Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

Or maybe he got lost in the woods or something.

......So...wern style blair witch project in the woods of spokane when? I can see it now....lucas wandering around the woods endlessly, trying to sleep under rotten logs and constantly harassed by flatbills in the night, hearing their echoing cries of 'you're a creepy pedo' throughout the dark woods and finding stick figures of zoomer baes left at his makeshift camp site each morning, surrounded by empty bottles of bum liquor and burned out joints....all documented by lucas via insane schizo videos screeching about how whatever is in the woods at night keeps trying to lure him deeper into the woods with promises of zoomer orgies and kfc. His last recorded video being just jumbled night time screaming about bigot republicans as the phone picks up the sound of lucas being dragged away screaming deep into the woods, never to be seen again

....and its still a better film than blair witch 2

 

[Quiet Dignity]

......So...wern style blair witch project in the woods of spokane when? I can see it now....lucas wandering around the woods endlessly, trying to sleep under rotten logs and constantly harassed by flatbills in the night, hearing their echoing cries of 'you're a creepy pedo' throughout the dark woods and finding stick figures of zoomer baes left at his makeshift camp site each morning, surrounded by empty bottles of bum liquor and burned out joints....all documented by lucas via insane schizo videos screeching about how whatever is in the woods at night keeps trying to lure him deeper into the woods with promises of zoomer orgies and kfc. His last recorded video being just jumbled night time screaming about bigot republicans as the phone picks up the sound of lucas being dragged away screaming deep into the woods, never to be seen again

....and its still a better film than blair witch 2

BWP really paved the way for ya boi with regard to how much nostril and spittle a viewing audience is prepared to tolerate. To experience Lucas Witch Project just watch one of @klickitat 's compilations with the brightness down to 1.

 

[boner_alert]

I'm surprised no one has guessed (unless I missed it) jail. The last we saw of Lucas is 'Im drinking this grape piss like for a publicity stunt' - perhaps with this rationale and the grape piss to lower inhibitions, he hyped himself up to get himself a zoomer bae.. or beat up all the flatbills for hoarding the baes and feel sweet sweet vengeance

In reality, he's a screaming spitting mass of blubber, the archetypal drunk homeless lunatic who must be taken away from the public with a giant butterfly net

 

[cuddle striker]

I'm surprised no one has guessed (unless I missed it) jail. The last we saw of Lucas is 'Im drinking this grape piss like for a publicity stunt' - perhaps with this rationale and the grape piss to lower inhibitions, he hyped himself up to get himself a zoomer bae.. or beat up all the flatbills for hoarding the baes and feel sweet sweet vengeance

In reality, he's a screaming spitting mass of blubber, the archetypal drunk homeless lunatic who must be taken away from the public with a giant butterfly net

He's not on the roster of inmates. He's also not listed in one of the hospital systems as a patient (he could conceivably be at the non-charity hospital, but I doubt it).

edit: not in the courts' lists either

 

[FatherPucci]

I think he might have broke/lost his phone because I haven't had any news from him since that night he spent with Isaac

Answer my question, what is possessing you to post here? Do you even have an endgame to pull the rug out on Lucas or are you just making it up while you go? Once again, if you planned on continuing the interviews posting here is the dumbest fucking thing you can do. How will Lucas react when he knows you are a Kiwi? He checks these forums, he is going to see these posts. All in all, I thought you had a game plan but it’s starting to seem like it’s not the case. Please prove me wrong, because It’s starting to seem like although you set out to expose him you’ve also become his bitch in the way of sending him food and stroking his ego. Can’t lie though, you’ve given us some good content such as the affirmation Lucas pisses himself so Good on you for that.

 

[Patchwork Ragdoll]

I wouldn't interact with golddork. First, we have no idea if it's really him. Second, if it is really him, he's made himself Luke's bitch and is a bit of a cow himself now. Best to just leave cows to graze naturally, they don't need any kind of prodding, they'll just keep being cows all on their own. Just my opinion.

 

[FatherPucci]

I wouldn't interact with golddork. First, we have no idea if it's really him. Second, if it is really him, he's made himself Luke's bitch and is a bit of a cow himself now. Best to just leave cows to graze naturally, they don't need any kind of prodding, they'll just keep being cows all on their own. Just my opinion.

