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- Aug 4, 2014
Kiwi Self-Improvement Thread
- Thread starter klystron
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- Joined
- Nov 15, 2014
Hmmm... what to say? I should start by saying that that's the way I felt about myself in my 20s and it continues to this day. I've tried changing so I could better blend in but the implant never really took. You are an asshole, just like me. All that said, there are a few things you should be aware of:
(1) If you find a way to blend in better, to become another bland shade of white instead of brilliant red, the world will reward you. You'll do better at work, make more money and seem less threatening to other people. You'll also probably hate yourself. There might be some sort of medication that can help ease the dilemma. I suggest a course of heavy drinking and psychedelics tempered with reading some Bukowski and maybe some Alan Watts. It might not help your career much but it will help to get you to the place where you are cool with just being you.
(2) The people who do like you, probably REALLY like you. That's cool isn't it? The problem there is that if you portray yourself as Iron Balls McGinty, others may see you as some sort of lightning rod to do all the outspoken shit that they are too afraid to do and you get a weird hero/entertainer complex. I've been burned by this a few times. Be wary.
(3) Ask yourself - why do people hate you? Do you give them reason to hate you? Are you mean and capricious or do they just not understand your personality? This is serious. If your brashness has actually hurt someone or made them feel "lower" than you, be humble and apologize. Ask them if they can do you a favor - It's an easy way to flip the power dynamic. If it's a matter of them just not "getting you", I wouldn't worry. They'll either come around and see that you're just another human wage slave like them or they wont. If they never come around, so what?
(4) Stop trying to adjust yourself to fit into some ideal of human behavior which is in fact, created by yourself. Everybody is weird and opinionated and arrogant and dickish because everyone has a completely different life story. And that's whats great about being a human being - not just consciousness but awareness of that consciousness and how it effects others. You might think that you are an outlier in society but you are still in that society, effecting it, changing it and getting changed by it. Trying to conform to an arbitrary behavioral standard cheapens the whole experience for everyone, but mostly you.
Remember - Patrick Bateman did what he did because he "just wanted to fit in".
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2015
Seconded.
I mean, I actually can put on some pretence of friendliness most of the time but I rarely ever blend in either way, also I am very aware that I'm both blunt as hell and also just have a terrible temper.
I don't even dream about changing it though. To be very honest, I don't think it's too good an idea getting too social with coworkers anyways: you're there to get shit done, not to hang out. I sort of just do the smile and nod thing at work (yeah, I actually was an investment banker, like Patrick Bateman. I was no VP though, nope.) Because after all, coworkers are people that you sort of just end up with and need to put up with, instead of people you choose to hang out with. I'm mostly friends with people who are also blunt as hell and with terrible tempers, or at the very least don't mind when I insult them randomly because they either are used to how I hold conversations, or they insult back and know I wouldn't give half a damn.
When it comes to being social with people I don't think there's really anything as being right/wrong or normal/abnormal, but what both parties agree/imply as acceptable and comfortable. If someone is ultra important to you you might as well try catering to their preferences but overall I don't think it's worth it. Smile and nod at your acquaintances and be as much of an asshole as you like with actual friends, because how much would two people get along or have anything in common anyway if their usual social bottom lines differ so much that they end up keeping getting annoyed by each other and offended by each other's actions? I mean, it's sort of like dating: neither party has to be wrong but it might just be you two aren't compatible, and the thing to do is to just move on and find someone who finds it utterly hilarious and awesome how brash you are. There's plenty of fish in the sea, whether it be lovers or friends.
Another thing is, I've tried playing dumb or whatnot with friends whom I'm sort of "better than" in some way, or not playing dumb but admitting very loudly that I'm not as good as them in some aspects, for example with people holding less advanced degrees than I do I always made it very clear I was much younger and lacked real world experience comparing to them. Turned out that doesn't work. I always end up finding them becoming too condescending/patronizing towards me instead, provided they give a damn about my more advanced degree—if they don't to begin with, they are pretty nice to me and always try to help me when I display clear lack of common sense.
