Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Dread First]

Hard to believe that I first learned of Luke a little over 6 years ago now.
Luke was the reason I made a Kiwi Farms account in the first place.
Of course, Vordy began terrorising Null's family around the time the Starbucks story made headlines.
The forum was down for a while.

I came here to dab on fat schizophrenic paedophiles and now I'm dabbing on fat child grooming eunuchs.
Thanks Lucas, for unintentionally introducing me to the New Internet Hate Machine.

 

[Al from Dadeville]

More game rules

 

[Fatal Walter]

So it was 2 years ago now that Lucas was catfished. I thought I'd check to see what he was up to for Christmas last year and it seems a lot has changed. Not really.

 

[WonderWino]

I wonder if Lucas’s kidney function is so reduced that they’re not clearing sodium from his bloodstream and that’s causing his constant headache.

In unrelated news, Lucas wants an energy drink but he only has $1.50
View attachment 4127259

'I've had a headache for 3 straight months!'
'What are you going to do about that?'
'Get an energy drink!'

Yeah i'm sure that'll totally not make it worse. and perhaps he shouldn't have spent all that money printing off that autistic board game if he wanted energy drinks so much

I wouldn't be surprised if its kidney related. It would certainly fit. Though his uncontrolled beetus and high blood pressure probably don't help either

Muchas gracias. Listen to him trying to manipulate the 911 operator. "Is he dangerous?" "Uh, I'd be prepared."
I hope this guy goes postal on Lucas on Christmas.

Yeah he was definitely trying to manipulate the operator into sending the cops in armed and not fucking around and dragging him out of there. He wanted to make it sound like the guy was going to cause problems and be violent without actually claiming that directly enough to get in trouble and have questions asked about why he wasn't anywhere near that when the cops arrived. Somehow I get the feeling the entire situation was somehow lucas's doing. Saying shit to trigger him so he can get the guy removed and then hiding in his bedroom and calmly calling the cops like he's ordering pizza

If the guy was as loud and insane as lucas is trying to claim why is lucas so calm and disinterested about it, why didn't he leave the apartment to call the cops, why didn't the manager get involved and why is it if he's so loud and so nearby, you can't hear any screaming over the phone? If he's acting as lucas claims and is only a few feet away you should be able to hear something. Also note how when the operator asks if he's doing it right then lucas suddenly claims he's 'taking a break' but will start again any time now, and points out the guy is in the bathroom not yelling at the time. Something is off about the whole situation and I get the feeling the cops know it and what lucas is trying to do, which is why they low key told him to fuck off the first time and why the operator passed that along to lucas

Lucas was very clearly choosing his words and what he claimed very carefully so as not to make any directly provably lies when the cop showed up about how violent and nuts the roommate really was, because even lucas knows he would get into serious trouble for that. and of course he lied about the entire thing to everybody publicly and turned it into some bizarre trump related nonsense. I didn't know screaming about ghosts is a trump supporter thing to do these days

I want to send his roommate a cool board game and snacks for Christmas since we have his full name and address but I doubt it would get there on time.

Two bags of stuff: one for the roommate and one for lucas. The one for lucas contains five items: a book on managing schizophrenia, a frozen catfish, a single kiwi, a card that says donations have been made in your name to the christian fund of america to help spread the word of jesus and halt the spread of evil atheism and to the republican party of washington state and a pack of slim fast

and then a bunch of good stuff for the roommate, with a note explaining lucas's history regarding underage teens and creepy behavior

More game rules

As usual not a single word of his ramblings made any sense. and that board looks entirely random and nonsensical as well. Like he just randomly colored in parts of a piece of paper and said 'this would work as a game board!'

 

[Al from Dadeville]

>tfw you don’t have your N-word pass
From a couple of months ago

 

[Zaz]

'I've had a headache for 3 straight months!'
'What are you going to do about that?'
'Get an energy drink!'

