Let's Sperg Let's Play XCOM XPiratez Mod (ON SUMMER HIATUS) - Lethal amounts of autism ahead.

[marisa #]

The idea of a “What If” sequel of XCOM where XCOM failed and humanity was sent back to Zero and having to claw their way back up from using rocks and spears is honestly an awesome concept. A story of the strength of the human spirit.

So, of course it’s gonna be overshadowed by lewd images and fan service.

Not that I mind. Looking forward to where we all end up.

Yea, they sort-of attempted that with XCOM 2. Instead, it ended up being a find-and-replace on Half Life 2's plot, where "the commander" is Gordon Freeman, for some stupid reason. I hated the plot so much.

 

[JongleJingle]

Yea, they sort-of attempted that with XCOM 2. Instead, it ended up being a find-and-replace on Half Life 2's plot, where "the commander" is Gordon Freeman, for some stupid reason. I hated the plot so much.

XCOM 2 dead ass should have been New!Terror from the Deep. Leave the insurrection bit for a spin off or whatever.

Also, is it just me or is anybody else getting the feeling we're gonna have a LOT of "One Woman Death Machine" type characters running about? Not that I am complaining, I enjoy the sudden twist of US kicking more ass than usual in these games, but something tells me we're gonna have an honest to god lexicon of badass players in this LP.

 

[L50LasPak]

Random idea: can you name the ship after me, rather than a crewmate?

Its fine if not, but the former seems to last longer. And I can think of worse things than having dozens of gals riding me at once.

The only trouble with this idea is that eventually I'll just ditch ships once they become useless, like the hovervan. A named soldier can theoretically survive until the end of the game, but early vessels have a clear expiration date.

Another interesting mechanic to note is that most human enemies once they have been knocked out once are added to the surrender list (this doesnt apply to enemies with inherent weapons like warewolves), so if you knock out every enemy once they all surrender and you get free prisoners.

However I cant remember whether they still requip items they're sleeping on so if paranoid you can drop their weapons one tile away so they are just wandering the map unarmed until you clean everybody else up.

I think they will wander around and pick up whatever's handy, including the rocks that spawn in certain locations.

Also keep in mind there is a relatively recent (added a year or so back who even knows) concept of overstunning which will happen when your gal/prisoner is stunned the fuck out by a stun weapon/wounds/damage to double their health where they will start taking hp damage per turn. Its indicated by a ghost icon above a stunned unit

That's been there for awhile I think, I remember it surprised the Hell out of me the first time I had it happen to me and that was at last 2018 or so.

Can I get the swashbuckler, it is uh more to Stollens style

Maybe, I think by the time I get you on the battlefield that armor type might not be ideal anymore though.

I say we name it the Booty Call.

I like it, but its clearly not the right name for our shitty airvan. I'll be saving this one for later.

I've played the mod for a few hours yesterday and I feel like you're meant to do the opposite of what "Great Advice" says

The more complicated explanation for that particular tip is that the game is generating "enemy" activity in all regions of the world like the original game does, but in this case there's no penalty for ignoring civilian traffic if you don't want to shoot it down, and there's also no penalty for skipping any mission that appears on the map unless its specifically says so in the mission description.

But as far as the Graphs screen understands it, all interceptible craft are UFOs and all missions that appear on the map are Terror Missions, even though they aren't scored anything like the UFOs and Terror Missions in the previous games. So it will always record massive enemy activity is all areas and tell you that you're behind on dealing with it. Rather than spend time and effort rewriting the game's code so the Graphs screen understands the new scoring system, the creator has apparently chosen to tell players to ignore it altogether. DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS

I don't know the meme Death Realms are from.

It's that Reddit meme where Australia is acknowledged to be a land of death and murder because muh poisonous spiders and OMG kangaroos got two-inch talons and shit. Nevermind the fact that Eastern Asia and Sub-Saharan Africa have an equal if not greater amount of poisonous/hazardous wildlife. I mean, don't get me wrong, Australia has plenty of dangerous wildlife, but the idea that its super dangerous compared to the rest of the world is clearly the product of Californians who are used to the scariest thing in their desert being snakes and scorpions.

