Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[MeganDodgedABullet]

I got a slight CWC vibe from those school pics. Wonder if Wern had his own gal pal(s) (TM)?

 

[WonderWino]

Replace kira with the starbucks barista and this reminds me of the kind of thing that must be going on in lucas's head constantly. It really would explain much of his previous comments and delusions:

....and lucas finally having his moment of terrifying escalating clarity:

Just replace the bajorans with teen girls, flatbills and republicans

 

[wenttobermuda]

Here is a companion piece for Wernologists who are interested in a deep dive into Lucas's miserable HS experience. You may not have had the opportunity to call him gay and give him a wedgy in 1995, but his awkwardness has been preserved for our study. It pairs well with his HS photos, which I hope you've all had occasion to blackly snicker at.

First, I suggest listening to his original composition "Teenage Bondage," a presumably autobiographical account of teenage alienation.

In The Court Of The Telomere King, by Lucas Werner

9 track album

telomereking.bandcamp.com

The following quotes illustrate his memories of HS:

My mental capacity was fairly limited to getting good grades and fawning over girls like a buffoon...

Note that despite a reported focus on good grades, Lucas did not graduate.

I didn't quite have all my high school credits...

Lucas has always been socially inept and lonely. He confesses to being obsessively focused on talking to girls, yet terrified of it; and on the occasions he did speak to girls, he did not come off well.

When it came to interacting with the other kids, I struggled at best and lost my temper and embarrassed myself at worst, pushing them away. I was clumsy. So I found refuge in my books and found hope in the fantastic. Especially when it came to girls. The girls in books seemed to be tailor made for me. I longed to find one in the real world who would understand me.

The search for the perfect girl who was both smart and pretty was like my holy grail. I couldn't find these perfectly angelic samples of girlhood anywhere but in books and on TV. I really started to wonder about things like God. I would sit in my room a lot and hope I would die, just so I could meet an angel. Women became sort of this impossible problem I could never quite figure out.

... I'd see a girl I liked. Sit with her. The only thing I could think of to say was, "I love you." but all the guys I talked to about my girl troubles had warned me, "Never tell a girl you love her. She'll think you're weird and she won't like you." "Oh.. uh... okay, I" (I used to be embarrassed to say the world "but" because it sounded like "butt" and made me feel awkward.) "Guess, I'll..." That's where I hit a brick wall. Like I said, no confidence. Bashful.

...time would wear on and if I ever did initiate conversations with girls, typically I would begin by saying her name in the form of a question very boldly and confidently and just nodding. Then and I would smile and look at my feet. Up at the sky. Back at her back to my feet. I didn't know what else to do. They usually just stared at me awhile. I pretended not to notice. I made goofy shoulder gestures, thinking they might laugh. I fidgeted until they said something. "Are you okay?" "Yeah. I'm fine." "Are you sure you're fine? You don't seem fine. What's your name?" "Lucas. I'm Lucas. I uh..." "Okay." "I just..." "Yeah?" "Um. Well, I gotta go." Sometimes they would ask something else like "Gay?" And at first I'd say, "No. My name's Lucas. Who's Gay?" These girls usually just stared at the ground and giggled nervously until I stepped up and cringed, shaking my head like they were weird or something. They were. Or so I thought. All I thought was "Maybe they're Gay and this was a joke or something. I dunno." I didn't even knew what Gay meant. I thought it was a another kid they thought looked like me. I had to ask my mom.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

“I used to be embarrassed to say the world "but" because it sounded like "butt" and made me feel awkward.”

WOW. This is something only Lucas could imagine.

 

[Patchwork Ragdoll]

You're telling me lucas was a fat, unpopular, simp, in high school.
I'm shocked!!!!

(That's sarcasm lucas, if you're lurking.)

 

[PrincessKidana]

You're telling me lucas was a fat, unpopular, simp, in high school.
I'm shocked!!!!

(That's sarcasm lucas, if you're lurking.)

He's always lurking. He likely touches himself to our insults.

 

[WonderWino]

Here is a companion piece for Wernologists who are interested in a deep dive into Lucas's miserable HS experience. You may not have had the opportunity to call him gay and give him a wedgy in 1995, but his awkwardness has been preserved for our study. It pairs well with his HS photos, which I hope you've all had occasion to blackly snicker at.

First, I suggest listening to his original composition "Teenage Bondage," a presumably autobiographical account of teenage alienation.

In The Court Of The Telomere King, by Lucas Werner

9 track album

telomereking.bandcamp.com

The following quotes illustrate his memories of HS:



Note that despite a reported focus on good grades, Lucas did not graduate.



Lucas has always been socially inept and lonely. He confesses to being obsessively focused on talking to girls, yet terrified of it; and on the occasions he did speak to girls, he did not come off well.

