Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Lucas Werner wants to mate. Not just fuck, though he’d probably be delighted to, but mate: impregnate a fertile female and produce healthy offspring.

Not any fertile female will do. A 27 year old woman with a functional uterus is of no interest to Lucas. He wants a “18-24” year old mate (though it’s well known he’d be content with a 16 year old, or an 11 year old niece). His intent is not to produce just any offspring. Lucas will use his aged, telomere rich semen (fondly referred to as his “swimmers” which he claims are very fast) and the hyper fertile egg of his much younger mate to produce superior, eugenic progeny. Or “children with the strongest DNA.” Lucas believes that if more people shared his approach to reproduction, the world would be a better, smarter place.

Why Lucas demonstrates this obsession with mating to produce eugenic super spawn will be the subject of another longform piece of Wernology entitled “Lucas fears he isn’t male.” Our subject today is how Lucas pursues this obsession. If you’ve followed him for any length of time, you know that Lucas advertises himself to young, fertile women with food, and that he hopes to convince some lucky lass that his jizz is plenty good because: telomeres.
Lucas understands that to find a bae willing to breed with him, he must signal that he is a suitable mate, until someone acceptable recognizes that he is and gratefully accepts his load of telomeres. Lucas has some notion of how other, sexually successful men go about this, even if its twisted: credit cards, flatbill hats, using the word “nigger,” acting black, cultural appropriation, and so forth.

In other words, they display things he does not have, and do things he does not like.

He is right, to the extent that he has no of the qualities, nor trappings, of a man that interests women.

If Lucas wants to mate so badly, how does he go about it? Not in the conventional way that men try to. He tries to pay women to go out to dinner with them. He invites an entire generation of women out to dinner at Red Robin. He leaves food around Spokane with deranged notes advertising the quality of his dna. He tries to "educate" the public about the virtues of old man jizz and "age gap relationships." Wtf is he doing?

While all men in the courtship game seek to set themselves apart from their sexual rivals, there is a baseline for participation. Potential fathers must generally meet basic standards of readiness or ability to provide. Many men who are consciously interested in starting a family will prepare for it financially, professionally or otherwise. A fellow with a home, a bank account, and some stability may naturally signal they would make a decent father. He may be taken seriously as a mate. Many men who have no interest in being a father become one any way in their pursuit of poonaner, and some even rise to the occasion.

Lucas stands out among other men in the courtship game by virtue of his lack of readiness or ability to provide. But as we've observed he relies upon two things to distinguish himself in a positive way: food, and his magical sperm. Note that Lucas also tries to distinguish himself with his political opinions: he would like to be credited for being a good person and believing the right things. He is a socialist, and Gen Z likes socialism, therefore Gen Z should take him seriously as a sexual partner, because socialists don’t care about poverty. But food and jizz are Lucas’s sales pitch; his “beliefs” are more of a way of focusing his sales pitch on a particular demographic. Lucas doesn’t just want to feed and impregnate any female, but rather some imagined, socialist nymph that thinks Bernie is grand and doesn’t mind that Lucas is a hobo.

Food and jizz are what Lucas understands he has to offer, what he thinks will work, what is unique to him. This is baffling. Women don’t rely on men for food, though Lucas behaves as if they do, and seems to believe they do. Women also don’t seem to consciously think about the genetics of their potential offspring when choosing sexual partners, though Lucas encourages them to. Lucas assumes that women who engage in sexual activity consciously intend to have children and deliberate the fitness of their spawn. He must believe that reproductive fitness is something that women consciously evaluate in men, and something that social and financial success have no bearing on.

For example, in the video “One third of women date for free food” Lucas observes that ⅓ of women date for free food, and ⅔ do so because they want to have children some day. This “sounds kind of fair” to Lucas, who observes “there’s no other reason to date, is there?” Thus, according to Lucas, all women either date for food or for children.

https://youtu.be/TCWQHheFJfY

It just so happens that Lucas offers women food, and the raw substance of children: hobo loads.

