- Joined
- Jul 5, 2022
Minor PLing here, but this one's kind of personal to me, and I felt this dead human horrorshow needed a thread. If you're wondering why it's written in a bit of a weird tone, this was originally a draft for an ED article I never ended up making ~4 years ago.
"Melissa" Ede (born Lesley Laurence Ede) was a lolcow from Hull.
Born as a male (duh), an interview conducted post-chop alleges that "Melissa" grew up identifying as a girl, much like every other tranny on the planet. Even at the tender age of 3, little Les told his parents he was actually a girl, a statement which was met with the correct amount of derision. This then forced Lesley to hide the fact that he was in actuality a she for the next half-century by marrying and having and attempting to raise not one, not two, but three children in an effort to "conform". Children which he would then abandon to pursue his deluded fantasy, and have every right to hate him for. After being told by everyone reasonable in his life that trooning would do nothing more than turn him into a living joke, Ede decided to go get his face, chest and balls knifed at by some random back-alley doctor, thus giving birth to this atrocity:
As is the case with many of England's more inbred, less desirable populace, Ede had more than his fair share of appearances on The Jeremy Kyle Show, firstly over an obese whale of man named Stephen Beers who was claimed to have been cheating on his wife with Melissa's manly asshole, and once again when a woman claiming to be one of his daughters managed to track him down, only for him to lulzworthily then claim the two weren't related. Amazingly, they weren't. Though it does speak volumes when this transfaggot holds less contempt for some stupid bitch trying to claim a piece of the lolcow's fame than his own fucking children.
Because apparently making multiple embarrassing appearances on TV weren't enough, not long afterwards he made the decision to start posting videos of himself on Facebook, most of them involving his fetish of attaching things to his flabby male breasts and dancing with them on full show, an act which would be considered porn were Ede a biological woman, but somehow skirted the site's rules on human indecency, as they did on YouTube.
In 2015, Ede applied for the Dutch Mars One project, which would relocate him and 1,000 other people on a one-way trip to the Red Planet in order to start life anew. Out of a pool of 200,000 other people with the same desire, Ede was somehow chosen as one of the 1,058 finalists, proving that in the wake of Shirtgate, those responsible for space travel have only grown more retarded since.
Just after New Year's Day 2018, as though God himself were playing the world's biggest and most expensive practical joke, Ede won a £4 million jackpot that if anything, ultimately proves that nothing in life is fair. What then ensued was the rag proceeding to broadcast every goddamn time this troon took a shit, because the Hull Daily Mail felt as though the common working man wasn't already disgusted enough by his antics. Since the abandonment of his former family and subsequent denial that said children were even his, the lottery win inflated the faggot's ego to an extent that he was willing to publicly proclaim that the only time they'd see a share of his £4 million was once he died. Of course, since Hull Daily Mail most likely have Ede's phone number on speed-dial to inquire whenever he so much as lets a fart into the atmosphere, they gladly published this without a sense of irony. Because leaving them when it's your responsibility to raise them is apparently not valid enough of a reason for your children to hate you with the passion of a million suns, and since they can't accept that the person who once dared to call himself their father was now their second mother, the youngest of which was only 19 at the time of the freak's win they should no longer have anything to do with him. What a cunt.
There is some silver lining to this story, however. Among one of Ede's post-lottery win purchases was a house in nearby rural town Cottingham, valued at over £440,000. Given that Ede had more than the required amount of money to buy not only the house, but a sizable hectare or two of land surrounding the property, things looked to be set in stone until the firm responsible for the sale of the property in question, Dunswell Park Management Limited, stepped in to close it at the last second with all 10 members unanimously deciding to decline Ede from purchasing the house, citing "media attention". (lmao) All 10 members of this would've become Ede's immediate neighbours, so it does leave some food for thought.
Since it appeared Edey-boy had the local media by their un-scalpeled balls, in 2018 he was named the 29th most attractive person in the whole city. Even though I myself could recall at least ~30 Northern slags that were considerably more attractive from my high school year group alone, it seems common logic is a trait lost on the politically-correct sheep that produce this waste of paper every day. At the time this article was originally written, there were 62 articles focusing on Ede, and there have probably been a lot more made posthumously.
I'd write a lot more and attach a fair few more pictures, but there's more than enough vomit-inducing material in the articles I linked. Maybe if I find the motivation I'll include stuff on Ede's enabler, Rachel Nason.