I can see lucas trying to psych himself up for talking to these girls and it literally ending up like this:

That said the fact that he even admits they questioned whether he was gay says alot in itself. He was always clearly giving off some pretty questionable vibes

Also the whole 'I would start by using their name in a sentence' sounds like some kind of coping mechanism a psychiatrist told him to use to keep himself from freezing up or talking strangely and causing a scene. Makes me wonder if his supposed sudden breakdown in 2000 that landed him in the nuthouse was as unexpected and surprising as he tries to imply or whether it was a buildup to something that had been going on in some form or another for years. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find out he was in therapy for years as a child and in high school

As for women, the way he says women are a puzzle he can't quite figure out makes it sound like hes an alien trying to understand what a woman is as an outsider that thinks questioning them in a particular way or approaching them as a puzzle to be solved a specific way will lead to the desired solution he is looking for. Which, as i've pointed out before sounds an awful lot like how PUAs think with their 'strategies' for approaching women. He fundamentally doesn't see women as people, just literal objects that look like people that he wants but knows he can't just take without serious consequences so he has to find his 'holy grail' as he puts it by finding his magic formula. Yet another trait of many cows and autists in general

I'm not even sure all this can be attributed to a lack of confidence at all really, its more like a fundamental lack of understand as to what other people are on the most basic level and the 'lack of confidence' is a result of that. Its a symptom not the overall cause. Something tells me that lucas has far more serious mental problems than he lets on, like as in literal brain damage and/or a malformed brain in some way and likely correspondingly a very low IQ. Its like he is a predator with the mind of a 10 year old and all the lack of understanding of the world around him that a 10 year old has

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

If Lucas came off as gay, he would have had female friends by default, even in the 90s. He probably was the weird fat smelly kid that creeped girls out by staring at them with his big eyes.

I feel sorry for Lucas, though. He probably belonged in a special school instead of a normal high school where he never fit in. I know those feels.

 

[Poop Shoot]

Here is a companion piece for Wernologists who are interested in a deep dive into Lucas's miserable HS experience. You may not have had the opportunity to call him gay and give him a wedgy in 1995, but his awkwardness has been preserved for our study. It pairs well with his HS photos, which I hope you've all had occasion to blackly snicker at.

It doesn't surprise me one bit that he fell for the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope. Yeah, it seemed like she was written just for him... because she was.

Edit: after thinking on it a bit more, this explains why he thinks finding a girlfriend will suddenly cure him of all his ills, because that's what that fake-girl-trope does.

Too bad that real girls are real people and that trope doesn't exist.

 

[AnOminous]

What is interesting about this post is that he is not allowed to have his phone up in the dorm, it’s an automatic kicked out for the night and he would have to start over the process of getting a bed again.

I'd wonder why there is such a rule but then you look at Lucas and he's literally the personification of the reason for the rule.

If Lucas came off as gay, he would have had female friends by default, even in the 90s. He probably was the weird fat smelly kid that creeped girls out by staring at them with his big eyes.

Naw, he was the weird fat smelly gay dude with no friends.

 

[An Sionnach Seang]

He is now reduced to pleading with God to send him a bae. He is at the end of his rope. Does he expect the existence of God to be proven by a bae descending from the clouds on a beam of light into his arms?

This is like when your 5 years old and you pray God will give you that bike you’ve always wanted.

edit-grammar

or like this

“I was on the football team in high school” is not an endorsement. If someone feels the need to tell me that I just assume their list of brag-worthy accomplishments ends there.

see also: people who put academic qualifications after their names

 

[PrincessKidana]

Lucas apparently has 3 matches on Tinder who are also on Instagram and in Spokane.... he is talking to all of them.

Totally not catfishes.

 

[Nobleman]

I'd wonder why there is such a rule but then you look at Lucas and he's literally the personification of the reason for the rule.

1. The glare of the screen or music blaring from headphones bothers other people sleeping and leads to a fistfight.

2. Watching porn on phone and jacking off while shaking bunk bed which throws bunk mate into a rage and turns into a fist fight.

3. Wakes up and phone is gone. Blames immediate neighbors. Neighbors attack said client for the accusation which leads to a fist fight.


Some things are best nipped in the bud.

 

[wenttobermuda]

I'm not even sure all this can be attributed to a lack of confidence at all really, its more like a fundamental lack of understand as to what other people are on the most basic level and the 'lack of confidence' is a result of that. Its a symptom not the overall cause. Something tells me that lucas has far more serious mental problems than he lets on...

From time to time, a discussion of Lucas's mental health and specific diagnosis breaks out. It's not merely a matter of dull autists obsessively revisiting the same subject; rather Lucas is always saying and doings things that are instantly recognizable as symptoms of one disorder or another. His brain is clearly broken.

You've noted one of his more delightful symptoms: he's a tard.

Lucaa is singulary socially inept. He struggles to relate to or interact with people. He is preoccupied with what they can give him. He relies on stereotypes (Gen Z! Socialist! Christian) to make sense of individuals, whose motivations and perspectives he cannot fathom.

