent, but I imagine it going like this.

"And this, son (or daughter) is Phil. If you ever act this autistic, I will disown you and beat you with a crowbar."

"And this, son, is Nick Bates. If you ever act like this, I will kill you and go to trial for murder."

"And this, son, is Sarah Butts. If you ever act like this, they won't find your body."

 

[Wildchild]

I have a question for Kiwi parents, under what circumstances would it be acceptable for a parent to tell or dare an adult child to kill themselves when you get angry? Is that common behavior among families? Does it make any difference if the child has had issues with depression? Does age make any difference?

I've been told that that behavior constitutes abuse, but I'm not sure since people claim that mild behavior such as criticism and name calling constitute abuse and that behavior in my consideration seems to be normal and most of us have probably experienced that behavior on a daily basis growing up.

 

[Sigyn]

Mental illness runs in my family (and probably every kiwi's here,) so I'm really doubting whether or not I'll ever have children genetically. I don't think its responsible or moral to do so if there's a chance the kid could get fucked over, and I've always thought that it was irresponsible, borderline selfish of my parents to have me, no matter how okay I am with being alive now, I still think It would have been kinder not to have me. Thoughts on this, do y'all have mental illness and still popped one out?

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

I have a question for Kiwi parents, under what circumstances would it be acceptable for a parent to tell or dare an adult child to kill themselves when you get angry? Is that common behavior among families? Does it make any difference if the child has had issues with depression? Does age make any difference?

I've been told that that behavior constitutes abuse, but I'm not sure since people claim that mild behavior such as criticism and name calling constitute abuse and that behavior in my consideration seems to be normal and most of us have probably experienced that behavior on a daily basis growing up.

I can't imagine daring a child to kill themselves is ever going to be a good idea. In young children threats like that tend to be attestation seeking more than anything else and you can diffuse it by not rising to it. In an older child I'd pay more attention to the threat but I still wouldn't reinforce negative behavior by relenting to the child's demands every time I heard "Give me x/allow me to do y, or I'll kill myself!" As for name calling, I occasionally use mild 'insults' against my children but only ever in jest. If my son, as he does daily, rounds the corner to my study to fast, slips on the wooden floor, skids into the bureau in the hall and then wobbles in holding his head, I will look at him and call him a Pillock. Similarly I have called my daughter names in the context of "If you keep doing that you'll hurt yourself." *SMACK* "See I told you so, you pleb." This does not extend to using insults as a form of punishment and when I'm angry at them.

 

[Zeorus]

Mrs. Zeo and I definitely want kids, although some of her medical history may prevent us from having them the old-fashioned way. In the past few months, I've been thinking a lot about fatherhood and what sort of people I want my children to become. More than anything, I want to leave this life knowing that my children are honorable people, even if we have disagreements about what path their lives should take. How do I prepare to teach them that?

 

[autisticdragonkin]

I would really like to have children in ten years. I would like to have designer babies but also to get information from developmental psychologists to make all parenting decisions as I don't trust my own intuition nor do I trust the intuition of my future partner. We live in a very different environment from when we evolved so it is quite unlikely that we are adapted to parent in the modern world.