Love-shy-esque in need of help

[Have a Pepsi]

Just a couple things to clear up:
•I'm not looking for sex. I know what y'all are trying to say, but... Bleh. XP
•I've experienced much worse than being told "no". Trust me on that one.

Alright, thank you all. I'll be trying some of these things - but I can't really take everyone's advice. Some of it is conflicting, you know. lol
I'll probably report back on this at a later point.
Thanks again, everyone!

 

[CatParty]

Just a couple things to clear up:
•I'm not looking for sex. I know what y'all are trying to say, but... Bleh. XP
•I've experienced much worse than being told "no". Trust me on that one.

Alright, thank you all. I'll be trying some of these things - but I can't really take everyone's advice. Some of it is conflicting, you know. lol
I'll probably report back on this at a later point.
Thanks again, everyone!

stay positive!

 

[Lefty's Revenge]

Just a couple things to clear up:
•I'm not looking for sex. I know what y'all are trying to say, but... Bleh. XP
•I've experienced much worse than being told "no". Trust me on that one.

Alright, thank you all. I'll be trying some of these things - but I can't really take everyone's advice. Some of it is conflicting, you know. lol
I'll probably report back on this at a later point.
Thanks again, everyone!

Remember "Go fuck yourself you gigantic piece of dead dog shit." Is still "No." Its just "No." with style.

 

[Chikinballs]

Some girl has had a crush on you, promise. Not saying she was something youd be into, but its so unlikely that nobody has ever been interested in you, i would call it impossible.

Women are funny creatures. Something youre doing or saying is creeping them out. Im not gonna try to guess what, i dont know shit about you and cant say. Women dont see things the same as us at all. One little tick the wrong way, boom. Youre a creeper. I will say this, dont tell them....hell, dont tell ANYONE that sex repulses you. It raises a million red flags. In fact, you might wanna get to the bottom of that before you try dating.

 

[Marvin]

My job involves public speaking, you can put me on stage at Madison Square Garden no problem. Approaching a stranger at a party? HELL NAW. My strategy is to do something to attract them to you.

Here's a tried and true method: buy a box of Franzia, remove the bag from the box, and carry it around with you at all times. Don't like box wine? Tough, this isn't for you to get drunk with, this is for you to share. You immediately become the most popular person at the party and women will approach you instead of the other way around. Perfect opportunity to exchange numbers. People will barter with you things of a dubious nature, etc. Keg party? Keep it hidden until the keg runs out. At that time, you become the single most influential person at the party because you're the only source of booze. I do this whenever I go to a party where I only know a couple people and wind up meeting awesome people all night. Think I'm over-exaggerating? I started doing this after the most attractive woman at a halloween party went home with a very mediocre looking dude dressed up as a functional box of Franzia.

That's fucking brilliant. Though I don't go to parties too often.

I will say this, dont tell them....hell, dont tell ANYONE that sex repulses you. It raises a million red flags. In fact, you might wanna get to the bottom of that before you try dating.

Yeah... I was thinking the same thing. I think you'd really be rolling the dice trying to find a girl who wants no sex life.

But still, you should be trying to make new friends. Just overall. Personally, I need to improve my social skills, so I'm reading How to Win Friends and Influence People*. Just on their own, I think self help books are kinda dumb, because they're not telling me anything I didn't already know. But a great idea in this book, is that you should keep notes on your social interactions, day by day. Like, that's an amazing idea to me. Being able to see tangible progress is really great.

*Apparently recent versions of this book have been changed to suit modern tastes. If you want to get this book, older versions might be preferrable.

 

[Chikinballs]

Being repulsed by sex puts you in ed gein territory. Not even creepy or douchey or whatever. Serial killer.

 

[hellbound]

I will say this, dont tell them....hell, dont tell ANYONE that sex repulses you. It raises a million red flags. In fact, you might wanna get to the bottom of that before you try dating.

Oh yeah, I wanted to address this in my previous post but I forgot.

This is going to be a big hurdle. Women generally like sex about as much as men do. It can be in a different way, and their turn-ons can be a lot different, and the stereotype is that it fades a lot faster than in men*, but still, most women do wanna bang. This actually makes me feel like a dating site would be even better for you in terms of finding a relationship, because there ARE some women who, like you, don't want sex, and in my experience they'll tend to list that in their profile.

