Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Particle Bored]

His new angle is: "I'm Nobility."

Does he realise literally nobody would find, "Yeah, I'm a German Lord" remotely attractive?
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I'm technically a titled aristorcrat too. This is 'Murica, Lucas. No one cares.

 

[Wernology]

Right, got the political idea word vomits up. Left out broken links and the "blog post" that was really just a "welcome to my page!"

https://virtualwern.com/

They're down at the end if you want to wonder if you're going insane while trying to make sense of his ideas.

I'm still fond of the one that lets you leave the planet, galaxy, or universe entirely if you'd rather not go to jail if convicted of a crime.

This is all that came to mind while reading through him explaining how The Assembly would work.

@wenttobermuda I would love to have someone corner him and make him explain in detail what happened to his not insignificant (and not cheap, he had some pieces in there worth a few hundred dollars to collectors) collection of board games once he got booted from Pioneer Pathway.

Unless he deleted a few it looks like he was all memes and one video today.

 

[LeeLoo]

Thanks for your input thus far.

In case I haven't been suitably explicit, this is an opportunity for Wernologists
to have some say over the kinds of content and question that will be featured in Episode 3 of Goldaor's The Golden USB Show.

I would love for FuckFace to explain what it is about himself he perceives as handsome. He uses that word to describe himself often, and of course, who could forget Cute Older Daddy. Everyone can see how shockingly vile he is from head to toe. I’d love for Gold to show him that latest underwear selfie, along with those horrid shirtless ones, and have Lucas explain what he sees about himself that a woman might find attractive.

 

[BrightGold]

Baron Lucas is a riot.

Dear colleagues,

Please humor my curiosity, and perhaps satisfy your own. What are some specific topics you wish Lucas would address? What areas of Wernology would benefit most from elaboration? What are the nagging questions facing Wernologists?

Are there forgotten gems buried in this thread that ought to be reconsidered? Things you're tired of hearing about?

What would you most like to know about Jason Perva's penis?

I appreciate your input and contributions to Wernology.

I would love to hear him go on about his childhood / young adulthood - I can see him getting pretty easily baited into telling stories that he doesn't realize are incriminating/cringeworthy, either by asking seemingly innocuous things ("who was your first crush? how did that resolve?") or even, if you're feeling brave, asking him to "correct the record" re: stuff his mom has said in her blog post about his childhood (the "fever" he had, not getting invited to birthday parties, etc.), although that option feels super risky given how quickly he popped off last time when Goldaor brought it up.

Another interesting topic that isn't brought up much anymore is something he alluded to in his semi-lucid "Reflections" - he implied that his birth/existence (telomeres something something) caused his mom to get skin cancer when he was in his teens, and he felt deeply responsible and scared by this (we all know that, underneath it all, Lucas is an extremely anxious, paranoid person - I've seen old texts where he talked about lying in bed at night thinking about his fear of asteroids and how one might crash through the ceiling and kill him at any moment). I believe this is the kickoff point for his "telomeres will make people healthier" schtick. So what I want to know is: does he think that his own health (he may not admit to the mental health stuff anymore, but he acknowledges the diabetes, etc.) will improve in real, tangible, measurable ways if he is able to get with a Zoomer? Or does that only affect their offspring's health potential? (Sidenote: I'm curious about how many of his wild-ass beliefs are rooted in paranoid anxieties that bubbled up when he was still semi-lucid - and then, as his mental health worsened, spiraled out of control until they were nearly unrecognizable and logically detached from their root.)

Same thing re: his family - I really crave any knowledge at all about how he related to the people who knew him personally, and since there are so few of them / all of them are alienated from him now, it's hard to get info on that.

The thing I like about Goldaor's podcasts is that it really threw into relief how fucking inept at conversation he is. When he's just recording videos by himself, it's easy to excuse the rambling and topic-switching because he's effectively talking to himself. Hearing him talking to someone else is... wild. He has no concept of conversational turn-taking, he always loses the plot, like, five seconds after someone asks him a question, etc.

