Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[BrightGold]

Just one today so far.

The fact that he's under a bridge and the red nose either says he's been drinking, crying, or both, and that he thinks all you need to do to be good boyfriend is to just talk to a woman makes this a borderline masterpiece.

Edit: Also, the subtle shift from his usual "18-24" to "18-21". I wonder how long it'll be before he just goes to "18."

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Does he seem sick to you guys? He sounds mildly congested and his nose looks a little runny. Could it be...?

 

[Coach McGuirk]

I still don't understand just what the hell it is with him and skulking around under bridges. Thats the kind of thing crackheads and the lowest of the low of the homeless like harassers and wannabe rapists gravitate towards. Granted that may explain much of it in lucas's case but still its really bizarre behavior, even for him. if he screws around under the wrong bridge and starts making screaming videos like he does at other places he is just asking for some nearby tweaker to wig out and stab him.

Lucas is like a Troll. Not like an internet troll, but a monstrous, green, warty, eat your goats type of troll, so under a bridge would be his natural habitat.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Lucas is like a Troll. Not like an internet troll, but a monstrous, green, warty, eat your goats type of troll, so under a bridge would be his natural habitat.

....something something 3 Zoomer Poon's Gruff, "Who's that full-blush-facing over my bridge?" etc etc

 

[Coach McGuirk]

....something something 3 Zoomer Poon's Gruff, "Who's that full-blush-facing over my bridge?" etc etc

"The Three Zoomer Girls Gruff is a famous Norwegian folktale that will charm any child. A mean and hungry troll lives under a bridge. He's hungry for a meal and would love to snatch and impregnate any Gen Z girl attempting to cross his bridge. How can the three Zoomer girls get across safely? They must be clever! A wonderful children's story to read out loud in a classroom or before bedtime."

 

[WonderWino]

"The Three Zoomer Girls Gruff is a famous Norwegian folktale that will charm any child. A mean and hungry troll lives under a bridge. He's hungry for a meal and would love to snatch and impregnate any Gen Z girl attempting to cross his bridge. How can the three Zoomer girls get across safely? They must be clever! A wonderful children's story to read out loud in a classroom or before bedtime."

....and when the lack of meds starts driving him to be more overt in his actions to get ahold of a zoomer he goes full boogeyman:

Just switch the little boy for the little girl and replace the bear with lucas

 

[Coach McGuirk]

....and when the lack of meds starts driving him to be more overt in his actions to get ahold of a zoomer he goes full boogeyman:

Just switch the little boy for the little girl and replace the bear with lucas

This is the more accurate depiction of Lucas as the Boogeyman

 

[WonderWino]

View attachment 1429955This is the more accurate depiction of Lucas as the Boogeyman

Even better....

From the same episode. Grimy, sweaty and with a dirty creepy look. Just like lucas after skulking around under bridges and in caves for long periods

 

[Coach McGuirk]

Spoiler: Lucas IG dump

These were all posted over the span of 2 hours

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Is anyone else disgusted by his wet-looking, floppy, wasted joints?

Ugh.

Let's add the reek of pot to your B.O.

Great Plan!

 

[Coach McGuirk]

Is anyone else disgusted by his wet-looking, floppy, waisted joints?

Ugh.

Let's add the reek of pot to your B.O.

Great Plan!

I'm not sure if Lucas even smokes weed to get high. I wouldn't be surprised if he blew money on joints to look like a stoner daddy for the Gen Z honeys

 

[Rescuetoast]

Not sure what the point of smoking weed would even be when you’re about as creative as a cinder block and twice as stupid.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Not sure what the point of smoking weed would even be when you’re about as creative as a cinder block and twice as stupid.

Lucas uses weed as a personality substitute. It makes him interesting. In the 90s, weed became a marker of the identity he presented to the world. It must've seemed edgy and cool to 17 year old, obese virgin Lucas.

Spoiler: Smoke weed

Weed helps him deal with the agony of inceldom.

My own senior year is when I started drinking and smoking weed to loosen up so I could talk to girls without crying or my muscles turning into deviled ham. It helped a little bit.

