Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Club Sandwich]

I'll laugh my ass off if this ends with lucas found face down dragged out into the desert with multiple arrows sticking out of his back

Spoiler: hmmm

maybe... i've seen the aftermath of OC county locals take the fight to the cartels and some Africa-tier executions and "warnings" posted on known smuggling routes. it wouldn't end well if Lucas is caught stealing from a rancher or crosses the wrong gang territory or pisses off the local homeless or LEO or some connected Somebody with influence.

there's something like 30-40 active gangs in the LA/OC area, most of which are only tenuously polite with each other.

Lucas would honestly probably be okay since he's a meek nobody, but it's more his walking around or hanging out at the wrong bus station or whatever that might raise his profile.

 

[VoidFace]

Assuming Lucas actually does make it to Cali, which are we betting on: Skid Row saga or beach bum saga?

 

[Particle Bored]

I wonder if any of the therapist who dealt with Lucas had ever really tried to prod at the foundations of some of his unreasonable thinking in this way, to reveal the lack of consistency to these Universal ideas.

I imagine he would just get furious and start screaming "move on!" But it would nonetheless be interesting to see it tried.

Unfortunately, interactions with psychiatric personnel have likely all been in the context of trying to "help" him, not "understand" him, eg as some sort of case study.

 

[Da Dude123]

I have to believe this is somehow fake. Someone sent him a fake plane ticket email. I guess such a thing exists? I just can't believe anyone would piss away money to even catfish the fat cow.

As for his probation or court supervision? That is much to do about nothing. He is on court supervision for city ordinances. Petty misdemeanor stuff. The Spokane County Sheriff will not pay to extradite him out of California for misdemeanor or ordinance warrants.

LA is a rough town and a place lots of people fall flat on their face. And these are people who have education and skills and are not anything like Lucas. If he makes it down to LA, stand by...

Plane tickets are cheap right now, maybe it was worth a laugh to pay for the shit bum to get stuck in a new place. I wonder if his wranglers will try to stop it? I doubt they will probably know until it is too late, if this actually ends up happening.

 

[WonderWino]

I have to believe this is somehow fake. Someone sent him a fake plane ticket email. I guess such a thing exists? I just can't believe anyone would piss away money to even catfish the fat cow.

There are sites that generate fake templates for tickets themselves but not that generate emails with confirmation notices. Either its a legit ticket or someone took some time to create an actual template themselves to do it. Only way to tell for certain would be the email address he received it from. That said, I can see someone being autistic enough to fuck with him using a real ticket. Especially this time of year when you can get one way tickets at pretty cheap discounts cause of holiday travel. What i'm not so sure about is how covid measures factor into it. I can see him getting denied boarding on a legit ticket due to mask issues or hygiene, or for not having a recent test for covid that shows he is negative or something to that effect. and you can bet if he got denied boarding for any of those reasons he'd have himself a chimpout for keeping him from his zoomer bae and a perceived place to live. On that note chimpouts at airports are something best avoided cause its really, really easy to get arrested doing that at airports in the US cause of the whole homeland security regulations and shit, that basically make airports a special 'don't start shit or else' zone

It wouldn't be as exciting as him making it to california only to have his entire life, such as it is, collapse around him, but it would be entertaining, and we'd be hearing lucas ree about it for years afterwards. I mean i'll definitely settle for lucas getting denied due to not having a covid test to confirm being negative and chimping out on the spot screeching to the staff about how they're ageist republican bigots for not letting him board due to covid while the covid sluts are having orgies all around him and infecting people and the government not doing anything about it, yet cockblocking him from his zoomer bae qweefy bae. The look on the staff members faces would be priceless and lucas would find himself in a pair of handcuffs very quickly

The biggest question in this whole thing is how long do we bet it takes for lucas to get his phone stolen in LA

 

[Particle Bored]

Airports aren't requiring any kind of covid tests for domestic flights (except Hawaii).

Also, lots of cute zoomers at airports.

 

[GoutfootHorseface]

For what it’s worth, ticket appears to be legit.

edit: I was curious, even if I had been able to proceed further I wouldn’t have, I’m excited for the Lucas at the Beach Saga.

 

[Particle Bored]

For what it’s worth, ticket appears to be legit.

edit: I was curious, even if I had been able to proceed further I wouldn’t have, I’m excited for the Lucas at the Beach Saga.

