Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Da Dude123]

anyone know the podcast where lucas cries like a bitch?

That was on an old Outcast Owls podcast. Lucas cries like a bitch after that black lady tore into him. He said everyone was hanging up on him or something. She was telling him he shouldn't be trying to date 18 year olds and Lucas was upset at that.

 

[BowlOfDick]

Even by lucas standards that was condescending, ignorant and absurdly stupid

He literally just told somebody who was explaining that he works even when things are bad so his woman and kids are fed and provided for to tell her to get a job, with the implication its totally not on him to make sure they're ok. Says the guy who spazzes out when told to get a job himself so he can buy what he wants and who has literally stated that its the governments responsibility to provide for him on multiple occasions. and of course he's too stupid, narcissistic and lacking in self awareness to see how entitled, greedy and in the context of the discussion, abusive toward his hypothetical family what he's saying is

He likes to rant like a loon about capitalism but even under the most communist of communist societies people have to work and provide for themselves, or they don't eat or have any place to live and society would simply not function. That is a universal truth no matter what the particular form of government is, or even if there is one. He wants to talk about a lack of government in anarcho communism? Well our ancient hunter gatherer ancestors had no government or 'jobs' or rich people either and they still had to work their asses off just to survive. and frequently didn't

Its also quite clear in the first screenshot there he's not even understanding whats being said to him right from the start. Its clear that whole conversation started with somebody pointing out nobody wants a relationship - let alone kids , without the ability to provide even his own basic needs for himself. After all if he can't do that how can he raise kids? We all know lucas's answer will inevitably be 'the government will give me more money! and maybe a better place to live! it'll be fine bigot! my wife can work to if she has a problem with that!' which makes me wonder if being a creepy pedo wanting a daughter to molest is only half the reason he wants one and the other half is to exploit said kid to try to force the government to provide him with more money and housing. In a sense, holding the kids well being hostage to get what he wants in the same way he does with himself and his own health. Likely too stupid to figure out in such a scenario CPS would simply remove the kid from his custody and very likely have him charged with something if he tried anything like that

and of course, pointing out he has no idea what he is talking about is 'talking shit about him' and he claims he's some kind of victim

He's angry again, and every bit of that is going to build and seethe until he has his inevitable full on spergout as he always does. The wern is still very much alive inside of him and will work its way to the surface eventually

He also speaks fondly of the time when he was a ‘stay at home boyfriend’. While his one girlfriend ever went out and worked, he’d apparently do the cooking and cleaning.

 

[SteveGoatman]

He also speaks fondly of the time when he was a ‘stay at home boyfriend’. While his one girlfriend ever went out and worked, he’d apparently do the cooking and cleaning.

Don't forget that he also "gathered sticks".

 

[Twrx]

Don't forget that he also "gathered sticks".

No one in history has ever dealt with the horrible labor he willingly put himself through. That remark has always been one of his strangest. Telling it to cops in a way to keep himself in the woman's house that he was abusing. And expecting pity.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

That was on an old Outcast Owls podcast. Lucas cries like a bitch after that black lady tore into him. He said everyone was hanging up on him or something. She was telling him he shouldn't be trying to date 18 year olds and Lucas was upset at that.

Mrz Parker: "Name one thing you have in common with 18 year olds"
Lucas: "Uhhh... Ehhh... Pokemon"
Mrz Parker: "Name five pokemon!"
Lucas: "Uhhh... Pikachu... Uhhh..."

He also speaks fondly of the time when he was a ‘stay at home boyfriend’. While his one girlfriend ever went out and worked, he’d apparently do the cooking and cleaning.

Having Lucas Werner as your chef sounds like a punishment or torture.
Like its something a cruel interrogator subjects you too trying to get you to crack, feeding you toasterbortions and undercooked pork while you watch your greasy pedoslob chef scratch his ass while cooking your food and piss in the same sink he puts the dishes in.

