💬 Off-Topic Let's Guess Phil's Vitals

[Adamska]

Since Phil keeps lying about how he's not a fat sack of shit, and this thread idea is too retarded for CIS and I too autistic to not post it; let's guess some fun things about Phil's health. This can include his weight, blood pressure, blood composition (cholesterol, blood sugar), heart rate, and other shit like his general health and organ function.

I'll start: I bet Phil's resting blood pressure is something like 150/90 or something what with the obesity, cheese and ice cream gobbling, and sitting on his ass. I also bet he has semi-clogged arteries and sounds like he's choking to death when he sleeps.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Phil likely has a body temperature of 102 degrees farenheit due to his constant infections

 

[VLAD]

I wouldn't be surprised if he has some kind of Oregon Trail disease.

 

[Positron]

He can't find his scrotum and penis amidst all the blubber so he declares himself a woman.

 

[Adamska]

Calling it right now, resting heart rate of 80. Probably has a cholesterol level bad enough to need Lipitor too.

 

[BILLY MAYS]

His blood is made of cheese.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Phil's vitals probably make Nurgle proud.

 

[HypeBeast]

Probably can't run a mile without violently throwing up.

 

[Hyperion]

Phil's vitals probably make Nurgle proud.

Spoiler: FOR THE EMPEROR

 

[Adamska]

Probably can't run a mile without violently throwing up.

You mean run a mile without his lard clogged heart giving out. He breathes heavily just by slowly waddling down pavement for a few seconds. I bet he has super diaper rash too since he is too retarded to bathe and wipe his ass.

 

[Coldgrip]

Unhealthy enough that the if he catches the flu he probably stands a good chance of dying from it.

 

[UselessRubberKeyboard]

Phil is 98% lard, 2% stupidity.