Lucas makes other assumptions, too. Despite his health problems and history of mental illness (both may be heritable) he thinks that his DNA is plenty good. Spectacular even. He often refers to how “tall” he is, and has compared himself to the Hulk before. He’d like women, and men, to see him as large and strong. Lucas also thinks, despite ample contrary evidence, that he is very handsome and unironically refers to himself as such. And his telomeres related delusions have convinced him that by virtue of his age, his DNA is even better. Does Lucas believe his telomere nonsense, or is it a cynical argument to get women to take his seed? As outlandish and ridiculous as it is, he seems earnest.

Lucas has some understanding of what women want, aside from food and good jizz for their eggs. It’s not unreasonable, either: security. In his 2010 personal reflection, in a moment of unusual lucidity, he wrote that he is uncomfortable around women because:


Lucas doesn’t know what “security” means to a smart pretty interesting girl, and admits that he isn’t going to find out. He can’t offer security, and he knows it: he is poor and dependent on handouts. His decision making ability is compromised, and he can be counted on to make a mess of things.

Food then, is partly a matter of providing security, in addition to being something that Lucas thinks women will go on dates for, and seek men to provide. Food is something that Lucas, as both a gluttonous fat ass and a poor person, is preoccupied with. But it’s all the security he can offer: he has an EBT card. He can get enough cash in hand to go to Red Robin or Churchill's. Lucas would like this to be evidence that he is ready to be a father. His children will not starve. There will be plenty of pep sticks for everyone.

But if Lucas doesn’t understand what “security” is to a “smart pretty interesting girl,” or how he can offer it, his own relationship to “security” is complicated. Beyond the social safety net that he relies upon, he has no security. He needs more than he can offer. He has a well established desire to be taken care of by a woman, like Suzanne, and his mommy before her. A woman to buy him things, like guitars and ice cream, and provide him with a home. He intuits that maybe women want to be taken care of, like he does. And he’s in no position to take care of anyone, beyond offering them the fruits of his EBT. Food, even free food, is security, and that gets girls.

In a sense, mating to Lucas provides him with security. If he impregnates a woman, who can support him and do what he says, he will have security: a roof, better access to empty calories.
He thinks that because of feminism and his own oedpial relationship with his mom, that his mate will take care of the family, and he will be a house husband, sort of like how he was with Suzzane: he cleaned, did chores, prepared meals. This brings us back to food again.

Does “security” have any bearing on Lucas’s old, magic sperm? It doesn’t really. Perhaps he’s offering genetic security. He often makes the claim that his mate won’t have to worry about health issues with their offspring. They won’t have marfan syndrome (a favorite of his to mention) or autism or schizophrenia. They’ll be super babies, their future successes ensured by their superior dna.

But I’ve come to think of it more as a matter of realizing he can’t provide security, a tacit admission that all he has is jizz and a big fat gut. In despair he realizes he has nothing meaningful to offer as a mate and father, and so he falls back on his telomeres fantasy.

Lucas also has extreme anxiety over impotence. It’s one of the chief reasons he won’t take meds for his mental health. He complained about being unable to bust loads because of medication, and wanted everyone to know that after discontinuing his medication, he was gushing awesome jizz. There is also the suspicion that Lucas experiences diabetic impotence, to say nothing of his age or his total lack of sexual success. His telomeres delusions about the virtues of his sperm may be a way to overcompensate for his primal lack of sexual fitness, and signal to smart pretty interesting girls that he is in fact a sexual creature to be taken seriously.

Not a fat creep that would like them to support him, and let him anally torture them.
In sum, in the courtship game Lucas relies upon offering meals and preaching about the potency of his jizz, because he expects it to work (despite history telling him that it won’t), and he has nothing else to offer. He will die without issue, without ever having known the touch of a "smart pretty interesting girl."
Another great one. I also thought it was interesting, albeit perhaps coincidental, that when Lucas was complaining that he can't give girls security he mentioned that the girls make him feel insecure.

Now, it may just be an unconscious repetition of a word, because he was thinking of the concept of security, so rather than saying worried or anxious he landed on the word insecure coincidentally, but, it can also be interpreted as yet another example of Lucas attributing his feeling and motivation to others.

