Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[wenttobermuda]

I can hear Lucas screaming this in the street
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I can, too. And if you listen closely, you can also hear the sound of Lucas cracking up. This is the finest thing he's posted in some time, and hints at excitement to come. The discriminating Wernologist will note that Lucas is transitioning from bored(sic) game content, to sexual envy "memes." As his agitation grows, his content improves. Cue the ambulances and men with butterfly nets.

From time to time, I enjoy listening to what Lucas has to say and pretending to treat it seriously, as opposed to outright dismissing him as a fat faggot and laughing at him. I still laugh, but I think first, which may heighten the laughs. What is Lucas saying here?

"How are we supposed to have girlfriends if you stand in our way, Gen Z?" From the start, we know that Lucas is addressing an entire generation (as he often does), and by using the royal "we" doing so on behalf of himself and others. Either that, or he has a turd in his pocket. This indicates that the matter of having girlfriends isn't merely personal to Lucas, but implicates all Gen X dudes; it isn't a personal obsession, guys, but a real issue! Anyway, It seems that Lucas would have a (Gen Z) girlfriend or 2 if it wasn't for the "greed" and "secrecy" of Gen Z. Though not clear from the post itself, Wernologists will be able to fill in the blanks. Greedy, because Gen Z "hordes" (sic) the baes. Secretive, because they won't tell him where they keep the hoard.

Thus, Gen Z "stands in the way" of Lucas's romantic fulfillment. But they don't do anything. That's the problem. They "stand in his way," by not making the way immediately clear to him, by failing to take his hand like a child and guiding him along. If you're not Lucas's wingman, you are actively opposing him. It makes him mad enough to invoke Godwin's law.

Lucas does not recognize indifference, generally reading it as hostility. His puss puss hunt is a matter of such urgency to him that he cannot imagine others are not equally invested in it. Sadly, there is little romantic demand for schizo oafs with comically small wieners, and the world isn't as interested in Lucas's sex life as he is. In fact, Wernologists may be the only folks who recognize Lucas as a sexual creature, and they do so only to marvel at his failures. But for the baes that Lucas conceives of as his dating pool, his potential mates, Lucas does not exist. They do not look at him and see a male, just a smelly threat, a sexless thing.

This simple post distills some of Lucas's finest qualities. He believes that everyone is as invested in his puss puss hunt as he is, doesn't understand how unimportant his sex life is to the rest of the world, and interprets the world's disinterest as a deliberate plot to deprive him of his due. I demand more content like this, more often.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

I can hear Lucas screaming this in the street
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Just a few weeks ago he was claiming that the "Age Gap Dating Scene" was popping in Spokane, and that we can't tell him that Gen-Z is agephobic. Now he is back to REEEE'ing about how Gen-Z is agephobic and getting in the way of his lovequest.

Edit: also what is he talking about in his description. Businesses don’t magically run for free after riots until the cops return to enforce laws. The voices on the wind must have said they do.
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Does Lucas see memes made by right-wingers about rioters getting "free stuff" (i.e. stealing), and think that businesses are legitimately giving stuff away for free?

And the people or institutions that do not follow what he thinks should happen are bad and not doing the right thing.

In Lucas's head all Gen-Z women are socialists, and in Lucas's head all socialists must love poor people. Ergo all Gen-Z women are socialist and should date Lucas, and when they don't he see's them as hypocrites.

It's funny because even the alt-right dudebros he claims to hate so much will gleefully admit that even a leftie new-age dangerhair chick isn't obliged to date a stinky homeless ragman.

 

[Da Dude123]

Nothing is happening today with Lucas. He will get seconds and thirds portions at the provided meals at the nursing home, he will make and share memes and scribble on his game making paper. That is what he will do to "burn down capitalsim".

 

[Twrx]

Nothing is happening today with Lucas. He will get seconds and thirds portions at the provided meals at the nursing home, he will make and share memes and scribble on his game making paper. That is what he will do to "burn down capitalsim".

I know it's been said before, but if not for capitalism, he would've been killed a very very long time ago. I wonder if he's aware of that fact.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

I'm not convinced he doesn't only have dentures. A bum like him, wouldn't give a fuck about maintaining dental health. Shit like toothbrushes and toothpaste money could be put towards more food. There's probably some plan in Washington where low income and no income people can get free dentures.

