Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Sealbaby]

my name is AYDEN now

 

[Muttnik]

Just lost an old childhood buddy to the cult. I knew they were never quite the same after their parents' divorce growing up but I never imagined it would be this bad.
They're a big sweetheart and I'm willing to call them whatever they wish. But I know deep down that this will only end in tears. They're a really kind person. I'm sad that it had to come to this. I hope they're able to be happy and that I don't ultimately lose them to the inevitable percent.

To make matters worse, my sibling (also their childhood friend) has gone full psycho college kid Ally and is calling my confused boomer parents bigots because they legit have no idea WTF is going on. My sibling and I have been on the outs for a while since they've drunk the woke Koolaid. I told my friend I'd always support and be there for them but apparently it's not good enough for my sibling, who demands we personally flog ourselves if we accidentally misgender. So it's less losing my friend and more watching a beloved family member go apeshit due to social brainwashing.

 

[Panzerfrau]

Alright Kiwis, I need advice.

In my friend circle there is a young dude (below twenties) - very smart nerd, autistic, socially awkward, no friends irl, yada yada, you know this type probably. Never mentioned any troon shit up to this point, but a few months ago he got himself into some fucking tech-related community full of uwu catgirl transbians with programming socks for days. They groomed him by offering him some sense of belonging, sympathy and validation and he fell of that, told us he is a pretty girl, changed his name to some generic troon bullshit, all the good stuff.
Normally I wouldn't care that much, but it's really horryfying seeing him going from an awkward computer dude to an edgy, suicide-baiting, miserable tranny. He also started doing DIY estrogen "therapy", I suppose some of the groomers are providing it.

I tried to talk to him, since I have some experience navigating these kind of issues (trans widow here), but he was very defensive and rude at times, implying I won't understand his struggles since I'm a female, so I fucked off.

Maybe I'm getting soft, but he really is a smart kid and I hate to seeing him tossing his life away, but I don't really know what should I do.

 

[NerdShamer]

but I don't really know what should I do.

Kind of depends on how badly you want him back; but this is something that he'll ultimately have to come to terms with by himself. Sure, you can try to talk him out of it, but that normally doesn't work until he gets traumatized by the trans community.

Plus, he's at the age where he's old enough to make his own decisions and accept the consequences that comes with them. Sure, it's cruel because he's autistic; but people have tried to correct Chris over some financial stuff and the brainwashing drama and we all know how that turned out.

If the unmentionable happens and people start asking, you really don't want to be seen as the one who instigated it just by criticising him.

 

[Dreamer]

Alright Kiwis, I need advice.

1. If he has parents that give at least half a fuck about him, talk to them and explain in excruciating detail what is going to happen to him. Preferably show examples with pictures, before and after kinda stuff. Say this is not a joke, they'll them to take this seriously and that there are people who will try to ruin their son for fun.

2. fund him a visit to an actual therapist, this would require you knowing someone who wouldn't make things worse, and wouldn't just take your money and do fuckall. Depending on where you live that might be difficult. Its generally best to avoid people who "specialize" in troons, assume they're contaminated unless they state otherwise. Streetcred is always better than internet reviews so ask your friends before shopping online. Therapy that lasts more than 2-3 months is also a red flag, if you hear an opinion of someone whos going to a therapist for over half a year it means the therapist is useless (except when threating tough cases).

3. Make him choose between friendships, its you or the troons. Talk to him directly (actually talk, face to face) and explain your reasoning. Leave him a window if he chooses wrong but cut all ties until he does. Stakes are important here since if he doesn't lose anything by not listening to you then its very unlikely he'll ever do anything. Being supportive is generally the worst thing you can do imo.

4. If all fails, forgive and forget. Empathy is nice but you have to also think about yourself.

This is kind of a larp and i have no idea if 3. has any chance of working, but i honestly believe that's the correct course of action. While reading tt ive been running through a few "what if it was me" scenarios.

Plus, he's at the age where he's old enough to make his own decisions and accept the consequences that comes with them.

