Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

Since Lucas reads here I might as well ask the obvious:
Lucas, why do you expect anyone to believe you called another man a "misogynist" in reaction to you being called a pedo?
You aren't a woman, that makes no sense.
Are you sure you didn't call the guy a "homophobe"?
That makes infinitely more sense.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Every few pages the following exchange occurs:

Spoiler: The cycle

Lucas; Gimme poonaner agephobes blargh walkka wakka wakka

Kiwi 1: Lucas has finally done it now!

Kiwi 2: optimist. Lucas will suffer no consequences.

Kiwi 3; Guys, you're in that cycle thing

Kiwi 4: pointing out the cycle is part of the cycle

Kiwi 5: here's a picture of Lucas's dick lol

The cycle always ends with a joyous celebration of Lucas's short comings.

we're on step 5 now. Any volunteer?

You're right! @BrightGold and I are no different! I'm kiwi #3!

@wenttobermuda speaks the truth and brings us together as always. This is why @wenttobermuda is the Alpha Wernologist!

(Must have some freakish long telomeres!)

 

[mothman96]

The only thing Lucas releases in a Gen Z girls are feelings of disgust, so he's never going to get a girl to "jet" with. He has sealed his doom.

 

[BrightGold]

You're right! @BrightGold and I are no different! I'm kiwi #3!

@wenttobermuda speaks the truth and brings us together as always. This is why @wenttobermuda is the Alpha Wernologist!

(Must have some freakish long telomeres!)

Haha, fully agree. Sorry for jumpstarting this back-and-forth, y'all. My initial comment, specifically the latter half of it, wasn't directed specifically at anyone - I'm just happy to be part of this hellish cycle with all of you.

Maybe I had too much caffeine at my local Mexican restaurant or something, who knows.

 

[WonderWino]

I thought today was resume day, Lucas?

Come on now, he was hard at work all day on that resume. He spent all day copying over 800,000 bits of data to his disaster backup facility just in case the stuff with the shelter or tardbux falls through

Also known as 'writing a batshit insane resume getting someone at the shelter to write up his insane resume cause hes a lazy incompetent shit he doesn't know how to use a computer and copying having someone else copy it to a floppy disk'

Very hard work indeed. He's going out for a burrito now and to determine his next 5 moves (eating burrito, staring creepily at 16 year old working the cash register, walking back the shelter, finding closet to sit in with plant for the night, go to sleep and dream of fisting zoomers with arm made of burritos)

 

[mothman96]

I'm more tired than I thought!

It's not his direct phone number at least or, at least, it wasn't that guy when I called it was someone on their directory. But still, I'll edit that.

The gist of the conversation was that they were going to get me the info of the people coordinating the Salvation Army shelter to see if they already have Lucas' info from Olympia and to pass along the email I sent them detailing his behavior the last few months, and seeing if they want to get in touch with me to discuss "the situation".

In case you need it, these are the board members for the Salvation Army in Spokane. The ones in the bottom row, The Captain and Majors look to be the higher ups. Via their FB, the shelter on Mission Ave was named "The Way Out Shelter". Kinda fitting for Lucas specifically since he's way out of his mind.

https://spokane.salvationarmy.org/spokane_citadel/advisory-board/

ETA:
What is the Spokane Freak trying to say in this slang salad:

Yea sure Lucas, you take your "friends" out to eat all the time because your "friends" all live in your head.

 

[Wernology]

ETA:
What is the Spokane Freak trying to say in this slang salad:

View attachment 1521254

Yea sure Lucas, you take your "friends" out to eat all the time because your "friends" all live in your head.
View attachment 1521305

If someone came up to me and started talking to me like that, I'd assume they were having a stroke and call 911.

 

[WonderWino]

What is the Spokane Freak trying to say in this slang salad:

'Help! I need to up my dosage of thorazine and lithium! Stat!'

I'm starting to think he literally believes that zoomers talk like this to each other and in places like high school like some kind of newspeak

Those flatbills are doubleplus ungood I tell you what

 

[PissPool]

The only thing Lucas releases in a Gen Z girls are feelings of disgust, so he's never going to get a girl to "jet" with. He has sealed his doom.

View attachment 1521103

So what the fuck is going on with that fingernail? Is something on it? It looks it he has necrosis and the nail bed is just rotting away.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Next Goldy interview, someone needs to ask the sick fuck (and not let him BS an answer or change the subject) if he thinks young women appreciate hearing their breasts referred to as "taut mommy milkies".