Heh, it would be funny to check him in and have him flip out when he couldn't do it himself (preferably at the airport counter, where he'd probably be too busy calling the attendant a bigot Republican to realize he could just show his ID and confirmation and still get his boarding pass).

But not as funny as the Saga of SoCal Wern.

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

The only downside to it is given he'll end up with a warrant in WA I can see him getting out of being stuck in LA by ending up getting extradited back, so it would be the taxpayers inadvertently getting him out of that situation. He'd still do some jail time but still

I don't see Washington paying to have him extradited back from LA. It's not like he's actually molested a child (to our knowledge) or killed someone. He'll just have open warrants for the rest of his life which will get him arrested if he ever returns to Washington and will show up on every background check should he somehow qualify for government assisted housing.

pretty much. CA has massive competition for resources for immigrants, homeless and other things, huge spending problems, bankruptcies, on top of understaffed law enforcement more than willing to look the other way, grossly uneven political divides, and a very very high cost of living all on top of a very complex PSC and local ordnances that you can run afoul of.

for those curious, Santa Ana is a bit south of Anaheim and in Orange County, not LA, or LA County. maybe that's just his flight destination?

There are a lot of people more deserving and more qualified for a hand up than Lucas.... How many folks, who are usually productive members of society, have been knocked on their ass due to Covid. I'm guessing there's a line and he's at the tail end of it.

He's landing at John Wayne Airport and nobody is coming to pick him up. It takes... what... about 3 hours to get from Orange County to LA by bus?

When he arrived in Spokane, he arrived by bus.... and now he's spending as much of his evening as possible at the same bus station he arrived at in an effort to shield himself from the weather. He seems to have spent the last 5 or so years within about a 15 block radius of where he arrived from. Plus, looking at the map... there's a college across the freeway. I don't think he's going to make it into Los Angeles. Plus... there's a University across the freeway from the airport. He's going to get arrested and when he gets out... he's going to get arrested again.

If his tugboat even survives this trip, it isn't going to half as far as it used to.

If he does make it into LA, he's going to get his ass beat... hard... and often. You can't walk around Los Angeles screaming 'Nigga' at the top of your lungs and expect to not end up in the hospital. He can't go back to Spokane. Not only does he not have a way to get there, but if he goes back he's going to jail.

He's roughly 6 hours from Myrna. I wonder if this is where he cries uncle and begs her to come get him.

 

[GoutfootHorseface]

I am unfamiliar with the ins and outs of the services offered to homeless, when he gets ghosted and left alone at the airport, can he make his way to the nearest shelter and be taken in or are shelters only for local people? I can’t imagine they get too many fly in hobos.

if he makes it to California will he need to find a local payee? Or is that something that’s dealt with remotely?

Will he government assistance continue if he moves or will he need to reapply?

Lucas is lazy to a fault and even with the offer of a GF I can’t see him jumping through many hoops to make it happen. I truly believe that Lucas would expect someone to not only pay his airfare/bus ticket but to also put his affairs in order for him before taking the jump.

 

[WonderWino]

For what it’s worth, ticket appears to be legit.

Well then, this should be quite the interesting situation. Barring him somehow being unable to get to the airport it appears he is serious about going for it. I suspect that means this thread is going to get interesting real soon. Lucas deserves his own lemmiwinks style theme song for this one. I mean first he was catfished to another city, now its another state. Whats next? Catfish him to another country? I'm sure he would just love being catfished to, say, northern canada. Nunavut is quite unpleasant this time of year.....or any time of year for that matter. and cases of pepsi go for upwards of $60 at times. Which shows you just how expensive living in a frozen shithole thousands of miles from a civilized city is. Perhaps the yukon instead, by some zoomer bae that convinces him he can pan for gold and become rich like they did in the 1890s. I can totally see ragman lucas knee deep in a river with his backpack on, hunched over fucking with a gold pan dreaming of all the zoomer baes he'll get when he starts hauling out the gold, getting ever more frustrated that he isn't pulling huge nuggets out of the water until he loses his shit and throws it, losing his balance and ending up falling into the river and getting totally soaked in the attempt. He would end up in an irl version of that showdown at williams creek movie and get fucked over by the same guy over and over again until lucas finally loses it and goes batshit on him (good movie btw if you haven't seen it its on youtube and worth a watch)

Ironically he's scheduled to fly on a monday, the same day he's due for his court checkin. That doesn't bode well for any future situation that might involve a conditional release, from a psych ward or a cell, contingent on his ability to follow certain rules

Heh, it would be funny to check him in and have him flip out when he couldn't do it himself (preferably at the airport counter, where he'd probably be too busy calling the attendant a bigot Republican to realize he could just show his ID and confirmation and still get his boarding pass).

