Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Cnaiur urs Skiotha]

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Why are his food pics always slightly too dark, especially around the edges? It almost looks like he’s sitting in the dark and taking pics with the flash on. It lends it this unsettling, vaguely creepy atmosphere.

 

[Fatal Walter]

I don't remember seeing this before but it's not like I notice every comment. I feel like I would have responded if I did. This family doesn't get along very well. It's from the video about Cyril's story about 19 year old Lucas.

 

[Twrx]

I don't remember seeing this before but it's not like I notice every comment. I feel like I would have responded if I did. This family doesn't get along very well. It's from the video about Cyril's story about 19 year old Lucas.


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Can you blame them? Imagine having a sibling like Lucas and Seth.

 

[WonderWino]

Why are his food pics always slightly too dark, especially around the edges? It almost looks like he’s sitting in the dark and taking pics with the flash on. It lends it this unsettling, vaguely creepy atmosphere.

Reading that gave me horrifying images of lucas sitting in a semi dark room with a terrified zoomer bae 'date' telling her it puts the mustard in the soup or else it gets the hose again while giving her his trademark psycho eyes while taking pictures of it for IG, using one of those old polaroid cameras, with each shot giving off the same sound as the pictures being taken at the beginning of texas chainsaw massacre

I don't remember seeing this before but it's not like I notice every comment. I feel like I would have responded if I did. This family doesn't get along very well. It's from the video about Cyril's story about 19 year old Lucas.

Why am I not surprised one of the 'friends' lucas had that he defended in his reflections (and mentioned 10 times in said reflections if anyone is wondering) and who he admits cyril and michelle both called out as being sketchy (gee lucas's defense of that guy sure aged well) turned out to be a pedo who kidnapped a kid. Whats that saying about birds of a feather again? Fucked in the head seems to run in the werns family as well so its not surprising some red flags about his teacher brother would pop up, but I wouldn't put too much faith in anything this guy says either as far as it being 100% accurate. Lets not forget lucas plays that particular game fairly often as well, so take it with a grain of salt and remember he may of learned that kind of behavior from other family members. I seem to remember a few things about him getting posted that came off as a little mental over the years as well, so I wouldn't put it past that post being an idiot slap fight with everybody guilty and everybody pointing fingers at each other for shit. Its not uncommon among dysfunctional families

 

[Bassomatic]

It's been said many times before but something that keeps sticking out and gets funnier to me is Lucas monkey brain when it comes to food. He really thinks like a fucking animal. I have food so breed. He has no idea of shame and loves to share he's using welfare and food banks. Let's not even start about the toasterbortions (I love that term) he makes but in his retard rutt, he proudly shows off tuna and peanut butter, because both are food so GOOD now fuck.

It really high lights how low IQ he is, he's like a god damn retarded sparrow or something, I would never insult a crow or other corvid saying they share traits with Lucas.

His polisperging as always is stupid, but what's funny if you watch/listen to ANY MSM or even smaller media, the words "supply chain" keep being pumped into every story for better for worse. Lucas is so dumb aside, well his ideals. He legit doesn't think or understand this concept thats pushed into every damn story exists. He honestly, clearly has stated, a DVD just shows up. Brad Pitt isn't given a script by a writer, he's not filmed by a camera guy, he's not given makeup, he's not fed by teamster, etc. For someone who says they are supporting the working class (while not being in it) he just doesn't understand they exist. Lucas is so god damn dumb, he thinks that frozen pizza magics it self to wal mart. Then walmart has the nerve to profit off it. I'm almost impressed how stupid he is.

 

[WonderWino]

It's been said many times before but something that keeps sticking out and gets funnier to me is Lucas monkey brain when it comes to food. He really thinks like a fucking animal. I have food so breed. He has no idea of shame and loves to share he's using welfare and food banks. Let's not even start about the toasterbortions (I love that term) he makes but in his retard rutt, he proudly shows off tuna and peanut butter, because both are food so GOOD now fuck.

It really high lights how low IQ he is, he's like a god damn retarded sparrow or something, I would never insult a crow or other corvid saying they share traits with Lucas.

His polisperging as always is stupid, but what's funny if you watch/listen to ANY MSM or even smaller media, the words "supply chain" keep being pumped into every story for better for worse. Lucas is so dumb aside, well his ideals. He legit doesn't think or understand this concept thats pushed into every damn story exists. He honestly, clearly has stated, a DVD just shows up. Brad Pitt isn't given a script by a writer, he's not filmed by a camera guy, he's not given makeup, he's not fed by teamster, etc. For someone who says they are supporting the working class (while not being in it) he just doesn't understand they exist. Lucas is so god damn dumb, he thinks that frozen pizza magics it self to wal mart. Then walmart has the nerve to profit off it. I'm almost impressed how stupid he is.