It's pretty unreal seeing a lone pirate handle multiple missions solo after how the last two LPs went. I guess with all the content in this mod, they've never really done a fine balance pass.

Well that and I just know what I'm up against. This mod is really grindy if you choose to do all of the low level missions every time they appear.

Oh come on

You know the people who made this will fap to anything.

This reminds me of the debate over whether or not that Dwarf Fortress porn mod was a joke because people were so perplexed about whether or not someone could actually fap over something so banal. I find myself in the same camp with this mod, why would you fap to shitty pixelated crotch when you can just go look up thousands of pages of hentai with less steps?

I'm growing to hate the person who writes this stuff, this sounds like shitty writing made for a female presenter at a Sony panel. 'Dat <x>', 'Lady Boner' and the like. I'm not expecting high quality writing from prompts that were probably intentionally typed one-handed but I'd rather see the chintzy pirate speak than this. I guess its a mercy it isn't using that stilted ass 3D porn for the icon.

Believe it or not this doesn't faze me, but its probably because one of my greatest existential dreads is the possibility that shitty marketing lingo and annoying memes will eventually supplant or replace regular human speech altogether, especially in any sort of bad future scenario. Plus it fuels my manager-Captain headcanon who is, of course, the only person in this world who doesn't talk like an idiot but needs to deal with everyone else who does.

 

[Overcast]

I would call the ship "Pussy Wagon" personally.

 

[Agarathium1066]

Believe it or not this doesn't faze me, but its probably because one of my greatest existential dreads is the possibility that shitty marketing lingo and annoying memes will eventually supplant or replace regular human speech altogether, especially in any sort of bad future scenario. Plus it fuels my manager-Captain headcanon who is, of course, the only person in this world who doesn't talk like an idiot but needs to deal with everyone else who does.

That's a very reasonable fear to have because there's a very real possibility of language being replaced by that kind've blathering irritation. I will readily admit that I'm more irritated by it than most would be simply because the number of women I've met who've uttered any of those phrases is in the low single digits and they're also the type who started sprinkling 'Hella' into their conversations after Life Is Strange. So it just summons my inner-side eye forth upon seeing it.

The poor sod manager in your headcanon needs a pay increase and a drink for dealing with this kind've blather.

I would call the ship "Pussy Wagon" personally.

This seems like a fun name too but for a transport that's going to last longer than ye hover beater.

 

[Judge Dredd]

It's pretty unreal seeing a lone pirate handle multiple missions solo after how the last two LPs went. I guess with all the content in this mod, they've never really done a fine balance pass.

You're right it's not finely balanced, but I think it's balanced the other way. Sure, you start off fighting junkies and attacking churches, but things scale up fast, and it's more like nu-Xcom where you're outnumbered and every lost unit is an event that can seriously set you back.

The pogrom has a lot of accurate guys with World War 2 weapons and lots of explosives. It wasn't unusual for me to open the airbus doors and get gunned down by LMGs and howitzers.

 

[Moths]

You're right it's not finely balanced, but I think it's balanced the other way. Sure, you start off fighting junkies and attacking churches, but things scale up fast, and it's more like nu-Xcom where you're outnumbered and every lost unit is an event that can seriously set you back.

The pogrom has a lot of accurate guys with World War 2 weapons and lots of explosives. It wasn't unusual for me to open the airbus doors and get gunned down by LMGs and howitzers.

Trick is to wait a turn so they spend most of their TUs so you dont suffer as much reaction fire and hope like fuck some nigga doesnt open the door

 

[Mooger Meng]

I would call the ship "Pussy Wagon" personally.

