Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

Lucas is always bitching about getting called a creep but never getting any numbers. so who knew they made a goosebumps episode all about him back in the mid 90s:

Fits lucas perfectly. and of course at the end he hands out some of his special homemade cookies at the high school and everybody that eats one transforms into a creep. I wonder if that includes turning into a middle aged, bald, schizophrenic hobo creep as well

That settles it - all lucas needs to do to yeet himself a zoomer bae is to put some of those creep seeds into some of his creeper bait traps and he's good to go....except for the fact nobody ever actually eats anything he puts out

EDIT:

Lucas, the welfare queen himself, is bitching about welfare queens and claiming most of them are republicans. Shows what fantasy land he's living in

This coming from the creep with a fetish for black teen girls. Again he projects his own behavior and attitudes onto others. Lucas is a bigger woke liberal than anybody he points fingers at

 

[HackerX]

Lucas, the welfare queen himself, is bitching about welfare queens and claiming most of them are republicans. Shows what fantasy land he's living in

I always love it when he has smug gotcha that proves the people he's mooing about are bigot hippcrites, when the premise is wrong and narrow-minded. His desire to be viewed as smart only accomplishes him looking like an even greater retard.

Case in point, bipolar schozofrenic version


"Why hello fellow atheists. Would you be interested in my research on telomeres?"

 

[WonderWino]

I always love it when he has smug gotcha that proves the people he's mooing about are bigot hippcrites, when the premise is wrong and narrow-minded. His desire to be viewed as smart only accomplishes him looking like an even greater retard.

Case in point, bipolar schozofrenic version

View attachment 7121028
"Why hello fellow atheists. Would you be interested in my research on telomeres?"

Lucas, unsurprisingly, ignores both the religious explanation for that (that said god created the universe and those laws of physics and may exist outside of those physical laws or the universe itself) and the scientific explanation (that his criticism doesn't explain, prove or disprove the existence of any god as the same thing applies to the big bang or whatever it is that created the universe. In other words, how did that all get started and where did everything actually come from)

In other words, as you said his statement makes him sound stupid as fuck when trying to prove how 'intelligent' he is. Of all the things lucas likes to ree about, physics is the most hilarious as he couldn't even pass a basic remedial high school math class both in high school and later in college and he wants to reee about physics, the most math heavy and complicated subject literally in existence. But what do you expect from a guy who wrote a nonsensical 'equation' based on disproved theories and who claims to have figured out FTL communication and time travel)

 

[HackerX]

Lucas, unsurprisingly, ignores both the religious explanation for that (that said god created the universe and those laws of physics and may exist outside of those physical laws or the universe itself) and the scientific explanation (that his criticism doesn't explain, prove or disprove the existence of any god as the same thing applies to the big bang or whatever it is that created the universe. In other words, how did that all get started and where did everything actually come from)

It's why his rantings between the abstract and the literal are hilarious. He somehow accepts that those concepts exist and are applicable (to the Bible), but is incapable of applying them outside of what he has already applied to them. Then, he'll moo on to the point where it debatable whether he understands what literal and abstracts are in the first place.

In other words, as you said his statement makes him sound stupid as fuck when trying to prove how 'intelligent' he is. Of all the things lucas likes to ree about, physics is the most hilarious as he couldn't even pass a basic remedial high school math class both in high school and later in college and he wants to reee about physics, the most math heavy and complicated subject literally in existence. But what do you expect from a guy who wrote a nonsensical 'equation' based on disproved theories and who claims to have figured out FTL communication and time travel)

The admixture of weedbro, colossal retard, and mental disorders are a beautiful combination. Who doesn't enjoy the spring-autumn, telomeric, age gap relationships because people like beer and cheese?

Well, I'm assuming he's trying to jump on a trend and it is different content. I wonder why he can't make a video of this creation????

Edit: A prime example of Lucas having imaginary arguments in his head over a single YouTube comments. He keeps circling back to make sure he gets the last word and for everyone to know just how special and smart he is. Like Jesus, the original comment was just a helpful suggestion.