I could be terribly wrong at this, but I've come to the conclusion that it's much better just to stay the hell away from people with which there's a huge difference of something between you two and also something that seems to matter to them. As in, for example if you hold a more advanced degree than someone and degrees matter to them, just bail. It's much better to hang out with people at your own level instead, in whatever sense it might be. When I worked where the average employee never finished university, and the boss held a local bachelor's, the dynamic was total shit and the college dropouts though friendly with me were condescending as hell, saying I had only book smarts—by God growing up I've never been called that by anyone, because I was a total fucking delinquent in middle and high schools, twice almost expelled, and for the most part drank my way through college, though on scholarship money; the boss treated me like shit because she thought I didn't have much work experience. Whereas when I worked in investment banking where Ivy League was the norm and now where the average education level is master's, with two dudes holding PhD in our office alone, no one ever gives a damn about who graduated where and never made a fuss over the whole damn thing about degrees. I do have friends outside of work who are just high school grads, and they plain don't care about degrees and we get along great. So yeah, sometimes people are just petty enough to get bothered by bullshit and... Frankly, it's their problem.
EDIT: Jesus Christ I keep hitting the post button before I even finish typing.
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- Joined
- Jun 19, 2014
I don't drink or anything like that. Totally clean. I get my brain chemical buzz from too much food. Doing well at work and moving forward in life (in terms of respect, building a legacy, etc) is what I meant by "things that are holding [me] back in life." So I would like to improve in these areas. I know my ideas are good but outside my position of the company I can't push any ideas in life because I don't always have the respect of everyone I need to have it from.
Haha very astute. This is definitely true. I usually am the one to speak out in situations where others consider risky because nobody will say anything. Throughout my career, this was easy because I was "too valuable" to lose.
I don't think I am mean, but I can be hard on people who can't do things after 3 weeks that I was regularly doing when I was 14. At this point in my career I'm a CTO and have a sort of managerial/leadership aspect to my job. I have tried to temper my behavior to keep the other workers happy. With this position it's hard to relate as another "wage slave" even though I am of course.
I agree with you fully, and I wish everyone felt this way. Sometimes people can be total dicks but I have long outgrown the thinking that makes me think they are doing it intentionally. We are all there to solve problems and even if you don't always solve a problem that the team is trying to tackle there's value added by the people who didn't solve it because they eliminated other possibilities.
I don't actually get the reference.
The sad part is I bet the three of us would not get along. Type A personalities never mix.
I don't agree with this. My whole social network is a few people at work and my family. I don't really have any other friends. I think a team that has fun and can laugh together does a better job looking out for each other. In my environment the team succeeds together or fails together. It doesn't mean that we all have to be friends but trying to be is not necessarily a bad thing.
This is very much true. You shouldn't have to try and be real friends with someone. That's not the same as trying to temper your personality in the workplace to get ahead, though. Sometimes people are not compatible and that's just how it is. Why bother trying to pretend otherwise? It's a waste of everyone's time. The world is a big place and we'll always find someone we can get along with if we look hard enough.
I also relate to this. I had a weird college career. I had an AS degree at age 18 ( left high school early) and at 21 started going to junior college part time. At 25 I went to university and did half of a BS degree in 1 year and then all the coursework for my masters in 9 months (quarter system) after that. I got tired of the part time school thing. So while I finished my MS at age 26, which is a little late, I was always felt to be by my company late because I had waited so long to really start. In reality when it came to writing software and solving problems and coming up with all the techniques for our linux/touch screen based products (this was in the late 90s) I did all the work. People with 30 years of experience and advanced degrees asked me for help and then refused to acknowledge me or pay me what I was worth. (Sometimes you have to change jobs to get ahead, which I did several times since then.) In my circles experience always matters more than degrees. Degrees get you in the door or help with pay your first 6-10 years and after that it's all experience and performance. We had a guy with 35 years experience and only a high school degree held in extremely high regard until he had a stroke can't read anymore. There comes a point when it doesn't matter. So just keep plugging away at what you do and prove everyone wrong and they'll eventually have to acknowledge you when they keep asking for help.
I got expelled from high school. The smart kids always are.
My advisor texted me the other day asking if I want to finish my PhD. I finished the coursework but never passed the qualifying exam. I finally told them that their salaries are public record and I looked them up and I make more than they do so maybe they should be asking me how things are done instead of telling me to intentionally fail to bring in more grant money. Sigh... not sure I can succeed there anymore. (hence the reason for me starting this thread!)
Oh... forgot one thing. The real reason degrees help (especially early in your career) is because it proves you can put up with total bullshit.