This is why I think Goldaor honestly is a more effective host than a lot of people give him credit for. Sure, he's unprepared a lot of the time and doesn't always needle him where he should, but I think it's actually a hell of a strategy that he's using - tipping him off on a key word that he knows will land, throwing in an open-ended, neutral "what do you think about that?" or "is that true?" to protect his own reputation so Lucas doesn't flee, and just letting him ramble on from there. When left to his own devices, Lucas has no problem spilling all kinds of new details and accidentally giving us a picture of what his insanity really looks like to the average man-on-the-street in Spokane, etc.

That's essentially what I want - just more opportunities for him to blather on about the lesser-seen sides of himself (childhood, time in Olympia, family) without making it obvious that he's being trolled, because he's definitely not above just hanging up and blocking Goldaor - I feel like we can milk this podcast saga for a little while longer if everybody plays it cool.

 

[WonderWino]

I would love for galdaor to ask him why he is living in a homeless shelter if his parents are as rich as he claims they are. Why are they letting him suffer? Though he'd probably pop off and that would be the end of it

I'd also laugh my ass off if a few of the games he had been provided with had been roms that had been altered to randomly bring up npc text about telomeres and 'its not in the cards' while he is playing them. See how far the schizo stuff could be pushed before he figured out he was being fucked with

Another interesting topic that isn't brought up much anymore is something he alluded to in his semi-lucid "Reflections" - he implied that his birth/existence (telomeres something something) caused his mom to get skin cancer when he was in his teens, and he felt deeply responsible and scared by this

Thats pretty ironic considering its essentially lucas admitting that he is a literal cancer to his family

. So what I want to know is: does he think that his own health (he may not admit to the mental health stuff anymore, but he acknowledges the diabetes, etc.) will improve in real, tangible, measurable ways if he is able to get with a Zoomer? Or does that only affect their offspring's health potential?

The answer is obvious when you consider lucas's personality. He despises other people. He doesn't give a shit about what happens to anyone else including family. As far as he is concerned people exist to be useful to him in some way. Those who are not he wants nothing to do with. That said, he doesn't want to have a kid for the sake of actually having a kid and raising a family. He wants it only because he believes it will benefit him in some way. Either in a 'I told you so' way or because he believes it can benefit his health in some way. possibly both. Not to mention the obvious having a daughter to abuse her that he has all but blatantly admitted at this point.

The thing I like about Goldaor's podcasts is that it really threw into relief how fucking inept at conversation he is. When he's just recording videos by himself, it's easy to excuse the rambling and topic-switching because he's effectively talking to himself. Hearing him talking to someone else is... wild. He has no concept of conversational turn-taking, he always loses the plot, like, five seconds after someone asks him a question, etc.

and when you think about it that really puts into perspective the stuff lucas admitted to about his mother being able to distract him from uncomfortable topics by bringing up food, which by his own admission made him almost immediately forget what he was going on about

This is why I think Goldaor honestly is a more effective host than a lot of people give him credit for. Sure, he's unprepared a lot of the time and doesn't always needle him where he should, but I think it's actually a hell of a strategy that he's using - tipping him off on a key word that he knows will land, throwing in an open-ended, neutral "what do you think about that?" or "is that true?" to protect his own reputation so Lucas doesn't flee, and just letting him ramble on from there. When left to his own devices, Lucas has no problem spilling all kinds of new details and accidentally giving us a picture of what his insanity really looks like to the average man-on-the-street in Spokane, etc

When you see an enemy making a mistake get out of his way and all that. He is giving lucas enough rope to hang himself and probably intending that lucas accidentally say something to incriminate himself directly

That said, sooner or later he is going to push a little too far or lucas will get paranoid and take some question the wrong way and have a chimpout and galdaor will be another bigot republican who is out to get him. I still suspect the main reason lucas has gone along with it this long is he thinks he can somehow steal galdaors girlfriend. As with everything else, he is a means to an end for lucas

