Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Lucas still screwed it up.
That's why I laugh when he tries to convince people that he is a better choice because he's mature. He cannot function at a basic level on his own, if anything he's incredibly immature, especially for his age. I've known teenagers who have gone out in the world and survived far far better than Lucas has ever managed.

He's not a fine wine. He's a bunch of rotten, moldy grapes. Of course no one wants him.
 
I love how Mr Every Job Should Be Paid the Same thinks cheese is just old tard cum and alcohol is just aged juice. He has no respect for anyone's job, he just wants the same amount to call himself a comedian on instagram.
Agreed. Also I've always wondered, not that it isn't easy to poke holes in ALL of Lucas's rhetoric, but if liking alcohol and cheese means you should date older people, shouldn't Lucas be on the hunt for some of that granny goodness?

No? What? Oh, you mean it's just more "do as I say, not as I do" hypocrisy?

Shocking I say.
 
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Homeless Lucas saga is fucking great already. This is going to be a short season before he's dead. What if that guy caught him doing that? How many MRSA ridden teeth would Lucas be picking up?

I know we all say things like "lol" epic etc, but this picture seriously got a good 5 second belly laugh out of me.
 
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I'm torn between being entirely grossed out and losing it at the fact that he apparently decided that not only was a public bathroom selfie a good choice but it was also too important to wait for the dude behind him to wrap it up at the urinal and leave.
Nobody can schizopost quite like Lucas can. He really takes it to the next level.
 

Well now, isn't THAT interesting. First off starting anything with the phrase 'kids are funny, I think little girls are hilarious. I watch them at the mall' while making frequent references to 'age gap' relationships absolutely SCREAMS pedophile. It really, really does.

Which leads to interesting thing number two: I wondered what he meant by 'agephilia' and figured he was referring to some sexuality type from tumblr or some shit so I googled it. Lets take a look at the very first google result shall we:

age1.jpg


Well now, isn't that interesting. a hashtag lucas uses literally brings up an attraction to 11 - 14 year olds as its very first search result, in a post where he talks about going to the mall to stare at little girls

Lucas 'i'm totally not a pedo' Werner everybody
 
so in the first one, it reads as if purposely offending black people who are left wing Nazis (what?) by "dropping the race card" (i guess by doing something racist), which is how right wing people (why would right wing people support Bernie???) who support Bernie Sanders (an avowed socialist, borderline communist, which is very left wing, so much left wing that Sweden's leftist party says he's too far left) will get you laid.

in the second, saying the magic shibboleth "Nigga" is funny to college aged women because they find humor in offending groups of people (presumably black people, as he ends with that), and so this humor will lead to sex.

what? i understand that fractured thoughts and poverty of logic is pretty common with the mentally impaired, but this is obviously meaningful to Lucas in some way. it doesn't quite line up with previous statements about telomeres or board games or socialist welfare paradises, et c.

it kinda reads like he's saying that Bernie Sanders supporters must offend black people to woo college aged women.

is Lucas going to catch a beat down soon because he likes to run his mouth like a fool?
 
This is a true story, as I understand it. It's the context of his recent ramblings.

Once upon a time, a group of young tards took Lucas to hang out. They were motivated by pity, curiously and incredulity. Perhaps they could help the poor wretch change. They could certainly laugh at him, too, and post about it. They interacted with Lucas irl. They dared pet the cow.

There was, among these tards, a woman named Lacie. He enjoyed the company of an actual young woman. This was the highwater mark of his social life, and a height he will never reach again.

It did not take Lucas long to obsess over Lacie and her juicy young womb. Inasmuch as Lucas can love, he loved her, which means he expected sex.

Which for Lucas means anal torture and fisting, if you've forgotten.

But Lacie was dating a flatbill Berniebro who said "Nigga" often. And nothing Lucas said or did could steal Lacie away from that cock blocking flatbill, so that Lucas could impregnate her. And he tried.

And the relationships ran their course.

Lucas soon found himself alone.

The few times Lucas was out with the tards were some of the most important events of his barren, empty life. Made quite the impression on him.

Any time Lucas talks about stealing someone's girl friend, "niggas," cock blocking, young liberals with fraught racial politics, or hanging out with college age kids, he is reliving this dynamic. Explaining to himself and the world why Lacie isn't his queen, and he didn't get to impregnate her and do sadistic butt stuff

Lucas is that sad.

Never forget that incidental details and throw away events in the lives of others, are defining highlights in Lucas's.
 
Bernie is losing by 20 votes in Spokane county. I hope Lucas got up in time from his cardboard box to vote.

I wouldn't be surprised if lucas tries to rile up the hobos at his shelter with a half nonsensical speech about the importance of ensuring everyone is on deck to vote for bernie. Probably while imagining his shelter is his bernie spokane command center or something
 
The few times Lucas was out with the tards were some of the most important events of his barren, empty life. Made quite the impression on him.

Any time Lucas talks about stealing someone's girl friend, "niggas," cock blocking, young liberals with fraught racial politics, or hanging out with college age kids, he is reliving this dynamic. Explaining to himself and the world why Lacie isn't his queen, and he didn't get to impregnate her and do sadistic butt stuff

Lucas is that sad.

Never forget that incidental details and throw away events in the lives of others, are defining highlights in Lucas's.
From the info that came out, Lucas IRL met Lacie and her guy friends 1 time. That's all it took, that 1 meeting and he was in "love". When he found out Lacie was in a sudden relationship, he held back his rage because he wanted to stay in the queue, thinking at some pt it would be his turn with Lacie. We know how all that turned out.
 
From the info that came out, Lucas IRL met Lacie and her guy friends 1 time. That's all it took, that 1 meeting and he was in "love". When he found out Lacie was in a sudden relationship, he held back his rage because he wanted to stay in the queue, thinking at some pt it would be his turn with Lacie. We know how all that turned out.
I thought it was like twice. But once?

That's even better.

How poignant. How sad. How funny.
 
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