Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Wernology]

Lucas's last few posts, whining and drinking fortified wine in the dark, were delightful. It's a shame he wasn't able to continue.

He's not in jail. Perhaps @Nobleman can confirm that he's still at HoC?

If he has indeed lost his phone, this is becoming an unwelcome pattern. Perhaps it's a hazard of his life style.

Let's consider what we know of Lucas's last active day.

Lucas appeared on the Golden USB show. Before the show, he was observed talking to himself at the mall. He was agitated.

He cashed a check for $100, because he had a "date" that evening. As expected, the "date" fell through, and a disappointed Lucas spent the money on his vices. Lucas did not stay at the HoC that evening, opting instead to guzzle Grape Smash and sleep rough.

What conclusions can we draw from this?

Not only that, after his "date" fell through he got high and presumably drunk with his buddy Isaac.

Isaac, from the videos he's been in, seems to not like Lucas at all and is so clearly using him for free weed. Lucas also admitted in one of those last videos that Isaac had hit him more than once (you know, like friends do, that whole friendly slap and punch you in the face thing that all BFFs do, right? RIGHT??)

My guess is that after Lucas passed out, Isaac robbed him of whatever weed, cash, or anything of value he had on him then ghosted him entirely or, if he didn't ghost him, I'd figure that kid's got enough friends who would be able to be threatening enough to drive Lucas off if Isaac couldn't do it himself.

Edit: Honestly, if the ridiculous card draws I do on Lucas are right this time I might almost die laughing.

 

[Fatal Walter]

Oh yeah, I definitely let myself get smacked in the face by some tiny homeless 18 year old so I can virtue signal about knowing someone who isn't white. Yeah, I'm not going to be surprised at all when it turns out even the other home bums were sick of hearing his stupid shit about age gap relationships.

 

[A whole lotta nope]

This dumb shit can't even keep a phone safe/in good working condition and he thinks he's fit to raise a child.

My bet is that he got drunk on that trash wine and passed out and someone stole all of his stuff. He won't learn from this experience either because he's Lucas.

One day they're just going to find his bloated corpse face down in a river because he's too stupid to get his shit together and start taking care of himself and getting his life in order.

 

[WonderWino]

Not only that, after his "date" fell through he got high and presumably drunk with his buddy Isaac.

Isaac, from the videos he's been in, seems to not like Lucas at all and is so clearly using him for free weed. Lucas also admitted in one of those last videos that Isaac had hit him more than once (you know, like friends do, that whole friendly slap and punch you in the face thing that all BFFs do, right? RIGHT??)

My guess is that after Lucas passed out, Isaac robbed him of whatever weed, cash, or anything of value he had on him then ghosted him entirely or, if he didn't ghost him, I'd figure that kid's got enough friends who would be able to be threatening enough to drive Lucas off if Isaac couldn't do it himself.

Edit: Honestly, if the ridiculous card draws I do on Lucas are right this time I might almost die laughing.

Somehow I imagine it going a little something like this....just replace john goodman with isaac and george clooney with lucas.....after all he thinks of himself as the george clooney of spokane

This dumb shit can't even keep a phone safe/in good working condition and he thinks he's fit to raise a child.

He isn't even fit to be trusted with a late 90s virtual pet

 

[ThomasAudley]

This dumb shit can't even keep a phone safe/in good working condition and he thinks he's fit to raise a child.

My bet is that he got drunk on that trash wine and passed out and someone stole all of his stuff. He won't learn from this experience either because he's Lucas.

One day they're just going to find his bloated corpse face down in a river because he's too stupid to get his shit together and start taking care of himself and getting his life in order.

Hopefully. He wants to sire kids but I think his expectation is that he doesn’t have to raise him. His zoomer bae will take care of all child rearing and homemaking and probably the money aspect if his job as a bud tender doesn’t pay enough. Then when the daughter gets old enough, 8 or 9 or so, he can have sex with her.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Hopefully. He wants to sire kids but I think his expectation is that he doesn’t have to raise him. His zoomer bae will take care of all child rearing and homemaking and probably the money aspect if his job as a bud tender doesn’t pay enough. Then when the daughter gets old enough, 8 or 9 or so, he can have sex with her.

You're on to something.

Lucas needs someone to take care of his phone, so he can use it when he wants to. Just like he expects his smart-pretty-interesting girl/mommy/tard-wrangler/sex slave to take care of his wernlings with the strong dna, so he can use their buttholes when he wants to.

But 8 or 9? I suspect Lucas would wait for his wernlings to reach puberty, before doing butt stuff to them.