I was about to suggest this for the starter ship, too. I mean, this crew is basically super-powered white trash at the moment, running around a fucking up neighborhoods, churches, and Fido's supermutant relatives with cut-down rifles, shotguns, and cranial trauma, so the flying box-on-bricks may as well follow suit until we can replace it with some gaudy thing that will get crashed into a utility pole during a drunken bender.

 

[Judge Dredd]

Trick is to wait a turn so they spend most of their TUs so you dont suffer as much reaction fire and hope like fuck some nigga doesnt open the door

I've heard that advice before. It works sometimes, but other times it results in catching a rocket or sniper shot through the airbus windows.

 

[Moths]

I've heard that advice before. It works sometimes, but other times it results in catching a rocket or sniper shot through the airbus windows.

yeah the airbus is shit, its a bit better when you get the big craft so your team dont start exposed with LOS as the window the the fucking airbus is a death trap

 

[Disc]

Damn on the ship name thing. Aright then, I'll add another name to the list - naming one of the later ships the Deathfat.

I don't know the meme Death Realms are from.

I mean, don't get me wrong, Australia has plenty of dangerous wildlife, but the idea that its super dangerous compared to the rest of the world is clearly the product of Californians who are used to the scariest thing in their desert being snakes and scorpions.

I'll say that Australians do like to lean in to it more than other people do. There's infamously tales of drop-bears and hoop snakes as two fictional animals that can kill people, and we do have a very high number of venomous creatures in a variety of locations.

We lean into it because we think it makes us look cooler, basically.

 

[Gimmick Account]

I'll say that Australians do like to lean in to it more than other people do. There's infamously tales of drop-bears and hoop snakes as two fictional animals that can kill people, and we do have a very high number of venomous creatures in a variety of locations.

I think those are two different things. Tall tales like that are just a dry type of running prank which works on basically the same logic as sending someone out for headlight fluid; it doesn't make anybody sound tough... and are traditionally something you'd tell locally to people heading into the bush, not an internet thing. In fact the internet was basically unusable in rural Australia a century ago which was the last time anybody fell for drop bears.

I agree that it's mostly an American thing. I don't think I've ever heard an Australian mention it outside of checking your boots for scorpions and shit (which is legitimate. I cannot abide those motherfucking foot-long neon centipede motherfuckers, they upset me greatly). I wouldn't say they actively lean into it... but they certainly won't go out of their way to refute it as a rule.

 

[A_Callow_Youth]

yeah the airbus is shit, its a bit better when you get the big craft so your team dont start exposed with LOS as the window the the fucking airbus is a death trap

*laughs in voluntarily using the Scorpion*

 

[L50LasPak]

2. Mutant Pogrom

I arm our three able-bodied Gals with whatever is handy. I shouldn't have so flagrantly used up all the ammo for that mare's leg, but at least I have one magazine's worth left. Witty Squid will use the mare's leg until it runs dry then ditch it in favor of the Varmint Rifle. Forever Sunrise's carry capacity is godawful so I hand her a shitty pistol and basically wish her luck. Moths is equipped with the shitty Varmint Rifle which I'm not totally sold on the utility of, but its one of the only modern weapons we actually have spare ammunition for at the moment.

The number of ways this battle could go poorly for us are basically countless.

As I suspected, our opponents are an early game faction, the Humanists, who are post-apocalyptic Nazis with mild KKK flavoring (hence the grey hoods on these lackeys). To our more /pol/-inclined audience, don't worry, these Nazis still deserve to die as they've recently started admitting black people and hispanics.

The Varmint Rifle can kill at least.

A ton of gunfire goes off on the enemy's turn, including some guy with a fucking flamethrower. Generally Humanist squads will show up to the fight with at least one heavy weapon which will either be a flame unit or a rocket launcher of some kind. Civilians die left and right; there's basically nothing we can do except wait around and hope we can get some payback.

An enemy SS officer appears, straight out of Wolfenstein 3D. The Varmint Rifle just bounces off him.

The mutants we're supposed to be protecting continue to be massacred while my troops regroup.

