🐮 Lolcow Lord Shadrach

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
lol no. I'd rather not pile my house up with really ugly plastic toys that cost too much.
Eh, to each their own.

So is herpes, and you wouldn't want that near you either.

What is the appeal of Funko Pops? Beyond soothing some sort of brain developmental disorder, presumably?
Well people collect Funko pops.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Well people collect Funko pops.

Is that how you gauge your sanity? Stacking Funko Pops obsessive compulsively?

Do you stack them by name, perhaps alphabetically? Or is there a more subtle system at play in your well mind as their boxes present themselves in front of you?
 
People this cripplingly autistic who still remain wholesome are so rare these days, too many are furries or troons or the like. It is kind of heart warming to see and a throwback to a more innocent time.
I am not autistic by any means. I am just an all around guy. I like to have fun and live life to the fullest as best as I can. In other words, I am who I am.
Is that how you gauge your sanity? Stacking Funko Pops obsessive compulsively?

Do you stack them by name, perhaps alphabetically? Or is there a more subtle system at play in your well mind as their boxes present themselves in front of you?
I just stack them as is. No arrangement for anything. In fact, I don't buy Funko pops all the time. I only obtain a Funko pop if I like it.
 
This thread doesn't even come close to capturing the full majesty of Lord Shadrach. Allow me to illuminate the true depths of this cow.

Denis / Hall / Lord Shadrach / Cyraka / Cyrakazero / Scrutiny Studios

DOB: April 1986



metal_gear_cyraka_by_cyraka_d2gvgfy-fullview.jpg cyraka.jpg d3ciji2-c0a4dd29-4938-4134-ab61-13eda4546544.jpg 45c8c276fe8432726c026bbaa7f51920.jpg

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself."
-Herman Hesse

“And what's even upsetting, is some people at certain points have compared ME to [Chris Chan]!."
-Lord Shadrach

Overview
Lord Shadrach, also known as Cyraka and whose real name is Denis Hall, is a lolcow polymath in his late 30s with interests in art, comics, writing, ASMR, and much, much more. A self-proclaimed 'man of god' of questionable godliness and manliness. Cooks like KingCobraJFS, draws like Chris Chan, and A-Logs better than Anthony Logatto himself. This man has uploaded just about everything to the internet in pursuit of fame except for good content. His internet presence goes back so long, that there are YTMND sites making fun of him. From 2006. (A)

Bad Comedy
Lord Shadrach's earliest online creative venture was his webcomic named Bad Comedy. It's every comic a middle schooler ever drew during their lunch break, only this one was made by Lord Shadrach when he was 20 years old. The comic was first posted to Deviantart in 2006, but before we browse it, let's quickly read through this post he made when he started the account:

howwillIgetbadcomedytothemasses.png
L | A

Consider your prayers answered, Denis. Readers of Kiwi Farms, allow me to present...Bad Comedy.

edge_of_your_seat_by_cyraka_dqfhfp-fullview.jpg

dqeeix-dd9ada4f-eb35-49b2-a5e9-9dc43eef9252.jpgdqeeyn-83435361-4880-4216-899e-3611983e0cfb.jpg
dqfgna-a373398d-f7ae-4dd2-94bc-4ec00c7b8ba9.jpgdtpwp2-6102f8b4-90ce-4ec7-bc3a-92ee0f1d6081.jpg
gogh_gogh_by_cyraka_dqefy0-fullview.jpgknock_out_by_cyraka_dqeeqr-pre.jpg
public_apology_by_cyraka_dqefg8-fullview.jpgwe_need_allies_by_cyraka_dqfhbn-fullview.jpg

Deviantart
While Lord Shadrach has distanced himself from the Bad Comedy webcomic, he would continue to use his Deviantart page for posting artwork until 2019. As you can see, his quality of work drastically improved over time.

the_warpules_by_cyraka_dqee2r-fullview.jpg
2006

alien_pervert_by_cyraka_dd02rjy-fullview.jpg
2017

alien_and_abductee_by_cyraka_d8328j9-fullview.jpganime_looking_gym_person_by_cyraka_dd02sld-fullview.jpg
ayanami_by_cyraka_dbu4rrc-fullview.jpgbomber_by_cyraka_dbo68td-fullview.jpg
fairy_girl_by_cyraka_dbo68uf-fullview.jpgkappa_by_cyraka_dd02spv-fullview.jpg
lemon_car_by_cyraka_dbo6ab1-fullview.jpgpony_by_cyraka_dbo6ae0-fullview.jpg
snakes_by_cyraka_d13vw74-fullview.jpgpath_to_calvary_by_cyraka_dbo68to-fullview.jpg

Like all good Deviantart cows, if you want to find the really good milk, you need to look at the journal entries. Through the fifteen years he's been on Deviantart, Denis has penned some real bangers when it comes to posts. Here are some of my favorites.