 

[WonderWino]

So, I was scrolling through old posts from the last year or two on this thread and noticed something real interesting. Remember when lucas privated all the videos on his lucas werner channel but left the channel up and continued to randomly post weird confrontational messages on videos that were reposted by others? Well I came across one of wernology's posts about some videos he posted on that awhile back and noticed this:

It looks like lucas's 'lucas werner' account, as in his original one he posted all his videos to, has been terminated by youtube. Since he pulled his videos from it i'm thinking this likely had something to do with the messages he was randomly posting going off at people on that account

This must have just happened cause a few pages before this it just said 'this video is not available' cause of the whole privating them thing, like it has for some time now

 

[Trainwreck]

Don't forget that he also "gathered sticks".

It also took him like 2 weeks to arrange the papers on the desk.

 

[SteveGoatman]

It also took him like 2 weeks to arrange the papers on the desk.

Ah yes, as I recall this is why the housekeeping "slacked off". Because he....spent weeks rearranging his desk because he drew a lot while she was at work. What a full and productive life he lead, even at the "peak" of his existence. That relationship was, seriously, the best situation he's ever had, and will ever have, in his life.

 

[MeganDodgedABullet]

Worth a rewatch..Pukas being slowly sliced and diced by MzParker mentioned earlier..


Lucas is an idiot

One hour mark they go in on his "not a restraining" order incident with Suzanne.

At two hours they bring on Klickitat and he is confronted with the BS story about the bat attack. Klick destroys him with the bodycam footage.
Then the story unwinds as MrsP gets him to admit he was doing some creepy shit hanging outside a bar (after his tardhouse lockdown).

Glorious.

 

[SteveGoatman]

Just think...Spring semester is going to be kicking off at Gonzaga soon, Spokane Community College is back at it as well...and our resident "PhD Student" is surely hard at work preparing for his studies, fortified by the excitement of new challenges and having recharged his batteries over the holidays as a welcome respite from his busy schedule. Shortly his name will be engraved on the Dean's honor roll, acing not only his science classes but also either a Gym class or Chinese (just to get the easy ones out of the way and to help him further his body building). Who knows, maybe he'll also get that on campus job he's been searching for!

 

[Da Dude123]

The cow posted a video about 10 days ago of a grocery haul. Lots of ranch dressing and ranch dip and some olives. More healthy eating for our resident lolcow. Black olives aren't bad, but ranch dressing? The other thing I noticed and have noticed before, Lucas always buys name brand items. Never store brand ranch dressing or store brand olives. Oh, no, he has to get the name brands. He has little money and probably not all that much in food stamps. Buying generic really does make your money go further. Buying store brand in lots of items is plenty good. Especially in items like condiments and dressings. But then he will buy the "Bar S" hotdogs, which are freaking terrible. When you buy the lower quality meats and things like that, typically, those really are worth spending more money on to get better quality.

Lucas is too dumb and autistic to think in practical terms of making what little money he has go further. Poor people make poor decisions, that is very true with Dr. Nigga Luke. Lucas does not understand or value money, since he does not work for it. He is entitled to buy the good stuff. He is descended from kings, after all.

 

[WonderWino]

Worth a rewatch..Pukas being slowly sliced and diced by MzParker mentioned earlier..


Lucas is an idiot

One hour mark they go in on his "not a restraining" order incident with Suzanne.

At two hours they bring on Klickitat and he is confronted with the BS story about the bat attack. Klick destroys him with the bodycam footage.
Then the story unwinds as MrsP gets him to admit he was doing some creepy shit hanging outside a bar (after his tardhouse lockdown).

Glorious.

During the interview he also explicitly admits that he did in fact have covid

Just think...Spring semester is going to be kicking off at Gonzaga soon, Spokane Community College is back at it as well...and our resident "PhD Student" is surely hard at work preparing for his studies, fortified by the excitement of new challenges and having recharged his batteries over the holidays as a welcome respite from his busy schedule. Shortly his name will be engraved on the Dean's honor roll, acing not only his science classes but also either a Gym class or Chinese (just to get the easy ones out of the way and to help him further his body building). Who knows, maybe he'll also get that on campus job he's been searching for!