The Varmint Rifle proves to be pretty useless after all.

Just taking a single alleyway proves to be a grueling affair.

Uh, he's not goin' down boss. That does it for the mare's leg ammo.

Damn, they've got us surrounded!

I finally get a Varmint shot to connect on one of those stormtroopers, but it doesn't do a damn thing.

Here, catch!

Son of a bitch, all that and we only got one guy! Moths and Forever are basically spent on ammo, let's see what these Nazi fucks were carrying.

The SS Officer had a laser pistol, which is a great pickup for Forever as her carry weight is godawful and laser guns are generally very light. The stormtrooper had another mare's leg, which I'm more than happy to arm Moths with, though apparently its still not quite beefy enough to defeat whatever armor they're wearing.

A fun thing in this mod is that laser weapons have a random change to set fires when they hit, if they're of sufficient power. This bastard keeps me held down with his shotgun for like three turns before I finally fry him out of his armor.

Forever lands a few hits but that laspistol's battery is almost dry. We need something with a little more punch to take this asshole down. I think I saw a frag grenade on the SS officer's corpse.

Fuck yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Forever ambushes the last guard hiding in some bushes and manages to mow him down.

We get a mountain of loot every time we complete one of these missions. We were unable to recover any of our mutant allies though considering they're all dead, which does our score no favors.

Titles get handed out like business cards at this point.

We finally get our first end of the month report, which indicates that things are generally going smoothly. The Theban Hive is less than terrified of us for some reason, but I suppose you can't win em all.

We get a notification from an event, and some research completes in the mean time. The Who is Who? research finally gives us the name of the people we escaped from: The Academy, an organization that apparently studies science purely for the Hell of it and is mostly made up of women.

We pick up some more civvies who don't know well enough to leave us alone.

I skip a bunch of missions since almost all of my Gals are wounded again. In the mean time a bunch of research finishes up, most importantly including the Heavy Shotgun, which is undoubtedly one of the best starting weapons in the entire game. The heavy shotgun's sound effects and hilarious range means its almost certainly the shotgun from Doom.

Witty Squid, NerdShamer and Chuckles set out to pick up another stranded Gal. Its back to muskets for now and I'd prefer to save my good ammo for when the next Mutant Pogrom inevitably shows up.

Okay, so imagine you're some tough guy with a stash of guns, some drugs, and you run a whorehouse with maybe three ladies whom may or may not share in the take with you, depending on how awful you want to imagine yourself as in this scenario.

If you or your boys found a seven foot tall muscular amazon woman lying around, would you really, and I mean really, think its a good idea to keep her in a dungeon?

Seriously, what was the plan here? Just lock her up indefinitely? These idiots have no special drugs or psionic devices to break (doe-breaking?) female captives, they've just got regular equipment and some crack. Even if nobody's gonna come looking for her, she's gonna be nothing but trouble.

We went through them like they were nothing.

We run out of prison space and I decide that interrogating a bunch of criminals is definitely a waste of time for the Brainers, so I ransom them off.

We get some events. Research is completed on Rare Earth Elements, which allows me to purchase them from the Black Market now. I wish I'd figured that out sooner so I could get over this annoying resource bottleneck.

I get recruitment started on the the Gals currently taking up space in our brig.

Some random half mostly naked woman wandering the wasteland shows up and blesses the hideout. I'm rather unimpressed with this since it means the Runts have ignored my orders to camouflage the entrances better and everything she spouts seems like a bunch of gobbledygook to me.

As if my day wasn't already ruined, some crazy bitch tries to assassinate me! Witty Squid gets a little carried away subduing her and there isn't much left to interrogate. I told you Gals we needed the camouflage this fucking place better, but did you listen to me? Nooooooo. Here equipment is nothing special, just a knife, a crude bomb and some horse tranquilizers.

NerdShamer and Witty Squid head out on another rescue mission.