Another random reply. ROFL. This was on one his "this isn't a kink" videos.

 

[mothman96]

Well, I'm assuming he's trying to jump on a trend and it is different content. I wonder why he can't make a video of this creation????

Edit: A prime example of Lucas having imaginary arguments in his head over a single YouTube comments. He keeps circling back to make sure he gets the last word and for everyone to know just how special and smart he is. Like Jesus, the original comment was just a helpful suggestion.


Another random reply. ROFL. This was on one his "this isn't a kink" videos.

The Creeper can't cook his meatloaf because the Mallon residents are not allowed in the kitchen. Mallon has kitchen staff/cooks that prepare the meals. Even when he had access to a stove in Spokane,I don't think he's ever cooked a meatloaf.

"I'm looking for my fellow atheists" -- From the comments I remember reading over at Wernology's channel- atheists don't want him.

"hording wealth" -- As always the greedy, envious Creep wants a life of wealth handed to him on a platter. Well even his "wealthy" hag of a mother Myrna, his dad King Roy with his Elk kingdom -- they sure are not sharing their money with the Creep.

"50 yrs ago his mom dated a black guy in North Carolina" --- Nope, never happened. Just a lie he came up with to "validate" creeping on young girls.

 

[HackerX]

"50 yrs ago his mom dated a black guy in North Carolina" --- Nope, never happened. Just a lie he came up with to "validate" creeping on young girls.

That comment came out of nowhere, so I'm pretty sure he's currently fantasizing about watching a black bull rail Myrna.

I always love it when he starts talking about black people because he always veers into absurdity. He'll somehow pick up on "what I said might be construed as racist", then explain his way out of it via subtle racism, overt racism, and cuckoldry.

More YouTube comments.

It's debatable whether he knows what the word 'hipocrite' means.




More from Chef Wern. Interestingly enough, neither cheese nor marinara were mentioned in the recipe, lol.

Edit:

Idk if it's just me, but the recipe videos seem more deranged than his usual nonsense.
- The misworn hat.
- His current word de jure "contiguous".
- Clearly reading off a script of some sort, but you can tell food gets him excited.
- "I've been doing this for 40 years". That indicates he started when he was 5. Lol

The very idea that this content will lead to a zoomer bae is something else.

Edit 2:

Ok, this one made me laugh. He attempts to apply some random folks math on appropriate age gap relationships and you can tell he's spinning up some cycles during the process. After the calculation doesn't result in an 18-25 year old woman, he immediately pivots to "what about telomeres though?". He's in full schizo regalia, wearing headset and everything. Then, he begins to moo about finite resources, capitalism, and communism because that has something to do with age gap relationships. After which, he talks about terraforming Mars because it somehow ties his points together and ends with "What about telomeres?" to really drive everything home.

How all of those things form a singular, logical narrative in his brain is beyond me, but by God, they do.

Also, a YouTube reply.

I'd love to if someone could get him to flesh this out a bit more since I don't think he really understands how sad it is for a grown, semi-capable man, to be living in a sped nursery home.

 

[WonderWino]

"50 yrs ago his mom dated a black guy in North Carolina" --- Nope, never happened. Just a lie he came up with to "validate" creeping on young girls.

Yet another example of lucas talking nonsense and outing himself telling an absurdly obvious lie. 50 years ago he says? So about 1975 then. In north carolina. Myrna was in washington state in 1975 with king roy. Lucas was born in 1979 ffs. and there was nowhere near that kind of stigma for a white woman to fuck a black man in 1975 where you'd have to duck down in the car driving around so nobody would know. Thats absurd. Thats something he made up based on shit he saw on tv about the 1920s and twisted around in his head

Not to mention with lucas's history of admitting he fantasizes about other men fucking his mother in weird ways (he also admitted this about cyril) it fits with his established delusional behavior. So now we know lucas fantasizes about his mother getting railed by BBC by some 1970s style pimp. I bet in lucas's mind they were driving around in a pink cadillac as well