Twist ending: he gets on the deans list but its the deans list of people not permitted onto scc property for acting like creepy perverts toward female students

The cow posted a video about 10 days ago of a grocery haul. Lots of ranch dressing and ranch dip and some olives. More healthy eating for our resident lolcow. Black olives aren't bad, but ranch dressing? The other thing I noticed and have noticed before, Lucas always buys name brand items. Never store brand ranch dressing or store brand olives. Oh, no, he has to get the name brands. He has little money and probably not all that much in food stamps. Buying generic really does make your money go further. Buying store brand in lots of items is plenty good. Especially in items like condiments and dressings. But then he will buy the "Bar S" hotdogs, which are freaking terrible. When you buy the lower quality meats and things like that, typically, those really are worth spending more money on to get better quality.

Lucas is too dumb and autistic to think in practical terms of making what little money he has go further. Poor people make poor decisions, that is very true with Dr. Nigga Luke. Lucas does not understand or value money, since he does not work for it. He is entitled to buy the good stuff. He is descended from kings, after all.

Sounds about right. Lucas thinks he deserves the best of everything, thinks name brand = better just like he thinks complicated = better and definitely thinks he's showing off something impressive to zoomer baes

Frankly i'm surprised he doesn't add a bit of milk or water to it and drink the ranch dressing straight from the bottle. I'm sure all that dressing is totally great for managing diabetes and shitty kidneys. The olives too considering how much salt is in them as part of the curing process

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

But then he will buy the "Bar S" hotdogs, which are freaking terrible.

I use Bar S to catch eels and amphiumas because the "juices" from Bar S brand fucking leak everywhere and within hours all the aquatic bottom-feeding aquatic muck denizens know there is cheap 99-cent meat-like-product and b-line into my traps.

The fact that The Wern's favorite hotdog brand is also the best bait for slime-coated swamp serpents is personally very funny to me.

 

[WonderWino]

I use Bar S to catch eels and amphiumas because the "juices" from Bar S brand fucking leak everywhere and within hours all the aquatic bottom-feeding aquatic muck denizens know there is cheap 99-cent meat-like-product and b-line into my traps.

The fact that The Wern's favorite hotdog brand is also the best bait for slime-coated swamp serpents is personally very funny to me.

Perhaps the staff at mallon place should hide his meds in a piece of those shit tier hotdogs to make sure lucas takes his pills when he starts chimping out

I mean it works for getting dogs to take their meds. I'd suggest a cheese slice but lucas would want something more brick sized and half melted in the microwave

That said, mallon place should take a tip from south park to make money and put lucas in a room with one way glass, designed to mimic the environment most suited to him - with everything designed to make lucas think he's back in 1998 so he'll react naturally in his native and most familiar environment, and then sell tickets to people to view his antics like a zoo animal. Bonus points if they provide a shit tier 233mhz PC and a dialup connection hooked into an intranet designed to look like the internet of the mid to late 90s. Lucas spazzing out during conversations with AI chatbots on era appropriate AIM, ICQ and msn messenger would be very amusing. As would lucas trying to navigate the internet of the 90s without google and wikipedia. Just ask jeeves lucas, just ask jeeves.

Bonus points if they wait until he goes off his meds, has the inevitable psychotic chimpout and trip to the psych ward. Afterwards being sedated heavily and taken back to his new 90s time capsule fartbox and, when he wakes up, is told by staff that he has been out of his mind for months after he had a major psychotic break after a fight with cyril, was put in his new fartbox for his own safety by the government and that everything that happened post 90s was all a psychotic delusion and that its still 1998. If they got enough people to back up that story and make him stay in said room I don't doubt lucas would convince himself it was true before long. Especially if they told him to calm down and take his meds and that he needs to stay there for awhile and finish his treatment because his 18 year old girlfriend is worried about him and waiting eagerly for him to come home. He'd believe it because he wants to. Just look at how easily he's been told shit by catfish and believed it. and even he knows he's crazy enough for a breakdown that big to fuck with his head with major delusions

Truman show lucas would be best lucas. I'd pay to livestream that shit and it would make for quite the psychology paper analyzing just how far they could push it before he realized it was being fucked with. I mean if he'll not question poor little itsnotinthecards werner as his carry on infant for a flight even with people pointing it out to him, theres no way he wouldn't fall for something like this in such a situation. Hell if he figured it out they could probably gaslight him into believing being in the 2020s is really the delusion trying to take over again. Like that tng episode with riker getting fucked with thinking he was in a mental hospital and ending up in different fake realities when he started noticing shit to gaslight him into believing he was crazy

