Kiwi Parents. - Talk about your journey through parenthood, and sharing tips and tricks.

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PaulBearer said:
I've got children of a variety of ages, I'm single handedly keeping the next generation based, but the last thing I want to do is talk about it, it's boring as shit.
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I have an infant that is interesting. She can spin around on her tummy, which probably not unique for any 4 month old. I just think it's funny how badly she tries to crawl, but can't get it down yet.
 
Do your best and actually be honest with them about serious stuff. You can lie about Santa it won't kill them.

You're their parent, not their best friend.

Don't lie to them about sex and drugs. But make sure they (when they are old enough) know that their job is to not get pregnant and not die and try to find a vocational school or a community college you like.

Your child's role models should always be older than your child.

Make them understand young that you can know it all, but that people don't want to be reminded that you know it all and they don't want your unsolicited advice.

Um... make sure they all know how to fight a bit. Wrestling is gay as fuck but probably the best sport you can put them into. Even better if you live in a good wrestling town.

Don't get a divorce. Do what you have to and make sure the kid has two parents. Single-parent kids take a lot of damage that may not manifest until well into their adult lives. Split up after the kids are grown.

That's enough. You'll figure the rest out.

Experimental advice? My kids did not go through the technological change like your kids will. We didn't have to worry about cellphones and Internet predators for the most part due to the time period. But if I did have a kid now... I would probably try to introduce technology to them in a fashion that sees their tech evolve as they grow.

So as a little one, start them with an older 80s or 90s computer and build up so that they can appreciate the sheer potential within modern technology.

I feel like this may need some tweaking, but that it is a decent idea.
 
I have a question: I want to be a mom in the future (hopefully not the incredibly far future, as I'm 24), but I have a big issue with confrontation. I get very intensely scared of angry people and just kind of freeze. I'm worried that this is a bad quality in a mom, because you need to be able to confront people as needed and protect your kids.

Is this something I should work as intensely as possible to fix ASAP, will it go away when I have kids to protect/prioritize, or should do I just like... need the kind of husband who will help me out there? I've been in counseling for a long time, but this problem is uh lingering.
 
On the advice front, I always found taking the time to explain "why" to be helpful. Keep it age appropriate, of course, but kids seem to understand rules and boundaries better when they have a concrete reason for them.

Also, give them choices, but only choices that lead to what they have to do. "Do you want to pick up your bedroom or the living room first?" If they have some say in things, they learn about choices, and which things are optional and which are required. They still have to do the required things, but can make decisions around it.
 
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I highly recommend this book to all new parents. It's an absolute must-read.
 
soup peddler said:
I have a question: I want to be a mom in the future (hopefully not the incredibly far future, as I'm 24), but I have a big issue with confrontation. I get very intensely scared of angry people and just kind of freeze. I'm worried that this is a bad quality in a mom, because you need to be able to confront people as needed and protect your kids.

Is this something I should work as intensely as possible to fix ASAP, will it go away when I have kids to protect/prioritize, or should do I just like... need the kind of husband who will help me out there? I've been in counseling for a long time, but this problem is uh lingering.
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Probably a mix of all.

Be with someone who would complement you well on that aspect (that would defend you/the kids if needed), although I suspect literally anyone would, assuming they love you; once you have kids you'll probably be more bold if you have to protect them, but I don't know you personally so it's not certain; a lot of introverted people are like that, but would respond if the offender is blatant or extremely unfair, don't know how's that for you, like if someone screams at you on the road, and you say nothing, but they go away so who cares, versus, someone about to hurt you and you acting on it.

Also depends on the threats you'll face: in a normal scenario (but sad & unfortunate) maybe your kid will face bullying, in which case there's a bunch of ways to deal with it; I don't know what kind of scenarios you're imagining, but a safe course of action generally is to go with what the law says and see what legal actions you can take. Authorities exist for a reason, and they're there to help you in such cases (not just talking about police, but in the case of schools, teachers or other workers).
 
MadDisaster said:
On the advice front, I always found taking the time to explain "why" to be helpful. Keep it age appropriate, of course, but kids seem to understand rules and boundaries better when they have a concrete reason for them.
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Age appropriateness is a meme, kids just don't understand what isn't appropriate for them in the first place, when they ask, it's appropriate. The extend of your answer should only hinge on their individual mental acuity, because leaving the smart alecs hanging with open questions is THE recipe for teenage disaster. They will go out and FIND THEM, if dissatisfied with the answers adults give them.
Your actual job is to keep them OUT of situations, they can't yet process, but always tell them the whole story otherwise, like this:
Dammit Mandrake! said:
Do your best and actually be honest with them about serious stuff.

You're their parent, not their best friend.

Don't lie to them about sex and drugs.
But make sure they (when they are old enough) know that their job is to not get pregnant and not die and try to find a vocational school or a community college you like.

Your child's role models should always be older than your child.
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The last one is particularly tricky, because the school system works actively against that by isolating them from their parents with little actual and effective adult oversight, embedding them in pecking orders where the blind lead the blind.
 
きたい said:
Age appropriateness is a meme, kids just don't understand what isn't appropriate for them in the first place, when they ask, it's appropriate.
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I suppose I could have specified, but I meant "age appropriate" as in "according to their cognitive abilities". Little kids need simpler explanations than a teenager, but a truthful explanation still helps them understand.
 
soup peddler said:
I have a question: I want to be a mom in the future (hopefully not the incredibly far future, as I'm 24), but I have a big issue with confrontation. I get very intensely scared of angry people and just kind of freeze. I'm worried that this is a bad quality in a mom, because you need to be able to confront people as needed and protect your kids.

Is this something I should work as intensely as possible to fix ASAP, will it go away when I have kids to protect/prioritize, or should do I just like... need the kind of husband who will help me out there? I've been in counseling for a long time, but this problem is uh lingering.
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Becoming a parent does more for growing you as a person than any other experience. The new you will feel a strong motivation to be that person. You'll have a different life, with a different outlook and priorities. It's a good thing to work towards, developing a healthy amount of assertiveness, but I wouldn't stress over it.

One of the biggest mistakes I made before becoming a father was agonizing and stressing about every detail, trying to plan and become comfortable with a future reality that I could never fully imagine.
 
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