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2014
I need to establish one significant social contact who I can do drugs and talk about stupid bullshit with. I really have no further major requirements as far as social relations go, but I need that.
I should probably also think about moving out and learning to drive sometime, but I figure getting my Master's is the bigger priority now. I know I want to work in a political research oriented field, and I've established that I can perform excellently when I feel connected to the work I'm doing. The problem right now is that I find too many things interesting.
I should probably also think about moving out and learning to drive sometime, but I figure getting my Master's is the bigger priority now. I know I want to work in a political research oriented field, and I've established that I can perform excellently when I feel connected to the work I'm doing. The problem right now is that I find too many things interesting.
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2014
I'm looking for services I could use since I'm over 21. I found one called Easter Seals and I'm going to see how it goes. I'm doing okay through I accepted that I need help for some aspects like socializing and driving.(Hopefully) I really hope I heard anything back since I'm sick of getting no responses in this kind of thing.
Another thing is not going to the despair mode as I call it. All my thoughts gets worse to the point, it ruins my mood. I'm able to control it at both of my jobs through not at home. My self-confidence gets shot and I feel like a outcast/fool. I can't be doing this for the rest of my life. I thought about coping it differently or going to therapy in the last resort. That or I'm overthinking everything.
Another thing is not going to the despair mode as I call it. All my thoughts gets worse to the point, it ruins my mood. I'm able to control it at both of my jobs through not at home. My self-confidence gets shot and I feel like a outcast/fool. I can't be doing this for the rest of my life. I thought about coping it differently or going to therapy in the last resort. That or I'm overthinking everything.
S
SU 390
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kiwifarms.net
https://kiwifarms.net/threads/coping-thread.4898/page-32#post-725295
Since I wrote this post in the Coping Thread, I didn't write down what I did/done to improve myself. If you don't want to read a TL;DR rambling of my pathetic life I'll give a dash point summary:
- Feel like a loser because I never had a steady part time job since turning 18 because my interview skills are shit.
- Upset that people shyer than me get jobs
- My brother's father(formerly known as stepfather) is an incaragible piece of shit
- A never ending cycle of arguments between him and my mother
- Considering joining Americorps to develop new skills and help give me direction in life
- Looking for a vocational school
- Don't want to end up a failure
Although it's slow improvement on my end here's what I've done to improve:
- Exercising, though it's once a day, I'm doing it 5 days a week, sometimes 7
- Leave the T.V. off when working on my writing on other things(been doing that since 2011)
- Took books out of the library on job interviews
- Been reading anthologies because I'm writing one myself
- Becoming more sociable when I volunteer
Was it easy getting the job as a janitor? In my state, I can't seem to land one. Some want experience, others I don't get call backs and the rest I have to pay out of pocket for a training session.
Since I wrote this post in the Coping Thread, I didn't write down what I did/done to improve myself. If you don't want to read a TL;DR rambling of my pathetic life I'll give a dash point summary:
- Feel like a loser because I never had a steady part time job since turning 18 because my interview skills are shit.
- Upset that people shyer than me get jobs
- My brother's father(formerly known as stepfather) is an incaragible piece of shit
- A never ending cycle of arguments between him and my mother
- Considering joining Americorps to develop new skills and help give me direction in life
- Looking for a vocational school
- Don't want to end up a failure
Although it's slow improvement on my end here's what I've done to improve:
- Exercising, though it's once a day, I'm doing it 5 days a week, sometimes 7
- Leave the T.V. off when working on my writing on other things(been doing that since 2011)
- Took books out of the library on job interviews
- Been reading anthologies because I'm writing one myself
- Becoming more sociable when I volunteer
Was it easy getting the job as a janitor? In my state, I can't seem to land one. Some want experience, others I don't get call backs and the rest I have to pay out of pocket for a training session.
- Joined
- May 27, 2014
For me it was easy, though it was mainly due to the fact that my aunt and grandmother works in the same facility (the business isn't family owned, but my family has been involved in it since the very beginning), so they helped me a little bit during the application process. Alas, I still have to follow orders like everybody else. It actually took me two tries before I got it because I actually failed the question part of the application because of how the questions were worded out. Here's some good advice: After you apply for a job, call the manager and tell them that you're interested and you already submitted an application. It'll show them that you really want that job. It may not work all the time though, but it's worth a try. Have you tried other places to work at as well aside from janitor work too?
