Kiwi Self-Improvement Thread

[klystron]

DISCLAIMER: I've searched for a thread like this and didn't find one. I searched for threads with the word "change", "improvement", and "weakness."

So I was inspired in the Coping Thread to ask all Kiwis if they have identified or can identify something with themselves that they know is holding them back in life. Holding back doesn't have to mean that you are a shut-in who can't venture outside but just that maybe you know you'd be farther along if not for whatever it is. Also, and that you find the prospect of fixing it difficult.

I'll start with what I think my biggest problem is: dealing with people. I'm too blunt, in-your-face, and opinionated at work. I rub people the wrong way without meaning to. Many people have told me that I'm the sort of person people either really like or really hate; there's no in-between. In fact, most people start off hating me until they get to know me a bit and understand my sense of humor and what I'm about.

I know that if I could relate to people better and improve my interactions with them I'd do better in life.

I can also be really arrogant as well because of past successes. This leads to more problems with people.

Can I fix it? Probably. I've tried. I'm doing better, but not perfect. I'm not really afraid of failure in this area it's more like I do not know what to do. I've had people tell me I might be autistic but I don't think so.

Anyone else do some reflecting on themselves lately and want to add?

 

[fuzzypickles]

I often think of the actions and decisions I made in the past, particularly when I was younger, and think "God, you're retarded for doing that" or "You're a fucking idiot" to myself over it. Maybe if I re-framed my past actions in another light, as in lessons I've learned about life rather than mortal sins that I must bear with me at all times, I could be a little bit happier with myself.

I don't know if this post is better for the coping thread, but I feel like there is a good reason why I'm posting this under "self-improvement".

 

[klystron]

I often think of the actions and decisions I made in the past, particularly when I was younger, and think "God, you're retarded for doing that" or "You're a fucking idiot" to myself over it. Maybe if I re-framed my past actions in another light, as in lessons I've learned about life rather than mortal sins that I must bear with me at all times, I could be a little bit happier with myself.

I don't know if this post is better for the coping thread, but I feel like there is a good reason why I'm posting this under "self-improvement".

You know that feeling you get when you are embarrassed for someone else? Like when Chris made the "I love you Ivy" video I was just cringing at how embarrassed I was for him. (Note: had this feeling on many videos but that one sticks out right now.) Sometimes I think of stupid crap I've done and get that same feeling for my old self haha.

Seriously though, you have the right idea imho. You learned something and are better off for it now. That's the way to think about it.

I've actually had a lot of regrets over times I lost my temper and was a big jerk. Over the years I've managed not to lose my temper anymore in public. I can only imagine how much of an ass I looked sometimes. It's also helped me understand that when someone is angry or losing their temper with me that they may regret it later, so the best thing I can do is be super nice so they have more to regret.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

You know that feeling you get when you are embarrassed for someone else? Like when Chris made the "I love you Ivy" video I was just cringing at how embarrassed I was for him. (Note: had this feeling on many videos but that one sticks out right now.) Sometimes I think of stupid crap I've done and get that same feeling for my old self haha.

Seriously though, you have the right idea imho. You learned something and are better off for it now. That's the way to think about it.

I've actually had a lot of regrets over times I lost my temper and was a big jerk. Over the years I've managed not to lose my temper anymore in public. I can only imagine how much of an ass I looked sometimes. It's also helped me understand that when someone is angry or losing their temper with me that they may regret it later, so the best thing I can do is be super nice so they have more to regret.

Also niceness works well, because people who are angry a lot aren't used to it, and don't understand it. They just kinda huh-buh-wha when they realize you're not going to retaliate at them because that's what they would do.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

I need to lose weight, which means more exercise and less fast food and junk food.

I also need to get a job, and have been applying to some places the past week and a few places today.

I need to volunteer at some places until I get a job so I won't have a gap on my resume.

All the Connor stuff was good for me, it was a wake up call to not be like that guy.

Edit - I just got a call from a temp agency, so maybe I'll get something

 

[Blueberry]

I need to stop drinking and finally get around to shaving, and stop getting into arguments with my mom about getting a job. I play DOTA way too much and I still live at home, and I am 32. I have a tugboat but I am not like Chris.

I have severe body acne, I think I have IBS, I am single (ready to mingle), I don't think I am overweight (society does). I chainsmoke and I don't care.

 

[klystron]

I need to lose weight, too. I'm not sure it holds me back in life but it's definitely a problem. Today I've had a bowl of cereal and a can of soup. Sigh.

@Grand Number of Pounds good luck on the job hunt. The best thing about temp agencies is you get paid for exposure! Be the best that you can be and stay positive and someone is sure to notice.

@Dean Ween I get the feeling there's a joke I'm missing here? Your information contradicts your profile.

 

[Blueberry]

@klystron
What contradiction

 

[klystron]

@klystron
What contradiction

Says you're 25 not 32.

Going off the assumption what you are saying is correct, let me say that I don't know what your tugboat is for. Is it something that you can overcome? Or is this some kind of health issue?

