Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Free the Pedos]

Let me guess...25 minutes is the max time on that little oven. He just turns it all the way over to the end and lets it ride, like pushing the lever down on a toaster. He has no concept of different cooking times or temperatures. He only knows On and Off.

Even the stupidest, most sheltered 18 yr old can cook better food than this, because they can read the package and follow instructions on a box of rice.

I don’t know why he thinks women would be impressed with his toasterbortions. Most all of them have access to real ovens with real cookware and real stovetops, because they live in actual homes.

Someone take the username Lucas’ Toasterbortions.

When I did Culinary for a year in college we had one girl in the class who’s cooking might have been as bad if not worse than Lucas. She was autistic so her disability made it difficult for her to listen to instructions but not only that she was very arrogant and would tell off anyone trying to help her understand the lesson. Two times she started a fire, once by trying to make a cross over between mushroom soup and pasta sauce with the highest heat on a gas stove, everything in the frying pan at once including the pasta. I kid you not my chef teacher was Italian and his face looked like he had just seen The Pietà spat on. The second time she threw an entire stick of butter into a deep fat fryer thinking she could make deep fried butter. I’m glad Lucas decided to do biology instead honestly could you imagine him with a gas stove in a class with young women and flatbill fry cooks. He’d probably get thrown out for being an obnoxious perv but still he’d be going around trying to show off his “gourmet” creations and get really resentful realizing everyone there thinks his cooking is shit. With this girl who I kind of felt bad for she was so clueless about how terrible her creations were and somehow in her own thought they made sense. There’s this really bad combination between having mental illness and a big ego at the same time that just pushes a person like that to being arrogantly wrong and unable to learn.

Please more stories about this girl.

 

[lemme ASS you a question]

So wait, what job is the Wern trying to get out of biology and economics? He is trying to get a job out of this right

 

[moseph.jartelli]

So wait, what job is the Wern trying to get out of biology and economics? He is trying to get a job out of this right

Lol no.

 

[TurdFondler]

The end of that video is priceless. He tries to stab the tough-ass lamb slab with a spork and then it cuts to the lamb back in the oven

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

So wait, what job is the Wern trying to get out of biology and economics? He is trying to get a job out of this right

He wants to get into the lucrative field of schtupping Gen Z chicks.
He's never actually expressed what he thinks this qualification (that he isn't going to get anyway) is going to net him, but it's a safe bet that Gen Z poon is his ultimate target.
Perhaps he thinks that when he tries to tell those fecund ovulators about how his balls are magic, he'll have a qualification in the relevant science to back his arguments up. As for economics, maybe he's hoping to prove that it's classist for Gen Z chicks to not fuck him. All somewhat academic, since he's not getting qualified in shit.

 

[Draxx them Sklounst]

"I'm trying to get a PhD, but I'm trying to get that AA first"

Wait

Does he not know there are two other degrees between he needs to get or does he think it goes AA -> PhD?

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

omeone take the username Lucas’ Toasterbortions

You can change your username in your Account Details. Seems like a lot of people don't know that so seemed worth saying.

So wait, what job is the Wern trying to get out of biology and economics? He is trying to get a job out of this right

He thinks he's going to get a PhD in "agegap breeding". A field that only exists in his warped swiss cheese brain. Lucas has no intentions of getting a job. He's stated that he would if he got a zoomer bae knocked up, but as all things with him, it's just a reuse and another fruitless mating display.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

He treats that toaster oven like it's a fucking toy.

Me comparing it to a kid making Creepy Crawlers just gets more apt the more I think about it.

Except the semiplastic Creepy Crawlers look more appetizing than most of Lucas's toasterbortions.

What do you think the Wern would cook up for his 20 year old zoomer bae the morning after vigorous love making? My moneys on raw pork slathered in mayonaisse and microwaved onto a paper plate with a cup of hot water as the drink.

He wouldn't cook shit.
He would expect his Mommy-Daughter-Slave to do all the cooking after their fisting sessions, once the ring is on her finger and she's knocked up.

 

[A whole lotta nope]

Even the stupidest, most sheltered 18 yr old can cook better food than this, because they can read the package and follow instructions on a box of rice.

I don’t know why he thinks women would be impressed with his toasterbortions. Most all of them have access to real ovens with real cookware and real stovetops, because they live in actual homes.

Seriously. I learned to cook basic shit when I was like 12. No woman is impressed by him piling disgusting sauces and obscene amount of cheese on his food and then cramming it all into a freakin' toaster oven. He think he is enticing women when in reality he is just showing how inept he is. I'd rather starve than eat food that Lucas made.

He say (18-24) --(18-21) but he wants the youngest in the range - an 18 yr old.

Let's be real. He wants a 13-year-old but won't admit it because he knows it's illegal and looked down upon.

 

[A Money Creature]

Who cooks lamb with mayonnaise and ketchup?

Nobody with working taste buds or culinary skills.