I guess we know underage teen girl porn isn't the only stuff lucas obsesses over then. He's into BBC milf shit as well

I wonder what king roy would have to say about this if he happened to pop up in lucas's comments again. Somehow I doubt he'd be happy to find out lucas is moooing about his ex wife supposedly fucking off to NC to get railed by BBC when they were together. I also wonder how lucas would react to someone point out if what lucas is claiming is true doesn't that mean theres a chance king roy isn't his father at all and his real father is actually some southern BBC wielding black guy with a thing for married women and lucas is just one of those weird genetic anomalies that has a black parent but looks white himself. Like that guy from prison break or amanda marshall. I guess that explains lucas being obsessed with saying nigger alot, his love of BLM rioters and why he refuses to work. Though he kinda got fucked on the big dick gene in that genetic lottery by his dad then huh

I'd love to if someone could get him to flesh this out a bit more since I don't think he really understands how sad it is for a grown, semi-capable man, to be living in a sped nursery home.

He doesn't understand much of anything. Hell in one of those videos he literally said to microwave a cheese slice and marinara sauce on top of what appears to be noodles and microwave it. At first I thought he was talking about the meatloaf....and that would be a very wern thing to do - microwave a meatloaf

 

[Cheesegirl78]

One pound of ground beef, one pound of ground pork, at 350 degrees for 25 minutes?
You're going to have some raw meatloaf there, Pukas. But you will probably enjoy that.
And two packets of ramen seasoning? Really? Nasty.

 

[WonderWino]

One pound of ground beef, one pound of ground pork, at 350 degrees for 25 minutes?
You're going to have some raw meatloaf there, Pukas. But you will probably enjoy that.
And two packets of ramen seasoning? Really? Nasty.

Perhaps its lucas's deeply ingrained genetic memory of being of german descent. His insanity has forced him to create his own horrifying version of mett in the form of a fucked up meatloaf without realizing it. Come to think of it the idea of lucas finding out about mett and reasoning since he doesn't have any access to a kitchen that he can just go to the store, get a bunch of shit tier ground pork and sit in the dayroom eating it with a spoon, drenched in a bunch of different kinds of salt and pepper sounds like the exact kind of thing i'd expect from lucas. Perhaps he'd get a tapeworm and lose some weight. Probably rationalizing it by claiming the longer the tapeworm the longer the telomeres

That said, if lucas ever ended up on kitchen nightmares he'd drive gordon ramsay insane with his lack of food safety, batshit insane recipes and being slow as fuck with everything he does. I think watching lucas cook another lobster in a toaster oven and probably dumping bbq sauce and melting a cheese slice on it afterwards would be the thing that finally made gordon snap

 

[HackerX]

Lucas is starting the day off right. After a quick moo about economics, he interjects with "how the fuck is our country not lacking in telomeres" with an austistic hand motion. Now what did the conversation have anything to do with telomeres? Hell if I know. "Infinite growth on a finite world is not implausible. Could that be linked to telomeres depletion?" He definitely meant to say possible, but obviously he's retarded, even before he attempted to shoehorn in telomeres again. "Seems like devolution due to telomere attrition to me."

Then he goes on to say something along the lines of the struggles of life are due to telomere attrition. Keep in mind, the cow hasn't struggled in the same sense of everyone else's struggles. He's barely held any jobs. Has never had adult bills. He's not even allowed to feed himself without adult supervision. But apparently ALL the negative in the world is due to telomeres and Gen Z baes are REALLY missing out on his defective sperm. Lastly, none of the video has anything to do with the title, but that's not abnormal for Lucas.

Looking back at comments from a video he posted a week ago. Why are women never satisfied???


Edit:

Headphones are installed at this early in the day? Uh oh. Telomeres attrition seems to be today's lingo. "Remember in the '30s and 40's" made me chuckle for obvious reasons.

