Left 4 Autism: The RPG.

Tom Preston charges ahead bellowing incoherently and rapidly pumping the flamethrower in an...unhealthy manner. "WAHAGARRABALL, YOU FUCKING DUDE BRO RANTRANTRANTRANTGOBACKTOREDDITYOUHEXBOXPLAYINGANGRYYELLINGANGRYYELLINGANGRYYELLINGDON'TCRITIZISEMAHAURHTWOOOOOORK!" he screeches as mighty streams of fire spurt from his InflationCannon.

Jeje, upon seeing the rather obese man wearing a dirty bear suit charging towards her, does the logical thing and dives behind a car, unholstering her Glock the the process.

Kyle, despite (or perhaps because of) him smoking enough weed to kill a small elephant, is the second to take action.
"Yo, don't worry bros, I got this."
Kyle lifts up the M1 and takes a potshot at Tom.
Predictably, it flies off target and kills a plastic recycling bin.
"Damn it you fucking care bear, I DON'T WANT YOUR GODDAMN HUGS MAN!"

Pyro Joe Rips out his Browning and fires at the InflationCannon. The 9mm round punches through the flame thrower tank, causing a stream of liquid to pour out. The mighty stream of flame slows to a burning discharge.

Nait draws the .44 and fires
Unfortunately, Nait had attempted to fire a .44 caliber handgun using only one hand. The recoil sends the bullet flying far away from Tom and causes the revolver to be flung backward out of Naits hands. Nait doubles over and grasps his ears in pain.

Brian double taps with his 1911.
The first round sails over Preston's head, but the second slams into his abdomen, leaving a rather nasty bloody hole.
Tom Preston doubles over and bellows in pain.
"Ohhh, GODDAMMIT, WHY ARE YOU TROLLS SO FUCKING ASSHOLISH ABOUT THIS? I'M A PROFESSIONAL ARTIST, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIIIISSSsssooohthathurts"

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Nait, ears still ringing from the shot, grabs the revolver and aims it at Tom Preston.

Kyle aims the M1 at Preston.
"Yo, like, watch this shit man, this is gonna be tight!"
The bullet punches through Preston's abdomen. He only moans in pain and rage. Kyle yells "Alllrigghtdude" and waves his left arm in the air.

With Preston distracted, Joe charges ahead and flings his lighter at the trail of gasoline. The fire makes a calming "whoomph" sound and dances merrily as it spreads up the gasoline trail.
"ohhhh, you IGNORANT PHILISTINES shall PAY" Preston yells as he clutches his bullet wounds and attempts to stand up straight.
"you...you MISOGYNISTIC JACKASSES think that you can come in hear and wave around your \M/ETAL penis replacements, but NOOO, FOR I SHALL SMASH TH-huh?"
Tom Preston notices something bright in the corner of his eye and turns just in time to see a trail of flaming gasoline hurtling directly towards his right leg. Which is currently doused in gas from the fuel tank leak.
"aaaaaaahhhhhhshhhhhhhiiiii-" Tom manages to say before the improvised fursuit around his leg bursts into nice, pretty fire.
"AUUUUUUDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNNN" Preston shrieks as he dances around on one leg, ineffectually batting at the rapidly spreading fire on his leg with his fedora. The gasoline fire clings to the suit, causing the plastic components of the cheap carpeting to melt and fuse themselves to Prestons leg, while simultaneously inflicting numerous third degree burns.

Brian pulls his claw hammer out of his belt and hurls it at Tom.
It slams into his chest claw side first, driving it into his ribcage and piercing his lung.
Tom Preston bellows in vain and stands up. His face crimson with impotent rage, he manages to smother the fire on his leg with his fedora before turning his attention back to you.
huuf, huff, eung, "You.. you MRA bastards. You, will NOT crush my artistic talent-ohjeezthathurts-I shall continue drawing my MASTERPIECES, for I am TOM PRRESTOOON, LONE DEFENDER OF-eeeeeuuugh"
The Lone Defender of Feminism goes crosseyed, leans forward, and flops to the ground face first, raising a small cloud of dust.