Anyways.
I would have applied for a job at the mall, but there weren't any openings at the places that I wanted. It also doesn't help that the places there are ever so slowly going out of business too (last time I was there, there was a WHOLE VACANT SECTION). I did apply for a Chipotle nearby me, but it's already been a week since I applied and I didn't hear anything back.
So last Sunday, I decided to apply for a movie theater nearby me, hoping to work as an usher and concession worker on Wednesdays. After submitting, I called the manager and they said that they'll call back within a week or two. I'll more than likely call them again after a week or so if they don't call back. I'm also going to start working whole weekends as a janitor since it pays pretty well too.
If I don't hear anything back from the theater, I'm going to apply for numerous places at once and hope one of them answers.
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2014
I need to improve my work ethic toward my personal research pursuits. Now that I've finished my BA, I don't have a million classes competing with my own studies, so I can't use the "I MUST PASS THIS CLASS" excuse anymore. Even though this is hard (especially when I delve into topics that my field has almost entirely ignored), I have to keep at it if I'm going to get anywhere as a scholar.
S
SU 390
Guest
kiwifarms.net
I have applied to other places and haven't back from any of them yet. I applied a week ago after school ended for me. I have a volunteer job tomorrow and will ask more questions about the organization I'm joining and start the application process. Sometimes the whole calling the manager about the application you sent helps and sometimes it doesn't. The ones that doesn't they drag their feet because of the large pool of applicants they receive and strictly stating that they'll call you. But yes, I do call the manager and inform them about my application, resume and cover letter.
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2021
I might be necroposting but fuck it.
I wanted to improve my time management with taking classes for College, with all that coronavirus bullshit. I want to decrease my time I play videogames in, since it has consumed so much of my time. I had shit time management, and I want to improve it, so I can succeed in my summer courses.
My other issue is with the criticism (negative criticism) I get from some of my family members dating back from childhood, I have issues with self-esteem.
I am just happy this thread exists, even if a bit outdated.
I wanted to improve my time management with taking classes for College, with all that coronavirus bullshit. I want to decrease my time I play videogames in, since it has consumed so much of my time. I had shit time management, and I want to improve it, so I can succeed in my summer courses.
My other issue is with the criticism (negative criticism) I get from some of my family members dating back from childhood, I have issues with self-esteem.
I am just happy this thread exists, even if a bit outdated.
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2021
I have come to a realization that my self loathing may be a serious problem. Its gotten to the point I seek out people to harass me because I feel like I only deserve that. Its most certainly not healthy.
However I don't think its something that can actually get better.
However I don't think its something that can actually get better.
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2013
Wow, didn’t think I’d see this thread again.
I guess this is a good time as any to paraphrase a phrase I’ve read not too long ago.
Don’t worry so much about getting to where you want to be in life, look back at how far you’ve come.
I guess this is a good time as any to paraphrase a phrase I’ve read not too long ago.
Don’t worry so much about getting to where you want to be in life, look back at how far you’ve come.
missnaptime
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2024
necroposting massively, but i'm trying to get over the calling off of an engagement. he meant a lot to me, and its been over a month, and it still feels just as raw. its like my heart has been split in two, and i'm genuinely still deeply troubled by it. doesn't help his things are still in my flat; he hasn't come by to pick them up. that's not been making things any easier.
i feel lost and aimless, but i'm trying to channel my negative tardy emotions and wrangle them through exercise and trying to distract myself with things that make me feel better.
today i'm accompanying a friend to church to get out of the house, and i'm going to try and tidy up my depression pit. i can't very well get married and be a good mom in the future if i live in a shithole. doubly so if i don't take the time to take care of myself.
if the weather holds up i'll also go to a cafe and do some reading and knitting, i think.
one foot in front of the other.
i feel lost and aimless, but i'm trying to channel my negative tardy emotions and wrangle them through exercise and trying to distract myself with things that make me feel better.
today i'm accompanying a friend to church to get out of the house, and i'm going to try and tidy up my depression pit. i can't very well get married and be a good mom in the future if i live in a shithole. doubly so if i don't take the time to take care of myself.
if the weather holds up i'll also go to a cafe and do some reading and knitting, i think.
one foot in front of the other.