And while being repulsed by sex is certainly abnormal, it can be totally benign. But it can also be a sign of deep-seated psychological issues. It's definitely the kind of thing you may want to talk to a therapist about, or at least do some deep introspection to consider why.

I would still say find ways to make your hobbies more social, but also make an OKCupid account (POF is full of buttertrolls with babies, OKC is better until you start getting into pay-site territory).

*Really this is probably due to the differing causes of arousal in men vs. women. Plenty of times a guy I hear talking about how his wife won't have sex with him anymore, later it comes out either she had someone else on the side or there was a serious relationship problem they weren't communicating about. Lots of different causes, beyond the scope of this discussion.

 

[Chikinballs]

Even just saying a person has no desire for sex is more acceptable than saying it specifically repulses you. Its ok to let a girl know you have put sex on a backburner. Give almost any reason you want besides finding it gross. Women will run from that every time. Most women wont date a guy who is skiddish about sex, they want to fuck, and even if the couple is waiting to have sex, they wanna know its on the table at some point and it will be good.

 

[Duke Nukem]

It's okay to want to have sex, it's a normal, healthy thing. Don't feel ashamed about it. Of course, it helps to actually have someone you're attracted to for other reasons as well.

 

[A-Stump]

Live your life and grow. Relationships aren't all what they're cracked up to be and you probably shouldn't sweat it right now.

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

DON'T
CRY
AFTER
SEX

that is all

 

[teheviltwin]

Just a couple things to clear up:
•I'm not looking for sex. I know what y'all are trying to say, but... Bleh. XP
•I've experienced much worse than being told "no". Trust me on that one.

Alright, thank you all. I'll be trying some of these things - but I can't really take everyone's advice. Some of it is conflicting, you know. lol
I'll probably report back on this at a later point.
Thanks again, everyone!

I think this might have been stated before but being grossed out by sex, whilst understandable, isn't normal. The vast majority of women have a sex drive. Some are a-sexual and there'll be some who are also squick'd by "doing the nasty" but the overwhelming majority want a physical element to their romantic relationships. I'm very sexually confident and I enjoy making my bf blush like crazy and teasing the bejesus out of him. I can't even imagine how someone who was disgusted by sex would flirt. When I look at my bf my pupils dilate and I get a little flushed because I desire him. I genuinely have trouble getting the idea of loving a person but hating a part of their anatomy... "You're beautiful... Except for that bit... Oh god that's gross! MY EYES!!!!"

Also, what about the woman's pleasure... Wouldn't you want to give her a full body orgasm?

 

[Have a Pepsi]

DON'T
CRY
AFTER
SEX

that is all

Why in the world do some people cry after sex, anyway? Not even I can understand that. :/

I think this might have been stated before but being grossed out by sex, whilst understandable, isn't normal. The vast majority of women have a sex drive. Some are a-sexual and there'll be some who are also squick'd by "doing the nasty" but the overwhelming majority want a physical element to their romantic relationships. I'm very sexually confident and I enjoy making my bf blush like crazy and teasing the bejesus out of him. I can't even imagine how someone who was disgusted by sex would flirt. When I look at my bf my pupils dilate and I get a little flushed because I desire him. I genuinely have trouble getting the idea of loving a person but hating a part of their anatomy... "You're beautiful... Except for that bit... Oh god that's gross! MY EYES!!!!"

Also, what about the woman's pleasure... Wouldn't you want to give her a full body orgasm?

I'm not disgusted by girls' naughty bits.

I would explain what my deal is, but, I really doubt anyone wants to read about my sexual ideals. >.<

 

[teheviltwin]

Why in the world do some people cry after sex, anyway? Not even I can understand that. :/

I'm not disgusted by girls' naughty bits.

I would explain what my deal is, but, I really doubt anyone wants to read about my sexual ideals. >.<

Afraid, disgusted, apathetic, whatever... If you are not interested in physical intimacy it's going to cause issues getting a relationship. It's also going to effect how you interact with people... I mean, the 'almost kiss' is one of the most intense sensations of anticipation, brain chemicals and hormones. It might seem more romantic than sexual but it's all about the anticipation of sexytiems.