“Crimestop means the faculty of stopping short, as though by instinct, at the threshold of any dangerous thought. It includes the power of not grasping analogies, of failing to perceive logical errors, of misunderstanding the simplest arguments if they are inimical to Ingsoc, and of being bored or repelled by any train of thought which is capable of leading in a heretical direction. Crimestop, in short, means protective stupidity.”​

I wonder what orwell would think about encountering someone like lucas who does that shit out of legit stupidity without any need for big brother to force it. You have to admit it describes lucas's mind eerily well, except in his case its a result of sheer low IQ and utter stupidity

Lucas is so pathologically stupid its something of a minor miracle he's managed to live as long as he has, even at this point in history. Not that it isn't starting to catch up to him. At literally any other time in history he'd have ended up dead in the gutter before he was 20. Between the sheer stupidity and blatant narcissism he's so stupid that he is unable to recognize it no matter how obvious it should be and barely even has a self preservation instinct. He legitimately lives in his own delusional fantasy land and probably has a mind that would turn the most tolerant and patient of psychiatrists to heavy drinking at having to deal with him. If he'd have been born 15 years earlier he'd have been in an asylum and booted out on the street by reagan. If he'd been born in the 20s he'd have been one of the idiots they tested shit on during the war. If he'd have been born in the mid to late 40s he'd probably have been drafted as one of mcnamaras morons in vietnam and ended up target practice for some north vietnemese flatbills. Either that or NASA would have spared the the monkey test subjects and sent lucas into orbit instead. I'm sure even lucas has enough brains to pull the right levers and push the right buttons when doing so gets him a banana flavored treat. At least after a few months of training. He'd probably get giddy and jump at the chance both for the food (and you just know he'd consider space food in a tube to be gourmet) and thoughts of being some kind of hero that would get him hippie teen puss puss not realizing NASA would probably rig the capsule to burn up in orbit rather than have to pry him out of the seat with a crowbar and spend a week or two airing it out from the wern smell

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

True though those ones were people deliberately fucking with him directly, I meant more in regards to the general population of flatbills he thinks are part of some zoomer hoarding cabal

Those are really the only Zoomers he actually interacted with though, aside from Isaac and Co.
In the real world, he is 2/2 for groups of Zoomers willing to give him the time of day, and both groups basically played him for the fool and did not give him any Gen-Z puss-puss to breed.

Now add in the fact that Lucas basically thinks everyone here and SOFALAW is all either Gen-Z flatbill bigots or old shriveled post-fecund women; mix it with a whole bunch of narcissism and a garnishment of schizo behavior and suddenly you have a full conspiracy in Lucas's head about how all the credit-card wielding Gen-Z Christian flatbills are in on keeping Plenty Good father candidate Lucas from getting laid.

 

[AnOminous]

Watch out Christcucks! If he catches you lackin' he's gonna pull up with his skeptic friends and destroy your ass with FACTS and LOGIC!

"I'm a mentally ill dying loser who is one step from homelessness, I have diabetes and MRSA I refuse to treat, I eat literal garbage and I'm so disgusting absolutely nobody would fuck me. Now let me tell you about how much smarter I am than you."

That's why he looks like shit, he's literally slowly poisoning himself. Dialysis is only effective for so long because there's so much junk in the bloodstream, and with his horrible diet he'll be rapidly overloading all his organs even faster. It's just a matter of which of his vital organs fails first and when.

Some people last years but he's a really bad candidate and is so fucked up in so many other ways he's either going to be noncompliant or otherwise keep doing unhealthy shit. A main reason lots of people don't last long in dialysis is if they have a bunch of comorbid conditions like heart problems (because in addition to other things dialysis is hard on the heart), infections, etc. And schizophrenia also shortens your life, either because of inability to take care of yourself or the kinds of drugs you have to be on.

It's also pretty alarming he's already in shape this bad at his age.

 

[WonderWino]

"I'm a mentally ill dying loser who is one step from homelessness, I have diabetes and MRSA I refuse to treat, I eat literal garbage and I'm so disgusting absolutely nobody would fuck me. Now let me tell you about how much smarter I am than you."