While you don't care about smoking (Chris will not sleep with you, though) I think it can worsen symptoms of IBS. Is it worth trying to quit for 6 months and see if the symptoms change? I'm not gonna turn this thread into an anti-smoking thread but it sounds like it might be affecting your health.

 

[Blueberry]

@klystron

due to the nature of this website i don't give my accurate information about myself on my profile, nor would i post pictures of my self (personal reasons)
and my tugboat is a form of income that i get that is not necessarily like Chris' tugboat
and yeah, i agree about the smoking/IBS link

 

[klystron]

@Dean Ween

I understand I try to maintain some degree of privacy, too. And I didn't mean to pry thanks for not being offended.

I think that you should just become a DOTA pro and make millions. Go, and click to the extreme!

 

[Cavity Sam]

I really need to try to make friends/maintain friendships-- every time I try I just end up getting really shy and just stop talking to friends just because I don't know what to say. For some reason I don't feel as lonely as I should-- I literally live out in the middle of the desert with just my boyfriend-- I rely too much on him for entertainment. I don't think he minds, but I'm getting really self aware about it lately. Bleh.

 

[Blueberry]

@Dean Ween

I understand I try to maintain some degree of privacy, too. And I didn't mean to pry thanks for not being offended.

I think that you should just become a DOTA pro and make millions. Go, and click to the extreme!

No offense taken at all. I would be a DOTA pro but I suck dick at it and usually spend time on there getting yelled at by 14 year olds

 

[klystron]

I really need to try to make friends/maintain friendships-- every time I try I just end up getting really shy and just stop talking to friends just because I don't know what to say. For some reason I don't feel as lonely as I should-- I literally live out in the middle of the desert with just my boyfriend-- I rely too much on him for entertainment. I don't think he minds, but I'm getting really self aware about it lately. Bleh.

You remind me of my wife. She has no friends at all. In fact, she's got nobody. She's lonely when I'm out of town for work (2 days a week) and she relies on me for entertainment. She's not really happy about it, but it doesn't stop her from living her life. If she gets into dental school this year she'll probably make friends. She had a couple in college.

If you aren't lonely then don't worry about it! If having relationships is key for your goals in life, then my advice to you would be to just find people you can be yourself and be comfortable around. It isn't your responsibility to always carry on conversations or figure out what to do. Sometimes the people we try to be friends with aren't necessarily compatible. That isn't a bad thing and nobody is at fault for it. The world is a big place and there are people for everyone to hang out with.

Living in the middle of the desert sounds awesome. I am in the middle of a snow covered plain right now. (fun stuff)

No offense taken at all. I would be a DOTA pro but I suck dick at it and usually spend time on there getting yelled at by 14 year olds

Haha this is why I gave up online gaming over 10 years ago. If I wanted to hear a bunch of stupid kids shouting nigger and faggot I'd go back to jr. high.

 

[LordDarkrai]

I need to look at more driving stuff for the test. I have a learner's permit , but I haven't done anything with the actual driving test. I did practice driving with my brother one time and I ended up freaking out. So I want to take some private lesson somewhere so I feel more comfortable. I need driving since I feel that I'm stuck where I'm at in life.

I need to stop thinking about other's opinions and thinking that I'm a terrible person mentality. I mentioned that I like Evangelion through I felt nervous every time ever since I looked at a website that despised the show. I'm fine with people having different opinions and all, but the way they treat the fans and such made me think I'm a fool to like it. It's why I don't have a intolerance with the whole "you suck for liking it" mentality. After seeing the Conner thread with Molly and other actually liking it, I feel more comfortable and thought "Maybe the site is wrong about everyone?"

Sorry if the last one sounds stupid, it just been in my mind for a while.

 

[Metal Sink]

I'm way too much of a cunt to even my closest friends, and I seem to make a joke out of the situation when someone's trying to talk to me seriously. I also tend to be too emotionally dependent on my closest friends and it really gets on their nerves, although this is something I'm working to fix right now.

I need to be focusing more on doing my schoolwork, it's flowing easily right now but I tend to get distracted and it all catches up with me. I should actually be finishing an assignment right now .___.

 

[Overcast]

I often think of the actions and decisions I made in the past, particularly when I was younger, and think "God, you're retarded for doing that" or "You're a fucking idiot" to myself over it. Maybe if I re-framed my past actions in another light, as in lessons I've learned about life rather than mortal sins that I must bear with me at all times, I could be a little bit happier with myself.

I don't know if this post is better for the coping thread, but I feel like there is a good reason why I'm posting this under "self-improvement".

I seem to have the same problem myself.

I often see my past self as a stupid and selfish asshole, but then I end up meeting people who I haven't met in a really long time and they greet me as if I was a close friend. It sometimes makes me wonder if I'm just being overly critical of myself and I really wasn't as bad as I made myself out to be.

So yeah, like you perhaps I should re-frame my past actions in another light.