 

[Have a Pepsi]

Afraid, disgusted, apathetic, whatever... If you are not interested in physical intimacy it's going to cause issues getting a relationship. It's also going to effect how you interact with people... I mean, the 'almost kiss' is one of the most intense sensations of anticipation, brain chemicals and hormones. It might seem more romantic than sexual but it's all about the anticipation of sexytiems.

I can be interested in sex - but I don't want sex with a relatively new girlfriend (as far as I know), neither do I want to get in bed with a regular hot piece of ass. I'm repulsed by sex in the way that most people seem to value it... Like, I'm not interested in it just so I can grab some boob. The idea sounds so much better to me if the situation is more like making myself and someone very special to me feel awesome, in that way.

That's all I mean by being repulsed by sex. Just the common idea. Dirty stuff is gross to me. I just chose to speak generally about it because I doubt anyone's going to understand what I mean.

 

[teheviltwin]

I can be interested in sex - but I don't want sex with a relatively new girlfriend (as far as I know), neither do I want to get in bed with a regular hot piece of ass. I'm repulsed by sex in the way that most people seem to value it... Like, I'm not interested in it just so I can grab some boob. The idea sounds so much better to me if the situation is more like making myself and someone very special to me feel awesome, in that way.

That's all I mean by being repulsed by sex. Just the common idea. Dirty stuff is gross to me. I just chose to speak generally about it because I doubt anyone's going to understand what I mean.

I have no idea what you mean by the 'common idea' of sex. Do you think that the majority of people are into casual crazy circus sex orgies? It is absolutely the most intimate thing two people can do. It's literally the closest you can be to another person. The better the chemical bond between two people the longer and more intense the high after sex.

The thing with sex is that it is dirty, sweaty, sometimes clumsy, sometimes funny and sometimes horrendously boring. It's like people watch those weird hollywood sex scenes where everything is in slow motion and people barely move and think it's real life. It just doesn't work like that.

 

[Have a Pepsi]

I have no idea what you mean by the 'common idea' of sex. Do you think that the majority of people are into casual crazy circus sex orgies? It is absolutely the most intimate thing two people can do. It's literally the closest you can be to another person. The better the chemical bond between two people the longer and more intense the high after sex.

The thing with sex is that it is dirty, sweaty, sometimes clumsy, sometimes funny and sometimes horrendously boring. It's like people watch those weird hollywood sex scenes where everything is in slow motion and people barely move and think it's real life. It just doesn't work like that.

Maybe I wasn't entirely clear... The idea of sex just to get my rocks off disgusts me. Wanting sex out of kinkiness, perversion, whatever - that also digusts me.

 

[teheviltwin]

Maybe I wasn't entirely clear... The idea of sex just to get my rocks off disgusts me. Wanting sex out of kinkiness, perversion, whatever - that also digusts me.

I do not understand how you separate kinkiness etc from loving intimacy. Or do you mean that sex is just for procreation... o.O

 

[Have a Pepsi]

I do not understand how you separate kinkiness etc from loving intimacy. Or do you mean that sex is just for procreation... o.O

Basically, I just feel like most people look forward to sex, just want it because it feels good on your body. Not for the emotional ties and symbolism it entails. I doubt that really helps you to understand, though...

I'll just go stand in the corner now.

 

[Lady Houligan]

I do not understand how you separate kinkiness etc from loving intimacy. Or do you mean that sex is just for procreation... o.O

I think what Pepsi means (if I may jump in unannounced) is that the act of the hook-up isn't his cup of tea, but rather he wants a relationship that builds up into the sexual part of it so it's meaningful to both partners?

Personally I waited with the asshole ex since we started dating in high school, and as soon as we did the act he turned on the crazy, and then dumped me four months later to try and start dating a girl who was younger than us (I was 18 at the time, he was 19, so for those of you playing at home this puts her into the jailbait category) and he'd been apparently lusting after for a year and a half. (For the record, when we finally formed the beast with two backs we were a month and a half from our three year anniversary.) So Pepsi, just be aware that even if you wait it out and think you have the right person, they can still drag the whole thing south.