It helps him avoid the emptiness of his squandered life.

I tried to come back to my old self again and care about schoolwork. The consistency of the weed was pretty good then too. Pot also helped me unwind after working an 8 hour a day job at the McDonald's, which was grueling and kind of like high school because some dream girls worked there...

Weed is a way for Lucas to navigate baffling social interactions with other men.

Now, if the next guy had said, "Wasssuuuup, braaa?" He'd also say "Wanna smoke some weeeed?" And I would say "Sure" and smoke some weed or I was like "What's weed?" And he'd explain it to me and I smoked some weed with him. The other scenario was followed by "Supitchoo?" It was usually followed by the other guy saying, "Noffin, yao." This usually meant he wanted to buy some weed and I knew this so I said, "Sorry. Don't gots." And walked off, usually into a convenience store and bought something. Anyway, I've never sold pot. Just something I never got into doing. Sometimes fear and lack of confidence helps me me stay a little more law abiding, if you know what I mean. Glad some do. Otherwise, how else would we ever get stoned and happy?

Lucas is a simple critter, a perpetual pleasure chaser. He just wants to ball little girls, stuff his face, and keep a good buzz going all the time. This is an excellent foundation.

I hope that Lucas develops a taste for harder stuff. Perhaps a fellow hobo could introduce him to serious drinking, a heroin habit, or a meth jones. This would make him a much more interesting person. I like to imagine Lucas detoxing.

 

[Particle Bored]

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"Let the people decide where the money goes, not the boss."

"We think the money should go to something more worthwhile than buying weed and 'artisan pizza' for fat schizo pedo hobos that refuse to work."

"No, not like that!"

 

[mothman96]

The Spokane Pedo Freak is back to using Dr. Dan Eisenberg name.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

The Spokane Pedo Freak is back to using Dr. Dan Eisenberg name.

View attachment 1430900

Nice to see Wern returning to his roots.

Mad “telomeres” scientist Lucas is my favorite Lucas.

“Look agephobes, it’s science!!!”

 

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

 

[neutral grandpa]

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Perhaps is the best part

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Lucas uses weed as a personality substitute. It makes him interesting. In the 90s, weed became a marker of the identity he presented to the world. It must've seemed edgy and cool to 17 year old, obese virgin Lucas.

Spoiler: Smoke weed

Weed helps him deal with the agony of inceldom.


It helps him avoid the emptiness of his squandered life.


Weed is a way for Lucas to navigate baffling social interactions with other men.

Lucas is a simple critter, a perpetual pleasure chaser. He just wants to ball little girls, stuff his face, and keep a good buzz going all the time. This is an excellent foundation.

I hope that Lucas develops a taste for harder stuff. Perhaps a fellow hobo could introduce him to serious drinking, a heroin habit, or a meth jones. This would make him a much more interesting person. I like to imagine Lucas detoxing.

"My own senior year is when I started drinking and smoking weed to loosen up so I could talk to girls without crying or my muscles turning into deviled ham. It helped a little bit."

?????!!!

Talking to girls made him cry?

Now this I REALLY don't understand. I must have missed this detail when I read his contribution to the "It Gets Wetter (hopefully!) Project".

I can get shyness, fear, trepidation, lack of self-confidence, but crying? Is he suggesting he's having some sort of intense panic attack, where the stress of talking to a girl is SO intense that his only possible reaction is to bust out the water works?

He's an uber-loser.

 

[teleméres69]

Only took a few months of him to immediately go back. Even after being told by Dan that's not how this works. He really is retarded at this point. You might as well contact HoC at this point. He fundamentally will never change

Nice to see Wern returning to his roots.

Mad “telomeres” scientist Lucas is my favorite Lucas.

“Look agephobes, it’s science!!!”

 

[mothman96]

I noticed he hasn't made anymore videos/taken selfies for his memes from inside the HOC. His last ones from inside the facility were the ghost pepper and the "I just popped a boner". Did his days of being able to come and go from the HOC during the day come to an end or if not it looks like the powers that be at HOC came down on the Pedo Freak to not make any videos/take selfies from inside the facility.