Last Will and Testament

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LordCustos3

LordCustos3

Guvking Stalbjer
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 4, 2013
Let's hypothesize:

As depressed as he is, I'm sure Chris -- in his more lucid moments -- knows and thinks about his own mortality, and might even have ideas about a legacy.
So, it doesn't strike me as being totally out of the question that he would have written up a Last Will and Testament.
Granted, its probably written in crayon on a burger wrapper....but let us not dwell on the form of the Will, but rather its content.

How does he phrase it?
Who does he leave what to?
What kind of funeral arrangements does the Pharaoh of CWCville demand?
Would he demand that some portion of his vast tugboat wealth be diverted into forming an anti-cyberbully charity of some sort?
What other madness would he put in there?
 
He'll just come back as a ghost to take the hoard to Heaven with him, so he won't bother with a last will and testament.
 
Organic Fapcup said:
He'll just come back as a ghost to take the hoard to Heaven with him, so he won't bother with a last will and testament.
Click to expand...

Nah. Ghosts can't carry things 'cuz they are intangible.
So, no, you "can't take it with you". Chris.
Gotta give up your portion of the Hoard.
 
I Christian Weston Chandler (Spanish name Ricardo) being of sound mind and body dedicates all of his lifes belongings and assets to a fund to pay for the essecution of that damn dirty JEW snyder and every last fart minded monster who has trolled or slandered me over the past five years. I also demand that I be buried with my sweetest tiffany, my one true love, and all of my toys and legos, and that my funeral be attended by all my old gal pals, except for that lying WHORE Megan who I want to be buried alive beneath me.

Most importantly I want all the slanderous and violating rapings of myself and my character taken off de internet so that my spirit can rest easy. If this does not happen I will use my psychic link to enter your children's dreams and make them wish they were dead. Their pain will not even begin to equal the suffering these slanders have inflicted upon my person
 
Crystal gets everything, and Chris will haunt her enemies in their nightmares for her.
 
Brother, Chris is the epitome of lazy. There is no way he is writing last will and testament to give his ps3 to Sonichu
 
I would be best to first determine whether or not Chris is even aware of his own mortality.
 
BillRiley said:
I would be best to first determine whether or not Chris is even aware of his own mortality.
Click to expand...
He is, because that's why he got the hooker. But it never occurred to him to write a will or anything like that.
 
BillRiley said:
I would be best to first determine whether or not Chris is even aware of his own mortality.
Click to expand...

I have my doubts that Chris is even mortal.
 
I sincerely doubt he could be arsed to even look up what you need to do to start a will, let alone sit down with a lawyer and write one.
 
He'll be buried in his classic red and blue stripes,wearing the Sonichu medallion, and maybe will also have that Sonic plush, in his casket. And he will lie atop the baby blanket that shows up in all the pictures. He doesn't have anyone to leave anything too, so a will would be pointless.
 
The vision of that in the casket makes me really sad. I can at least see Barb springing for a Goodwill suit for him to wear if she outlives him. If not, it'll probably be a very generic funeral since no one will be there to organize it. Most likely a pauper's burial. Which is even more sad... Jeez I'm too inebriated to handle this stuff.
 
I don't think Chris needs a will because he has nothing of value and no dependents.

When Chris and Barb die their house will be purchased for a low price by a house flipper who will throw out all the junk and sell anything valuable to Snooki's Pawn Shop. If the flipper is lucky they might break even or make a small profit.
 
I don't think he'd get past scrawling sonichu on a McDonald's placemat.
 
I think if he was really dying and realized it, he'd write a "will" that was pretty much a series of demands on the future inhabitants of Earth. That his house be preserved as a monument to him, that Dating Ed be established in all schools, that pretty women go out of their way to talk to high-functioning autistics, etc.

The disposition of his actual property wouldn't get a mention.
 
LordCustos3 said:
How does he phrase it?
Who does he leave what to?
What kind of funeral arrangements does the Pharaoh of CWCville demand?
Would he demand that some portion of his vast tugboat wealth be diverted into forming an anti-cyberbully charity of some sort?
What other madness would he put in there?
Click to expand...

In order:
If he writes it, it'll probably be like his resume where he'll start semi normally, copying an example he googled, before quickly rambling off topic about his life story, Sonichu (maybe) and the trolls who tormented him and that evil JEW Snyder.

Who does he even have to leae anything to? Cole? It'll be more like a punishment for Cole I imagine.
Chris: "to my brother Cole, I leave 14 Branchland Court and all my worldly possessions in it"
Cole goes to the house and sees it and the contents within: "Fffffuuuuuuuu--!"

"Pharoah" reminds me think that 14 Branchland is already like a tomb and probably (sadly, morbidly) will be the final fate of Chris, being discovered by authorities like a 5,000 year old mummy, a mummified corpse surrounded by all his treasures and hieroglyphs (the comics) depicting the story of his life.

I got nothing for the last two.

It's very unlikely he'll think about a will at all, but I'm kinda hoping he'll do a video will and we'll get to see it. It probably won't be funny given the context, but it'll be a good final goodbye to the only people actually seemed to give a damn about him and be a poignant epilogue to the entire cwc saga.
 
It all goes to his son, Sonichu.

Or maybe he'll leave something to his prostitute, lol.
 
CompyRex said:
It all goes to his son, Sonichu.

Or maybe he'll leave something to his prostitute, lol.
Click to expand...

Like his navy he preserved in a frozen can of Fanta with instructions to bear Crystal into the world?
 
He'll most likely type it as a Facebook note, but just to curse the trolls.

I think he will be in a funeral filled with Sonichu drawings.
 
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