Lucas wants security. From a relationship. He wants to be taken care of. So he assumes that a girl, being less than a man, because Lucas is decidedly sexist, wants security as well. and as you said, the only security he can promise is a stomach full of junk food and a belly full of hobos sperm.

I wonder, if his focusing on his supposably beneficent sperm is really Lucas seeing that he has nothing else to offer, or if it's a closeted predilection with semen because Lucas seems to have a lot of closeted interests Lucas has gone on multiple times about frotting, and I'm not ashamed to say I had to look the word up.

It seems strange to me that a heterosexual man would use the word, which means men rubbing their glans penises together, so freely.

We all know how Lucas uses homosexuality as an insult, and is always quick to accuse other people of being secretly a homosexual, because he sees homosexuality as a negative, obviously, for all of his liberal posturing.

You can tell what Lucas sees as a negative, by what insults fly out of his mouth. he thinks it's bad to be gay, he thinks it's bad to be a retard, or be perceived as such. He thinks it's bad to be a wigger, which is to say a white person who takes on the attributions of a black person, so we can extrapolate that he also thinks those quote-unquote black qualities are bad, and by proxy that The Stereotype of a black person is it itself an insulting characterization.

I'm sure you were going here eventually, But I wonder genuinely if Lucas has enough self-awareness to see that all he has to offer is food and his sperm. I think it much more likely, perhaps, that Lucas genuinely thinks he has a lot to offer, he thinks the things that other men offered women are not positive within his liberal worldview, and as such His focus on his sperm is more about his interests never Rising above the level of the belt.

Lucas is fascinated with scatological insults, accusations of homosexuality, suggestions of cock-blocking, and eating large quantities of food. For all of his pseudo-intellectual posturing, Lucas is decidedly infantile, genital obsessed arrested pre-adolescent.

He seems particularly stuck in what Freud would term the anal expulsive phase, which stands to reason when you see the way that he keeps any apartment he's ever had, and how so many of his insults involve sticking things way way up the butts of his enemies. Lucas doesn't realize how clearly he paints a picture of his own closeted homosexual ality, or at least his homosexual curiosity.

In light of all this, believing the stories about him and Jason purva becomes quite easy indeed.
 
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The fact that Lucas most likely got everything stolen from him after a forest bender is almost poetic, but I wouldn't be suprised if after he gets a new phone, he uses it as a way to be mad at gen Z girls for not letting him sleep at their house. That's just my bet for how Lucas reacts.

rare video taken when lucas was discovered in the woods after his bender:


Reduced to living in caves and pursued by people throwing nets and hitting him with shovels indeed
 
It is worth noting that Lucas is no longer listed on the docket for municipal court since his 3rd charge was added for arraignments On 8/25. On 9/1 and 9/8, he was not Included in the scheduled status hearing or anything at all. this is based on the muni therapeutic court pdf of the weekly Tuesday docket. Other individuals who were in the previous dockets continued to have weekly status hearings which is how therapeutic court should go.

this may be why he went on the bender? If he was dismissed from therapeutic court after his last court date, he’d have had no reason to stay sober. He’d now be waiting on regular court dates.

He may also have been transferred to the mental health court or maybe it’s just a glitch, but i am leaning toward either him being dismissed due to continued infractions or quitting when told he would have to engage in therapy (substance use, counseling, and/or med management). He admitted he’d had 3 intake assessments and all three certainly would have resulted in treatment recommended. I can see him chancing regular court over having to go into treatment for addiction or be back on meds. I doubt he minds psychotherapy, but the other two would be harder for him. I’m leaning toward him being dismissed since he hasn’t mentioned it though. If he quit, he’d have had some hero story I think. He hides failures intensely.
 
This little periodic silence we're growing more accustomed to is a hilarious highlight of one of my absolute favorite characteristics of Lucas, and also the same characteristic that seems to piss me off the most.

The inability to learn from past mistakes.

