Hy stumbled to the steps of the courthouse, reeking of Wild Turkey and dead cigarettes. Pawning his last Star Wars poster, he had enough money to catch the 7:05 in time to make Len's arraignment. Stuffing his dress shirt into his stained khakis, he straightened up and inhaled fresh morning air. Fresh morning air that caused him to hack for several minutes. Spitting into his hand, he slicked back his hair in one swipe and straightened his tie.
Len, standing in his Sunday best looked concerned.
"Hy. Are yew ok? Ya look like yuh been drug behind a skid-steer," he commented, standing next to a pile of boxes loaded into a red Radio Flyer.
Hy squinted at the voice, making sure he could match the face to the idiotic drawl. It was Len alright. Hy nodded at the wagon. "The fuck is all that?"
"Evidence," Len breathed excitedly. "Evidence that the Colebrookdale is harassing me online."
Popping off a top of one of the banker boxes, Hy hurriedly inspected the contents. It was like striking gold. There were stacks of printed screencaps of cartoon names and video game characters as far as the eye could read. "Son of a bitch, Len. You glorious son of a bitch. I'll have you milking workers comp for the next ten years."
"Trespassing, Hy. My charges are trespassing."
Hy waved his hand inconsequentially in the middle of slipping on a pair of Ray-bans to hide his bloodshot eyes from a cocaine and booze fueled romp from the night previous. "Slip and fall, harassment, trespassing, fucked the neighbor's dog; it's all the same shit. Are you ready?"
"Yes, sir!" Len beamed as he dragged the wagon behind him, following Hy into the foyer and into the adjacent courtroom.
Swinging open large oak doors with both hands, Hy bellowed in a loud voice. "Len is innocent! I AM THE LAW!" Hy pulled the .45 he had hidden in the back of his pants and emptied the clip into the ceiling, causing everyone to dive underneath tables and benches.
--TAPE CUTS OUT--