Uh, I absolutely do not have the technology to deal with zombies right now.

I have NerdShamer run past the lone zombie to the north and fortunately she stumbles on our long lost sister. NerdShamer is able to pick her up at about a half Time Unit penalty for being overburdened. The rest of the junk this chick had with her will have to stay.

Jesus!

NerdShamer just narrowly avoids getting hit with that first gas bomb and manages to outrun the fat zombie waddling along behind her. A second gas bomb hits both her and Witty but they stay on their feet long enough to get in the van.

Let's get the Hell out of here.

No stat gains and the only loot recovered was the Castaway Gal. Both Witty and NerdShamer were mildly injured by the choking gas.

I add our latest rescue to the queue of recruits, and in about three days all of them are ready for action.

I've played the mod for a few hours yesterday and I feel like you're meant to do the opposite of what "Great Advice" says

It seems I stand corrected on this one.
I'm still not using the graphs.

Anyway, I think I had important shit to do.

@Dr. Ricearoni, @Figger Naggot, @Citizen Calamity, @Pocket Dragoon

Spoiler: Stats

Spoiler: Inventories

Assuming our Castaway Gals were recruited in the order they were rescued, Ricearoni and Citizen Calamity were rescued from rape dungeons, Figger Naggot was rescued from potentially getting raped by werewolves (or just eaten, I guess) and Pocket Dragoon was rescued from a topless zombie and her fatman army.

Pocket Dragoon like Forever Sunrise before her has an excellent melee score but an awful carry weight, so I figure she should live up to her name. I equip her with a recently acquired Manstopper pistol, which I'm unsure of the effectiveness of but I guess we're gonna find out.

Considering my four new recruits are the only ones able-bodied at the moment, I'm forced to trust all of the newbies to go out without veteran supervision and hope they don't crash the hovervan. I've also renamed the hovervan to Partyvan1, electing not to use the superior Booty Call or Pussy Wagon names on a shitty starting vehicle I'm going to ditch at the first opportunity.

Ratmen are a lot like Lokk'Naars, except even weaker. They're more or less stereotypical kobolds, armed with primitive melee and ranged weapons with maybe one or two decent guns among them. Theoretically they get an accuracy debuff when being fired at, but Pocket Dragoon has no trouble at all wasting two of them on her first turn, with her first two shots, with a pistol no less. She even gets their leader who I regrettably failed to screenshot being killed because I legit didn't expect her to make the shot from as far away as she was.

That's not to say the other Gals don't clean house though. They most certainly do. Dragoon gets two more kills in on top of them. They don't call that sidearm a Manstopper for nothing it seems. Dragoon's blood thirst gets away from her though, and she ends up being the only one wounded on the mission.

Witty Squid gets promoted to Boss Gal now that she actually has some other Gals to boss around.

X-Grog seems like a decent item until you realize that you need someone to carry it around. Someone who would be better off with a gun in their hands.

Surely the newbies can't fuck up a Watchtower mission, can they? Especially with a veteran leader like NerdShamer in charge.

Knock knock.

Everything is going by the numbers. Until Citizen Calamity runs out of time units trying to knock out this Researcher.

FUCK. The researcher somehow wins the melee struggle roll, which allows her to unload and entire magazine of machinegun ammo into @Citizen Calamity, killing her instantly!

It was the last enemy too!

Not only did a Gal die on NerdShamer's watch, but the same enemy almost managed to wound her in the fight. Witty Squid is probably never gonna let her live this one down.

A Condemnation I'm sure nobody wants.

Oh that's fucking great, that's exactly what I needed right now. I've got a Mutant Pogrom and only two fresh rookies to deal with it.

One thing I do have on hand are two Heavy Shotguns recovered from the last Mutant Pogrom, and a surprising amount of ammo between them. Figger Naggot to my relief is able to carry one and an extra clutch of shells without being overburdened. We might stand a chance in this fight after all. I do swap out one of Ricearoni's shell bundles for a molotov though.