Speaking of lucas eating literal garbage and being drafted in the old days as an expendable idiot I think I found what lucas's time in the army would have been like:

Except lucas wouldn't be haunted like frank he'd think his creations were plenty good and all the sick soldiers were sick from something else. As if getting drafted wouldn't be bad enough, imagine getting to korea and finding out lucas is the one cooking all your meals for the next 3 years. Frank certainly spices his food the same way army cook wern would....though i'm sure black pepper would be in there somewhere, and probably mayo

 

[Aunt Carol]

Some people last years but he's a really bad candidate and is so fucked up in so many other ways he's either going to be noncompliant or otherwise keep doing unhealthy shit. A main reason lots of people don't last long in dialysis is if they have a bunch of comorbid conditions like heart problems (because in addition to other things dialysis is hard on the heart), infections, etc.

Noncompliance is going to be the killer. Dialysis has its share of cockroaches, the patients who shuffle in over the years with fewer and fewer toes poking out of their dirty slides, drinking a Big Gulp and eating Fritos while in the chair. If he doesn't actually make his appointments, though, he's hosed.

The limit of no-shows before you lose your chair varies, but there is one; there are patients at hospitals who can't be discharged because they don't have a permanent dialysis appointment outpatient.

If you require regular dialysis and lose your chair, the immediate option is to present to the emergency department whenever you feel like you need dialysis. Could be a day after triage, but you will get dialyzed and discharged. Case management will try to get you set up with outpatient again, just to keep you out of the ED, but as noted earlier, there are more people with ESRD than there are dialysis chairs. Even with the unfortunate turnover.

(I read back through this thread and it seems like we don't have a lot of data on Lucas' renal situation. Is he just not interested and thus not posting about it? It seems like spending 3-4 hours in a chair 3 times a week would be a big impact on his life. Or is he still at a weekly session, or maturing a fistula for later? The fluid retention in his eyelids is pretty significant.)

 

[wenttobermuda]

Lucas is plenty good! He is a great cook and is bussin! Stop being bigots and stop being agephobes! Reeee!

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Wernology has been intolerably dull for some time now. But Lucas has been a bit zesty lately. It's encouraging.

Lucas's PBJ with humus and pork speaks for itself. I once suspected that his failure to graduate from HS was a product of his social deficits and laziness. Having seen him boast of his PBJHP sandwich, I know better. He's retarded. Actually, factually retarded. Approaching Cobes level retarded. This is no novel observation: Lucas's inability to manage his life is well documented and often discussed. Just some of the most forceful evidence yet that Lucas Colby Werner is a retard. And a fat faggot.

And then this fascinating gem:

"Everytime I've gotten laid it was because I cooked her some food..."

The connection in Lucas's mind between food and sex is a fascinating area of Wernology, and explored at some length in this hallowed thread. In brief, Lucas uses food to manage bad feelings. Lucas has many bad feelings from sex, or involuntary lack thereof. Lucas uses food to try to attract a potential mate, because he operates with the sophistication and tact of a wild animal. He assumes fecund baes relate to food like he does, so Lucas attempts to gift food them junk food, and boasts of his ability to procure and prepare it. I just love how this quote fits into that dynamic.

And we now know that once upon a time, Lucas, who was 300+ lbs at the time, cooked for an older woman. What this dish was we may only speculate on. I hope it was something like his PBJHP. After they ate, they fornicated, and many Wernologists maintain this was how Lucas lost his virginity. In any event, this must've left a strong impression on Lucas. Years and years later, he keeps returning to this trick that worked once and then never again.

 

[HaloHero65]

Reading that gave me horrifying images of lucas sitting in a semi dark room with a terrified zoomer bae 'date' telling her it puts the mustard in the soup or else it gets the hose again while giving her his trademark psycho eyes while taking pictures of it for IG, using one of those old polaroid cameras, with each shot giving off the same sound as the pictures being taken at the beginning of texas chainsaw massacre

i instantly thought of the truck stop killer photo and i really think it's exactly like a photo lucas would take

 

[WonderWino]

i instantly thought of the truck stop killer photo and i really think it's exactly like a photo lucas would take

The caption for that picture could easily be whats that atrocious smell....? wait! no! stay back! so it definitely fits with a picture lucas would take before he strikes

 

[HidekiVonMetternich4real]

Dinners ready!
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Ok where do we even start.
1) Faggot couldn't even assemble a tuna sandwich properly as the contents are spilling out.
2) What in the actual fuck. Did this fat cunt skin a rat/ pidgeon and put the skin in a shredder? What the fuck is this? Also that peanut butter looks suspiciously lightly coloured.

