Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Scribbler]

Speaking of quotable, does he actually know what ACAB stands for? Because I am going to go out on a limb here and say ’All Cops Are Bastards Kween’ doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense.

He thinks ACAB is an organization like BLM.

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

Lucas Warner is 'pursuing a PhD' in the same way Russell Greer is "making prostitution legal in Utah."

 

[JuniperFalls]

Now we just need Lucas's face shooped onto a 'Loompa.

More precisely, on one of the bratty kids. Turn Veruca Salt into Velucas. (That was Veruca's song I posted upthread. I only changed a couple of words.)

 

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

Turn Veruca Salt into Velucas.

 

[Chris Jericho's Penis]

Lucas is truly a rare specimen. Approaching a woman 20+ years his junior with "hey you're pretty lemme tell you about my magic cum" is creepy, even by his standards. Yet he has zero self-awareness. I don't think it's actually that unusual for people to have super-whacky ideas about the world, but at least most of them have some self-awareness of how they could come off if they just let it all hang out.

Lucas is dumb. Lucas is super dumb. But is he actually dumb enough to think that he's gonna get a PhD by taking one college class a semester? How does he think this shit works? On the unabated miracle that he actually competes it, he's gonna have to bump up his "male fecund range" to 35-65 at the end. He'd die of complications from untreated diabetes before then, anyway. Peripheral neuropathy + chronic homelessness = infection, amputation, chronic kidney/liver disease, sepsis, and death. I fully expect there to be an amputation saga in 5ish years, and for Lucas to still be making his crazy-ass stream-of-consciousness videos about "age gap breeding" while hooked up to a dialysis machine.

Man, his life sucks. I'd truly feel sorry for him if he wasn't such a shitheel.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas just informed us in his last video that weed grows telomeres. I wonder which study that could be based on.

Edit: Oh god in the video before that he called himself an instagram influencer. Good lord.

That reminds me of the time he went on some insane rant about how the lithium they made him take was growing long telomeres in his brain

4) every year you’ll have 2,3 maybe 4 meetings with your supervisor, they look at your work so far and attempt to guide you. Failure to produce work on time at these meetings can lead to instant failure. Again this academic has their name and reputation linked to Lucas Werner and his research, it is in their best interest to ensure you are producing PhD level work.

'People call me an idiot.....lets see how smart I am by using colored pencils as chopsticks to eat ramen'

.....So you're saying thats not cutting edge PhD material?

Lucas is dumb. Lucas is super dumb. But is he actually dumb enough to think that he's gonna get a PhD by taking one college class a semester? How does he think this shit works? On the unabated miracle that he actually competes it, he's gonna have to bump up his "male fecund range" to 35-65 at the end. He'd die of complications from untreated diabetes before then, anyway. Peripheral neuropathy + chronic homelessness = infection, amputation, chronic kidney/liver disease, sepsis, and death. I fully expect there to be an amputation saga in 5ish years, and for Lucas to still be making his crazy-ass stream-of-consciousness videos about "age gap breeding" while hooked up to a dialysis machine.

If he survives said amputations I can see him using that to try to play the sympathy card. He would sit outside the liquor store pining about how he lost his legs in battle against the agephobic bigot republicans, all for the love of his zoomer baes, like he was some iraq war vet that got his legs blown off defending his country

 

[BowlOfDick]

He also mentions getting an MD. I would LOVE to see his submission to the admission board of any medical school.

I could also imagine him on clinical rotations, patrolling the hospital corridors going “WEEEEEEELLLLL IF I ONLY HAD AN OVULATING KWEEEEEEEEEEEN”

 

[Chris Jericho's Penis]

If he survives said amputations I can see him using that to try to play the sympathy card. He would sit outside the liquor store pining about how he lost his legs in battle against the agephobic bigot republicans, all for the love of his zoomer baes, like he was some iraq war vet that got his legs blown off defending his country

Lucas in 10 years, only begging for juicy Gen A pussy instead of change.

 

[Yellow Sink Disease]

"It's awkward for me so I have to close my eyes. " = I turn myself on if I do this while looking in my phone or a mirror."