The game thinks its being clever by spawning an enemy armed with a rocket launcher right on top of me. Instead, it means the literal first thing I do on this map is paint the side of a building with the enemy's heavy weapons guy.

I don't like the looks of whatever that blue shit is.

Ricearoni is a crackshot. She spatters a random goon with reaction fire and then takes out an SS Officer who tries to be a hero and save his buddy on her turn.

Something interesting of note here is that the civilians we're defending aren't completely defenseless. This particular mutant (a Smoothie, yes, that's the term) is armed with a shitty rifle. Generally all these armaments do is give the mutant population the false impression that they can survive a gunbattle with the enemy, but they might kill one or two before you arrive.

Figger Naggot snipes an SS Officer out of a second story window, our civvie gets smoked and avenged, and then Figger Naggot encores her SS kill with another one. Between the two of them, Ricearoni and Figger Naggot have basically not missed a single shot so far.

I try to have Ricearoni kill these two assholes milling around with a molotov cocktail, but I hit the wrong button and she forgets to light it before she throws it. The unarmed one, who had been panicking a moment ago, picks the fucking thing up and starts advancing on Ricearoni and Figger Naggot's position.

Things go south quickly as Figger Naggot gets blindsided by something that takes off most of her health. I have her duck into a shack and down enough vodka to stop the bleeding. Fortunately it seems like she has really good stun resist since she's able to stay on her feet.

She's racks that thing Assault on Precinct 13-style on these guys and still there's more of them coming.

This is the only screenshot I got of the prick who picked up Ricearoni's molotov, you can just barely see him holding a green thing through the targeting reticle. He slips away during the chaos though, and I spend the rest of the fight worried about where he'll pop up next.

The ones with guns in their hands are just more dangerous to us at the moment.

Figger Naggot plugs their leader, which causes almost all of them to panic.

The only one who doesn't panic is this guy who... wait a minute, he's the one holding the molotov!

Gotcha motherfucker.

Both the loot table and the Condemnations go all the way down on this one.

Research completes on the Manstopper, showing that it indeed is a cut above the other pistols. I'll have to remember to hold on to ammo for this thing.

The flipside to Ratmen Rodeos are whatever the enemy decides to do to our Lokk'Naar buddies (Lokk'Naar Hoedown?). Much like Mutant Pogroms, these missions are not optional but they do inflict a much less serious penalty when if you ignore them. The Lokk'Naars are also all armed with something and will try to defend themselves, but their equipment is only slightly better than the junk the Ratmen are armed with.

Its just Niggermancer going it alone on this one, though she does have a Heavy Shotgun and two sets of shells for it. And what is she up against?

Why, Ninjas, of course! You expected something else?

Those Lokk'Naars dressed in purple are supposed to be whatever passes for a soldier in their shitholes.

They're not really up to much.

The whole Pirates vs Ninjas thing was kind of a dead meme even back when I was a kid. At least the Ninja Gals have stats comparable to the starting stats of our Gals, and thus it doesn't take much to put them down as long as its a direct hit.

Niggermancer gets another one of them trying to hide in the tall grass, then blows the head off a Lokk'Naar who isn't smart enough to get out of the way of a crazy psychotic amazon swinging a shotgun around. She does eventually get the last ninja though.

I notice the dead Lokk'Naar isn't counted against us in the debriefing.

Being told that the assassin who tried to kill me was probably sent my Sky Ninjas was a bit more than I could bear, so I spent the evening getting plastered on moonshine. Apparently at some point during the night I wandered out, waving around the handgun I've been carrying since the incident, and yelling incomprehensibly at the Gals. As if they actually know what the fuck I'm talking about the rest of the time.

(Funnily enough, something similar to this happened to me a couple of years ago. Uh, gun not included.)

The Gals tell me that the annoying smug demon schoolgirl I hallucinated while coming down off my hangover is actually a minor deity in their stupid religion. I need another drink.