Nobody moves. Then, Joe draws a deep breath
"PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!"
Tom Preston groans, makes a noise that sound a lot like "eeeerrhuugh,penisbadkillpenishuuurrhhhghh" and creates a final masterpiece.

The group loot Tom's stuff before Joe, just to be sure, flicks open my zippo & lights up his fursuit, while still screaming "PENIS PENIS PENIS!"

Loot found:
Lever Action Rifle. (1 full magazine)
Razor Fedora
25 rounds of 9mm ammo.
A bunch of crappy comics.
A bottle of water.
An AK-47, with 15 rounds in it.
And an odd laminated piece of paper attached to a plastic gold chain. The paper has a picture of a skeleton bursting out of a bullet hole and making an obscene gesture.
 
Okay, he's down. This shit is getting to me.

JeJe, want to split this nine ammo? Hey..... Wait up. Crazy fucker HAS A CAR. Help me find his keys. If it's got juice we can just all roll on out of this bitch!
 
Fuck keys, criminal backgrounds come in handy, I can probably hot wire this shit.
 
“Sure.” I received ten 9mm rounds from Joe, putting it in my backpack.
Which car was he referring to? The red one I'm hiding from?
 
kagayaki said:
“Sure.” I received ten 9mm rounds from Joe, putting it in my backpack.
Which car was he referring to? The red one I'm hiding from?
Click to expand...
The dark red one in the lower right hand corner.
Anyway, the red sedan looks like it's seen better days. The passenger window is smashed, there's some rust on the sides, and one of the back wheels looks deflated. However, it still looks like it'll run. The group gathers around it as they plan their next move.
 
Succesfully managing to hotwire the car Brian turns to the group.
Who says crime doesn't pay? Where do you guys want to go? There must be enough gas to get us a couple blocks.
 
Thanks to Brian's elite Shove-a-flathead-screwdriver-in-the-ignition skills, the sedan sputters into life. The team searches the trunk, and finds an M4 carbine and a shotgun, which they add to their arsenal. They then pile into the car, with Brian driving, Kyle up front, and Nait, Joe, and Jeje in the backseat. Brian hits the gas and the car lurches down the street, towards the hotel. Swerving to avoid wreaked cars, clusters of autistics, and assorted trash, the musty smelling Preston Car manages to make it to the hotel in 10 minutes, and pulls up on the curb across from the entrance. The hotel towers above you, it's windows black, save for an occasional flash of blue light on some of the upper floors, probably from flashlights. The entrance's glass doorway has been smashed open, and the reception desk doesn't look in any shape to receive guests. However, that's all you can see from the car.
What do you do?
 
exball said:
Lets drive the car into the hotel for shits and giggles.
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Brian hits the gas and rams through the entrance's doors. The cast iron frame is ripped from it's hinges, and a piece of it pierces through the car roof, missing Joe by a few inches. The car plows through the lobby, scatters a table with complementary coffee on it, and comes to rest in the middle of the room. It's occupants stumble out and examine their surroundings.
The hotel lobby was already in a state of disarray before the car came through. The front desk has been smashed, furniture has been overturned, and of course, there are bullet holes in the walls. Lots of them. The stairs up have been blocked off, and the elevators don't seem to work. There's a large hole in the wall which you can tell used to be a doorway. Inside is a utilities room, more bullet holes, and what looks like the aftermath of a small explosion. Most of the fuse boxes are smashed, sparking, or disconnected, and the water pipes seem to be held together by duct tape. You notice several power chords running from the electrical equipment out to the the lobby, and through a hole in the stairway access door. It seems to be hastily jury-rigged, as does much of the electrical equipment keeping the power on in the lobby.
What do you do?
 
I reach a hand up, and tentatively touch the jagged bit of cast-iron that nearly punched through my face.