We have seen in the very recent past that he's gone without a phone for a long time because he spends all his tard bucks the day he gets them from his payee (lmfao at the subtle irony) My point is, it seems that here we are again Lucas. You do this every month. System shock your insulin off the charts for one day, get high as fuck and then hope you don't have any hidden expenses until you get some money again. You say young men don't have any business siring children but even teenagers abide by the concept of saving money for future responsibilities or unforeseen expenses instead of blowing it all on quick frivolous feel goods. That concept eludes you entirely, and even if it didn't you're not even allowed to accumulate more than a little bit. You're systematically restricted by rules that don't apply to others because you're utterly incapable of functioning like a normal person. A cliff note of the volumes of reasons why it will NEVER be in the cards for you. Ever.
 
This little periodic silence we're growing more accustomed to is a hilarious highlight of one of my absolute favorite characteristics of Lucas, and also the same characteristic that seems to piss me off the most.

The inability to learn from past mistakes.

We have seen in the very recent past that he's gone without a phone for a long time because he spends all his tard bucks the day he gets them from his payee (lmfao at the subtle irony) My point is, it seems that here we are again Lucas. You do this every month. System shock your insulin off the charts for one day, get high as fuck and then hope you don't have any hidden expenses until you get some money again. You say young men don't have any business siring children but even teenagers abide by the concept of saving money for future responsibilities or unforeseen expenses instead of blowing it all on quick frivolous feel goods. That concept eludes you entirely, and even if it didn't you're not even allowed to accumulate more than a little bit. You're systematically restricted by rules that don't apply to others because you're utterly incapable of functioning like a normal person. A cliff note of the volumes of reasons why it will NEVER be in the cards for you. Ever.
I think Lucas gets all his tardbux through a check from a payee, and than cashes it all and holds on to the cash,I think at one point Lucas said he likes to sleep in the woods when he holds cash so he doesn't get robbed, we clearly see how well that plan worked out.
 
When Lucas dies, who'll write his obituary?

Who'll read it?

I'd like to volunteer. I'll get one ready so that I can post it moments after his death is confirmed. My tentative title: Crazy Fat Faggot Dies Childless and Alone.

He hasn't been arrested, seen wandering in Spokane, or confirmed on the HoC roster. Indications are he doesn't have access to a phone, though whether this is because he's in a psych hospital, or Isaac jacked him, is unclear.

While it is a shame that there hasn't been any new Grape Smash content, Lucas has left us a robust body of work to keep us occupied.

I've been nostalgic for medicated Lucas. This is a fine example of Lucas at peak mental health:


Notice that his main symptoms are "depression and anger" which he attributes to Gen Z's refusal to date him.

And Lucas's triumphant return from his most recent hospitalization:


  1. Lucas looks like he's aged 15 years since that video from 2018. He does so much insane shit, it kind of feels like 15 years ago to me too.
  2. Lucas' incoherent schizoid ramblings actually disguise how retarded he really is. When you strip away the ramblings and delusions of grandeur you can clearly see how slow he is. Not saying that's ever been in doubt, but it's on full display when he's medicated like this.
 
The fact that Lucas most likely got everything stolen from him after a forest bender is almost poetic, but I wouldn't be suprised if after he gets a new phone, he uses it as a way to be mad at gen Z girls for not letting him sleep at their house. That's just my bet for how Lucas reacts.

When I read "after a forest bender is almost poetic", it conjured the image of Lucas as Nick Bottom in the most white trash, awful production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" ever.

"Titania! Bring me your 18-24 year old fairy chicks! I need to mate with them so I can spread my seed!"
 
I love the idea that now word is spreading through the homeless of Spokane.

“Yeah mate, if you need some money just go find that fat bastard Lucas while he’s drinking in the park and tell him you have five hot teenage sisters to introduce to him, you just need Uber money to go get them. He falls for it every time. If you want the whole lot, wait til he passes out and nick his wallet. He’ll even let you smoke all his weed while you wait.”

"Titania! Bring me your 18-24 year old fairy chicks! I need to mate with them so I can spread my seed!"