I need to stop thinking about other's opinions and thinking that I'm a terrible person mentality. I mentioned that I like Evangelion through I felt nervous every time ever since I looked at a website that despised the show. I'm fine with people having different opinions and all, but the way they treat the fans and such made me think I'm a fool to like it. It's why I don't have a intolerance with the whole "you suck for liking it" mentality. After seeing the Conner thread with Molly and other actually liking it, I feel more comfortable and thought "Maybe the site is wrong about everyone?"

Sorry if the last one sounds stupid, it just been in my mind for a while.

I actually seem to be dealing with the same thing actually. : O

I seem to also worry about what other people think about certain things. I find myself enjoying a certain game, but then I come across some people bashing on it and I wonder, "Am I missing something?" "Do I have bad taste?"

It's probably a part of my whole supposed inferiority complex.

I've tried to solve this by simply not bashing other people for enjoying something I don't really like or care for. For example, I don't particularly think Cowboy Bebop was that great, but I recognize that other people absolutely love the show and just let them do so.

ANYWAY, one thing I definitely want to improve on is talking to people and perhaps forming some meaningful relationships. Particularly with girls. For the past few years I've been making up excuses as to why I shouldn't be dating. But I can't just hold myself back anymore. I'm never going to improve myself if I don't at least try.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

There's always shit and aspects of my life that needs change, but jeez, my whole life has just been so tough that that change takes its own goddamn time. I tell my mom nowadays that the first 25 years of my life has just been me "going along" with all that my life was supposed to be.

As a result, I grew up so goddamn introverted. Expecting the whole world to just play out before me.

 

[buttsbuttsbutts]

I should probably take my medication. It's a bad sign when you start identifying with Jace.

 

[klystron]

I need to look at more driving stuff for the test. I have a learner's permit , but I haven't done anything with the actual driving test. I did practice driving with my brother one time and I ended up freaking out. So I want to take some private lesson somewhere so I feel more comfortable. I need driving since I feel that I'm stuck where I'm at in life.

I need to stop thinking about other's opinions and thinking that I'm a terrible person mentality. I mentioned that I like Evangelion through I felt nervous every time ever since I looked at a website that despised the show. I'm fine with people having different opinions and all, but the way they treat the fans and such made me think I'm a fool to like it. It's why I don't have a intolerance with the whole "you suck for liking it" mentality. After seeing the Conner thread with Molly and other actually liking it, I feel more comfortable and thought "Maybe the site is wrong about everyone?"

I have a friend who didn't get his license until his mid 20s. You'll be fine. Learning to drive didn't freak me out, but what still freaks me out is when I "zone out" while driving. Like suddenly I snap to and wonder where the last 30 minutes went. It's easy to get lost in thought and forget you are driving and you are so used to it your body just does it. Freaky stuff.

I don't like Evangelion, but who cares? I found it too formulaic. If anyone bashes you for an opinion you're better off without them. If you like something then go for it. Life's too short to worry about what other people think.

I'm way too much of a cunt to even my closest friends, and I seem to make a joke out of the situation when someone's trying to talk to me seriously. I also tend to be too emotionally dependent on my closest friends and it really gets on their nerves, although this is something I'm working to fix right now.

I need to be focusing more on doing my schoolwork, it's flowing easily right now but I tend to get distracted and it all catches up with me. I should actually be finishing an assignment right now .___.

You probably use humor as a way to cope with stress or uncomfortable situations. I used to do that a lot and it pushed some people away. It's hard to face what's going on but try to be there for your friends. Then you might find they get a little emotionally dependent on you. Then you can be annoyed. As for schoolwork, let me ask you this: even if it's last minute do you get it done? Sometimes when I was in school I'd procrastinate or diddle around trying to find the best way to do something but as the deadline approached I'd find the zone and get it done. Some people work better under pressure, and a looming deadline is certainly pressure. You may just be that sort of person. The only downside to this of course is that you get more assignments piled up around the same due date.

ANYWAY, one thing I definitely want to improve on is talking to people and perhaps forming some meaningful relationships. Particularly with girls. For the past few years I've been making up excuses as to why I shouldn't be dating. But I can't just hold myself back anymore. I'm never going to improve myself if I don't at least try.

Awesome! I love attitudes like this. I think what really holds us back is fear of failure: if you don't try, you can't fail right? But trying, trying again, and still trying again is the best way to succeed. (PROTIP: this does not work with marriage.) Best of luck!

There's always shit and aspects of my life that needs change, but jeez, my whole life has just been so tough that that change takes its own goddamn time. I tell my mom nowadays that the first 25 years of my life has just been me "going along" with all that my life was supposed to be.

As a result, I grew up so goddamn introverted. Expecting the whole world to just play out before me.

Don't go along with life, make it go along with you. Find your dream and succeed, and then bring up others with you. I used to be very introverted. Once I learned to laugh at myself and quit caring about what other people think I came out of it. As a result I'm really good at giving presentations to hundreds of people. I think that's only helped me in the long run. That said, being introverted is not a bad thing. Don't accept that as something that you need to change. If you are comfortable with yourself being introverted then don't change.