appalled.png
He was 27 when he wrote this.
L | A

Awesomedream.png
Who doesn't love a good bit of Random Access Humor?
L | A

shouldIstillcreateart.png
Before you say that this post shows how Lord Shadrach is self-aware, remember that he would continue posting art like this five years after writing this post.
L | A

lostfurry.png
Because nothing sounds suspicious about asking people where you can find furry artwork of small children. One also has to wonder if he regrets uploading his artwork to a digital archive that everyone was able to access.
L | A

microsoftpaint.png
The artist defends the unconventional methods which he uses to craft his masterpieces.
L | A

finite.png
This was posted eight years ago. One can only imagine how he feels now that his finite youth is definitively gone.
L | A

craigslistjobs.png
One shudders to imagine what type of 'work' he was doing on 2013-era Craigslist...
L | A

For additional laughs, a quick perusal of Lord Shadrach's favorites brings up a lot of scantily clad anime fan drawings and cosplay pictures. Denis seems to be a particular fan of Sailor Jupiter from Sailor Moon.

favorites.png

Cosplay, Anime, and Bronies...oh no...
If the deviantart didn't give it away, Lord Shadrach is an anime-obsessed weaboo. You may have also picked up from some of his artwork that he's a brony as well. He's attended conventions in the past, with his main interest being the (mostly female) cosplayers in attendance. What was his relationship with those cosplayers like? Well...

UNJUSTICEGALORE.png
L | A

But wait, surely if Lord Shadrach had an interest in cosplay, then he must have worn cosplay himself, right? What costume did Denis wear to conventions?

100b2200_by_cyraka_d7y9xox-fullview.jpgnostalgia_critic_cosplay_by_cyraka_d64yvez-fullview.jpg

If your answer was 'The Nostalgia Critic, but wearing a brony t-shirt', congratulations! Please go to the front desk to accept your prize.

Lord Shadrach has also white-knighted for at least one cosplayer in the community.

pikabellechu.png
I hope she read that, bro.
L | A

Outside of his anime enthusiasm, he's also a weeb for Japanese culture, as shown for his interest in anime convention katanas and this calendar.

swords_and_daggers_by_cyraka_d7y9xm4-fullview.jpg

d6355fa-3e836ece-3294-4961-a740-4b68a164abc2.jpg

He also likes pretending to be a ninja.


Like all weeaboos of the 2000s, Lord Shadrach had a Gaia Online profile. That probably doesn't surprise you, but would it surprise you to learn that he still logs onto it? As recently as last month, in fact?

Cyrakagaia.png
While the world mourned the five year anniversary of a terrorist attack, Debnis signed up on an anime dress-up website to argue about Christianity.
L | A

To round out the weeb stereotype bingo card, Denis has also posted a review of a ramen places in his home city using the Cyrakazero username.

authentic.png
L | A

Youtube
At this point you might be saying to yourself, “all that Deviantart and cosplay shit is almost a decade old. What has this guy done recently?” Look no further than Lord Shadrach's Youtube, which is still being regularly updated.


Lord Shadrach is not a furry. Let me just repeat that again. Not. NOT. A furry. Okay? Why would you assume that someone who has made multiple videos praising the furry community, and who likes furry art, might be a furry?

Politics
Lord Shadrach is known to delve into political rants on his Youtube channel on many topics, and the demeanor of those rants cannot be characterized any other way than 'politisperging'. Lots of weird tangents, repetition, and jokes that don't land. He's every creepy, racist uncle who has ever ruined a Thanksgiving by ranting about current political hot topics instead of just passing the mashed potatoes.





ASMR
In addition to his main Youtube channel, Lord Shadrach has a separate ASMR channel. The appeal of the channel should be obvious. What person, upon seeing Lord Shadrach's sex offender phenotype face, wouldn't immediately want to watch him waggling his latex gloved hands around, as if re-enacting (or indeed, practicing for) a gruesome murder at the hands of a serial killer?


As if watching a fat white dude make noises with everyday objects wasn't strange enough, there's also the ASMR roleplay videos on Lord Shadrach's youtube channel. These involve him roleplaying as a variety of different characters from anime, movies...and a therapist.

His most recent one, uploaded earlier this week.

And then there's this one.



Mukbangs
One of the categories on Lord Shadrach's ASMR channel includes 'Food ASMR'. That's right, folks: we've got mukbangs too! Hope you like watching a doughy middle-aged man eat!


Unlike a lot of mukbang videos that emphasize the presentation of the food, or chatting/storytimes, Lord Shadrach's mukbang ASMR videos are much more focused on the ASMR component. This means that you're watching him eat his slop in almost complete silence. It's like sharing an awkward meal with a coworker you despise or a dinner date that you have no chemistry with.

Chris Chan A-Logging
If you've read up until this point, you might have thought to yourself: “so we have a southern lolcow with childlike artwork who goes to anime conventions and wears embarrassing costumes, all while screeching their idiotic, regressive political takes on Youtube. This guy sounds a lot like Chris Chan to me!” If you did, you aren't alone. Lord Shadrach sees a lot of himself in Chris, and has made several videos commenting on Chris' antics with the idea of showing off his alleged superiority. Like all true A-Logs, these efforts have backfired, and instead highlight Lord Shadrach's more eccentric behavior and mannerisms.