Yeah i'm sure that'll totally not make it worse. and perhaps he shouldn't have spent all that money printing off that autistic board game if he wanted energy drinks so much

I wouldn't be surprised if its kidney related. It would certainly fit. Though his uncontrolled beetus and high blood pressure probably don't help either


Yeah he was definitely trying to manipulate the operator into sending the cops in armed and not fucking around and dragging him out of there. He wanted to make it sound like the guy was going to cause problems and be violent without actually claiming that directly enough to get in trouble and have questions asked about why he wasn't anywhere near that when the cops arrived. Somehow I get the feeling the entire situation was somehow lucas's doing. Saying shit to trigger him so he can get the guy removed and then hiding in his bedroom and calmly calling the cops like he's ordering pizza

If the guy was as loud and insane as lucas is trying to claim why is lucas so calm and disinterested about it, why didn't he leave the apartment to call the cops, why didn't the manager get involved and why is it if he's so loud and so nearby, you can't hear any screaming over the phone? If he's acting as lucas claims and is only a few feet away you should be able to hear something. Also note how when the operator asks if he's doing it right then lucas suddenly claims he's 'taking a break' but will start again any time now, and points out the guy is in the bathroom not yelling at the time. Something is off about the whole situation and I get the feeling the cops know it and what lucas is trying to do, which is why they low key told him to fuck off the first time and why the operator passed that along to lucas

Lucas was very clearly choosing his words and what he claimed very carefully so as not to make any directly provably lies when the cop showed up about how violent and nuts the roommate really was, because even lucas knows he would get into serious trouble for that. and of course he lied about the entire thing to everybody publicly and turned it into some bizarre trump related nonsense. I didn't know screaming about ghosts is a trump supporter thing to do these days


Two bags of stuff: one for the roommate and one for lucas. The one for lucas contains five items: a book on managing schizophrenia, a frozen catfish, a single kiwi, a card that says donations have been made in your name to the christian fund of america to help spread the word of jesus and halt the spread of evil atheism and to the republican party of washington state and a pack of slim fast

and then a bunch of good stuff for the roommate, with a note explaining lucas's history regarding underage teens and creepy behavior


As usual not a single word of his ramblings made any sense. and that board looks entirely random and nonsensical as well. Like he just randomly colored in parts of a piece of paper and said 'this would work as a game board!'

Based on how the call went and some of what was shared, I am pretty sure he has called the police more times than we know about. The "master coordinator" has been trying to pull this off for awhile.

 

[WonderWino]

Based on how the call went and some of what was shared, I am pretty sure he has called the police more times than we know about. The "master coordinator" has been trying to pull this off for awhile.

Yeah i'd say its pretty likely thats the case. Which is pretty funny considering lucas's idea of being a 'master coordinator' amounts to provoking his roommate and then calling the cops on him....and getting shot down and told he's already been told not to call them and to just use the options they already gave him instead. That in itself implies he called them several times before this. Why else would they be so adamant that he not bother them with it that they would tell the operator to tell him not to bother them directly if the only other time they'd been called about the roommate was the day before? Aside from that, lucas doesn't do a very good job of even attempting to hide the fact he wasn't actually the least bit concerned about what his roommate might do and was just trying to tell the operator what he thought they wanted to hear to make them kick the guy out without it potentially coming back on him and getting him in shit from the cops when they showed up and he wasn't losing his shit and acting psycho. If he keeps doing that he's going to get in shit from somebody sooner or later and may just have the cops show up to talk to lucas himself about not wasting their time. Especially if they know anything about his history, which it wouldn't be too surprising if they do considering his history of incidents and commitments. You can bet management definitely knows his history and was warned about it when he moved in considering what happened at his last fartbox. I'm not surprised he'd be told just to call the cops when he had a 'problem' like this. Management probably knows he either won't do it or will get told to stop by the cops....which clearly he was - and in true wern fashion is too stupid to realize he's being low key told to fuck off and deal with it in a more reasonable manner and not wasting their time with obvious bullshit. Makes me wonder if its a bit like how he thinks he's being fucked with when he isn't and thinks people are serious when they are obviously fucking with him. He can't even understand his own interactions with the cops for what they are. But they're totally on his side according to him

That said, we should add master coordinator to the thread tags and description. I mean the fact he even said that says alot about how he sees himself, when all he did was call the cops on a guy he deliberately pissed off several times and couldn't even do that right. Somebody really should send him a copy of the prince, as he's not nearly as machiavellian as he thinks he is

 

[Da Dude123]

I like how in the 911 call he sort expects the operator to know that Mallon Place is a place for people with mental problems. He sort sof said "well, it's Mallon Place" when asked if his roommate had a history of mental health issues.