"Melissa" Ede (born Lesley Laurence Ede) was a lolcow from Hull.
Born as a male (duh), an interview conducted post-chop alleges that "Melissa" grew up identifying as a girl, much like every other tranny on the planet. Even at the tender age of 3, little Les told his parents he was actually a girl, a statement which was met with the correct amount of derision. This then forced Lesley to hide the fact that he was in actuality a she for the next half-century by marrying and having and attempting to raise not one, not two, but three children in an effort to "conform". Children which he would then abandon to pursue his deluded fantasy, and have every right to hate him for. After being told by everyone reasonable in his life that trooning would do nothing more than turn him into a living joke, Ede decided to go get his face, chest and balls knifed at by some random back-alley doctor, thus giving birth to this atrocity:
As is the case with many of England's more inbred, less desirable populace, Ede had more than his fair share of appearances on The Jeremy Kyle Show, firstly over an obese whale of man named Stephen Beers who was claimed to have been cheating on his wife with Melissa's manly asshole, and once again when a woman claiming to be one of his daughters managed to track him down, only for him to lulzworthily then claim the two weren't related. Amazingly, they weren't. Though it does speak volumes when this transfaggot holds less contempt for some stupid bitch trying to claim a piece of the lolcow's fame than his own fucking children.
Because apparently making multiple embarrassing appearances on TV weren't enough, not long afterwards he made the decision to start posting videos of himself on Facebook, most of them involving his fetish of attaching things to his flabby male breasts and dancing with them on full show, an act which would be considered porn were Ede a biological woman, but somehow skirted the site's rules on human indecency, as they did on YouTube.
In 2015, Ede applied for the Dutch Mars One project, which would relocate him and 1,000 other people on a one-way trip to the Red Planet in order to start life anew. Out of a pool of 200,000 other people with the same desire, Ede was somehow chosen as one of the 1,058 finalists, proving that in the wake of Shirtgate, those responsible for space travel have only grown more retarded since.
Just after New Year's Day 2018, as though God himself were playing the world's biggest and most expensive practical joke, Ede won a £4 million jackpot that if anything, ultimately proves that nothing in life is fair. What then ensued was the rag proceeding to broadcast every goddamn time this troon took a shit, because the Hull Daily Mail felt as though the common working man wasn't already disgusted enough by his antics. Since the abandonment of his former family and subsequent denial that said children were even his, the lottery win inflated the faggot's ego to an extent that he was willing to publicly proclaim that the only time they'd see a share of his £4 million was once he died. Of course, since Hull Daily Mail most likely have Ede's phone number on speed-dial to inquire whenever he so much as lets a fart into the atmosphere, they gladly published this without a sense of irony. Because leaving them when it's your responsibility to raise them is apparently not valid enough of a reason for your children to hate you with the passion of a million suns, and since they can't accept that the person who once dared to call himself their father was now their second mother, the youngest of which was only 19 at the time of the freak's win they should no longer have anything to do with him. What a cunt.
There is some silver lining to this story, however. Among one of Ede's post-lottery win purchases was a house in nearby rural town Cottingham, valued at over £440,000. Given that Ede had more than the required amount of money to buy not only the house, but a sizable hectare or two of land surrounding the property, things looked to be set in stone until the firm responsible for the sale of the property in question, Dunswell Park Management Limited, stepped in to close it at the last second with all 10 members unanimously deciding to decline Ede from purchasing the house, citing "media attention". (lmao) All 10 members of this would've become Ede's immediate neighbours, so it does leave some food for thought.
Since it appeared Edey-boy had the local media by their un-scalpeled balls, in 2018 he was named the 29th most attractive person in the whole city. Even though I myself could recall at least ~30 Northern slags that were considerably more attractive from my high school year group alone, it seems common logic is a trait lost on the politically-correct sheep that produce this waste of paper every day. At the time this article was originally written, there were 62 articles focusing on Ede, and there have probably been a lot more made posthumously.
Death
Ede would pass away in May 2019 at the age of 58, not long after complaining about "chest pains".I'd write a lot more and attach a fair few more pictures, but there's more than enough vomit-inducing material in the articles I linked. Maybe if I find the motivation I'll include stuff on Ede's enabler, Rachel Nason.