I agree for the most part, I don’t really want to pozload my neghole but when someone who does shows up on the forums I think it’s understandable To ask them why. Plus I’m in the camp that thinks he has potential to extract good material out of Lucas, so I’d like that continue instead of seeing him squander the opportunity without payoff.

 

[AbraCadaver]

......So...wern style blair witch project in the woods of spokane when? I can see it now....lucas wandering around the woods endlessly, trying to sleep under rotten logs and constantly harassed by flatbills in the night, hearing their echoing cries of 'you're a creepy pedo' throughout the dark woods and finding stick figures of zoomer baes left at his makeshift camp site each morning, surrounded by empty bottles of bum liquor and burned out joints....all documented by lucas via insane schizo videos screeching about how whatever is in the woods at night keeps trying to lure him deeper into the woods with promises of zoomer orgies and kfc. His last recorded video being just jumbled night time screaming about bigot republicans as the phone picks up the sound of lucas being dragged away screaming deep into the woods, never to be seen again

....and its still a better film than blair witch 2

The Bum Bitch Project. Would watch, A+

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

Answer my question, what is possessing you to post here? Do you even have an endgame to pull the rug out on Lucas or are you just making it up while you go? Once again, if you planned on continuing the interviews posting here is the dumbest fucking thing you can do. How will Lucas react when he knows you are a Kiwi? He checks these forums, he is going to see these posts. All in all, I thought you had a game plan but it’s starting to seem like it’s not the case. Please prove me wrong, because It’s starting to seem like although you set out to expose him you’ve also become his bitch in the way of sending him food and stroking his ego. Can’t lie though, you’ve given us some good content such as the affirmation Lucas pisses himself so Good on you for that.

If this account really is Goldork, (and there is no confirmation it is, although I suspect it may be), it’s pretty clear he doesn’t have a strategy and is just improvising this whole thing for his personal shits n giggles. I think he feels secure being many miles and a country removed from Lucas that he can poke him with a long stick and not worry about repercussions. I doubt Lucas could get a passport and plane ticket to Montreal to stalk him and his girlfriend, if he is really in Montreal to begin with.

Frankly I do think it’s a situation of a budding lolcow poking and prodding another cow for more milk. But I am with you on the point of why come and post to this site knowing Lucas lurks here? Nothing good could come from it and all the work getting into Werns good graces is lost by doing so. It just proves he doesn’t have a plan.

edit-grammar

 

[Wernology]

I wouldn't interact with golddork. First, we have no idea if it's really him. Second, if it is really him, he's made himself Luke's bitch and is a bit of a cow himself now. Best to just leave cows to graze naturally, they don't need any kind of prodding, they'll just keep being cows all on their own. Just my opinion.

Oh, it's really him.

I chat with him on FB now and again and he said he made an account here with that username.

Not sure what the endgame is, but my personal guess is along the lines of, you know how awhile back Lucas was crowing about how he had an "insider" in SOFALAW? Someone who would get him information? Something like that, like he might find out some new info that's somehow not public from his KFC & Red Robin giving sugar daddy.

Never mind that KF Is public and SOFALAW isn't, I'm sure Lucas is convinced we have a secret, not public forum where we also discuss him and now that his sugar daddy is a member he'll have access to all the secret forums and orgies that we're having without inviting Lucas to the party.

If we put enough chlorine in the secret hot tub will it kill his MRSA when he finds out where we are?

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Lucas wants free shit and Goldork gives it to him. It's probably as simple as that. General rule with lolcows is you never give them a penny, but he is providing a service in getting Lucas out of his bubble where he only rants about the same 5 stupid things again and again.

 

[WonderWino]

Lucas wants free shit and Goldork gives it to him. It's probably as simple as that. General rule with lolcows is you never give them a penny, but he is providing a service in getting Lucas out of his bubble where he only rants about the same 5 stupid things again and again.