I pile out of the care angry as fuck.

BRIAN. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Were ya thinkin? *YOU STUPID BASTARD!* You fucked our ride! And like to of killed my ass!
 
The Platinum Banhammer Group's HQ has been ransacked. I didn't expect it to be that much wrecked before. But neither the stairs nor the elevators are inaccessible right now.

Let's look for some working telephones if in case our phones run out of fuel (i.e. batteries). Then, we head to the recreation zone to relax.
The others agreed and looked for telephones. After all, we need a break from hours of fighting S.P.E.R.G.S.-infested creatures.
 
exball said:
I'd like to inspect the electrical rigging.
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Brian enters the equipment room and inspects the rigging. It's a mess of broken wires, extension cords, and zip ties. From what you're able to tell, the electrical systems for most of the hotel seem to be broken. The control equipment for the lobby, lower floors, and elevator seem to have been crudely repaired.

The car now has a door frame stuck through the roof, a damaged bumper, and a punctured tire. However, the engine block is mostly unharmed, and it'll still run.

Nait grabs the double barreled shotgun from the trunk of the car.

JeJe rummages around the desk and and finds a disconnected telephone. As she picks it up and examines it, a burst of static emits from the intercom panel on the wall...
"Hey, you guys. Down in the lobby. Jesus, did you guy's just drive a car into the hotel? What the fuck? Okay, never mind, I'm not paying for that. Name's Chad. I'm upstairs with some other survivors. Look, I don't know who you guys are, but we're got supplies, water, and shelter up here. We'll let you up, just as long as you agree to a bite search and you agree not to cause any trouble, okay?"
All of you have been bitten somewhere. However, the wounds have scabbed over and are healing. The autism virus takes 24 hours to manifest. It's been at least 45 hours since the last bite wound was inflicted.
 
"Uh, so none of us are infected, but we still have scabbed over bites. What are we supposed to do when those guys look us over?"
 
Sorry for not updating in a while. Yes, this is a reoccurring thing with me (:_(
Nait looks at the others.
"Uh, crap, when were you guys bitten? I I got bite, like, five days ago. I think I'm clear. Think we can convince them we're immune? We might want to warn 'em first so they don't freak out..."
 
Okay, thanks to my Connor tier procrastination skills, I haven't responded to this in a long time. I'll try to get this rolling again.
Just going to speed up the story a bit.
Nait addresses the voices over the intercom.
"Hey, we... all kind of got bitten. But the bite wounds are closed, we're not infected."
A pause. Then, another voice starts up.
"Yeah, we heard that before. Get outta he-"
"Wait, Dave, hold on. If they are immune, we're turning away a godsend here."
"and if they ain't, they're gonna turn and kill us all!"
"If they were about to turn, they wouldn't be this lucid."
"They crashed a fucking car into the lobby, that ain't lucid!"
"Well, they seem to be able to talk. I've seen people about to turn, they don't walk and talk. They just sit in a corner groaning or browsing deviant-art."
Another pause.
"Look, just let them up here. I'll look them over. If their bites have scabbed over, they aren't going to turn."
"How do you figure that?"
"It takes 24 hours to turn, right? So, if a bite wound has scabbed, it means it was inflicted more then 24 hours ago, and thus, that the person with the wound is immune."
"Alright Chad, you can bring them up and look them over."
The elevator opens, and with a glance at each other, you all enter. The doors close, and the lights flicker as you ascend. The elevator trembles, and the doors slide open, revealing a black haired man scowling at you, and a guy dressed in a hoodie and surgical mask holding a flashlight.
"Alright, let me look you over."
The guy in the hoodie, Chad, extends a gloved hand and examines the group's injuries. Dave, the black haired man, looks on at Chad's work. Finally, Chad steps back, removes the gloves, and makes an announcement.
"Looks like they're immune. Well, except that guy, Kyle was it? He hasn't been bitten, so there's no way to tell."
Dave grunts and nods towards you.
"That settles that. Good thing I listened to you Chad. You five, you can stay here. As long as you can pull your weight around. Especially you immunes. We need your help. Come talk to me later, I'll give you time to rest."
Dave walks into the main room of the floor, which seems to be a breakfast area. You can see others survivors hanging around, fixing weapons, caring for wounded people, or looking at the surrounding streets with binoculars. On both ends of the dining room there are hall ways leading to bedrooms.
What will you do, go rest, find something to eat, talk to other survivors, or something else?
 