Everyone is wounded again.

This is the only research that finishes up in the mean time. We can recruit peasants from the nearby villages now, which are this game's equivalent of regular XCOM soldiers. I won't be doing that though, because I'd much rather have an army of seven foot tall amazons with overpowered stats, thank you very much.

Niggermancer, Chuckles and Pocket Dragoon are healed up now, that should be enough to take care of this fortified outpost.

Uh.

Jesus!

That's a zombie.

Nope.

Fortunately for us the exact same mission type spawned nearby in a different location.

(Mahmoud Awad, Sheikh to the Future - Dance to Death) (Regards to @henstepl for sending me this album)

If I had decent recording software I would subject you to the awful ambient noises in this this type of map, but instead I've attempted to supplant that with a much more pleasant musical equivalent.

Great, just what I like to see, us surrounded on all sides by Academy weirdos and killdrones.

Those drones are resistant to our shitty musketfire. At least the Academy goons go down easy.

Hah, they're not invincible. This is like an intergalactic fuckin skeet shoot now.

The fuck? What's wrong with you dipshits? We're winning!

Oh, joy.

I guess I should have expected a Gal named Niggermancer to be able to handle her psychedelics. She's the only one not tripping balls right now. Or, I dunno actually, maybe she is tripping and hasn't noticed anything different from normal.

Bug Hunt Mode mercifully turns on and lets Niggermancer hunt down this last Academy agent hiding out in a shack somewhere.

That sucked. I also just now noticed that Pocket Dragoon got a new Condemnation but I didn't get a screenshot of it.

Everyone's all fucked up again. Pocket Dragoon is going to be out of the fight for over two months.

Smithing just allows us to make a bunch of swords and shit we don't really need and can mostly just buy anyway. It might be a prerequisite technology though, I dunno. Meanwhile, our Gals take a break from being brutish asscrack barbarians and do something nice for the local villagers.

Will you FUCKIN HIDE THAT ENTRANCE ALREADY!

I know these missions are getting samey. I'll research bounty hunting missions next time, or something.

I have included every single screenshot I have of Forever Sunrise, Moths, Witty Squid and ChucklesTheJester failing to destroy this unarmored, immobile door greeter robot with a hail of pistol and musket fire.

THANK YOU WE HAVE A WINNER HERE FOLKS!

Hmm, these aren't women, and they don't look like the bald goons the Academy employs either.

Curious.

Chuckles is the first to get the Super-Size Condemnation which I personally believe takes the cake for Worst Bootypedia Picture in this entire mod. Prove me wrong (no spoilers tho).

We finally research contacts with the local merchants, which unlocks a massive slew of guns and ammunition we can purchase. Critically this include mare's leg carbines and the Heavy Shotguns. I immediately order enough Heavy Shotguns and ammunition to outfit my entire crew.

Maybe I'm already irritated by the Great Advice events because one made me look like an idiot, but the "Writefaggot the Pompous" entry seems to lack a stunning amount of self-awareness given the quality of some of these entries.

Excellent. The new equipment arrives, and you can see below it the new inventory loadouts for the members of the team who aren't currently wounded.

We finish research on the Experiment Victim, the hostage rescued from Scientific Experiments events. Unlike our Gals we can't really do anything with these guys right now, so they'll just sit in our jail uselessly.

We haven't done one of these in while. Let's try out our new shotguns.

Those two seemingly empty pictures are reaction fire. Reaction fire that hit its make in both cases.

Four shots, four kills.

I research Frag Grenades so we can buy more if we run out and then shift over to medical items in hopes that I can unlock a medical facility to cut down on the abysmal healing times.

We got this.

I was gonna set this part to Doom music or something, but you'd be done reading it before the song even got started.

The Condemnations just keep on rolling in.

We do something nice for the locals again and take a massive infamy bonus for it.

Next time: Overkill

 

[vorbos]

Did Dioxine ever roll back that shittakular decision he made to melee combat, the one that allowed everyone to do reaction fire to each hit even if you were behind them?