I want to agree but i think were responsible for our surroundings. Ideally you should at least try before giving up.
Being apathetic to this kind of shit is halfway as bad as actively supporting it.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I tried to talk to him, since I have some experience navigating these kind of issues (trans widow here), but he was very defensive and rude at times, implying I won't understand his struggles since I'm a female, so I fucked off.

Maybe I'm getting soft, but he really is a smart kid and I hate to seeing him tossing his life away, but I don't really know what should I do.

He shouldn't invalidate your lived experience, gosh.

I agree with telling his parents, and giving details. Older and less-online people don't know the extent to which this is going on, and can't imagine the effects of being able to connect to a 24-hour validation mainline. If they know any part of this, they're probably trying to frame it in the old "man in a woman's body medical issue" context.

Telling him you're worried was the right thing to do. Keep your energy low and stable, be ready for him to cut you off but remind him that you're keeping the door open, not because you want to win an argument but because you care about him.

Hail Mary option is communicating with him in his own language, dank memes.

 

[NerdShamer]

I want to agree but i think were responsible for our surroundings. Ideally you should at least try before giving up.
Being apathetic to this kind of shit is halfway as bad as actively supporting it.

This is true, but it comes off as kind of possessive after a certain point. Sure, you can use every argument in the book over why going into the sex industry is a bad idea; but the fact is that while everyone is entitled to the choices that they make, but they also have an right to ignore the desperate warnings that their best friend is giving on how so-and-so caught this by doing whatever. And before you know it, your friend caught an STD, just like you said they would and you get blamed with a bullshit reason. Now repeat this a few more times and ask yourself, "Is this worth it?"


Yes, losing a friend to a cult or a harmful fad is painful; but you'll have to be ready to handle their stubbornness (and possible breakup).

 

[What the shit]

Maybe I'm getting soft, but he really is a smart kid and I hate to seeing him tossing his life away, but I don't really know what should I do.

Let him learn the lesson. I understand you have a soft spot for the guy but he's most likely still going to go through with it regardless of what you think. Let it be... I'm sorry.

 

[Dreamer]

This is true, but it comes off as kind of possessive after a certain point. Sure, you can use every argument in the book over why going into the sex industry is a bad idea; but the fact is that while everyone is entitled to the choices that they make, but they also have an right to ignore the desperate warnings that their best friend is giving on how so-and-so caught this by doing whatever. And before you know it, your friend caught an STD, just like you said they would and you get blamed with a bullshit reason. Now repeat this a few more times and ask yourself, "Is this worth it?"


Yes, losing a friend to a cult or a harmful fad is painful; but you'll have to be ready to handle their stubbornness (and possible breakup).

You shouldn't really care how it comes off, as long as its not jeopardizing whatever you're doing this way.
But yeah, after banging your head against a stone wall you can stop when its obviously not working, i don't think talking to cultists without leverage has any chance of working anyway.
But you have to try something, if only for yourself.

 

[Toluene Blood]

So it's less losing my friend and more watching a beloved family member go apeshit due to social brainwashing.

For family and/or close friends you're still close to you might be able to get everyone on some kind of camping trip, which can cut them off from the validation train for a few days and reconnect with reality. It's a tough situation but the digital detox strategy is good if you can make it work.
Depending on your relationship you can also consider making comments here and there to disrupt the SJW anger, like "such a shame that there are organizations like Trans Lifeline exploiting this vulnerable population". Ideally it keeps the discussion friendly but also gently disturbs the echo chamber.

 

[InterruptDigressRat]

Friend's family member is thinking about trooning out, made multiple suicide attempts, the whole nine yards. Need to catch up with him to check how the bloke is doing now.

 

[Vingle]

I don't really know what should I do.

SRS and GRS surgeons and associated horrors - the medical community of experimental surgeons, the secret community of home butchers​

Link them to this thread, this is their future as a troon. People that don't want to understand needs tough love. He will probably be mad at you for some time, but it will go over.

If he proceeds anyway. Wish him good luck with getting featured in the thread. No reason to feel bitter or sad. As he's not your problem, his actions doesn't affect you.

 

[DumbDude42]

Alright Kiwis, I need advice.