Speaking of which, does he even have an actual photo id? I mean we know he doesn't have a drivers license or a passport and he has talked about using his library card as an id on at least one occasion so......

Can you imagine him trying to use his EBT card as some kind of id and being told it has to be a legit photo id

I don't see Washington paying to have him extradited back from LA. It's not like he's actually molested a child (to our knowledge) or killed someone. He'll just have open warrants for the rest of his life which will get him arrested if he ever returns to Washington and will show up on every background check should he somehow qualify for government assisted housing.

Point taken, though an outstanding warrant will fuck him for government assistance in CA and like you said fuck any background check he does. He's doing a shitload of damage to his life by going through with this, and is too stupid to realize it

When he arrived in Spokane, he arrived by bus.... and now he's spending as much of his evening as possible at the same bus station he arrived at in an effort to shield himself from the weather. He seems to have spent the last 5 or so years within about a 15 block radius of where he arrived from. Plus, looking at the map... there's a college across the freeway. I don't think he's going to make it into Los Angeles. Plus... there's a University across the freeway from the airport. He's going to get arrested and when he gets out... he's going to get arrested again.

I can totally see lucas being one of those news stories about some nutjob who lived at the airport for years....except he would never last that long trying that cause he'd go creeper on some teen girl and get kicked out or arrested. That said I think you're right, this could easily turn into a multiple arrest saga like that

He's roughly 6 hours from Myrna. I wonder if this is where he cries uncle and begs her to come get him.

I can't imagine what will be going through her head if he calls her up and tells her he's totally fucked now, has a warrant for his arrest in WA, lost his tugboat and needs her to come pick him up in california before he ends up dead. I mean imagine being 41 and explaining to your mother that you got catfished into going to another state by an imaginary teen girl, got stuck, got a warrant because you breached probation in doing so and have no idea what to do. She'll definitely be having an extra bottle of wine that day

This should be quite the christmas for lucas. One that will be recorded in the annals of wernology for years to come

 

[VoidFace]

It always astounds me when Lucas, who has a head shaped like and skin which resembles some kind of gourd or squash, demands not only a woman be given to him, but a “good looking, healthy” one.

 

[Iseecovidpeople]

I have a hard time believing there is actually a young lady out there that wants Lucas to be her boyfriend.
But.....I could be wrong. Christmas week may end up being an interesting week for the Wern.
If he’s been working out something with this lady/catfish then that would explain the radio silence .
He’s mentioned the name Mia before so this isn’t a new player.
I looked it up, his ticket was $109.

 

[Scribbler]

View attachment 1798082
It always astounds me when Lucas, who has a head shaped like and skin which resembles some kind of gourd or squash, demands not only a woman be given to him, but a “good looking, healthy” one.

That part actually doesn't shock me. Tons of ugly-ass men demand models for girlfriends/wives/bangmaids.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Well then, this should be quite the interesting situation. Barring him somehow being unable to get to the airport it appears he is serious about going for it. I suspect that means this thread is going to get interesting real soon. Lucas deserves his own lemmiwinks style theme song for this one. I mean first he was catfished to another city, now its another state. Whats next? Catfish him to another country? I'm sure he would just love being catfished to, say, northern canada. Nunavut is quite unpleasant this time of year.....or any time of year for that matter. and cases of pepsi go for upwards of $60 at times. Which shows you just how expensive living in a frozen shithole thousands of miles from a civilized city is. Perhaps the yukon instead, by some zoomer bae that convinces him he can pan for gold and become rich like they did in the 1890s. I can totally see ragman lucas knee deep in a river with his backpack on, hunched over fucking with a gold pan dreaming of all the zoomer baes he'll get when he starts hauling out the gold, getting ever more frustrated that he isn't pulling huge nuggets out of the water until he loses his shit and throws it, losing his balance and ending up falling into the river and getting totally soaked in the attempt. He would end up in an irl version of that showdown at williams creek movie and get fucked over by the same guy over and over again until lucas finally loses it and goes batshit on him (good movie btw if you haven't seen it its on youtube and worth a watch)

Ironically he's scheduled to fly on a monday, the same day he's due for his court checkin. That doesn't bode well for any future situation that might involve a conditional release, from a psych ward or a cell, contingent on his ability to follow certain rules



Speaking of which, does he even have an actual photo id? I mean we know he doesn't have a drivers license or a passport and he has talked about using his library card as an id on at least one occasion so......