 

[mothman96]

Asked why he doesn't ask women he meets for their phone no. The Freak says he doesn't see them out there a lot, even before lock down. Are the young women running for the hills when they see him in the area or is it he fears it will not go well for him if he hits on the young women he sees. I'd say it's the latter.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Asked why he doesn't ask women he meets for their phone no. The Freak says he doesn't see them out there a lot, even before lock down. Are the young women running for the hills when they see him in the area or is it he fears it will not go well for him if he hits on the young women he sees. I'd say it's the latter.

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Translation: he's a pussy. If you don't deliver a clubbed-unconscious zoomer to Lucas, you're "Cockblocking" him.

He always finds an excuse to not try and close the deal.

And, on those rare occasions when he does muster up the courage, we get the Starbucks incident. Talking about his beneficent sperm. Or I should say, jotting a note about said sperm. Because even when he gets up the courage, he still has to make the interaction second hand....because pussy.

 

[teleméres69]

I for one would love to see a crazy incel mayor. He'd be Quimby but without any women, just screaming in his office all day while sexually harassing his assistants

Can fatty actually run for office in WA with a criminal record and a history of forcible commitment in a mental hospital?

When exactly did he start the telomere and stronger dna shit? And why? I assume it was around the time he got arrested and dumped by Suzanne, and it's a cope for how worthless his life is. But I'd like to actually hear him explain it. I'm surprised he doesn't cover stuff like this, it would be far more interesting than the 10__th rant about women being bigots and sluts for not fucking him

Baron Lucas is a riot.

Dear colleagues,

Please humor my curiosity, and perhaps satisfy your own. What are some specific topics you wish Lucas would address? What areas of Wernology would benefit most from elaboration? What are the nagging questions facing Wernologists?

Are there forgotten gems buried in this thread that ought to be reconsidered? Things you're tired of hearing about?

What would you most like to know about Jason Perva's penis?

I appreciate your input and contributions to Wernology.

 

[mothman96]

Translation: he's a pussy. If you don't deliver a clubbed-unconscious zoomer to Lucas, you're "Cockblocking" him.

He always finds an excuse to not try and close the deal.

And, on those rare occasions when he does muster up the courage, we get the Starbucks incident. Talking about his beneficent sperm. Or I should say, jotting a note about said sperm. Because even when he gets up the courage, he still has to make the interaction second hand....because pussy.

Add that it hasn't gone well for him when he's actually tried to creep/hit on a young woman. The bartender he gave a note to, she made a police report and pretty sure he got banned from the bar she worked in. A hairdresser at one of the shelters, he made his "moves" on her, a man who saw what was happening came to her aid, Lucas got banned from the shelter. The most famous -- the Starbucks incident. There may be more such incidents that haven't surfaced.
Also the Corinna and Lacie affairs-- didn't turn out well for him either.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Mayors are often chosen based solely on popularity and celebrity, and there's lots of them you'd never think would be capable. If Lucas reached Chris Chan levels of lolcow popularity, it's not completely impossible in some small town. Maybe try for Airway Heights, their last mayor called the Obamas gorillas.

 

[Fatal Walter]

Good lord, please PLEASE let Lucas try to return to Aberdeen and run for mayor. I would make sure everyone knew who he was if they don't already know. I'm not that important but this is a pretty small town. About 16k people, I think.

 

[teleméres69]

He could run on the platform he'll finally get the balls to try and punch you like he's threatened multiple times. I'd be hilarious seeing him screaming into his phone how Walter Fate keeps cockblocking him. Sadly I don't see creeper ever leaving Spokane. He left Olympia after getting catfished and we all know how that ended for him, even Lucas won't risk that again

Good lord, please PLEASE let Lucas try to return to Aberdeen and run for mayor. I would make sure everyone knew who he was if they don't already know. I'm not that important but this is a pretty small town. About 16k people, I think.