No. One area where Medicaid sucks for us bums is with dental. Many states don't provide any care still, Washington is among those that does but only for the most basic things like 6 month cleanings and simple fillings. My guess is that he must go to dentists to get his teeth whitened regularly.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Congratulations to @wenttobermuda for distilling this crucial bit of Wern psychology:

Lucas views indifference as open hostility.

This is brilliant, in explaining how Lucas thinks the way he does: why are men who are "even existing in the same room" as him "cockblocking" him? Because unless they're actively helping Lucas get a girl, they're stopping him from getting a girl.

It really is rather amazing how black and white Lucas is about everything. And he makes it apparent all the time. He gives us the keys to unlock the distorted psychology of his worldview, he tells us, "If you're not helping me, you're hurting me". Lucas doesn't see indifference. Unless you're giving Lucas what he wants, as Cyael said, you're blocked.

I can't even stress how much of Lucas's inscrutable behavior can now be understood through this matrix. It's selfish, and childish, but so is lucas. If you're not handing Lucas a cookie, you're stopping Lucas from getting a cookie. Do you understand? There's no expectation of Lucas getting a cookie on his own. Unless you assist, you're not just a blockade, you're actively preventing him from getting what he wants. An agressor. An enemy.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Nothing is happening today with Lucas. He will get seconds and thirds portions at the provided meals at the nursing home, he will make and share memes and scribble on his game making paper. That is what he will do to "burn down capitalsim".

Even he admits nothing is happening. What a life.

Edit: that last comment got deleted pretty fast lol

 

[WonderWino]

Dragnauct shared a link to the stream I did where I read through all the facebook posts where Lucas admits to being a pedophile.

This happened on the community page, it's great to see Lucas try to deflect and repeatedly fail.

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The fact he tries to deflect, change the subject and pretend he has no idea what anybody is talking about speaks for itself. He knows he posted that, he knows its true, otherwise he wouldn't be trying to deflect and change the subject. That isn't even getting into how insane he looks in that exchange. I mean really:

Lucas: 'i'm a non offending pedo! also i'll get you some drugs if you date me teen girl!'
Random person: 'you just admitted to being a pedo'
Lucas: 'What are you talking about? You must mean the political memes i'm posting on instagram that have nothing to do with me admitting to being a pedo and aren't even on the same site! why do you support capitalism?!'

That sounds like utter lunacy

Didn't he always blame an old friend - Campbell? for hacking his FB?

He has alternately claimed it was dan and somehow the guy he sucked off, jason purva that somehow was in his apartment for what reason lucas never explained and somehow posted it while he was there. Nevermind that lucas never bothered to do anything about it, that he never explained how purva could have even been there considering he outright denies having anything to do with him and the fact he posted at least 3 times to fb over multiple years admitting to being a pedo, or the fact that none of those people would have had access to lucas's account to begin with

Lucas views indifference as open hostility.

In other words...

 

[Da Dude123]

The cow did a shout out to "G-man". And Lucas isn't into using his tugboat to buy zoot suits and cocaine, okay? He's plenty good and for 5 bucks he can do a shout out just like "G-Man" got. You know what I mean?

 

[Twrx]

I don't give a fuck if he's non offending or not. He's still a pedophile.

 

[Wernology]

I love that he's miserable.

 

[Jeep1971]

No. One area where Medicaid sucks for us bums is with dental. Many states don't provide any care still, Washington is among those that does but only for the most basic things like 6 month cleanings and simple fillings. My guess is that he must go to dentists to get his teeth whitened regularly.

In my state and most others, the only dental Medicaid covers for adults are pregnant women. I know of a handful of girls who were able to have major wisdom tooth surgery before they delivered.

 

[WonderWino]

I love that he's miserable.

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Without recreation? Well then, lucas must not be a fan of bingo, seniors music therapy and ring toss. Its a nursing home, what did he expect? Movie nights full of food he can gorge himself on while the seniors invite their zoomer bae grandchildren to join in so lucas can creep on?