Can you imagine him trying to use his EBT card as some kind of id and being told it has to be a legit photo id



Point taken, though an outstanding warrant will fuck him for government assistance in CA and like you said fuck any background check he does. He's doing a shitload of damage to his life by going through with this, and is too stupid to realize it



I can totally see lucas being one of those news stories about some nutjob who lived at the airport for years....except he would never last that long trying that cause he'd go creeper on some teen girl and get kicked out or arrested. That said I think you're right, this could easily turn into a multiple arrest saga like that



I can't imagine what will be going through her head if he calls her up and tells her he's totally fucked now, has a warrant for his arrest in WA, lost his tugboat and needs her to come pick him up in california before he ends up dead. I mean imagine being 41 and explaining to your mother that you got catfished into going to another state by an imaginary teen girl, got stuck, got a warrant because you breached probation in doing so and have no idea what to do. She'll definitely be having an extra bottle of wine that day

This should be quite the christmas for lucas. One that will be recorded in the annals of wernology for years to come

I agree with all your thoughts, but I think his court check-in day is Tuesday, isn't it?

 

[WonderWino]

I have a hard time believing there is actually a young lady out there that wants Lucas to be her boyfriend.
But.....I could be wrong. Christmas week may end up being an interesting week for the Wern.
If he’s been working out something with this lady/catfish then that would explain the radio silence .
He’s mentioned the name Mia before so this isn’t a new player.
I looked it up, his ticket was $109.

Oh I have no doubt its a catfish. Nobody in their right mind would pay a for a literal mentally ill hobo living at a bus station to fly to california to be their boyfriend. Even californians aren't that mental. But even if by some miracle of satan it did turn out to be some psycho woman who was actually serious, it would end the same way before very long

That said, $109 is pretty good for a domestic flight from WA to CA. Like you said there is probably some discussion about working out the details between the two, after all it would look questionable, even to lucas if 'she' made no attempt to make it look legit. I suspect this 'mia' has been playing a long con on lucas building up to this for awhile now

Lucas is probably salivating at the idea of getting away from spokane and all the people who know him and his antics locally. He thinks he'll have a fresh start and get to go to some california college where nobody will think he is a creep. Gee, I wonder how long that will last. He'll be well known before too long. Perhaps we'll even be treated to a starbucks style incident. On the downside we don't get part 2 of his SCC saga, so that will be a shame. But it'll be well worth it if he goes through with the trip

That part actually doesn't shock me. Tons of ugly-ass men demand models for girlfriends/wives/bangmaids.

Indeed, and to be fair some such men do end up with those kinds of women, but that involves working hard for it, and having a decent personality. lucas has neither of those traits

I agree with all your thoughts, but I think his court check-in day is Tuesday, isn't it?

Ah, tuesday, right. I thought it was monday for some reason.

 

[Particle Bored]

Well then, this should be quite the interesting situation. Barring him somehow being unable to get to the airport it appears he is serious about going for it. I suspect that means this thread is going to get interesting real soon. Lucas deserves his own lemmiwinks style theme song for this one. I mean first he was catfished to another city, now its another state. Whats next? Catfish him to another country? I'm sure he would just love being catfished to, say, northern canada. Nunavut is quite unpleasant this time of year.....or any time of year for that matter. and cases of pepsi go for upwards of $60 at times. Which shows you just how expensive living in a frozen shithole thousands of miles from a civilized city is. Perhaps the yukon instead, by some zoomer bae that convinces him he can pan for gold and become rich like they did in the 1890s. I can totally see ragman lucas knee deep in a river with his backpack on, hunched over fucking with a gold pan dreaming of all the zoomer baes he'll get when he starts hauling out the gold, getting ever more frustrated that he isn't pulling huge nuggets out of the water until he loses his shit and throws it, losing his balance and ending up falling into the river and getting totally soaked in the attempt. He would end up in an irl version of that showdown at williams creek movie and get fucked over by the same guy over and over again until lucas finally loses it and goes batshit on him (good movie btw if you haven't seen it its on youtube and worth a watch)