 

[TractorGirl]

Perhaps the staff at mallon place should hide his meds in a piece of those shit tier hotdogs to make sure lucas takes his pills when he starts chimping out

I mean it works for getting dogs to take their meds. I'd suggest a cheese slice but lucas would want something more brick sized and half melted in the microwave

That said, mallon place should take a tip from south park to make money and put lucas in a room with one way glass, designed to mimic the environment most suited to him - with everything designed to make lucas think he's back in 1998 so he'll react naturally in his native and most familiar environment, and then sell tickets to people to view his antics like a zoo animal. Bonus points if they provide a shit tier 233mhz PC and a dialup connection hooked into an intranet designed to look like the internet of the mid to late 90s. Lucas spazzing out during conversations with AI chatbots on era appropriate AIM, ICQ and msn messenger would be very amusing. As would lucas trying to navigate the internet of the 90s without google and wikipedia. Just ask jeeves lucas, just ask jeeves.

Bonus points if they wait until he goes off his meds, has the inevitable psychotic chimpout and trip to the psych ward. Afterwards being sedated heavily and taken back to his new 90s time capsule fartbox and, when he wakes up, is told by staff that he has been out of his mind for months after he had a major psychotic break after a fight with cyril, was put in his new fartbox for his own safety by the government and that everything that happened post 90s was all a psychotic delusion and that its still 1998. If they got enough people to back up that story and make him stay in said room I don't doubt lucas would convince himself it was true before long. Especially if they told him to calm down and take his meds and that he needs to stay there for awhile and finish his treatment because his 18 year old girlfriend is worried about him and waiting eagerly for him to come home. He'd believe it because he wants to. Just look at how easily he's been told shit by catfish and believed it. and even he knows he's crazy enough for a breakdown that big to fuck with his head with major delusions

Truman show lucas would be best lucas. I'd pay to livestream that shit and it would make for quite the psychology paper analyzing just how far they could push it before he realized it was being fucked with. I mean if he'll not question poor little itsnotinthecards werner as his carry on infant for a flight even with people pointing it out to him, theres no way he wouldn't fall for something like this in such a situation. Hell if he figured it out they could probably gaslight him into believing being in the 2020s is really the delusion trying to take over again. Like that tng episode with riker getting fucked with thinking he was in a mental hospital and ending up in different fake realities when he started noticing shit to gaslight him into believing he was crazy

Why are you not a television producer? I would watch the fuck out of this.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

Perhaps the staff at mallon place should hide his meds in a piece of those shit tier hotdogs to make sure lucas takes his pills when he starts chimping out

I mean it works for getting dogs to take their meds. I'd suggest a cheese slice but lucas would want something more brick sized and half melted in the microwave

That said, mallon place should take a tip from south park to make money and put lucas in a room with one way glass, designed to mimic the environment most suited to him - with everything designed to make lucas think he's back in 1998 so he'll react naturally in his native and most familiar environment, and then sell tickets to people to view his antics like a zoo animal. Bonus points if they provide a shit tier 233mhz PC and a dialup connection hooked into an intranet designed to look like the internet of the mid to late 90s. Lucas spazzing out during conversations with AI chatbots on era appropriate AIM, ICQ and msn messenger would be very amusing. As would lucas trying to navigate the internet of the 90s without google and wikipedia. Just ask jeeves lucas, just ask jeeves.

Bonus points if they wait until he goes off his meds, has the inevitable psychotic chimpout and trip to the psych ward. Afterwards being sedated heavily and taken back to his new 90s time capsule fartbox and, when he wakes up, is told by staff that he has been out of his mind for months after he had a major psychotic break after a fight with cyril, was put in his new fartbox for his own safety by the government and that everything that happened post 90s was all a psychotic delusion and that its still 1998. If they got enough people to back up that story and make him stay in said room I don't doubt lucas would convince himself it was true before long. Especially if they told him to calm down and take his meds and that he needs to stay there for awhile and finish his treatment because his 18 year old girlfriend is worried about him and waiting eagerly for him to come home. He'd believe it because he wants to. Just look at how easily he's been told shit by catfish and believed it. and even he knows he's crazy enough for a breakdown that big to fuck with his head with major delusions