Jesus. This is the worst I may have seen the chef at work

 

[mothman96]

Let's be real. He wants a 13-year-old but won't admit it because he knows it's illegal and looked down upon.

Yup, if he could get away with it he'd hit on underage girls. Thinking he could hide that his taste is for young girls he set an age rage with 18 the youngest.

 

[AbraCadaver]

What do you think the Wern would cook up for his 20 year old zoomer bae the morning after vigorous love making? My moneys on raw pork slathered in mayonaisse and microwaved onto a paper plate with a cup of hot water as the drink.

Yeah like Fanatical said, he wouldn’t cook bugger all. He’d expect her to either cook or order some food. He only “cooks” with his Queasy-Bake Oven to prove he could do it, and potentially might do it once a mythical baby was made. And to convince women he is Plenty Good. He “cooks” for people in a transactional way, to make them be his friend or date him. Once he actually started dating a girl, he would consider her his property and no further efforts to “win” her are needed. Hard part over, Girl Achieved.

He fully expects a Mommy Wife like Suzanne, who if you recall was photographed shaving Lucas while he perched on the toilet like mummy giving her fat little good boy a haircut.

He’s a complete child.

 

[My autism is frightening]

For all Lucas’s culinary aspirations it hasn’t even occurred to him to actually look up recipes on his phone and try to legitimately cook something. Without even searching, I bet there is some site that even has recipes specifically to make in toaster ovens.

Lucas is just so low effort in every aspect of his life it’s

I mean...he did do some

Yeah like Fanatical said, he wouldn’t cook bugger all. He’d expect her to either cook or order some food. He only “cooks” with his Queasy-Bake Oven to prove he could do it, and potentially might do it once a mythical baby was made. And to convince women he is Plenty Good. He “cooks” for people in a transactional way, to make them be his friend or date him. Once he actually started dating a girl, he would consider her his property and no further efforts to “win” her are needed. Hard part over, Girl Achieved.

He fully expects a Mommy Wife like Suzanne, who if you recall was photographed shaving Lucas while he perched on the toilet like mummy giving her fat little good boy a haircut.

Yeah like Fanatical said, he wouldn’t cook bugger all. He’d expect her to either cook or order some food. He only “cooks” with his Queasy-Bake Oven to prove he could do it, and potentially might do it once a mythical baby was made. And to convince women he is Plenty Good. He “cooks” for people in a transactional way, to make them be his friend or date him. Once he actually started dating a girl, he would consider her his property and no further efforts to “win” her are needed. Hard part over, Girl Achieved.

He fully expects a Mommy Wife like Suzanne, who if you recall was photographed shaving Lucas while he perched on the toilet like mummy giving her fat little good boy a haircut.

He’s a complete child.

Yeah like Fanatical said, he wouldn’t cook bugger all. He’d expect her to either cook or order some food. He only “cooks” with his Queasy-Bake Oven to prove he could do it, and potentially might do it once a mythical baby was made. And to convince women he is Plenty Good. He “cooks” for people in a transactional way, to make them be his friend or date him. Once he actually started dating a girl, he would consider her his property and no further efforts to “win” her are needed. Hard part over, Girl Achieved.

He fully expects a Mommy Wife like Suzanne, who if you recall was photographed shaving Lucas while he perched on the toilet like mummy giving her fat little good boy a haircut.

He’s a complete child.

Stuff he cooked when he lived with Suzanne

 

[AbraCadaver]

Stuff he cooked when he lived with Suzanne

So, parsing that from Tardspeak...spaghetti noodles, shell noodles, ground hamburger, marinara, cottage cheese, a fucktonne of cheddar and pieces of salami.

CHRIST. Just LOOKING at that photo will give you diarrhea. That is utterly disgusting.

This is like when your 5 yr old kid makes you breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day and you pretend to eat it and later you go have an actual breakfast. I’m betting Suzanne dumped a lot of his “dinners” in the bin afterward.

No matter how proud he is of his foodbortions when he lived with Suzanne, always remember that one of her complaints about him was that he did fuck all round the house except lay about and eat all day. His “chores and cooking” efforts were once in a blue moon token gestures after being nagged a lot.

Also, you cannot claim “I do cooking for the household” if no one will EAT the revolting things you make. That’s like saying you do all the food shopping for the house, but you only ever bring home car tires and soda. That is not helpful for anyone.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Someone take the username Lucas’ Toasterbortions.

Please more stories about this girl.

Ok, I’ll tell you a story. I volunteered to be her note taker and it was worth it in the end because I got paid $300. She was a massive perv towards me though not as bad as Lucas is but she kept asking me to have sex with her every day and I just kept telling her I wasn’t allowed (to be funny). Then I find out from a girl I was dating that she shares her fan fiction about me written on her hentai fantasy tumblr blog. She shows this to the girl I’m seeing because she wants to know if her writing is on point. I didn’t want to read it at the time but now it would be kind of funny.