Ironically he's scheduled to fly on a monday, the same day he's due for his court checkin. That doesn't bode well for any future situation that might involve a conditional release, from a psych ward or a cell, contingent on his ability to follow certain rules



Speaking of which, does he even have an actual photo id? I mean we know he doesn't have a drivers license or a passport and he has talked about using his library card as an id on at least one occasion so......

Can you imagine him trying to use his EBT card as some kind of id and being told it has to be a legit photo id



Point taken, though an outstanding warrant will fuck him for government assistance in CA and like you said fuck any background check he does. He's doing a shitload of damage to his life by going through with this, and is too stupid to realize it



I can totally see lucas being one of those news stories about some nutjob who lived at the airport for years....except he would never last that long trying that cause he'd go creeper on some teen girl and get kicked out or arrested. That said I think you're right, this could easily turn into a multiple arrest saga like that



I can't imagine what will be going through her head if he calls her up and tells her he's totally fucked now, has a warrant for his arrest in WA, lost his tugboat and needs her to come pick him up in california before he ends up dead. I mean imagine being 41 and explaining to your mother that you got catfished into going to another state by an imaginary teen girl, got stuck, got a warrant because you breached probation in doing so and have no idea what to do. She'll definitely be having an extra bottle of wine that day

This should be quite the christmas for lucas. One that will be recorded in the annals of wernology for years to come

He can't get into Canada without a passport. Even if he had a passport, "I'm coming into Canada with no intention of leaving so I can live with an 18-year-old I've never met, see here are the texts" wouldn't fly with customs & immigration. Even if for some reason they humored him for half a second, I'd guess their first step would be to call the catfish and try to suss out their side of the story, while collecting their personal information as well. And I'm 98% sure that even if it got that far, he wouldn't be let in. Shocker: Canada's pretty strict with their immigration policies, and C&I are not morons. Keeping the Werns of the world out is part of their job.

I was going to comment on how he wouldn't be able to fly to Cali without an ID (though I read years ago that it is still possible to fly without an ID, but you've really gotta know the ins and outs of how to do it, which he wouldn't), but I assume he's got some kind of ID to buy alcohol (I know he looks well over 21, but a lot of shops will card you regardless).

 

[Iseecovidpeople]

He can't get into Canada without a passport. Even if he had a passport, "I'm coming into Canada with no intention of leaving so I can live with an 18-year-old I've never met, see here are the texts" wouldn't fly with customs & immigration. Even if for some reason they humored him for half a second, I'd guess their first step would be to call the catfish and try to suss out their side of the story, while collecting their personal information as well. And I'm 98% sure that even if it got that far, he wouldn't be let in. Shocker: Canada's pretty strict with their immigration policies.

I was going to comment on how he wouldn't be able to fly to Cali without an ID (though I read years ago that it is still possible to fly without an ID, but you've really gotta know the ins and outs of how to do it, which he wouldn't), but I assume he's got some kind of ID to buy alcohol (I know he looks well over 21, but a lot of shops will card you regardless).

I’m quite sure he has a state issued ID.
He needs it to purchase weed (maybe not to prove age, because he looks 60, but to prove residency for purchase quantities)
And he cashed his issued checks.

 

[BIG CATS]

I was going to comment on how he wouldn't be able to fly to Cali without an ID (though I read years ago that it is still possible to fly without an ID, but you've really gotta know the ins and outs of how to do it, which he wouldn't), but I assume he's got some kind of ID to buy alcohol (I know he looks well over 21, but a lot of shops will card you regardless).

That’s true, and apparently you can only fly without ID two times in the US from what I was told. Lots of questions and personal information with security.

(I went to the airport with no ID like a dumbass and had a very sober trip, would not recommend)

 

[Kane Lives]

So I'm reading here that Lucas has a plane ticket to California. But isn't he currently on parole? Wouldn't this violate that? (Or is there an exception where if you inform your parole officer, you're a-okay?)