Truman show lucas would be best lucas. I'd pay to livestream that shit and it would make for quite the psychology paper analyzing just how far they could push it before he realized it was being fucked with. I mean if he'll not question poor little itsnotinthecards werner as his carry on infant for a flight even with people pointing it out to him, theres no way he wouldn't fall for something like this in such a situation. Hell if he figured it out they could probably gaslight him into believing being in the 2020s is really the delusion trying to take over again. Like that tng episode with riker getting fucked with thinking he was in a mental hospital and ending up in different fake realities when he started noticing shit to gaslight him into believing he was crazy

On paper, this has all sorts of ethical issues.

In practice, this is The Wern and honestly such a fate is the most merciful fate he could ask for.

 

[Vi0l3t]

Recent foods, bon appetit.

 

[WonderWino]

Recent foods, bon appetit.
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Unsurprisingly lucas has absolutely no idea what charcuterie is and uses yet another word he thinks sounds smart in a way that doesn't make any sense. and did he just put bbq sauce on broccoli....?

That pasta looks disgusting. and nobody refers to their food as 'fucking hard' thats pure wernspeak. Also since when are you supposed to put tomato sauce on pesto. Thats the point of the pesto, it is the fucking sauce. It isn't supposed to have tomato sauce on it

That said..... white sausage with...avocado salsa and green onions? What the fuck? How did he even get it in his head to put those three things together that have absolutely nothing to do with each other? Why do I get the feeling he was dipping the onions in the fucking salsa. and eating that many green onions himself, as an actual snack? Fucking yikes. His breath must have been absolutely horrifying afterwards, to say nothing of the fact that like garlic that shit will be oozing out of his pores for days

....Though come to think of it this might explain an awful lot about reports from people meeting him in person that he smells of stale piss an onions. No wonder his roommate hates him

and that meat and cracker plate is very blatantly obvious not something he made himself. That is some premade shit he got from the store and took it out of the pack and put it on the plate to present as some kind of creation of his to try to impress people. Lucas being stupid as fuck never stopped to think the plastic container full of olives that he didn't even drain the liquid out of yet, gives it away. As do the types of crackers and the way the meat and cheese is sliced

 

[Vi0l3t]

Unsurprisingly lucas has absolutely no idea what charcuterie is and uses yet another word he thinks sounds smart in a way that doesn't make any sense. and did he just put bbq sauce on broccoli....?

That pasta looks disgusting. and nobody refers to their food as 'fucking hard' thats pure wernspeak. Also since when are you supposed to put tomato sauce on pesto. Thats the point of the pesto, it is the fucking sauce. It isn't supposed to have tomato sauce on it

That said..... white sausage with...avocado salsa and green onions? What the fuck? How did he even get it in his head to put those three things together that have absolutely nothing to do with each other? Why do I get the feeling he was dipping the onions in the fucking salsa. and eating that many green onions himself, as an actual snack? Fucking yikes. His breath must have been absolutely horrifying afterwards, to say nothing of the fact that like garlic that shit will be oozing out of his pores for days

....Though come to think of it this might explain an awful lot about reports from people meeting him in person that he smells of stale piss an onions. No wonder his roommate hates him

and that meat and cracker plate is very blatantly obvious not something he made himself. That is some premade shit he got from the store and took it out of the pack and put it on the plate to present as some kind of creation of his to try to impress people. Lucas being stupid as fuck never stopped to think the plastic container full of olives that he didn't even drain the liquid out of yet, gives it away. As do the types of crackers and the way the meat and cheese is sliced

I think its banana with green onion and avocado salsa, no idea wtf he was doing with it together though,

 

[WonderWino]

I think its banana with green onion and avocado salsa, no idea wtf he was doing with it together though,

Thats a banana? Thats even weirder. I mean who dips bananas in avocado salsa...? It would be mush covered in mush and have a horrifying taste and consistency. The more I see shit like this the more convinced I am that he's legit autistic. Food like this absolutely screams it

Also the salsa's expiration date is january 5 2023 - two fucking weeks ago