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3) What the fuck. Having spent most of my life until a couple years ago in Hong Kong, those aren't spring rolls. Also, who the fuck puts salsa on top of spring rolls? He calls that a meal? The skin of the spring rolls looks all soft and droopy and shit, this looks more like an owl pellet than anything.
4) Who the fuck puts bananas and fruits in penne. Is the 'sloppy' part sloppy joe's? Seriously though, it looks like as if worms, lice and cockroaches are about to start crawling out of that brown mess any moment. Also, did nobody ever teach him how to spread the sauce around?

 

[Club Sandwich]

so hypothetically, if i curated a coffee table book "Food of the Disturbed" as a faux recipe with photographs, the original posts from Lucas, and a few paragraphs from his various text spillage, how much do you think i could charge for it?

 

[Greedmonger]

Did this fat cunt skin a rat/ pidgeon and put the skin in a shredder? Having spent most of my life until a couple years ago in Hong Kong this looks more like an owl pellet than anything.

All the authentic delicacies we miss out on stateside, aside from BBQ roadkill.
I did try pigeon brains in Taipei once. They were plenty good!

 

[WonderWino]

so hypothetically, if i curated a coffee table book "Food of the Disturbed" as a faux recipe with photographs, the original posts from Lucas, and a few paragraphs from his various text spillage, how much do you think i could charge for it?

I wouldn't be surprised if it was popular so it might be worth giving it a shot. That said i'd laugh my ass off if you made that book and lucas ended up getting it to get ideas for meals, not realizing many of them were his own toasterbortions

 

[wenttobermuda]

Ok where do we even start.
1) Faggot couldn't even assemble a tuna sandwich properly as the contents are spilling out.
2) What in the actual fuck. Did this fat cunt skin a rat/ pidgeon and put the skin in a shredder? What the fuck is this? Also that peanut butter looks suspiciously lightly coloured.


3) What the fuck. Having spent most of my life until a couple years ago in Hong Kong, those aren't spring rolls. Also, who the fuck puts salsa on top of spring rolls? He calls that a meal? The skin of the spring rolls looks all soft and droopy and shit, this looks more like an owl pellet than anything.
4) Who the fuck puts bananas and fruits in penne. Is the 'sloppy' part sloppy joe's? Seriously though, it looks like as if worms, lice and cockroaches are about to start crawling out of that brown mess any moment. Also, did nobody ever teach him how to spread the sauce around?

The food itself is disgusting, if unremarkable. There are many other chefs who's skill matches their self-awareness. What makes Lucas stand out is the boasting, and the knowledge that every ridiculous meal he prepares is a feeble attempt at attracting a teenage fuckmommy. The retarded fat faggot must look at every plate, sigh, and imagine all the baes he'll never share food with or sodomize. Then he snaps a pic and posts "Look at this bomb creation, it's bussing, you're missing out my nigga."

so hypothetically, if i curated a coffee table book "Food of the Disturbed" as a faux recipe with photographs, the original posts from Lucas, and a few paragraphs from his various text spillage, how much do you think i could charge for it?

Will there be any commentary or context, or will the thing speak for itself?

I would pay 19.99 for your book, but I am a sucker. Yet, there are bigger suckers out there. This is why "Food of the Disturbed" should be a coffee table book presented as an NFT. You could charge a lot more, and never have to get around to making the book.

This thread has a few examples of Werner recipes. They are often mocking in tone, and make frequent reference to Lucas's unsatisfied sexual desires. Do you plan to play it straight, and present his recipes in a neutral manner?

 

[Club Sandwich]

Do you plan to play it straight, and present his recipes in a neutral manner?

pretty much this, although the "recipes" will likely have some best guesses to technique or lack thereof, if someone really wanted to recreate some abomination from Lucas' imagination and into your mouth, i'll provide the text needed to do it as best as i can.

commentary will probably be a panel showcasing some plating photos or original posts from Lucas himself or from virtual Wern or something.

 

[wenttobermuda]

pretty much this, although the "recipes" will likely have some best guesses to technique or lack thereof, if someone really wanted to recreate some abomination from Lucas' imagination and into your mouth, i'll provide the text needed to do it as best as i can.

commentary will probably be a panel showcasing some plating photos or original posts from Lucas himself or from virtual Wern or something.

Good call. A project like this requires a light touch. It'd be easily ruined with too much "omfg look at this retarded fat faggot." Better to show, not tell.

This thread is the ideal place to remark that Lucas is a retarded, fat faggot.