I look forward to the next thing we can learn about this.

 

[Al from Dadeville]

I like how Lucas was whispering on the 911 call because his roommate wasn’t screaming, and he didn’t want the roommate to know he was on the phone.

 

[WonderWino]

I like how Lucas was whispering on the 911 call because his roommate wasn’t screaming, and he didn’t want the roommate to know he was on the phone.
View attachment 4133619

Given his raging beetus, constant headache and shit health you just know his 'cookiegasm' went alot like this:

and exactly, the very fact lucas was talking so quietly and you couldn't hear his roommate supposedly screaming like a psychotic loon despite being only a few feet away should have told the dispatcher something was off. Lucas knew full well he had no business making that call. He's gotten too comfortable at mallon place for his own good and is settling into his usual habits, and beginning to repeat his exact behaviors from previous places he was evicted from. He just does not learn that fucking with roommates and neighbors does not end well for him no matter how many times he gets in major trouble over it

 

[Pump Meat]

Christmas came early with those 911 calls

 

[Twrx]

Given his raging beetus, constant headache and shit health you just know his 'cookiegasm' went alot like this:

and exactly, the very fact lucas was talking so quietly and you couldn't hear his roommate supposedly screaming like a psychotic loon despite being only a few feet away should have told the dispatcher something was off. Lucas knew full well he had no business making that call. He's gotten too comfortable at mallon place for his own good and is settling into his usual habits, and beginning to repeat his exact behaviors from previous places he was evicted from. He just does not learn that fucking with roommates and neighbors does not end well for him no matter how many times he gets in major trouble over it

Next up, is the blackmailing attempts for underage puss puss. All I can think of is Principal Skinner. https://youtu.be/HMqZ2PPOLik

 

[Stinkyboy]

he knows a glizzy is a hot dog, right?
although i wouldnt put it past him to pair the two

 

[SteveGoatman]

I like how Lucas was whispering on the 911 call because his roommate wasn’t screaming, and he didn’t want the roommate to know he was on the phone.
View attachment 4133619

This is Lucas in a nutshell. He ate a cookie (and felt the need to post on FB about it), it's a near sexual experience, he makes dumb references to weed and also uses slang incorrectly.

 

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

This is Lucas in a nutshell. He ate a cookie (and felt the need to post on FB about it), it's a near sexual experience, he makes dumb references to weed and also uses slang incorrectly.

What is with every lolcow acting like their average-at-best food consumption has broken The Flavor Barrier and gave them the sexual release they'll never receive from a woman? Movieblob, DSP, Jack Salmonella, Cobes, Pucas, it seems so ubiquitous.
It must come from the same psychological thread that makes them believe that just waking up in the morning without dying is some grand victory against "muh haydurrs", so bizarre.

 

[Al from Dadeville]

 

[Spunt]

What is with every lolcow acting like their average-at-best food consumption has broken The Flavor Barrier and gave them the sexual release they'll never receive from a woman? Movieblob, DSP, Jack Salmonella, Cobes, Pucas, it seems so ubiquitous.
It must come from the same psychological thread that makes them believe that just waking up in the morning without dying is some grand victory against "muh haydurrs", so bizarre.

A few reasons:

- You can't prove food tastes bad if you're the only one who ate it. Therefore it's an "achievement" that narcs can hold over other people. See Jack Scalfani, DSP, Patrick Tomlinson, Lucas.

- Many cows are fat and addicted to food, so eating is like a hit when you're Jonesing for dope - see Moviebob, Lou Gagliardi, Lucas.

- Substance abuse, particularly alcohol, can destroy your tastebuds and render you only able to enjoy very strongly flavoured food - see Cobes, Romeo Rose.

- Something similar is associated with schizoid and schizotypal personality disorders and schizophrenia due to the brain being over-connected and mis-wired - see Lucas, again.