Lucas isn't blind to social context, but nearly so. He doesn't accurately recognize social cues. He is not appropriately embarassed by his own behavior, seemingly lacking full insight into how it is perceived. He appears dimly aware of all of this: he gets grief for doing things he considers normal, like leaving 15 year olds love notes, and doesn't like it.

Lucas is a broken tard, and no amount of therapy or self improvement could make him a functional tard. He is just tarded enough to notice he's a tard, but too tarded to accept it.

This, coupled with his tendency to develop fixations, produces the Werner magic.

 

[Nobleman]

From time to time, a discussion of Lucas's mental health and specific diagnosis breaks out. It's not merely a matter of dull autists obsessively revisiting the same subject; rather Lucas is always saying and doings things that are instantly recognizable as symptoms of one disorder or another. His brain is clearly broken.

You've noted one of his more delightful symptoms: he's a tard.

Lucaa is singulary socially inept. He struggles to relate to or interact with people. He is preoccupied with what they can give him. He relies on stereotypes (Gen Z! Socialist! Christian) to make sense of individuals, whose motivations and perspectives he cannot fathom.

Lucas isn't blind to social context, but nearly so. He doesn't accurately recognize social cues. He is not appropriately embarassedLuca

From time to time, a discussion of Lucas's mental health and specific diagnosis breaks out. It's not merely a matter of dull autists obsessively revisiting the same subject; rather Lucas is always saying and doings things that are instantly recognizable as symptoms of one disorder or another. His brain is clearly broken.

You've noted one of his more delightful symptoms: he's a tard.

Lucaa is singulary socially inept. He struggles to relate to or interact with people. He is preoccupied with what they can give him. He relies on stereotypes (Gen Z! Socialist! Christian) to make sense of individuals, whose motivations and perspectives he cannot fathom.

Lucas isn't blind to social context, but nearly so. He doesn't accurately recognize social cues. He is not appropriately embarassed by his own behavior, seemingly lacking full insight into how it is perceived. He appears dimly aware of all of this: he gets grief for doing things he considers normal, like leaving 15 year olds love notes, and doesn't like it.

Lucas is a broken tard, and no amount of therapy or self improvement could make him a functional tard. He is just tarded enough to notice he's a tard, but too tarded to accept it.

This, coupled with his tendency to develop fixations, produces the Werner magic.

And that is why I wonder if he is truly schizophrenic. He talked to himself but what if that is just being a yard with no social cues. I have been around schitzos and once they are on their meds they tend to be quite normal and can acknowledge their condition. Lucas on pills is just same old Lucas but slowed down. And bipolar is off the table., real bipolar is a completely another animal and lucas ain’t it. .

 

[WonderWino]

“I was on the football team in high school” is not an endorsement. If someone feels the need to tell me that I just assume their list of brag-worthy accomplishments ends there.

tbh if lucas said he was on the football team I would assume he was the towel manager and acted like he was the QB, yet again not understanding why his starring position on the football team isn't getting him all the 16 year old cheerleader poonanner

 

[BowlOfDick]

It’s a given that, if found out about keeping his phone, Lucas would chimp out over any repercussions. How evil HOC is for letting him stay and eat for free under certain specific, sensible conditions! They must be agephobic bigots.

Tbh I doubt that even if one were to meddle and contact HOC that anything would come of it. They are likely too overwhelmed at the moment to deal with one tard and his phone.

 

[LeeLoo]

I recall an episode of House MD where the mystery was why a little girl developed two different types of cancer. They felt there had to be a cause, because the chances of a person being so unlucky as to develop two completely different and unrelated types of cancer were astronomical. However, turns out that was it. The girl was just that unlucky.

I think Lucas is like that girl. I think he is an exceptional tard in that he may have slight autism, bipolar, and schizophrenia, on top of being a raging narcissist and slightly sociopathic. I think this astronomical whammy of numerous psychological disorders is why he doesn’t respond to treatment and never will.

 

[Da Dude123]

Lucas is creating another board game in between screaming at his phone and loading up his hobo sack. His current board games have sold very poorly with only Meeple Toss having had anyone outside of Lucas buying it. I remember when he was making "Dance of the Telomeres". About the government in arranging dances for 40 year old men to meet 18 year old girls. Maybe this is his next game?

Keep giving money to Game Crafter to make these abominations....

 

[mothman96]

And that is why I wonder if he is truly schizophrenic. He talked to himself but what if that is just being a yard with no social cues. I have been around schitzos and once they are on their meds they tend to be quite normal and can acknowledge their condition. Lucas on pills is just same old Lucas but slowed down. And bipolar is off the table., real bipolar is a completely another animal and lucas ain’t it. .

I'd say his mental state is so scrambled, the meds only "temper" him down a bit.