In my friend circle there is a young dude (below twenties) - very smart nerd, autistic, socially awkward, no friends irl, yada yada, you know this type probably. Never mentioned any troon shit up to this point, but a few months ago he got himself into some fucking tech-related community full of uwu catgirl transbians with programming socks for days. They groomed him by offering him some sense of belonging, sympathy and validation and he fell of that, told us he is a pretty girl, changed his name to some generic troon bullshit, all the good stuff.
Normally I wouldn't care that much, but it's really horryfying seeing him going from an awkward computer dude to an edgy, suicide-baiting, miserable tranny. He also started doing DIY estrogen "therapy", I suppose some of the groomers are providing it.

I tried to talk to him, since I have some experience navigating these kind of issues (trans widow here), but he was very defensive and rude at times, implying I won't understand his struggles since I'm a female, so I fucked off.

Maybe I'm getting soft, but he really is a smart kid and I hate to seeing him tossing his life away, but I don't really know what should I do.

nothing you can do for him at this point, it's already too late. if you want to prevent someone close to you from falling down the troon hole, you have to act before, not after it happens, and even then it's gonna be difficult.

specifically, you would have to address and fix the "autistic, socially awkward, no friends irl" situation. guys like this fall in with the tranny crowd because that's the only place where they're accepted (aside from incel forums lel) so in order to help him avoid it you would have to show him a viable alternative. but this is almost impossible to do unless you are extremely close to the guy and he has very high levels of trust in you, which probably is not the case so basically it's doomed.

 

[Spangled Drongo]

The guy I know who identifies as non binary has started forcing the issue even more, in our group chat he put "they/them" next to his name just so everyone knew, because clearly enough people were "misgendering" him that he felt the need to make it crystal clear, and he feels the need to insert being TRANS!!!! and QUEER!!!! into everything he does, like he'll randomly bring it up even when the topic of conversation has nothing to do with his labels, or set his nickname to things like "trans bean" in multiplayer games. He's hinted a couple of times that he's on the spectrum though so gender is very likely a fixation of his.

Decided in the end to cut ties with that whole group of people, if he wasn't a dick about it and didn't force everyone into going along with his delusion I would have stuck around, but I felt I was walking on eggshells every time he was part of the conversation. I've known another they/them who's surprisingly chill about it and doesn't bring it up all the time, so it wasn't a big deal in that case, but with this dude I either just used his new name or didn't refer to him at all as I just couldn't bring myself to use the pronouns, and I wasn't very close with those people anymore anyways. Also he, along with other trannies, has forever ruined D&D for me. Thanks a lot.

 

[marisa #]

"mr. binger wants to poo poo"

HAHAHAHAH

 

[Ser Prize]

The guy I know who identifies as non binary has started forcing the issue even more, in our group chat he put "they/them" next to his name just so everyone knew, because clearly enough people were "misgendering" him that he felt the need to make it crystal clear, and he feels the need to insert being TRANS!!!! and QUEER!!!! into everything he does, like he'll randomly bring it up even when the topic of conversation has nothing to do with his labels, or set his nickname to things like "trans bean" in multiplayer games. He's hinted a couple of times that he's on the spectrum though so gender is very likely a fixation of his.

Decided in the end to cut ties with that whole group of people, if he wasn't a dick about it and didn't force everyone into going along with his delusion I would have stuck around, but I felt I was walking on eggshells every time he was part of the conversation. I've known another they/them who's surprisingly chill about it and doesn't bring it up all the time, so it wasn't a big deal in that case, but with this dude I either just used his new name or didn't refer to him at all as I just couldn't bring myself to use the pronouns, and I wasn't very close with those people anymore anyways. Also he, along with other trannies, has forever ruined D&D for me. Thanks a lot.

Trannies have been ruining D&D for some time. It sucks.

 

[Toluene Blood]

I was acquainted with this one cluster B gayden. Softboi mannerisms, long history of dramatic suicide attempts, self-harm, guilt-tripping, etc. Mentally fragile like you wouldn't believe - special ed gave her a personal cheerleader because she'll get suicidal over math questions. Until I met her I didn't realize people could really be like this in real life. She's made her family's life hell for years (though to be fair it already had problems) and it's obvious it's only going to get worse. Her transition won't be the magical transformation she imagines and she will for sure have suicidal meltdowns over it.
Even though I'm not really close to her and her situation is so complicated, I feel like I should have done something more at the time.