Edit 2:

By God, he's cracked the code! Rampant drug abuse across the globe is caused by none other than.... Telomere attrition! He's been mooing a lot about empathy today, but I don't think it means what he thinks it means. To him, empathy means willingness to fuck Lucas. There has never been a period in human history where there was enough empathy to willingly have sex with Lucas. Suzanne was a one-off, freak of nature, type of event and he'll never come remotely close to slayin' puss puss again.

Why are people getting shorter? You guessed it. Telomere attrition. Lack of older fathers with younger women.

There's nothing I want more than an authoritative figure to sit him down in a chair and explain to him how genetics extends beyond telomeres. That Lucas could have the longest, strongest, most superior telomeres imaginable, and his offspring would still come out of the womb retarded as fuck.

Edit 3:

You heard it here, ladies. If men have a midlife crisis, that means YOU should fuck Lucas Werner. Let's ignore the fact that Lucas has not lived a life worthy of a crisis, outside of his entire existence being a crisis. Jump to it!

 

[Da Dude123]

Lucas is back moooing about the "right supramarginal gyrus". He really thinks bringing that up makes him look plenty smart. For a long, long, time Lucas quit moooing about telomeres. At one point, I think he even said he didn't want kids. Now he is back in full autism mode, moooing about telomeres and how his plenty good sperm would make super babies with Gen Z. They can raise the super babies in government housing. But yes, empathy from the "right supramarginal gyrus" .

 

[HackerX]

Lucas is back moooing about the "right supramarginal gyrus". He really thinks bringing that up makes him look plenty smart. For a long, long, time Lucas quit moooing about telomeres. At one point, I think he even said he didn't want kids. Now he is back in full autism mode, moooing about telomeres and how his plenty good sperm would make super babies with Gen Z. They can raise the super babies in government housing. But yes, empathy from the "right supramarginal gyrus" .

I'd like to thank John "MEGA" Thundercock for reigniting Lucas's telomeric fire. I think witnessing firsthand a 40+ year old guy get with a 20-something year old gave Lucas hope along with breaking his brain further. Ever since the violation of the bro code, Lucas has been milking himself to.... utter perfection. We've gotten:

- Attraction signs
- Calling everyone bigots
- Attaching himself to a sped skater boi
- His standard mooing on politics and economics
- Praising a mysterious wing-couple that'd surely yeet him a bae. Only to end up mooing because the guy only brought $20 when Lucas told him he'd need $100, lol.
- Telomeres

The only thing he hasn't really fallen back on is roaming the streets of Spokane and I don't really think he's capable of that anymore due to his myriad of health issues. He also hasn't really gone back to the $100 steak dinner yet. That one has been in his rotation since the beginning of the thread, so I'm why it hasn't returned as of late.

Edit: YouTube reply

Lucas is somehow claiming that he's not saying anything bad about being short, while simultaneously saying women should have sex with him so they're children aren't short. Lol. He really doesn't understand the nature of things in his statements. The only thing he understands (in his retarded brain) is that all roads lead to telomeres. I wish there was a time machine to see what his retarded fixation was before telomeres. Like, what was his justification for women to fuck him before he stumbled on telomeres.

Edit 2:

Lucas Werner, in his attempt to explain why he's an atheist, fails to make an attempt to explain why he's an atheist. If anything, his video alludes to a divine creator. How can a man be so smugly, devastatingly retarded while thinking he's so intelligent and insightful is amazing.

Edit 3:

Lucas gets a fundamental concept wrong, which would answer the very question he's asking, but he doesn't understand he gets the fundamental concept wrong.

The gist of the video is, he states teachers give students tests to figure out their answer. And if God is Almighty, he'd already know their answers, so why bother.

Lucas, teachers give tests to validate their students knowledge on taught curriculum. Lucas, with his great understanding of the abstract and the literal, believes these "tests" are literal. God isn't out their throwing sheets of paper to people to see what people are writing done, you magnificent retard. He, honest to God, thinks God is just another student in the room trying to peak at answers.

