Dear Mr. Shaner,
After receiving your complaint, the Kiwi Farms Legal Department assigned one of our elite "privet" investigators to the case and have thoroughly examined your claims. We have now concluded our investigation and have made the following determinations of fact:
(1) Liquid Shaner, a/k/a
@John W Simon, is posting from the same proxy server as yourself, Solid Shaner, a/k/a Leonard F. Shaner, Jr., a/k/a
@The_Knight_Rider.
(2) Using our proprietary Kiwi Touch Trace (KTT) technology, we have determined that the brain waves controlling Liquid Shaner's typing motions are identical to those controlling the typing motions of yourself,
@The_Knight_Rider.
(3) You are a ridiculous flaming asshole and this department refuses to take your claims seriously.
We thank you for bringing this matter to our attention and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Sincerely yours,
@Saul Goodman
Kiwi Farms Legal Department
131 Buckwalter Rd
Pottstown, PA 19465