Did you honestly not go for “yeet me a fae”
 
I love the idea that now word is spreading through the homeless of Spokane.

“Yeah mate, if you need some money just go find that fat bastard Lucas while he’s drinking in the park and tell him you have five hot teenage sisters to introduce to him, you just need Uber money to go get them. He falls for it every time. If you want the whole lot, wait til he passes out and nick his wallet. He’ll even let you smoke all his weed while you wait.”



Did you honestly not go for “yeet me a fae”
No...no I did not. My bachelors in theatre simply would not allow it. But now I wish I had.
 
I was thinking about the Wern clan last night. It's been established that Lucas is in fact a pedophile. Fortunately he's too dumb and too much of a coward (so far) to actually try anything with a child. Sure makes me question his brothers motivation for becoming a 3rd grade teacher. I'm not making any accusations against Seth, but knowing about Lucas would make any sane person take a long hard look at him and wonder why elementary school? Easy access to young children? How similar are these Werner brothers? My kid sure as hell wouldn't be in his class. I suspect the Werner family tree is full of rotten fruit. JMO
 
I was thinking about the Wern clan last night. It's been established that Lucas is in fact a pedophile. Fortunately he's too dumb and too much of a coward (so far) to actually try anything with a child. Sure makes me question his brothers motivation for becoming a 3rd grade teacher. I'm not making any accusations against Seth, but knowing about Lucas would make any sane person take a long hard look at him and wonder why elementary school? Easy access to young children? How similar are these Werner brothers? My kid sure as hell wouldn't be in his class. I suspect the Werner family tree is full of rotten fruit. JMO
I follow him on IG and he looks to be a totally normal person - has friends, a life, travels, goes camping, has a job, A CREDIT CARD, his own apartment that is actually an apartment and not one room with a shared bathroom, etc. I don't think that him having the job as a 3rd grade teacher is weird. Maybe when he applied at that district there wasn't many positions hiring and he took the one he was offered? Shit, his total final yearly salary is $73,510 - for a single person in the greater Seattle area with no kids, that's not too bad.
 
Lucas is such a dufus for carrying all that money around on him. I am not surprised, because he is a simpleton and he could not manage a pre paid debit card. I wonder how he gets access to his $10 Patreon money? As a hobo who is around other vagrants he is truly stupid to do that and brag about his tardbux. I am thinking it was his so called friend, who yoinked all his money and phone. And is the Nintendo DS Lite gone? Did he lose it or sell it already?
 
Lucas is such a dufus for carrying all that money around on him. I am not surprised, because he is a simpleton and he could not manage a pre paid debit card. I wonder how he gets access to his $10 Patreon money? As a hobo who is around other vagrants he is truly stupid to do that and brag about his tardbux. I am thinking it was his so called friend, who yoinked all his money and phone. And is the Nintendo DS Lite gone? Did he lose it or sell it already?
That DS was pawned or traded for shit tier weed the second a Gen Z hottie didn’t notice him fumbling with it and spread her legs
 
Lucas Werner wants to be a father very badly, and will not shut up about it. This hasn’t always been the case. Once, he wanted only to be noticed by “interesting smart pretty girls.” Later, he was more focused on poonaner. And assholes. Now, his attention has fallen on the juicy uteri and “fecund” wombs of Generation Z. Lucas has let it be known that he’d like to impregnate the entire generation.

He wants to be a father. His life is centered around impregnating a younger woman. Oh, and he'd rather not have a son.

Wernologists tend to take Lucas’s obsessive desire to mate and produce (female) offspring for granted, without asking What the fuck is going on here? Is this a symptom of his mental illness? Let’s waste a moment to consider what Lucas has shared with us regarding his desire to be a father, as well as some popular speculation about why he is so desperate to spawn wernlings.