YT replies of Lucas trying to convince everyone Myrna's baby boy is actually smarter than everyone else.







He's also been posting up a storm on the YouTube community tab. It's mostly links to studies on telomeres (How that hasn't landed him a Gen Z bae yet is being me), but here are two images he posted.

Oh God, he's using AI. The sheer horror of what he's mooed into it.


ROFL. "The most beautiful eggs". That doesn't come off deranged at all. Some 18 year old needs to let Lucas breed them right now right now right now!

Edit 4:

LOL. Since he doesn't understand how other people pray, he assumes it's people praying for bikes or some shit.

Edit 5:

Dine with Lucas! He'll foot the bill.

I think he's trying to spark a socialist uprising again? I don't think a single video today was logically tied to the title besides the one of him scrolling through the book on the previous video.

Edit 6:

Hrm. If you just swap sandwiches with women, this would sound awfully familiar. And to answer his question, I'd let that person starve if it were Lucas Werner. He's bouncing around everywhere that serves food anyways.

 

[WonderWino]

Somehow i'm not surprised that lucas has an actual book about the shitty restaurants of spokane, nor that he shows it off like that makes him look good in some way. It makes him look mental. Though it certainly is exactly the behavior i'd expect from him. No doubt now that he can't afford to go out and eat very much he sits in the dayroom of mallon place repeatedly going through that book and eyefucking every picture of food in the entire book, fantasizing about eating it and all the fecund teen girls he'll totally have dinner with at all these places one day. Thats all kinds of crazy obsessive behavior and shows just how batshit obsessive he is about food. He's exactly the kind of loon who should be restricted to nothing but nutraloaf

That said, yet again he's dropped any mention of his job search that he was supposedly real close to getting not very long ago

 

[Pedophobe]

People who don't archive have extra short telemores.

Doctor Niggae has an eating out guide and is down to fuck. Please form an orderly line zoom-zooms, there's plenty of him to get around.

Instagram account "thatcoolathiestguy" and static archive. Clicking the links on the archived page should open the live version without requiring you to login to Insta.

 

[Attractive Sexhaver]

He's been a creepy pedo for so long now that a whole generation of women have aged out of his fetish. He's been using the same tactics the entire time and the closest it's gotten him to underaged pussy was that time he got banned from a starbucks. Offers of $100 steaks didn't work on young girls during the Obama administration, how has he not realised it isn't going to work now?

 

[Todd Weiss]

Lucas, unsurprisingly, ignores both the religious explanation for that (that said god created the universe and those laws of physics and may exist outside of those physical laws or the universe itself) and the scientific explanation (that his criticism doesn't explain, prove or disprove the existence of any god as the same thing applies to the big bang or whatever it is that created the universe. In other words, how did that all get started and where did everything actually come from)

In other words, as you said his statement makes him sound stupid as fuck when trying to prove how 'intelligent' he is. Of all the things lucas likes to ree about, physics is the most hilarious as he couldn't even pass a basic remedial high school math class both in high school and later in college and he wants to reee about physics, the most math heavy and complicated subject literally in existence. But what do you expect from a guy who wrote a nonsensical 'equation' based on disproved theories and who claims to have figured out FTL communication and time travel)

He couldn't navigate the complexities of junior college. All entry-level courses, too — a goddamn 'gimme' for adult learners & the GED crowd. Anything related to physics — like most of his bullshit — is memorized for status only. To sound smart is more important than the material itself.

 

[not in the cards]

Lucas is somehow claiming that he's not saying anything bad about being short, while simultaneously saying women should have sex with him so they're children aren't short. Lol. He really doesn't understand the nature of things in his statements. The only thing he understands (in his retarded brain) is that all roads lead to telomeres. I wish there was a time machine to see what his retarded fixation was before telomeres. Like, what was his justification for women to fuck him before he stumbled on telomeres.

