Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[AbraCadaver]

Just a heads up, he is still at HOC loud and kicking. My guess out of nowhere but likely is that HOC can't let regular patrons in the building, so it is allowing them to let their phones charge in the opening hallway. Lucas as stupid as he is, left his phone to charge and it got jacked.

Terribly funny if true

 

[wenttobermuda]

He goes silent. No cause for alarm. And Lucas, even if he never posts again, has a secure legacy. People will mock him, and his poonaner quest, for years to come.

Credit where it's due. He is the greatest cow of all time.

If Lucas's phone was jacked, it has become a legendary artifact of Wernology. The horrors that screen has seen. The sites it has browsed. I envy and pity any thief that would jack it...let a lone touch it.

 

[Krathnami]

Just a heads up, he is still at HOC loud and kicking. My guess out of nowhere but likely is that HOC can't let regular patrons in the building, so it is allowing them to let their phones charge in the opening hallway. Lucas as stupid as he is, left his phone to charge and it got jacked.

If this is true, he has to be completely apoplectic, and that thought warms my heart

 

[Blonde Bomb]

He goes silent. No cause for alarm. And Lucas, even if he never posts again, has a secure legacy. People will mock him, and his poonaner quest, for years to come.

Credit where it's due. He is the greatest cow of all time.

If Lucas's phone was jacked, it has become a legendary artifact of Wernology. The horrors that screen has seen. The sites it has browsed. I envy and pity any thief that would jack it...let a lone touch it.

"Come, gather 'round, children & I will tell you a tale of the Wern. A man so hideous, so gluttonous, so maddeningly insane, yet who thought he was entitled to woo all the zoomer baes of Spokane. He thought this, despite the fact that he did not love them for their intelligence or personality, but simple because they were of the zoomer generation. The Wern wanted only to obtain that fruit that was most forbidden to him : the poonaner."

"Did the Wern ever find his zoomer bae, Grandpa?"

"Alas, he did not, little Johnny. For though they be zoomer baes, they could plainly see that the Wern was not a man worthy of their love, let alone their precious poonaner. So, the Wern screamed and shouted throughout the streets, until one day....the Wern just disappeared. But some say that late at night, you can still smell the scent of cucumbers and cheese in the air & that the Wern is still on the prowl, on his eternal quest for the poonaner that will always elude him...."

 

[WonderWino]

He goes silent. No cause for alarm. And Lucas, even if he never posts again, has a secure legacy. People will mock him, and his poonaner quest, for years to come.

Credit where it's due. He is the greatest cow of all time.

If Lucas's phone was jacked, it has become a legendary artifact of Wernology. The horrors that screen has seen. The sites it has browsed. I envy and pity any thief that would jack it...let a lone touch it.

Perhaps its lucas's last desperate attempt to reproduce. Much like borg technology being designed not to be fucked with, else it starts assimilating people, lucas's phone is no doubt coated in a thick layer of mrsa, and likely other bodily fluids. When some other hobo starts using it, he is colonized by the mrsa, that ends up rotting his brain out and creating a new version of the wern to haunt spokane, one that can spread his diseased insanity with a single touch

That said, I wonder how long it will take him to get another phone. He won't want to go without for very long, if for no other reason than its both his only way to have any remotely tiny chance to talk to any zoomer or anyone who may give him one, and because its the only way to spread his insane message and theories around. He'll go nuts without being able to do any of that

Eventually he'll return with an epic 'all your baes are belong to me' meme with an insane pic attached

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

If someone did swipe his phone they had better be careful. I am guessing more than one link he has in his browser history would put them in jail if discovered.

edit-words

 

[Rescuetoast]

imagine buying a secondhand phone of Facebook marketplace or something and getting... that.

 

[BrightGold]

I'm curious to know whether or not he's still wandering around and screaming even without a phone. I always thought the screaming was purely a posturing thing for his "audience", and that if he lost the illusion of an audience he'd revert back to the meek, timid oaf we know he is, but also he's so far gone that he may just actually be shouting into the literal void now. Thoughts?