 

[Marvin]

He shouldn't invalidate your lived experience, gosh.

I agree with telling his parents, and giving details. Older and less-online people don't know the extent to which this is going on, and can't imagine the effects of being able to connect to a 24-hour validation mainline. If they know any part of this, they're probably trying to frame it in the old "man in a woman's body medical issue" context.

Telling him you're worried was the right thing to do. Keep your energy low and stable, be ready for him to cut you off but remind him that you're keeping the door open, not because you want to win an argument but because you care about him.

Hail Mary option is communicating with him in his own language, dank memes.
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To build on this, tell his parents, but tell him separately that you're always there if he wants to talk about what he's going through.

Don't scare him off by being possessive or anything. To a limited extent, he needs to see with his own eyes how fucked up these weirdos are and when he starts to have doubts, he needs someone he can come talk to without expecting a giant defensive fight.

In fact, I'd say let him talk at you, avoid saying anything trans critical at least the first conversation or two.

Though you might not even have a first conversation. He might be suckered in already. But that might've been inevitable anyway.

It's a really faggy situation for kids these days.

 

[Dreamer]

To a limited extent, he needs to see with his own eyes how fucked up these weirdos are

This doesn't just happen.
People don't internalize ideas only to dismiss them a second later unprompted, unlearning is much harder than learning because your thoughts build up on one another.
Without introducing conflict aka contradictory ideas there can be no change, on top of that there has to be some benefit to changing your mind.
You don't have to be hostile or confrontational to get a point across, ill give you that, but waiting around for the autist to just figure it out is silly.

Even if he saw that people around him are kinda shitty (already hard to do for someone with little social experience) then there are other problems:
- even if they're shitty friends, they're still friends, without them he has little else.
- even if they're shitty, he can blame it on their character and not their beliefs.
- even if he knows he's being manipulated he's still getting something out of it, this is how cults operate.

I'm also not a big fan of just "letting people talk" to you, because people will just use that to reinforce their ideas, or to cope.
When someone tells you he he' a shitty job, or is in some miserable situation but doesn't want your help in changing it, he's most likely just looking for support in enduring it, being a shoulder to cry on for a wannabe tranny lets him stay as such. He feels better after the talk and goes back to dialating or whatever.

 

[Marvin]

This doesn't just happen.
People don't internalize ideas only to dismiss them a second later unprompted, unlearning is much harder than learning because your thoughts build up on one another.
Without introducing conflict aka contradictory ideas there can be no change, on top of that there has to be some benefit to changing your mind.
You don't have to be hostile or confrontational to get a point across, ill give you that, but waiting around for the autist to just figure it out is silly.

Even if he saw that people around him are kinda shitty (already hard to do for someone with little social experience) then there are other problems:
- even if they're shitty friends, they're still friends, without them he has little else.
- even if they're shitty, he can blame it on their character and not their beliefs.
- even if he knows he's being manipulated he's still getting something out of it, this is how cults operate.

I'm also not a big fan of just "letting people talk" to you, because people will just use that to reinforce their ideas, or to cope.
When someone tells you he he' a shitty job, or is in some miserable situation but doesn't want your help in changing it, he's most likely just looking for support in enduring it, being a shoulder to cry on for a wannabe tranny lets him stay as such. He feels better after the talk and goes back to dialating or whatever.

Yes it does happen, quite a bit, in fact. That's the thing, these people, even the true blue believers in the tranny philosophy in general, are very insecure about this tranny shit as it applies to themselves specifically. They're far more introspective than you realize.

There's tons of trannies going to places like r/asktransgender (pro-tranny) and r/detrans (anti-tranny) asking "am I really trans?" "is this just a fetish?" or "am I making a mistake?", and having the right people to talk to at the right time (who won't chase them off with "bigoted terf talk", as they call it) can be vital.

Edit: Like, I'm not saying don't say anything at all to counter their beliefs, just don't come out swinging immediately. Just be gentle and try to avoid scaring them off. Gradually introduce counterpoints once they feel comfortable with you.