 

[MeganDodgedABullet]

I for one would love to see a crazy incel mayor. He'd be Quimby but without any women, just screaming in his office all day while sexually harassing his assistants

"I did NOT have sexual relations with dem republican-y gen Z agephobe bitches"

 

[mothman96]

Back to the comment the Spokane Pedo Freak made where he admitted he didn't know if he's included in his parent's wills and his parent's don't want him around. He went back and did damage control/cleaned up his tracks.

The original comment here:

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/lucas-werner.17234/page-812#post-6834422

He deleted his original comment and replaced it with "They're guilty of wanting me around".

He can't keep dangling the bait he's going to be rich via his "future inheritance" when by his own words he admitted he doesn't even know if he's in their wills and he's not welcomed by his parents.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Lucas owes his continued existence to something he'll never experience: #AgeGapLove.

I guess he's sustained by the hope that somewhere out there, a graybeard has stolen his telomere research and is using it to smash Zoomer poonaner.

November 27, 2035 approaches. The point of his existence draws to a close. Here's a countdown timer for him:

 

[AbraCadaver]

I want to know what Lucas would do if his future teen bride was only able to give him sons and no daughters. Would he just keep jizzing on his fist and shoving it into her until he got the female child he wanted?

Because let’s face it: he only imagines having a daughter, never a son. The implications are obvious, that he wants to molest his daughter because he believes she will be his property and can’t refuse him. His last horrifying post about it referenced him having a daughter, “pleasing his princess” in some unspecified way and his future daughter drinking whiskey. The fact that he imagines his future child drinking with him is telling.

In his mind, knocking up a teen mother will result in an almost-immediate preteen that he can then groom and get drunk so he can molest her. He was rejected by all the little girls in school when he was a boy and it has festered in him until now. He wants a little girl to live out his fantasy of “finally getting the smart pretty interesting girl” he never got to like him as a child.

Soooo I want to know what he would think of only having sons.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Lucas' sons will be bigots for not giving him phone numbers. And, yeah, there's a decent chance Lucas would try to go Fritzl. Although, he'll never have a basement to lock up girls, thankfully.

 

[teleméres69]

I see he's back to ranting on Instagram with his favourite phrases 'Where the women at?" and "Where the party at?" like a wannabe frat boy. He also appears to have gained weight since his mask barely covers his bloated face.

Apparently America is the worst country on Earth because it feeds and clothes him no matter how fat and lazy he gets, and likely since it still won't provide him a child bride. I'm sure he'll just smoke weed all day again and eat junk food while acting like he is too cool to socialize today

View attachment 1427097
Lucas owes his continued existence to something he'll never experience: #AgeGapLove.

I guess he's sustained by the hope that somewhere out there, a graybeard has stolen his telomere research and is using it to smash Zoomer poonaner.

November 27, 2035 approaches. The point of his existence draws to a close. Here's a countdown timer for him:

View attachment 1427109

 

[wenttobermuda]

In his mind, knocking up a teen mother will result in an almost-immediate preteen that he can then groom and get drunk so he can molest her. He was rejected by all the little girls in school when he was a boy and it has festered in him until now. He wants a little girl to live out his fantasy of “finally getting the smart pretty interesting girl” he never got to like him as a child

That's pretty close to Lucas's mission statement.

After a lifetime of rejection and bitterly frustrated desire, he will finally exercise control over a smart pretty interesting girl by using the power of his balls and dna to make her; he will raise her to take him seriously as a male, and not mind the MRSA and deformed micro penis.

All of the wrongs he has suffered will be righted. People will respect and admire him.

She, his Princess, will call him "Daddy."

And Lucas will finally be in charge.

 

[Free the Pedos]

Lucas’ face partially obscured by the face mask puts me in mind of Immortan Joe from Mad Max: Fury Road. Makes sense because Joe had a harem of prize breeders he kept locked away and tried to use to propagate his diseased genes.