This recipe isn't really in honor of anyone in particular but it's easy enough for even the biggest of autists to prepare correctly without burning down their house. If you can't make this recipe properly, you should probably consider buying ramen noodles in bulk.
Autist Friendly Sweet Rolls
Dough Recipe
4 cups wheat white flour (don't even think about using whole grain)
1 package dry yeast
1 cup cow m1lk (this stuff better come from bovine titties and not a plant)
1/3 cup white granulated sugar
1/3 cup butter (from a cow, margarine doesn't have the right flavor)
2 grade A large chicken eggs
1 teaspoon salt (you can leave this out if you have to monitor your salt intake)
Pre-heat the oven to 200 °F. Set 2 cups of flour aside and mix the rest of the ingredients together in a large mixing bowl, beating for at least 3 minutes to ensure a homogeneous mixture. Mix in the other 2 cups of flour slowly. Turn out dough onto a floured surface and knead for 6 to 8 minutes or until stiff. Grease the mixing bowl. Shape the dough into a ball and put it back into the bowl. Turn off the oven and place the dough in it to rise until doubled (this should take less than an hour). Once the dough has risen, pull it out of the oven, punch down on it, divide it in half, and let it rest for 10 minutes.
Cinnamon Sauce
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup white granulated sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
other spices may also be used at this stage, I would suggest items like orange rind, pie spices, or rum
On a floured surface, take half of the dough and roll it out into a roughly 12x8 inch rectangle. Be careful not to tear the dough and remember to keep your rolling pin floured so that it doesn't adhere to the dough. Melt together the sauce ingredients and pour enough over the dough to wet the surface, you may need to make more sauce. Roll the dough starting from it's longest side as if it were a jelly roll and seal the seams. Cut it into roughly 1 inch thick slices.
Caramel Sauce
2/3 cup granulated brown sugar (it doesn't matter if it's light or dark)
1/4 cup butter
2 tablespoons light corn syrup (all you health-nuts, use the corn syrup or suffer a thin and unappetizing sauce)
Get an oven-safe baking pan; I usually use a 2 inch deep and 16 inch in diameter tin, but you can use multiple smaller ones. Melt the ingredients in a saucepan over medium heat, stirring the entire time. Pour the sauce in the baking pans. At this point, you may add chopped pecans or walnuts if you so desire. Place the rolls in the prepared pans. Place them back in the oven to let them rise (around 30 minutes). Once they have risen, heat the oven to 375 °F and let the rolls bake for 20-25 minutes. Once finished, invert the rolls onto a serving tray. Make sure to scrape any residual sauce from the bottom of the pan with a spatula and place it on the rolls. Let the rolls cool before you eat them or you will end up with second degree burns in your mouth and the emergency room staff will laugh at you behind your back while they're treating you. Remember, you might be missing a chromosome, or have a couple too many, but that's no excuse for not eating well or injuring yourself while imitating standard human behaviors.
Did you try this recipe? How did it turn out? Did you decide that mountain dew and doritos were appropriate side dishes? Did you decide to cook while naked and accidentally burn your scrotum on the oven door? Tell me all of this and more in the comment section below, you may be here for the sugar based deserts, but I prefer the salty ones you produce.