So he's just destroyed the entire point in this video. He doesn't realise that he just outed himself for trying (and failing miserably) to sell a cure for a non-issue. The exact moment he first heard and learned about telomeres would be amazing. That would be a story in itself that's probably lost forever unfortunately. I think his justification in his tiny mind is that his sense of entitlement that only grew as it was left unchecked by Myrna in his younger years.

 

[HackerX]

He's been a creepy pedo for so long now that a whole generation of women have aged out of his fetish.

It's only a matter of time until Generation Alpha appears in the Werner vernacular.

So he's just destroyed the entire point in this video. He doesn't realise that he just outed himself for trying (and failing miserably) to sell a cure for a non-issue.

He does that for everything once you go down the logical path he's mooing. I'm not sure if his brain just stops because the logic eventually leads down the no no path or if he's satisfied with his first conclusion of "surely this will get me laid". He's very scientific and rational.

Lucas can't wrap his head around nuance. I'm certain he thinks the Department of Education is a net good because it has Education in the name, and Lucas is a very smart boy who loves education. The video is mostly incoherent. Democrats aren't doing anything to get Lucas laid, so they're bad. The Republicans are greedy and won't spend tax dollars to get Lucas laid, so they're self-defeating. It's always so funny how smug and condescending he gets because everyone else is an evil bigot and Lucas is so special, bright, and smarter than everyone else.

Something tells me he's speaking from very recent experience, even though he's been through this song and dance for a decade now. I wonder if he's trying to set up zoom chats with Tinder bots? Also, I can't help but notice the eyes filled with soulless, hobo intent.

Edit:

Pure retarded screed. After mooing about how he's definitely not a sheep, but everyone else is, we get a long segment of him providing his definition of private property and personal property. Publicly traded companies are apparently private property btw. All the, he's while stumbling over his words and repeating himself because he has no idea what he's talking about. A quick moo about the wokey libtards who won't have sex with him and ends it with #support Palestine and #end Hamas.

Apparently, capitalism has killed 2 billion people and those greedy flatbills better yeet him a bae ASAP or he'll get violent.

Edit 2:

Holy shit. I know I say he's retarded a lot, but every day he pushes it to new limits.

-Starts off with saying capitalism doesn't work in practice or theory. He's only alive due to the system which he claims doesn't work. He'd have died eons ago in every other economic system.

- Goes on to explain we should participate in a direct democracy, which is retarded at face value. But then he continues by describing a democratic republic!!! (He doesn't know the difference between politics and economics either)

- <Sucks his mouth> medication is definitely causing cotton mouth

- Cries about social security cuts

- Also cries about food pantries/banks cuts, because apparently the executive branch is out cutting those too (LOL). He doesn't realize the latter is mostly funded through donations, typically from the religious.

Interdesting. I think he's trying to wrap his head around death, but his moobrain convulses whenever "what happens next" pops up. What's hilarious is, that when he's on his deathbed any day now, they're going to bring in religious people to help him cope. I can only imagine the seething hobo rage that ensues shortly before his heart gives out.

Edit 3:

Wait until he goes beyond surface-level consciousness (he won't) and learns that reality is no different than perception. Also, big 2000's atheist Reddit vibes.

 

[Da Dude123]

Oh, mooo mooo mooo! Tubby says you're a gold digger if one of the reasons you won't date him is cause he is a poor bum. And tAx tHe rIcH nInEtY pErCeNt!! The worthless bum. Lucas is such a burden on society.

 

[Kingfisher9000]

Oh, mooo mooo mooo! Tubby says you're a gold digger if one of the reasons you won't date him is cause he is a poor bum. And tAx tHe rIcH nInEtY pErCeNt!! The worthless bum. Lucas is such a burden on society.

Tax the rich so that poor people can afford shit? I dunno, Lucas, that sounds like money worship to me! Everyone knows only gold diggers desire financial stability!