Lucas is socially isolated, lonely, jealous, perhaps sexually interested in children, and desperate to demonstrate to the world that he is a big boy.
Lucas has been interested in “interesting smart pretty girls” since he was little fatty. In his 2010 Personal Reflection he admits that:
...my focus has as always been the same since I was little, getting interesting smart pretty girls to notice me. I just don't think interesting smart pretty girls like me very much.
We know that Lucas has historically been unsuccessful in getting “interesting smart pretty girls” to notice him. In a blog post from 2012, his mother relates the following tale:
When [Lucas] was in 4th grade he LOVED a little girl to the moon and back. He was going to marry her and live happily ever after. This same little girl had a birthday party and handed out invitations for her birthday party to EVERYONE IN THE CLASS EXCEPT LUCAS. I was equally livid and heartbroken for my beautiful son...I can not tell you the hurt Lucas felt, along with the embarressment [sic]. Taking him for an ice cream cone and a trip to the park didn't even help.
Lucas describes experience in high school getting "interesting smart pretty girls" to notice him:
When it came to interacting with the other kids, I struggled at best and lost my temper and embarrassed myself at worst, pushing them away. I was clumsy. So I found refuge in my books and found hope in the fantastic. Especially when it came to girls...Women became sort of this impossible problem I could never quite figure out...I became terrified of ever talking to pretty girls who seemed even remotely interesting unless they talked to me first.
He obsessed over girls, could not talk to them, and seethed with envy at boys who could. He suspected other guys ruining his chances with girls by calling him "gay," and resented that none of his so called friends provided him with poonaner. Suffice to say his life has always revolved courting “interesting smart pretty girls,” and has thus been spectacularly unsatisfying and painful.

Eventually, a woman “noticed” Lucas, though whether she was smart, pretty, or interesting is questionable. Lucas claims to have lost his virginity at 27, and to have 8 ex girl friends (all of them older than him, or his age). This would probably come as a surprise to at least seven of his alleged girl friends. The only verifiable romantic relationship he has ever been in was with a much older women, Suzanne, who’d had her uterus removed at some point, allowing Lucas to blow loads without fear of pregnancy. Their relationship ended when Lucas, full of caffeinated soda and rage at seeing an older man with a younger woman, threw a glass at the wall of a restaurant. Suzanne broke up with him, and Lucas refused to leave her house, or leave her alone, which ultimately lead to his arrest and a jail sentence.

When Lucas emerged from jail, and began courting women again, something had changed. He had previously been willing to settle for an older woman, or date at his level. Now, he resolved to date a younger woman. For the first time. This urge must have been developing for a while, as he was envious and enraged by the sight of an older man apparently enjoying a romantic relationship with a younger woman. And his goal had changed, too: Lucas just didn’t want to get laid. He wanted to be a father now. Lucas later announced this to the world in an essay entitled “Ready to be a Dad.” While much of the essay centers on Lucas’s fantastic telomere delusions, there are several revealing admissions.
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For example:

I didn’t want to be a father and a husband until 2 years ago when I was 36.
Lucas declares that he is:
...both biologically and psychologically prepared to have children.
While he describes himself as a “viable candidate for fatherhood,” he does not make a clear argument as to why he is "biologically" or "psychologically" prepared for fatherhood. As for the former, he takes for granted that he is fertile, and claims that as a 35+ year old male, he automatically has super jizz. As to the latter, he claims to be “mature,” and does not bother addressing the fact that he is an unmedicated schizo with a payee, who can not independently function day to day as an adult.

Lucas continues:
I want to become a father at a gut personal level because I have a love of kids.
His “love of kids” comes across as a little bit menacing, especially considering that he has asked 15 year olds out on dates, and waxed sexually about his 11 year old niece. Lucas is mocked as a “pedo” for a reason. Also note that Lucas has made it very clear that he’d rather have a daughter, and would like his bae to call him “daddy.” He also confesses to a DDLG fetish (dominant daddy, little girl), and used to call himself “CuteOlderDaddy.” Many have suspected that Lucas would like to have kids so that he can fuck them, or torture their assholes. A little girl would not be able to reject Lucas. Every other woman, including his own mother, has.