 

[INeedUhChickUnder26]

Where are you you fat retarded piece of shit?

 

[AnOminous]

His zoomer bae will take care of all child rearing and homemaking and probably the money aspect if his job as a bud tender doesn’t pay enough.

The last person anyone will hire as a bud tender is a schizophrenic pothead. Either it's illegal and they'll just kill you for stealing their shit, or it's legal and then you'd more or less be prohibited from hiring anyone like him in the first place, and if you did and shit disappeared, the regulators would assume you were diverting it into interstate commerce and shut you down.

 

[Wernology]

As usual, I have too much time on my hands and since we're Wernless for now, I threw together far too many of some of my favorite hits, including a few older ones from about 9 months ago when he had a mini-meltdown over @Fatal Walter

However, I'm currently on my old af 12 year old used-to-be-gaming rig so this will probably take awhile but, hey, an hour and ten minutes of Classic Wern Content. I think I grabbed it all from his second, The Wern channel this time instead of from his original channel.

I think all of it is pre-homeless-this-time Wern as well, though one or two might be from when he was newly homeless in 2020.

There's a lot of greasy grotto apartment and that nasty wall at the head of his bed in this one.

Don't ask about the export name, it's late and I may not be entirely sober.

And it's uploading. Rough estimate on the less than stellar Internet where I am is about 2 hours, not including however long Youtube takes to process it but, once it's done this embedded video will work.

 

[Fapcop]

You know what would be kinda awesome?

If Isaac and some of beaner buddies robbed Lucas of his phone, weed and money, and that became the start of the Lucas Werner: Nazi saga.

Complete with maybe a move to a Nazi compound in Idaho or something.

Lucas “Socialism” has always been paper thin anyways and could easily be folded under the left wing of National Socialism.

And his rants about belonging to a line of Germanic kings is a few bong hits away from turning into a rant about the Aryan masterrace and Ultima Thule.

As much as I enjoy Werner, he has become predictable and stale. It would be awesome to see his telomere yakking combined with long winded rants about Jewish bankers and the international Jewery’s control of pornography, polluting the minds of 18-25 year old maidens.

 

[TurdFondler]

That kind of 180 would require a bare minimum of introspection. Unlikely to happen.

 

[WonderWino]

I eagerly await the day that bernie sanders fucks up financially and ends up having to pull a chris hansen and starts making custom videos for money. That way someone can pay him to make a video publicly denouncing lucas and all the crazy shit he's said about him over the years

Lucas's reaction would be priceless. He'd completely lose his shit if bernie publicly denounced him and contradicted the socialist sex god among zoomers claim

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

That kind of 180 would require a bare minimum of introspection. Unlikely to happen.

It would just take some tradcon zoomer girl to give Lucas the time of the day, and he'd 180 in a flash. I know a few 4chan queens that could do it.

 

[MeganDodgedABullet]

It might be too much to believe that our boy has finally got the good kicking he deserves. But I want to believe.....

Great videos from KK too. Amazing amount of insanity on show.....

 

[cuddle striker]

Wind and thunderstorms today in Spokane and it's going to get down to 40° tonight.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

View attachment 1577211

The last 15 minutes or so of that video is golden. Bad ass, take no prisoners Lucas going into an extended soliloquy as to why everything you accuse him of being is just projection. Nothing better than the ”I am rubber, you are glue” defense to really put those agephobic bigots in their place, all the while putting your herpes/MRSA lip sores prominently on display for the camera.

Also I always find it interesting when an older, medicated Lucas video pops up. It’s the only time I have a modicum of sympathy for him. When he is medicated and docile, you can begin to see the outlines of a real person in that head of his; a person who knows they have flaws and weaknesses. But the real person trapped in that head can never breakthrough the wall of delusion that is the construct “Lucas Werner“.

In the end, the “medicated Lucas“ always reinforces, for me at least, the simple fact that Lucas cannot and will not ever be fixed. He is irreparably broken. (Not like this is a revelation to any of us here, just restating the obvious I guess.)

 

[Wernology]

The last 15 minutes or so of that video is golden. Bad ass, take no prisoners Lucas going into an extended soliloquy as to why everything you accuse him of being is just projection. Nothing better than the ”I am rubber, you are glue” defense to really put those agephobic bigots in their place, all the while putting your herpes/MRSA lip sores prominently on display for the camera.

Also I always find it interesting when an older, medicated Lucas video pops up. It’s the only time I have a modicum of sympathy for him. When he is medicated and docile, you can begin to see the outlines of a real person in that head of his; a person who knows they have flaws and weaknesses. But the real person trapped in that head can never breakthrough the wall of delusion that is the construct “Lucas Werner“.