The thought of it was kind of objectifying though to know someone is writing about your body in a sexually explicit way and not only that making up fantasies about other dudes in the class with you and herself in a gangbang situation. Anyways she always had to bring up the fact that she wanted sex all the time and wanted to play kink games and have sleepover parties.

She got really horny a lot in class too until the teachers just told her in disbelief to stop sharing this information with the class. She never got thrown out for some reason but everyone was so fed up with her disruptions that we let her go play games on her iPad in a corner during classes. Never turned off the sound though so whatever Hentai games she was playing were broadcast to those in range. Damn looking back we all got very good at ignoring her but she also started a lot of arguments with people for no reason like when anyone told her to stop behaving disruptively or dangerously she’d throw a tantrum and argue nonsense. She simply had no ability to listen to or respect others.

It would be hilarious to see Lucas interact with her. They both stink with massive body odour issues, share similar interests in sex, if those two were together in a class it would be hilariously weird they might actually hit it off just to use one another for what they desire. Lucas being arrogant would probably think he’s too good for her though even if they share a lot in common. But maybe Lucas is just desperate enough now to cut his losses if an opportunity like that came up. The fucked up thing with Lucas though is that he is malicious, she wasn’t seeking to do harm to anyone else. I believe Lucas is seeking to do harm or at the very least fantasizes about abusing young women and girls.

P.S to finish I wanted to include one other cooking disaster. She tried blending a sauce during an exam and forgot to put the lid on the container. The contents of the sauce splattered everywhere. My girlfriend who I mentioned earlier was next to her and covered in sauce from head to toe. The shit was hot but luckily she was ok. I don’t know what the college was thinking. Since I left the program she’s been allowed back.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

The ego on this guy.

In his newest video from this morning, Lucas decides that not letting him go to "the party" is misogyny.

Because people preventing him talking to women is just because they're afraid Lucas will treat the women better and the women will all go to him.

So Lucas is once again in that same drunk-on-his-own-narcissism part of the Lucas Cycle, where he imagines that all he'd have to do is say "Hi I'm Lucas!" to a girl and all the girls in the world would be his.

He never seems bothered by the fact that at no point in the last 10 years when he's introduced himself to a girl have they fallen into his arms.

Even the recent Satanist at the homeless shelter with him, who he obviously introduced himself to, didn't fit into this pattern that he's established in his head.

Imagine thinking that not introducing romantic Partners to you was misogynistic.

Depriving women of you is sexist.....to the women! He says these things so casually, having to live in his own head Lucas has fully bought all of his own press.

He's long overdue for a beating, and whether it's because of the toaster oven, his use of the n-word around Shareef, or something new entirely, I hope Fat Albert and his Bros with the baseball bats visit Lucas again in the near future.

And give him more than a pimple this time.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

The ego on this guy.

In his newest video from this morning, Lucas decides that not letting him go to "the party" is misogyny.

Because people preventing him talking to women is just because they're afraid Lucas will treat the women better and the women will all go to him.

So Lucas is once again in that same drunk-on-his-own-narcissism part of the Lucas Cycle, where he imagines that all he'd have to do is say "Hi I'm Lucas!" to a girl and all the girls in the world would be his.

He never seems bothered by the fact that at no point in the last 10 years when he's introduced himself to a girl have they fallen into his arms.

Even the recent Satanist at the homeless shelter with him, who he obviously introduced himself to, didn't fit into this pattern that he's established in his head.

Imagine thinking that not introducing romantic Partners to you was misogynistic.

Depriving women of you is sexist.....to the women! He says these things so casually, having to live in his own head Lucas has fully bought all of his own press.

He's long overdue for a beating, and whether it's because of the toaster oven, his use of the n-word around Shareef, or something new entirely, I hope Fat Albert and his Bros with the baseball bats visit Lucas again in the near future.

And give him more than a pimple this time.

Oh they’ll castigate his chains alright

 

[GingerFuck]

So wait, what job is the Wern trying to get out of biology and economics? He is trying to get a job out of this right

Shut your whore mouth. Work is for peasants. The wern is a king. Don’t you dare insult him with such peasantries.

 

[dirtydeanna96]

Let's be real. He wants a 13-year-old but won't admit it because he knows it's illegal and looked down upon.

I think Lucas would go for a little younger than that if he could. How old was Dolores in "Lolita"? Either eleven or twelve years old. But i can't remember. thank God Lucas isn't sophisticated enough to pull a perverted Humbertian scheme off.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I think Lucas would go for a little younger than that if he could. How old was Dolores in "Lolita"? Either eleven or twelve years old. But i can't remember. thank God Lucas isn't sophisticated enough to pull a perverted Humbertian scheme off.

Lucas would move in, make three horrific “meals” and then start telling Dolores’ mother why he should be allowed to impregnate her daughter for the good of humanity.