 

[WonderWino]

View attachment 4138539

So his idea of 'financial security' is living at a nursing home with a paranoid schizophrenic roommate, having almost all of his government tugboat taken by said nursing home and literally begging for food on the internet then

On that note, allow me to point out that by his own admission lucas does not understand what women mean when they say they want and need security in a relationship and by his own admission does not have any security:

But this has always made me think, no other interesting smart pretty girls will ever like me because they would remind me of my mom and it would make me feel dumb. I'd be lucky to meet a woman like my mom, but I would still feel dumb. I wouldn't even begin to know what to say. I've never been with an interesting smart pretty girl. Or had one be interested in talking to me because I don't know where to meet them and I don't have enough money to go to bars. I'm also very shy. Especially around smart and interesting and pretty women. If I see any, I turn away really fast and hope they don't notice me or talk to me because I don't want to mess up their lives by telling them I'm bipolar and having them see me cry because I can't give them nice things because I don't have any money and am poor. And smart interesting pretty girls need a guy with security. I don't have any security. I just cry when I think about how much I would like to meet one someday and it makes me cry because I can't give them the security they need. I just cry because I feel so insecure when they're around me. I don't know what they mean by security.



I've never had a chance to ask these types of girls what they really mean by "security" because I'm so nervous around them, I can't build up the words in my mouth or in my brain of what to say. My mouth goes numb. My mind goes blank. Even my fingers forget they're on a keyboard if I'm trying to meet one online. I keep thinking of all the pretty girls who seemed very smart and interesting that I've ever seen anywhere and my brain goes fuzzy and my mouth gets dry and even my fingers stop typing as fast. I get halfway between trying to describe all this and making my thoughts and words and keystrokes come together. I become uncoordinated and I almost pass out. I'll even repeat things in my head and on the page and even try to physically sound it all out without losing focus in my head because whenever I think of smart pretty interesting girls... I turn into this indescribable thing trying to finish my own sentence. I lose my concentration and it all just runs together like toothpaste.

As usual, lucas is knowingly lying and trying to manipulate people

and the fact he claims those examples are such delicious meals shows how he truly doesn't understand anything about food or what normal, sane people eat. If anything those pictures will scare the shit out of any woman who sees them

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

View attachment 4138539

Lucas doesn't realize a lot of things, but what he especially does not realize 3 critical things:
1) His food is not appetizing and does not look delicious at all. The beef & potatoes meal in the upper left-hand corner looks passable at best, just barely beating out your below-average MRE or dubious gas station taquitos (assuming he properly cooked it).
2) Even if he were a world-class chef, the fact he is still a greasy, stinky, mentally unstable, violent yet cowardly pedophile with presumable incontinence is still enough to repel any woman (and most gay men tbf).
3) The only kinds of women who would derive the level of pleasure he does from said food of a quality he makes are not skinny little 18 year old cheerleaders, but rather Chantal & Hamberlyn she-whales

Also for a split second I thought that "cheesy cukes" had made a comeback, then I realized its probably just his signature siracha mayo he slathers on everything...

So his idea of 'financial security' is living at a nursing home with a paranoid schizophrenic roommate, having almost all of his government tugboat taken by said nursing home and literally begging for food on the internet then

This is the same Lucas who bragged about having an EBT card as it if mad him an excellent candidate for father material.

A few reasons:

- You can't prove food tastes bad if you're the only one who ate it. Therefore it's an "achievement" that narcs can hold over other people. See Jack Scalfani, DSP, Patrick Tomlinson, Lucas.

- Many cows are fat and addicted to food, so eating is like a hit when you're Jonesing for dope - see Moviebob, Lou Gagliardi, Lucas.

- Substance abuse, particularly alcohol, can destroy your tastebuds and render you only able to enjoy very strongly flavoured food - see Cobes, Romeo Rose.

- Something similar is associated with schizoid and schizotypal personality disorders and schizophrenia due to the brain being over-connected and mis-wired - see Lucas, again.

Pretty much all 4 of these apply to Lucas.
While he has, at least going by his social media posts, toned down the weed and booze (bottom shelf whiskey binge, anyone?), he is no stranger to loading up his body with depressant substances to make himself feel good.

Also I'm not as well versed about the other cows, but the first three also all apply to MovieBlob as well.

 

[AnOminous]

and the fact he claims those examples are such delicious meals shows how he truly doesn't understand anything about food or what normal, sane people eat. If anything those pictures will scare the shit out of any woman who sees them

If anyone but Lucas showed pictures of bowls of vomit and turds and called them "delicious meals" I'd assume they were having a giggle like Masaokis.