Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Vi0l3t]

Cheese.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas is back on his atheist posting. This was yoinked from the Lucas Werner Brokeposting FB page.

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The correct response to that is you mean like you did with jason perva lucas?

Yet again he clearly doesn't realize thats not an actual religious statement as is making it blatantly obvious it isn't. No way lucas isn't on the spectrum

One could tolerate one, maybe 2 different seasonings on a piece of bread. He put everything he could possibly find. I thought the cheese layered chips were bad, but I don't think a normal person could even swallow one bite of whatever the fuck he made.

Wait until he finds out about aussie fairy bread and vegemite. I'm surprised he didn't put sugar or sprinkles on that and I can absolutely see him putting vegemite on it

Food bank haul.

What a bizarre group of things for a food bank to give out. a single can of chili, some onions and potatoes, a loaf of bread and....vanilla extract? The fuck is the vanilla in there for? You wouldn't put that shit in jello and theres nothing else there that you would put it in. Not that I can't see lucas coming up with stir fried potato and onion chili skillet served in a reduced orange and vanilla chocolate pudding sauce with bread soaked in 10 spices to sop it up. Thats a very wern style meal

Absolutely fucking putrid. Imagine his breath.

The worst part is he clearly microwaved that thing. At least he didn't use one of those garlic stuffed olives for it

i genuinely wish i could figure out what he's trying to say with this post but i'm sure it would be wasted effort since it's probably as retarded as it looks

Reading that gives me horrifying visions of lucas greasing himself up like that fight scene with dan in deadwood and then going out and spazzing out publicly and then running around squealing like a stuck pig when the cops, paramedics and men with butterfly nets try to tackle him to take him off to the nuthouse with lucas squirming out of their grasp over and over cause of the grease....and then getting fucked over by his own plan when every time he tries to grab ahold of a zoomer bae they squirm out of his grasp the same way. What I wouldn't give to see that livestreamed by the local media

you ever see the movie Slither?

It fits, after all that teen girl on the dvd cover certainly fits lucas's type.....

Taken from the Lucas Werner Brokeposting FB page. Chef Lucas "Dr. Nigga Luke" is back at it with award winning dishes. Behold! White bread covered in a bunch of random condiments. Plenty good! Why, yes, ladies, he is unmarried.

I have to wonder how the TCAP cooking guy that was parodying his recipes is going to pull off a parody of that one. At least lucas didn't soak it in egg and fry it afterwards like autistic french toast...probably with crunched up raw ramen as a garnish

Lucas's older posts bitching and moaning with ultimatums like "if you want to be my friend" or "if you want to help me" were very telling.
As if the rest of the people reading his posts concerned themselves with "how can I make Lucas happy today?" "how can I help Lucas today?"

Lucas's personal slogan is probably ask not what your country can do for you ask what you and your country can do for lucas

it's quite clear to me that he's in denial about his physical health and seemingly would rather die believing he's completely fit and desirable than face an uncomfortable reality he has no ability to protect his ego from injury.

Its his coping mechanism that he was conditioned with as a kid by his mother as they both mentioned a few times. Lucas gets stressed or unhappy he eats to cope. In this case eating makes it worse, which makes him feel and look worse, which makes him need to stuff himself even more to cops and it just spirals out from there as much as he is able to financially support. Its his way of engaging in his little denial of reality until he's so far gone theres no way to ignore it anymore. If he didn't do this he'd likely either have a mental breakdown and go back to the nuthouse or have a psychotic break after realizing he's fucked and do something stupid out of anger, frustration and entitlement because the consequences don't matter anymore

No freak, you don't understand what you took from you. You chose not to take your meds, you chose not to work, you chose to be violent with the only partner you have ever and will ever have. You chose to let your sick degenerate desires control you. The sole person you have to blame, is the bloated corpse you see in the mirror. Hilarious that he's now referring to the elk kingdom as "tiny" now.

On that note, king roy should award the elk kingdom inheritance via medieval customs, tell lucas he has some elder brother that will rule as king roy II and in keeping with the custom lucas as the second son gets sent off to get a religious education at a monastery. Lucas would blow a gasket being told that with his hatred of religion. Though he already has the chastity thing down at this point. and hey he said he wanted to get an education right

12 acres is a pretty decent chunk. Not tiny, but definitely no kingdom.

Perhaps it should be the elk duchy then

he looks like he has corpse makeup on

Those swollen eyes make him look like fucking radu from the subspecies movies. That pic makes it even more obvious its kidney related

Cheese.