Come to think of that, thats a good point. I wonder how lucas behaves when a zoomer bae shows up to visit their grandparent. I can see a situation like that going all kinds of potential ways. If he were ever to pull a starbucks and slip a creepy note to one of them during a visit it could lead to a very serious incident for everyone involved. Then the residents would be getting top tier entertainment in the form of lucas chimping out and getting thrown back in the funny farm or jail. As fucked in the head as he is, he's no senile dementia patient that is too far gone to be really responsible for his actions and anyone who spends ten seconds with him will know he has enough brains to know how he's supposed to behave

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

I love that he's miserable.

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We must be patient, Lucas will be screaming on the streets again eventually. Or he'll lose his feet or die because fat.

 

[Wernology]

Since Lucas tried to play dumb in comments earlier, I decided to do a short stream highlighting just the shit where he admits to being a pedophile.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Since Lucas tried to play dumb in comments earlier, I decided to do a short stream highlighting just the shit where he admits to being a pedophile.

When Jeremiah responded to Lucas's claims of being propositioned by 4-year-olds by saying that such a thing was unbelievable, Lucas took it like, "Yeah, weird, huh?" rather than how Jeremiah clearly intended it, which was obviously a "No Lucas, things like that DON'T happen, YOU'RE LYING....or delusional".

Lucas does this alot; interpretation of people's incredulity as a comment on the oddness of a situation, rather than an accusation of Lucas as a liar... or unreliable narrator of his own reality.

When Drag suggested that telomeres were more nuanced and complicated, and that one couldn't just say "telomeres = longer life", Lucas took this as a suggestion that the science of telomeres was complicated and only for brainy science guys like Drag and him, NOT (as Drag clearly meant it) a refutation of Lucas's misunderstanding of the "science" and a condemnation of him using such to try to get laid. Hilariously enough, for Lucas's claims as a defender of all women, and an attacker of all things misogynistic, Lucas turned Drag's suggestion that he not bring up telomeres when trying to approach women into a way to actually criticize women's intelligence, suggesting that telomeres were "too science-y", and not something they would be interested in. It's peak Lucas to interpret someone telling him that he comes off as a creep by bringing up telomeres as some sort of suggestion that women are beneath understanding his deep genetic science. All while calling himself a feminist. And patronizing Lola with repeated "sweethearts"... which strangely enough only come out when he's losing ground in an argument.

When you tell Lucas that something that he said or claimed happened is "strange", you have to actually call him a liar, because if you just say it's strange, Lucas will respond by saying, "Yeah, that was kind of funny, huh?" as if you were commenting on the oddness of it, rather than accusing him of lying or being delusional.

 

[IceQueen]

Farmers have in the past commented on Lucas's above-average state of dentition...prompting a discussion that revealed Lucas's long-ago admission that his two front teeth were fake, owing to his childhood lack of coordination causing him to eat shit, face first, over the handlebars of his BMX into the hard, hard ground. All this is by way of prologue. But....
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....are his teeth REALLY that far above average for a bum? In this close-up from the infamous "I'm 18 and Live in A Dream" we can see his choppers are plaque-coated, streaked, and both black at the gum line. His gums themselves look grey. Frankly, his teeth look about as horrifying as one would imagine hobo-nightmare pearlies to look.

I think his cheap cellphone camera and bright Spokane sunshine tricked us into seeing his teeth as whiter and brighter than they ever were.

"Evolution kills the idiot gene", indeed.

Any chance you can link that video that this screenshot is from? I recognize it, as well as the title you described, but can’t find it.

 

[Chucky McDurban]

No. One area where Medicaid sucks for us bums is with dental. Many states don't provide any care still, Washington is among those that does but only for the most basic things like 6 month cleanings and simple fillings. My guess is that he must go to dentists to get his teeth whitened regularly.

I feel this shit rn. It will eternally piss me off Lucas gets an entire free ride and I’m being told to go fuck myself by my insurance while I have 4 impacted wisdom teeth. I’m gonna get outta this slump the ‘Merican way by any means necessary but damn does it feel weird to be jealous of a deranged hobo because he can get his teeth taken care of.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

The face when you have had enough of living in a nursing home and are just about ready to go back to chimping out on the streets

 

[Twrx]

The face when you have had enough of living in a nursing home and are just about ready to go back to chimping out on the streets
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Can he not lie just for one time? He wants a child that will completely take care of him, to the level of he doesn't even have to chew, she'll move his jaw. And all the other sicking shit he wants.