Well he doesn't want to accidentally seduce himself. Then who would the gen z baes date??

 

[Dumpsterfire Enthusiast]

No woman anywhere responds to the “wow you’re beautiful, I just wanted to introduce myself” line that Lucas is now giddy and proud over discovering.

It does not work because we know you don’t want to “just introduce yourself.” You want to get laid. You said as much by calling us beautiful in the first five seconds. You’re talking to me because you’re hoping to get to stick your dick in a pretty woman. You aren’t looking for LinkedIn connections, mate.

Like I get approaching someone is awkward and can be difficult but this “one line fits all” shite is absurd. If you want to convince me you just wanted to introduce yourself because you thought I seemed like an interesting person and you’re not solely looking for a quick lay, don’t open with the “beautiful” line. That just shows me your dick was what led you over here to talk to me in the first place, and you don’t give a rat’s arse about “introducing” yourself. Seduction is an art and when you make it terribly obvious exactly what you’re after from the very first line, you take all the fun and mystique out of it.

Then again if you’re just looking to pick up a drunk slag at the pub who is also desperate for a one-night stand, perhaps that’s a good enough line. But in the way Lucas is trying to use it...lure a zoomer into a date and then marriage....miss me with that.

Depends on the girl but there's some that aren't trashy that do respond well to being really upfront about it. But Lucas's line is shit because he's trying to be subtle but is completely transparent about what he's going for. He would seriously be slightly better off with "hey wanna fuck?" because at least that level of bluntness takes some balls

 

[Wernology]

Guten Morgen Sonnenschein!

I apologize for this but it's 6am and I woke up via "cat decided to lay on my face".

I could go back to the school
get a job there, I'd be cool
And the honies would be linin'
up to listen to my whinin'
If I only took my meds.

I'd make so many new board games
that the the chicks would not think I'm lame
They'd respect me and they'd surely
want a baby from yours truly
If I only took my meds.

I'd not be at a shelter
I'd be living someplace better
With my pregnant Zoomer wife
That would really be the life
If I only took my meds.

I'd do all the boring house work
She'd be my mom, sexbomb, and no jerk.
I'd be docile, but still scary
and the chicks would still avoid me
If I only took my meds.

I'm a PhD in trainin'
But you won't get any 'splainin'
No clue how I'll get it
when I can't pass Bio Basic
or high school math, I just can't take it
Not worried cause I'll fake it,
If I only took my meds.

Professors won't deny me
They'll say, "Lucas' you've convinced me!"
And they'll let me skip my Masters
And even those silly Bachelors
I'm a genius, the'll all know it
And my PhD will show it
If I only took my meds.

My 'beetus needs no treatin'
Because big pharma's all drama
My mood swings are quite normal
when your brain is irrational
I know meds would help the problem
and a therapist would calm them
but I'm better off without 'em
I know more than any doctor
'cause I'm not a sellout actor
So I'll never take my meds.

 

[Dr Naomi Hunter]

I don’t want to sound like an academic snob, but it will always be hilarious to me that he’s talking about doing a PhD when he hasn’t even started a bachelors degree, let alone finished it.

 

[WonderWino]

Guten Morgen Sonnenschein!

I apologize for this but it's 6am and I woke up via "cat decided to lay on my face".

I could go back to the school
get a job there, I'd be cool
And the honies would be linin'
up to listen to my whinin'
If I only took my meds.

I'd make so many new board games
that the the chicks would not think I'm lame
They'd respect me and they'd surely
want a baby from yours truly
If I only took my meds.

I'd not be at a shelter
I'd be living someplace better
With my pregnant Zoomer wife
That would really be the life
If I only took my meds.

I'd do all the boring house work
She'd be my mom, sexbomb, and no jerk.
I'd be docile, but still scary
and the chicks would still avoid me
If I only took my meds.

I'm a PhD in trainin'
But you won't get any 'splainin'
No clue how I'll get it
when I can't pass Bio Basic
or high school math, I just can't take it
Not worried cause I'll fake it,
If I only took my meds.