Seriously, even in his insane in the membrane, HOW can he think that's not vile to any woman?

I almost threw up just typing it.

 

[Grease trap]

Hopefully he gets kicked out of the hobo hut soon and is back to screaming wildly on the streets of Downtown Spokane. His latest content, while pure insanity, is boring and lazy. He needs to realize nobody gives 2 fucks about his telomere "research", and that no amount of schizo memes are gonna pull in Zoomer baes, especially not when it's clear he's been wearing the same inside-out shirt for the past 5 days. We all just want to see him dance like the Silverback gorilla he is.

 

[WonderWino]

We all just want to see him dance like the Silverback gorilla he is.

Wish granted:

How can the zoomer baes turn lucas down with these moves

 

[Rescuetoast]

So what the fuck is going on with that fingernail? Is something on it? It looks it he has necrosis and the nail bed is just rotting away.

People with untreated diabetes are prone to all sorts of nail infections and fungi- so are people with treated diabetes, but it’s easier to keep a handle on. Could be paronychia, which is an infection of the folds around the nail (everyone’s had a minor infection like this at some point, they usually heal fine and are just kinda sore for a couple days) that caused a mrsa outbreak, could be a weird fungus, could be a lot of things and it’s 100% guaranteed to never, ever heal because of the diabetes and bad hygiene.

 

[Amewsed]

I thought today was resume day, Lucas?

It'd look something like this.

 

[mothman96]

I am so glad the incestuous freak will never be a father and will die alone.

 

[Patchwork Ragdoll]

A face only a mother could love. Oh wait, she doesn't give a shit about him either.



Joke's on you lucas, you're the idiot. You're the one with defective genes, you're going to die alone.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

In case you need it, these are the board members for the Salvation Army in Spokane. The ones in the bottom row, The Captain and Majors look to be the higher ups. Via their FB, the shelter on Mission Ave was named "The Way Out Shelter". Kinda fitting for Lucas specifically since he's way out of his mind.

https://spokane.salvationarmy.org/spokane_citadel/advisory-board/

ETA:
What is the Spokane Freak trying to say in this slang salad:

View attachment 1521254

"I, Lucas Werner see how it is in your language.
Observe how I come forward speaking your adolescent linguistics.

My words cause young females to pivot their heads in admiration and lust.
This causes the adolescent males to demonstrate jealousy, they are angered and lack relaxation. This is not respectable behavior.

I see you while I roam, you secretly want me and root for me while I vocalize verbal signs of dominance against your males, whose attire causes them to resemble cartoon ducks.

I am legitimately hunting. Soon."

That was my best guess of translating fat hobo tardspeak into English.

 

[Rescuetoast]

I am so glad the incestuous freak will never be a father and will die alone.

View attachment 1521909

Goldaor made this. That’s that stupid anime character he likes in the corner.

 

[Pump Meat]

Guys, what do you think would happen if Lucas finally got laid with a 20 year old?

I'd be curious to know if Lucas could sexually perform when the chance finally arrived. Assuming that he did, I think any happiness gained from it would be fleeting. Lucas isn't really gunning for orgasms as much as he'd like to control a young woman as much as possible. If he did actually manage a romantic encounter, he would probably scare the shit out of her within hours after their first copulation (if not during) and she'd ghost him hard. He'd inevitably weave this into a story about how he found a zoomer-wife but she was driven away by agephobes because collectively we can't stand to see Lucas prosper and sabotage anything good in his life.

 

[Fapcop]

"I, Lucas Werner see how it is in your language.
Observe how I come forward speaking your adolescent linguistics.

My words cause young females to pivot their heads in admiration and lust.
This causes the adolescent males to demonstrate jealousy, they are angered and lack relaxation. This is not respectable behavior.

I see you while I roam, you secretly want me and root for me while I vocalize verbal signs of dominance against your males, whose attire causes them to resemble cartoon ducks.

I am legitimately hunting. Soon."

That was my best guess of translating fat hobo tardspeak into English.

His language is legitimately so fucking bizarre.

It’s as if someone took the “Hello, fellow kids!” meme and fucking supercharged it.

Lucas comes across as an alien in a skin suit who landed yesterday, and downloaded the collective verbiage of Instagram, confusing it for a dictionary.