In the end, the “medicated Lucas“ always reinforces, for me at least, the simple fact that Lucas cannot and will not ever be fixed. He is irreparably broken. (Not like this is a revelation to any of us here, just restating the obvious I guess.)

I love that weird speech, it's so off the wall and he gets just progressively more and more angry. The best part is when he snarls about how when you insult him you insult his lesbian friends.

Plus, the weird logic of, " Some stars are millions of years older than other stars, so you should date me because of that," and you KNOW he practiced the hell out of that speech with the camera off before recording it, which makes it even better. He really thought he did something with that speech.

The free video converter, and I mention this as I got a few people pointing out the video was fucked up in a few places, jumbled up a few of the videos where the actual video was concerned (i.e. nothing moves for a few minutes, mostly obvious in the bits about Corina and Shao where 'paused' on a shot of a store he was standing in front of in a different video or it moves at ridiculous fast speed), but it tells me where I can skip to Lucas being confused and angry as to why the letters on the shop are backwards in his camera and thinks it's because the people who made cameras are stupid.), but at least it managed the audio. Nobody wants to stare at Lucas' face for over an hour anyway and I figured most people would have it on as background noise. And also, if I wanted quality I'd not use a free downloader and converter, I'd pay for something decent. Or maybe won't use its new "join all videos" option in the future as that's likely where it got all fucked. Every time I've done a compilation and not used that feature it doesn't fuck the video, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't Filmora's encoding that did it. Oh well.

On the plus side, that gives me more of a case with Youtube for it being a derivative work and not just a direct reupload/compilation.

 

[wenttobermuda]

I always find it interesting when an older, medicated Lucas video pops up. It’s the only time I have a modicum of sympathy for him.

Medicated or not, Lucas's subject matter doesn't change. He wants you to know that his sperm is plenty good, and ought to be in some zoomer wombs.

Listening to a soft spoken, subdued Lucas talk about his sperm and agephobes is no less hilarious than listening to an agitated, manic Lucas rant about the same. If anything, the calmer he is, the grosser it is. This is a man with his faculties seemingly intact, and he wants to share the telomeres gospel.

 

[Fapcop]

The last 15 minutes or so of that video is golden. Bad ass, take no prisoners Lucas going into an extended soliloquy as to why everything you accuse him of being is just projection. Nothing better than the ”I am rubber, you are glue” defense to really put those agephobic bigots in their place, all the while putting your herpes/MRSA lip sores prominently on display for the camera.

Also I always find it interesting when an older, medicated Lucas video pops up. It’s the only time I have a modicum of sympathy for him. When he is medicated and docile, you can begin to see the outlines of a real person in that head of his; a person who knows they have flaws and weaknesses. But the real person trapped in that head can never breakthrough the wall of delusion that is the construct “Lucas Werner“.

In the end, the “medicated Lucas“ always reinforces, for me at least, the simple fact that Lucas cannot and will not ever be fixed. He is irreparably broken. (Not like this is a revelation to any of us here, just restating the obvious I guess.)

“THE UNIVERSE HAS AN INTERGENERATIONAL PATTERN!”

Well, that’s definitely news to me!

 

[WhiskerBiscuit]

Medicated or not, Lucas's subject matter doesn't change. He wants you to know that his sperm is plenty good, and ought to be in some zoomer wombs.

Listening to a soft spoken, subdued Lucas talk about his sperm and agephobes is no less hilarious than listening to an agitated, manic Lucas rant about the same. If anything, the calmer he is, the grosser it is. This is a man with his faculties seemingly intact, and he wants to share the telomeres gospel.

I completed agree. Medicated Lucas is super cringe but he’s a lot less annoying without the false bravado and confidence. It’s a strange bell curve of diminishing return on confidence. In general, confidence is attractive to people romantically, platonically, and professionally. Lucas has been told this and has adopted this super confident persona of bragodocio and arrogance that are utterly repellant. In the medicated videos, his vulnerability is comparatively appealing (not romantically as much as in the sense of humanity and empathy). I think Lucas would be more successful in dating were he medicated (not shocking, most people are) as he would at least have the small chance of finding someone with a bleeding heart for trainwrecks. I think that’s how he got Suzanne.

my guess is that the very aspects of his medicated personality that are appealing to others (calmness, humility, desperation) are the very reasons he refuses medication. I think he probably doesn’t like the feeling of being calm but depressed and having realistic awareness of his lack of appeal to women.