Mustard, cheese and bread. He really really obsesses over cheese. Not even particularly good cheese. If lucas was a rich kid he'd have ended up like kim jong un after eating all that swiss cheese to the point it put him in the hospital a few years back. Frankly i'm surprised he hasn't tried to stick his cock in that brie. I really wouldn't put it past him. He could have a jim moment -
What does third base feel like?
It feels like.....warm baked brie....
.....Really?

Cue lucas's tard wrangler walking in his room on some random inspection and seeing lucas shoving his microcock into a gooey bowl of baked brie.

We'll just tell your roommate that we...uh....ate it all. Thats all

That said since lucas is back on his food obsession I think I found just the right zoomer bae for him:

Seems like they have similar tastes in food, similar levels of intelligence and make exactly the same horrifying food mistakes

 

[TractorGirl]

Wait until he finds out about aussie fairy bread

Do not tell Lucas about Fairy Bread! It’s a culinary delight this fat fuck doesn’t deserve.

 

[A Silly Possum]

Good job Lucas, I'm sure all the zoomer baes totally understand that 20 year old song reference you're making.

 

[Bassomatic]

I love spicy mustard but mixed with Brie? What? I'm glad Lucas has no sense of taste still. You know if I had to eat myself to death and lose limbs over it, I think I'd try to eat tasty things.. not these toaster bortions. The peppers aren't cooked enough for my liking, and the parm should go ON the pork not sprinkled on top. For anyone who's not lazy, skilled at cooking etc, making your own shake and bake is a breeze and one of the easiest (but not cheapest) is to mix parm etc into your bread crumbs. When I do a veal/chicken/eggplant parm I lean about 2/3 bread crumbs 1/3 parm. Even the green shaker kraft junk it's a bit adding to price, esp if you are poor. Aside this is one of Lucas least shameful meals. If I was shown this in a vaccum I'd say eh point out what I said and shrug it's def something I could eat. But super easy for anyone, let alone pro chef Dr. nigga luke to fix/improve.

I tend to agree, he's dying and it seems to be speeding up.

Yup a few days of "brag meals" till his EBT runs out, the sign of an adult, who's plenty good and ready to be a dad.

 

[WonderWino]

Do not tell Lucas about Fairy Bread! It’s a culinary delight this fat fuck doesn’t deserve.

.....or if he finds out about it tell him its a slur and referring to bread gays eat so he'll make some looney ranting posts about how he hates bigots fucking with gay bread

Good job Lucas, I'm sure all the zoomer baes totally understand that 20 year old song reference you're making.

Yet again he manages to sound both narcissistic and out of touch while posting a bizarre dish that has absolutely nothing to do with anything he's talking about. That is such a weird looking dish. Its literally just badly cooked pork and bizarre chunks of green pepper. He can't even use basic ingredients correctly or in a way that makes sense. Nobody makes pork dishes that look like this

and yeah, no way a zoomer bae gives a shit about that reference, most likely wouldn't even get it and that isn't even getting to the fact that lucas is quoting the fucking pussycat dolls of all people. Not exactly his usual early 90s grunge. Many of the women lucas wants were babies when that came out

I mean shit, is he going to start quoting REM, fine young cannibals and tom petty next? maybe the spice girls? For someone who obsesses over zoomer baes as much as he does he really, really doesn't seem to know anything at all about them

 

[Vi0l3t]

Good job Lucas, I'm sure all the zoomer baes totally understand that 20 year old song reference you're making.

Yum big chunks of bell pepper.

 

[WonderWino]

All this food talk got me thinking about how hilarious it would have been if back when shao and that idiot woman were trolling lucas with a date and recording it to fuck with him, if they had gone full chrischan on him and had a friend wander in wearing a pickle suit and swoop lucas's 'date' away from him, while essentially telling him to stfu faggot and sit his ass back down at the table

I mean can you imagine how lucas would react to having his bae swooped by a guy in a pickle suit in front of a bunch of people and being intimidated into sitting there and taking it if he opened his mouth about it? He'd have been screeching about it for years. If you thought him ranting about flatbills was crazy just consider how much crazier he'd sound ranting about rich pickle dudes with the cars and the credit cards hoarding all the women and swooping them from poor homeless socialists

Fuck you flatbill pickle greeeeeed mongers! hoarding all the picklebaes and flashing all the money and credit cards and cars and making me eat all the chicken while you get the pussy!