.....Except it hasn't gotten lucas out of his bubble at all, he literally rants about exactly the same things in every podcast

 

[Wernology]

.....Except it hasn't gotten lucas out of his bubble at all, he literally rants about exactly the same things in every podcast

Oh come on, sometimes he takes a break to be hilariously meek and polite when confronted by cops, argue with a random lady on the street who yell-rants at him to shut up, or to turn into a creepy Lorne Armstrong clone while talking to Goldaor's girlfriend.

 

[WhiskerBiscuit]

Answer my question, what is possessing you to post here? Do you even have an endgame to pull the rug out on Lucas or are you just making it up while you go? Once again, if you planned on continuing the interviews posting here is the dumbest fucking thing you can do. How will Lucas react when he knows you are a Kiwi? He checks these forums, he is going to see these posts. All in all, I thought you had a game plan but it’s starting to seem like it’s not the case. Please prove me wrong, because It’s starting to seem like although you set out to expose him you’ve also become his bitch in the way of sending him food and stroking his ego. Can’t lie though, you’ve given us some good content such as the affirmation Lucas pisses himself so Good on you for that.

Being a dumb fuck is Goldidork’s wheel house.

Edit to avoid double post:
I am confident it’s him based on the similar writing styles and bizarre use of animation. Check out all the SS on SOFALAW and other places. Goldaur writes like your mom when she first learned gifs and emojis.

 

[Krathnami]

I for one applaud Goldy for what he’s doing. This is some primo content we’re getting from him. I know we have a rule here about personally interfering, but fuck Lucas. That incident where he was getting a ticket live and on audio was fucking gold.

 

[Da Dude123]

Still no sign of Lolcow Lucas C. Werner. He blew through his tugboat check quick on fancy dinners, weed, and bum wine. So, if fatty has lost his phone, then we may be waiting a while to hear from him about how he needs a bae yeeted to him. Plus, that would put his pending lolsuits on hold too. Maybe Goldoar has an extra phone he could send Lucas from Quebec?

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Lucas has to spend all his tugboat as quickly as possible or it will get stolen/lost like all his belongings every month. This is why I assumed his payee would force him to find housing by now, but I guess not.

 

[Da Dude123]

You think he is carrying all of his money on him in cash? He mentioned a check, so maybe he goes to a bank or check cashing store and just carries a wad of bills on him. That is not a good idea for anyone to do that, especially not a hobo who sleeps on the streets and in whatever shelter that hasn't banned him.

Lucas could not handle a bank account because of how dumb he is. I figured the payee put it on some sort of loadable debit card. At least with those, you have some insurance if it gets lost or stolen. Lucas would probably not understand how to file a claim, though.

Lucas has to spend all his tugboat as quickly as possible or it will get stolen/lost like all his belongings every month. This is why I assumed his payee would force him to find housing by now, but I guess not.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Lucas's last few posts, whining and drinking fortified wine in the dark, were delightful. It's a shame he wasn't able to continue.

He's not in jail. Perhaps @Nobleman can confirm that he's still at HoC?

If he has indeed lost his phone, this is becoming an unwelcome pattern. Perhaps it's a hazard of his life style.

Let's consider what we know of Lucas's last active day.

Lucas appeared on the Golden USB show. Before the show, he was observed talking to himself at the mall. He was agitated.

He cashed a check for $100, because he had a "date" that evening. As expected, the "date" fell through, and a disappointed Lucas spent the money on his vices. Lucas did not stay at the HoC that evening, opting instead to guzzle Grape Smash and sleep rough.

What conclusions can we draw from this?

 

[ThomasAudley]

Lucas's last few posts, whining and drinking fortified wine in the dark, were delightful. It's a shame he wasn't able to continue.

He's not in jail. Perhaps @Nobleman can confirm that he's still at HoC?

If he has indeed lost his phone, this is becoming an unwelcome pattern. Perhaps it's a hazard of his life style.

Let's consider what we know of Lucas's last active day.

Lucas appeared on the Golden USB show. Before the show, he was observed talking to himself at the mall. He was agitated.

He cashed a check for $100, because he had a "date" that evening. As expected, the "date" fell through, and a disappointed Lucas spent the money on his vices. Lucas did not stay at the HoC that evening, opting instead to guzzle Grape Smash and sleep rough.

What conclusions can we draw from this?

Beetus death down by the river