I swear, half of their changes are deliberately done to spite the playerbase.

 

[L50LasPak]

Did Dioxine ever roll back that shittakular decision he made to melee combat, the one that allowed everyone to do reaction fire to each hit even if you were behind them?

I swear, half of their changes are deliberately done to spite the playerbase.

I haven't seen anything like that happen to me in the time I've been playing the game.

 

[ChucklesTheJester]

Just my luck,, giantess fetish art. Here I thought these bootypedia images couldn't get any worse.

 

[A_Callow_Youth]

The Manstopper and Heavy Shotgun are good earlygame choices, keep using them. The Varmint Rifle is a quirky beast, it's one of the first sniping weapons you get, which means that it runs off of a different accuracy formula than normal rifles. It's also .22LR, which is why it doesn't do damage. X-grog isn't a good consumable, but it's a great moneymaker. If you don't have your runts doing something else, have them making X-grog.

The heavy shotgun's sound effects and hilarious range means its almost certainly the shotgun from Doom.

*Laughs in spoilers*

FUCK. The researcher somehow wins the melee struggle roll, which allwos her to unload and entire magazine of machinegun ammo into Citizen Calamity, killing her instantly!

And this is why you bring melee weapons, especially when doing watchtowers. Personally, I prefer to have my subduers dual-wield a manstopper and a handle for the earlygame, but pretty much anything that does either Daze or Shock damage will work.

And for anyone who's vaguely interested about the lore but doesn't want to read all that shit, here's a summary:

Spoiler

When the Star Gods conquered Earth at the turn of the 21st Century, they instituted a widespread genetic engineering program, experimenting upon humanity to create new variants better suited to their purposes. The successful variants were presumably exported to the greater empire of the Star Gods, and today Earth is a Tijuana-tier backwater populated by the experiments that didn't work out. There are very few "pure" humans left, and they make up the wealthy and powerful in society. Most of humanity falls into the "smootie" category, which means that they can pass for pure if they're rich enough to dress like it. Most aren't, so they get cast away as mutants or join the humanists. Lastly, there are the various forms of undeniable mutants, such as the Lokk'nar, the Ratmen, and the werewolves.

Our gals are of the strain "Uber", a particularly rare breed that essentially falls into Space Marine territory, being taller, faster and stronger than pure-strain or smoothies. However, Ubers have one specific weakness, in that in addition to every creature's need for a steady diet of food, alcohol and sex, they also require exposure to the unique radiation emitted by Hellerium, the mysterious substance that powers the Star Gods' technology. Without being able to top off on this precious resource, an Uber will grow tired, fall catatonic, and eventually die. Fortunately for us, our base is built directly on top of a deposit of the stuff, allowing us to use it without restriction, and once we get a little further down the research tree, we will even be able to mine it for ourselves.

Since Earth is a shithole nobody cares about (Earth's primary export is the Sectoweed our gals just tripped their boobs off with), the Star Gods pay very little attention to it, instead delegating that task to a trio of planetside organizations: The Academy, which does whatever excuse for research it can, the Church of Sirius, which maintains the undying love of the people for the Star Gods, and the one we have just met on our last watchtower mission. Below them are the local governments, who pretty much have to sit back and be the bitch of these three, and has thus led them to take their "look the other way and slip 'em a 20" stance regarding our activity, as long as we don't shoot at them. Beyond this, there are minor organizations like the Humanists that pursue their own agendas, and the Mutant Alliance, which consists of people who are sick of this shit and want to burn it all down.

 

[Neo-Holstien]

kill the prisoners
kill em kill em kill em
kill em kill em kill em
kill em kill em kill em

 

[A_Callow_Youth]

kill the prisoners
kill em kill em kill em
kill em kill em kill em
kill em kill em kill em

Unfortunately, we are ethical pirates, best we can do it rob 'em blind (for now).