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Lucas reveals in his essay that his desire to be a father is motivated, in part, by his loneliness and alienation:
I think having a kid would bring me closer to 2 generations...I was always a lonely kid, but the past six years have been the worst, so I think having children and a wife will bring me further from isolation from the human experience of family.

He has no friends, and passing out joints and pep sticks hasn't made him any; his family is tired of him. Thus, a child becomes a substitute for a social life, a link to humanity. Lucas understands that he has no place in the world, and feels that a child would give him one.

Lucas also admits that his desire to have children is driven by envy:
I see couples with young kids everywhere. They’re adorable. My sense of jealousy drives me.
Lucas feels as if he is less than couples with children, and is probably right. Unable to accept that, he believes that having children will prove his worth to a world that doesn't take him seriously as a man.

He summarizes his motivation for wanting to be a father as:
I have three solid reasons for wanting to experience fatherhood. Science states that my age puts me at a prime nature to have children, I’m psychologically prepared to have children and I feel starting a family will ease my tortured loneliness.
Lucas does not make the other reason obvious, instead going off an an incomprehensible tangent about the Fibonacci sequence, “the pattern of nature,” and silverback gorillas who have who have “30 wife gorillas” who protect them from “coups” from younger male gorillas. It's tempting to picture Lucas fantasizing about having 30 loyal wives who protect him from challenges from other, younger males.

Lucas closes with the following hilarious summary:
I am biologically, psychologically, and experencially [sic] prepared to be a dad.

In 2020, Lucas revealed another potential motivation for having children: his father, King Roy, deserves them. He apparently cares if his son "gets some vagina."
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Lucas has convinced himself that his father will be proud of him if he produces offspring. None of his other brothers have done it. There is certainly little for his father to be proud of now.

Lucas’s quest for progeny may also be related to his more general courtship obsessions: he wants to send a message to his male rivals that he is not a low status “bitch,” but rather has sexually reproduced and is thus a “silverback” of consequence and worthy of being taken seriously as a male. Fatherhood is then part of the sexual competition that drives Lucas, as an unsuccessful, peripheral male. An alternate theory is that Lucas has devolved into a rutting animal, and is now firmly in the thrall of his most basic biological imperatives: eat, mate. He is verbal enough to articulate his primal drives, but is merely giving voice to the same impulses that a sexually frustrated chimpanzee has.
In sum, Lucas cannot explain his desire to have children in any convincing way, and hasn’t taken any meaningful steps towards becoming a father beyond thirst posting. One is left with the impression that he believes having offspring will somehow redeem him and give meaning to his otherwise empty, isolated and wasted life.

For Wernologists, Lucas desire for children provides a fascinating and gross example of a man with a desire that will never be satisfied. His Y chromosome will end with him, but until that day he will fantasize about sharing it.
 
While considering the topic "why does Lucas rely on food so much in his courtship quest" I came across this gem:


Lucas earnestly believes that women who date all either: a) want free food, or b) want babies.

Lucas wants the baes to know he's ready to provide them with both.

His meals-for-poonaner fixation is at least partly attributable to his misunderstanding over what women want in a date, or mate: french fries. He apparently came to this conclusion after a Google search. Perhaps he read that some women use Tinder to get free meals (often from schmucks they have no desire to have sex with) and thought "I can offer meals! My dating future is assured!"


LOLOL OMG! Lucas is such a fucking simp.

Despite all his macho bravado and talking about women like they’re property (Don’t hoard the women y’all!) Lucas thinks it’s perfectly logical and fair if a woman goes on a date just to get a free meal.
 
LOLOL OMG! Lucas is such a fucking simp.

Despite all his macho bravado and talking about women like they’re property (Don’t hoard the women y’all!) Lucas thinks it’s perfectly logical and fair if a woman goes on a date just to get a free meal.
This is no doubt because if Lucas were a woman, he would go on dates for free meals. The idea of a free lunch is very appealing to him. So he naturally understands, incorrectly, that people would barter their bodies for tacos and burritos. Lucas would have sex for KFC if he could. Hell, Lucas would probably have sex with KFC if he could. He may have already tried.
 
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