Eastern state would probably think the whole thing was a psychotic delusion and up his meds, not realizing it actually happened. I mean what would you think if somebody showed up in the psych ward dragged in by ambulance and cops screaming about how guys dressed like pickles stole your girlfriend to the point you were ranting on street corners about it. and holy shit if he started including pickle man drawings in his attraction signs along side the sperm and dna drawings, with little angry notes about how evil they are and how the pickle people can't be trusted not to steal your girlfriend

 

[Vi0l3t]

 

[SpiceyHuman]

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I gaurantee you he tried adding the icing while the buns were still hot, hence the messy spunk pattern. That, or he actually jizzed on them...

Who's food would you rather eat?

Lucas
Jack from Cooking with Jack
Simply Sarah
Masaokis

 

[37yearolddickrightnow]

And you just know that the fat faggot ate every single one of those cinnamon rolls in one sitting.

 

[Bassomatic]

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Dude, kids can do this.. and the fact he sexualized it... in a niche sexual setting...

I mean I think most of us and adults know the term, because of memes, slang and all some maybe know it because, that's your jam.. but it's one of those unspoken things we learn in life. Lucas not only shows he messes up something kids can do with no problem but turns food to sex.

Yeah this nigga a weirdo aside a sick sick pervert.

 

[WonderWino]

Dude, kids can do this.. and the fact he sexualized it... in a niche sexual setting...

I mean I think most of us and adults know the term, because of memes, slang and all some maybe know it because, that's your jam.. but it's one of those unspoken things we learn in life. Lucas not only shows he messes up something kids can do with no problem but turns food to sex.

Yeah this nigga a weirdo aside a sick sick pervert.

Every time lucas does something like that i'm reminded of the phrase jokes are statements in disguise

Make of that what you will

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

I'm amazed he's still alive. As long as he leaves the little girls alone, Idgaf if a few of my tax dollars go to him in return for entertainment.

 

[WonderWino]

When I saw the title of this it made me wonder if this would be lucas's inevitable fate if he had creeped on little girls at the elk kingdom as king roys successor....or king roy would do it himself after having seen enough of his creeper behavior within his kingdom

Father bludgeons sex offender to death with moose antler

A father used a moose antler and shovel to fatally bludgeon a sex offender he believed had been stalking his daughter.

ca.news.yahoo.com

Though in his case more likely it would be an elk antler

 

[Free the Pedos]

When I saw the title of this it made me wonder if this would be lucas's inevitable fate if he had creeped on little girls at the elk kingdom as king roys successor....or king roy would do it himself after having seen enough of his creeper behavior within his kingdom

Father bludgeons sex offender to death with moose antler

A father used a moose antler and shovel to fatally bludgeon a sex offender he believed had been stalking his daughter.

ca.news.yahoo.com

Though in his case more likely it would be an elk antler

No jury worth its salt will give this guy more than community service. What a hero.

 

[AnOminous]

No jury worth its salt will give this guy more than community service. What a hero.

Give him community service and then find that killing that fucker satisfied the community service requirement.

 

[Vi0l3t]

Chef wern at your service.

 

[WonderWino]

Chef wern at your service.
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You know damn well he microwaved that shrimp chili not just melting the cheese on it. Rubbery microwaved shrimp from the 50% off section of the frozen food section and dumping it into that food bank can of chili he posted sounds about right for lucas. He's fortunate not to have pulled a homer simpson doing stuff like that

and of course lucas, in all his lack of self awareness glory points out he'd try to make a liquid fried chicken drink. But lets be real. Lucas's version of said drink would consist of melted chicken grease drained from the fried chicken, with crushed chunks of fried chicken skin minced up and stirred into it with a few chunks of chicken, probably garnished with a half raw chunk of chicken that didn't fry long enough and a couple chunks of cheese and contain absurd amounts of pepper and who the fuck knows what other spices. He'd also probably microwave it before serving, perhaps with some cheese shredding on top

As for that pork, unsurprisingly, lucas 'thought it was bland' (aka couldn't taste anything without 3 cups of pepper on it) so he drenched it in spices and cooked it again until it was practically a hockey puck made of pork and coated in burned spices

Can't say i'm surprised his food obsession is ramping up again, given his eye swelling and current health. I'm starting to think we should watch for a sudden uptick in his food posting as an indicator whenever his health takes a turn for the worse. By the time he dies he's going to be so swollen up it'll be hard to tell if its the obesity or the kidney related fluid retention

 

[Stinkyboy]

What in the fuck is shrimp chili?