If you must take away anything from this post, know that Lord Shadrach has no idea what the term 'cum dumpster' means.

The video is also a great look into the mindset of an A-Log. It might be the best example since Anthony Logatto himself. At its core, A-Logging is getting disproportionately angry or emotional at something everyone agrees is bad in order to cover up for your own insecurities. While the natural reaction to hearing that someone raped their senile mother should be anger and disgust, one would have to question the motive of expressing that reaction online for others to listen to in a vitriol-soaked rant.

Lord Shadrach admits in the video that he has been compared to Chris Chan in the past, and even in the video itself there are eerie similarities between Chris and Denis. Funko pop boxes are stacked high to obscure a Confederate flag, just like how Chris' room was full of legos and other toys. Lord Shadrach's mannerisms on camera are awkward and involve a lot of pudgy flailing, not unlike Chris. Lord Shadrach even criticizes Chris for his treatment of Megan Schroeder and his draining of tax dollars (aka the 'monthly tugboat'), even though Lord Shadrach has had his own misadventures with women in his personal life and still lives with his parents. An A-Log might take comfort in the fact that they will never sink as low as to rape their own mother, but being forced to use such low bars to raise their own self-worth guarantees that they will never achieve anything of any real significance with their life either.

At least Anthony Logatto was able to pursue a minor voice acting career. It's doubtful anything of similar note will happen to Lord Shadrach.

Twitter
Lord Shadrach has a twitter account associated with his ASMR youtube channel. His over 4,000 followers seem impressive, until you realize he follows well over 5,000 people, meaning most of his followers are probably inactive or bots. He uses this twitter to interact with his meager fanbase, with humorous results.

lolno.png
T | A

valentinessleeping.png
T | A
(NOTE: RESPONSE ONLY VISIBLE IN THE ARCHIVE)
For context: the picture in the response is Stanley Tucci's character from Peter Jackson's film adaptation of Lovely Bones. Said character lures an underage girl to a secret dungeon, rapes and murders her, and then stuffs her body into a giant safe in his basement.

The only reason Putin's tyrannical invasion hasn't been stopped? Lord Shadrach isn't boots on the ground in Kiev.
ukraine.png
T | A

floridian.png
The Confederacy lost, bro. Get over it.
T | A

The real spectacle of Lord Shadrach's twitter are his food posts, wherein he mashes different types of food together in combinations so horrific, that he might as well be eating out of a dumpster.

ohgod.png
T | A

yuck.png
T | A

christwept.png
T | A

Reddit
Lord Shadrach does post on Reddit, but mostly to shill his Youtube content. His original posts on Reddit are still worth a peek, including this Obviously True No Seriously Bro It Actually Happened story from when Denis worked as a security guard.

totallyrealstory.png
“And then everyone clapped”
L | A

IRL Stalker Behavior
Would it surprise you to learn that Denis has had troubling interactions with women IRL? Interactions that involve trying to contact someone who doesn't want to talk to them, and might actually call the police on them? In his own words:

reconcile1.png
reconcile2.png
L | A

Oh wait, sorry, that's not Denis. It's his best friend, Jack. Yeah, Jack is the one going after a woman who wants nothing to do with him. Definitely not Denis. No sir. No way.

letscallhimjack.png
L | A

I could go on, but this post has taken days to write and I still haven't mentioned everything that's out there. Lord Shadrach is an untapped gold mine, and it's astounding to me that he hasn't gotten a proper thread here despite being on the Farm's radar for almost a decade. Hopefully this post will lay the foundations for that.

Accounts
Main Youtube
ASMR Youtube
Twitter (Deleted)
ASMR Twitter
Deviantart
Pinterest
Gaia Online
Reddit
Instagram
Tumblr
Scrutiny Studios Blog (A)
OC Remix
 

Attachments

  • employment.png
    employment.png
    8.2 KB · Views: 26
  • favoritewriters.png
    favoritewriters.png
    4.4 KB · Views: 28
  • againwiththis.png
    againwiththis.png
    22.7 KB · Views: 32
  • chicktaterspaghettimukbang.mp4
    123.5 MB
  • whyIlikefurries.mp4
    17.4 MB
  • messagetoukraine.mp4
    14.4 MB
  • glovesasmr.mp4
    44.2 MB
Make sure to eat it Lord Shadrach style: covered in Ragu tomato sauce and sprinkled with Lucky Charms marshmallows.
Do not forget to add the bananas!!

Also, looking back at some of the things I did during my online presence, two things come to mind:

Cringe and regret.

The list of things I would have done differently if I had to do them all over again are endless. Believe me on that.
 
Last edited:
Do not forget to add the bananas!!

Also, looking back at some of the things I did during my online presence, two things come to mind:

Cringe and regret.

The list of things I would have done differently if I had to do them all over again are endless. Believe me on that.
Hello Shadrach! I took a look at your more recent pictures and I have to ask, why do you have the pedostache style of moustache? It's not doing you any favors. Please shave it, or at least grow it out so it's no longer a pedostache.
 
Back
Top Bottom