 

[GoutfootHorseface]

Take this with a pinch of salt but the worlds angriest hobo spotted downtown Spokane on Saturday, photo of bald spot attached, yoinked from Goldaor’s post “where’s Lucas, day3”

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Take this with a pinch of salt but the worlds angriest hobo spotted downtown Spokane on Saturday, photo of bald spot attached, yoinked from Goldaor’s post “where’s Lucas, day3”

So Goldaor hasn't been in touch with him, either?

 

[Particle Bored]

Take this with a pinch of salt but the worlds angriest hobo spotted downtown Spokane on Saturday, photo of bald spot attached, yoinked from Goldaor’s post “where’s Lucas, day3”

"WHERE THE WOMEN AT?!?!"

Right behind you, fatty.

 

[Wernology]

I have to admit, doing at least one daily tarot card pull just so I can say, "It's not in the cards today either, Lucas" has been more fun than I thought it would be.

Also, it's not in the cards for him today either, but he did get a Tower card which gave me a bit of a chuckle as I always like a thing that predicts a massive meltdown from The Wern. Hopefully he either gets his phone back in time to record it or it just ends up in the news.

 

[WonderWino]

Take this with a pinch of salt but the worlds angriest hobo spotted downtown Spokane on Saturday, photo of bald spot attached, yoinked from Goldaor’s post “where’s Lucas, day3”

With the way that baldspot is growing we may as well just start calling him baldylocks at this point

That said, i'm surprised nobody has tried to fuck with him by putting out fake batshit insane attraction signs with his info on them. Its not like anybody would believe it wasn't him

 

[Particle Bored]

I have to admit, doing at least one daily tarot card pull just so I can say, "It's not in the cards today either, Lucas" has been more fun than I thought it would be.

Also, it's not in the cards for him today either, but he did get a Tower card which gave me a bit of a chuckle as I always like a thing that predicts a massive meltdown from The Wern. Hopefully he either gets his phone back in time to record it or it just ends up in the news.

I lieu of a daily compilation, can we get a daily reading summary?

 

[Wernology]

I lieu of a daily compilation, can we get a daily reading summary?

The daily summary is "not in the cards today".

They get posted in full at klickiklickitat over on IG.

Or if scanning these works

 

[Nobleman]

Doing a daily update. He is still at HOC, and came out of Brew Brothers this morning getting a coffee and he was walking near the buses. No earbuds or phone which is evidence that he got his phone jacked or lost it. Every time I have had a Lucas sighting previously downtown or when he in or around the shelter, that phone is all he is focusing on.

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

I bet the other bums at HoC are sleeping good not having this freak screaming at his phone 24-7

 

[Amewsed]

I bet the other bums at HoC are sleeping good not having this freak screaming at his phone 24-7

Maybe he can start up again on the clock punk epic known as "Wound."

 

[WonderWino]

I wonder if one of the hobos stole his phone while it was charging specifically to stop lucas from ranting and raving while making his videos in the shelter while people are trying to sleep

Though on that note, its concerning that said hobo would be willing to touch the phone knowing who had been using it

That said, he must be pissed right off without it right about now, its pretty much all he has to distract him and the only thing he has that lets him use the earbuds to keep the voices out of his head, as he previously admitted to. Might make him that much more unstable without them

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

I wonder if one of the hobos stole his phone while it was charging specifically to stop lucas from ranting and raving while making his videos in the shelter while people are trying to sleep

Though on that note, its concerning that said hobo would be willing to touch the phone knowing who had been using it

That said, he must be pissed right off without it right about now, its pretty much all he has to distract him and the only thing he has that lets him use the earbuds to keep the voices out of his head, as he previously admitted to. Might make him that much more unstable without them

I think one of the other hobos stole it because they probably don't like him. It will be funny if they keep stealing them. Also couldn't he use that Gameboy to play music? (sorry Im a boomer and never owned a Gameboy that wasn't black n white)