Professors won't deny me
They'll say, "Lucas' min convinced me me!"
And they'll let me skip my Masters
And even those silly Bachelors
I'm a genius, the'll all know it
And my PhD will show it
If I only took my meds.

My 'beetus needs no treatin'
Because big pharma's all drama
My mood swings are quite normal
when your brain is irrational
I know meds would help the problem
and a therapist would calm them
but I'm better off without 'em
I know more than any doctor
'cause I'm not a sellout actor
So I'll never take my meds.

You just know hes thinking about buying some of that tartar sauce he mentions so he can drink it like the peanut sauce video

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

The singing videos where he unironically uses the tune to "If I only had a brain" will go into tomorrow's mess.

It's getting late and the stuff from today up until that point is already over an hour long (and is currently uploading)..

If I don't edit this tonight it means I fell asleep before it got to the processing stage.

Buttons are all greyed out on mobile, I'm already in bed and too lazy to get up again.

I love how the intention behind his latest ploy of getting a PhD in “age gap breeding” slowly revealed itself as “zoomer bae should date me for research purposes” over that hour video. Wern struggles very hard against negative self-worth. This new idea of getting a PhD is nothing more than his defense against the perceived slight at the HoC the other day (not to mention his new target of hate, the Thin Blue Line who are now apparently in a conspiracy to cock block him). His humiliation has been transformed into the fantasy of being a respected scientist/researcher (again). Dignity is now restored.

As an aside, I find it funny Lucas is staying in a motel room but seems to have not taken advantage of the shower available to him. His hair looked like it hadn‘t been washed in weeks.

 

[AbraCadaver]

I don’t want to sound like an academic snob, but it will always be hilarious to me that he’s talking about doing a PhD when he hasn’t even started a bachelors degree, let alone finished it.

Knowing how daft he is, I absolutely think he believes being single for 8 years means he has the real life equivalent of a “bachelor degree.”

 

[ThomasAudley]

Whatever happened to the cops being on his side? I recall also he had an 8-minute audio only “video” where he talked about some family member joining the military and while he was opposed to the military’s overall mission he didn’t impute that to regular soldiers. The only consistency in his life is his desire to stuff his face with food and for young poonaner, he’s a giant hypocrite with no principles on everything else he says.

ETA: here’s his Bernie Sanders take on the military, no mention of cock blocking greedmongering wife beaters.

Joining The Military Is A Bad Idea

The only people that benefit are the rich. Instagram: lucaswerner79

youtu.be

 

[WonderWino]

Knowing how daft he is, I absolutely think he believes being single for 8 years means he has the real life equivalent of a “bachelor degree.”

That combined with his years of 'genetics research' (aka googling the same handful of papers he doesn't understand, pinning them to his twitter and repeating them word for word every ten seconds)

 

[Draxx them Sklounst]

That combined with his years of 'genetics research' (aka googling the same handful of papers he doesn't understand, pinning them to his twitter and repeating them word for word every ten seconds)

lol how the fuck is that "research" in the scientific sense

he literally has not done a single damn thing himself, would he know a microscope if he saw one? all his "work" and "research" is reading and regurgitating (wrongly) others' actual work whereas he has done 0 work of his own. That bothers me so much.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

lol how the fuck is that "research" in the scientific sense

he literally has not done a single damn thing himself, would he know a microscope if he saw one? all his "work" and "research" is reading and regurgitating (wrongly) others' actual work whereas he has done 0 work of his own. That bothers me so much.

Well if you would just supply him with a zoomer bae to fuck he could begin testing his virile gen X sperm and fecund Z zygote age gap breeding theory.

He’ll even spring for a dinner at Gander & Ryegrass for your trouble.

 

[strandedcastaway]

Knowing how daft he is, I absolutely think he believes being single for 8 years means he has the real life equivalent of a “bachelor degree.”

He believes the only reason 18-year-olds don't want to date him is "agephobia" and not that he's a homeless, dirty, angry, paranoid, MRSA-infected, fat, lazy bum.
He believes a lot of things.