Brian is more interested in looking for things people might "lose". and sets off in search of pointless junk.
 
exball said:
Brian is more interested in looking for things people might "lose". and sets off in search of pointless junk.
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Brians petty theft turns up 5 rounds of 5.56 and 3 9mm rounds. Additionally, he notices a note pinned to the door to the arms locker.
Derick,
If you're going to go out scavenging again, avoid the VCU campus. I've been watching the area from the balconies for the last few nights, and there's some group of freaks hanging out there. It started about four nights ago, when I saw a band of people moving around in there. There were at least five of 'em, but I couldn't tell if they were male or female. They all had stupid hair dye though, and I think one of them had a rifle.
Since then, there's been fires over there. Remember, Dave was worried that a building that had gone up? No, it ain't a building. It's too contained, and too frequent. Whoever's living there, they're setting bonfires. I don't know why they're doing it, and I don't know why the autists haven't swarmed them yet. Pass this on to anyone else who wants to risk scavenging.
-Tyrone.
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  • Informative
Reactions: exball
Adding this because of @Connor 's recent drama.
As Brian examines the note, someone taps him on the shoulder.
Brian jumps, and spins around to face a short, fat guy with long hair and 70s glasses wearing tan cargo pants and a light blue striped work shirt.
"Uhh, h-hey uhh, like, you're new right? I heard there were some new people here and, umm."
The man fidgets uncomfortably.
"Uhh, so my names Connor and I'm anouther survivor of this pestilence. I'm an aspiring writer and major Cloudcucoolander. I hope we have most exemplirary relations in the near future..."
Connor fidgets more.
"So. Uhh. Here, I got a cookie."
Connor reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a chocholate chip cookie.
"It was the last one, and I was going to eat it, but uhh, I thought that you should have it. Uhhhhhh. Yeah."
 
"Um, thanks." Brian replies a little uncomfortable. "I'm Brian. So what is it you guys do around here?"
 
Connor smiles and sits down in a metal folding chair. "Well, we're a gathering point for survivors of this epidemic. I'm one of the guys on the scav teams. Or, was. Lately, the zombies have prevented us from getting out. Every time we send a scout out, we get overrun by autists. We're running out of food, because we haven't been able to get scav teams out. *sigh*"
Connor takes a melodramatic pause.
"We also got hit last week by some guy dressed in a cop uniform. Called himself 'Officer Daggot' or something. He started taking potshots at us, and then bombed the lobby. Most of the electrical systems are damaged, and the water pipes are held together with duct tape. Dave's been making me haul stuff downstairs to try and fix it, but nothing works. Dave says that we need to find a way to get to the evacuation center downtown. Hah! That's all run by the military. Have you seen any zombie movies? The army's always the Big Bad. They'd probably just kill us or rape us or something. Not me though! I'm too Genera Savvy for them! "
More melodramatic pausing.
"Let's see, uh, a guy got shot last week, and now I have to bring him food and water. The bullet got him in the vest, it didn't even pierce him. He just has a few broken ribs. With all this extra work, I'm never going to finish my novel. That sucks, because the autist zombie has really inspired me to write. I can see it! A dark, dystopian city in a Crapsack World! Our Anti-Hero, played by Molly Ringwald, is Eva Elliot, who is chosen by the Prometheus cooperation and it's Corrupt Corporate Executive Klaus Krieger ..."
Connor begins babbling about his novel.
Nait wanders over, and glances at Brian in confusion.
 
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