It’s his real dad, not his step dad, that has the “Elk Kingdom”, but other than that this is spot on
Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks
- Thread starter SpacePanther
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- Jul 10, 2017
Right, I always forget which one hates him the mostIt’s his real dad, not his step dad, that has the “Elk Kingdom”, but other than that this is spot on
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- Dec 28, 2014
Actually you're not entitled to benefits while you're in jail, and if you are imprisoned for longer than 12 months, your benefits are suspended and you have to file a new application.
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- Feb 26, 2021
Not only admitting to pedo shit, but building an entire ideology around it with pseudoscience attempts to justify it. No lawyer could build a defense for that predator
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- Sep 13, 2020
He could hire Russel Greer to be his lawyer
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- Oct 27, 2018
I have been periodically checking Lucas's Instagram page and the comments. If any of you have sock accounts and want to comment on Lucas's statuses calling him a "fat faggot" or telling him "it's not in the cards for you". Now would be a good time. There is nothing he can do till he gets Internet access.
So, now is as good a time as ever, really. About two weeks till the tugboat arrives in port if his phone shot craps. Or if he gets out of the mental hospital, whenever that is.
So, now is as good a time as ever, really. About two weeks till the tugboat arrives in port if his phone shot craps. Or if he gets out of the mental hospital, whenever that is.
It’s always been interesting to me that King Roy (biological dad) seems to hate him more than Larry (step dad). Myrna (biological mom) and Larry live in Arizona, but they seem like they talk to Lucas more and are more willing to help him out — not often but on occasion, like when they got him a hotel room after he was catfished right around Christmas. Larry also reached out to Klickitat around this time thinking that his account was an account of Lucas’, and he seemed genuinely concerned for his well-being.
Meanwhile, Roy (biological dad) and Becky (step mom) live only a few hours away in the same state and yet it doesn’t seem like Lucas EVER talks to or sees them (meaning it’s them that don’t talk to him). During times that Lucas has tried to talk to my burner IG accounts I have tried asking him about his dad, why he doesn’t just go home to his dad’s place until he’s able to get housing, etc., and he always has really lame excuses.
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- Oct 27, 2018
Yeah, it sounds like his biological dad wants absolutely nothing to do with Lucas at all. Which makes all his inheritance and Elk Kingdom claims that much more ridiculous.
Many of think Lucas wants a kid so he can be welcomed back into the Elk Kingdom. I am sure Lucas's dad would horrified if Lucas knocked someone up. I am sure King Roy does not want Lucas to have kids, because he is an exceptional hobo. I don't believe Lucas having a kid would be the key to the Elk Kingdom that Lucas believes it would.
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- Sep 30, 2015
Lucas 100% knows his inheritance line is bullshit; he just thinks that teens will be enticed by the idea that if they fuck a fat hobo there’s a chance they will get some of that sweet elk money
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
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- Dec 17, 2019
This is the only sweet elk money lucas will ever get from his parents:
and then only so he can call his lawyer when he gets chris hansen'd
Then larry isn't too bright either. He would have to be pretty stupid to think that an account that is obviously intended to show lucas as an idiot is actually him. Either that or he has a very, very low opinion of lucas's level of intelligenceIceQueen said:
Trainwreck
kiwifarms.net
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- Jan 11, 2017
So, did we ever find out. . .
WHERE THE WOMEN AT?! WHERE THE PARTY AT?!
WHERE THE WOMEN AT?! WHERE THE PARTY AT?!
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- Jul 10, 2017
Smdh if you don’t create a 16 year old babyzoom catfish who posts about wanting to meet up with Lucas for a burger because she’s a volunteer with homeless programmes and knows homeless men are just as good as anyone else...
But when she doesn’t hear back in three days, she assumes Lucas isn’t interested and she announces her plans to go back to her college boyfriend.
Once Lucas gets his phone back and desperately contacts her, she tells him that sadly, her flatbill man got her preggers, but luckily he’s going to do the right thing and marry her. Sorry, Lucas.
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- Aug 19, 2019
What type of excuses does he normally give?
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- Dec 17, 2019
Better yet, that she found a 50 year-old socialist homeless man to get her pregnant.
WonderWino
kiwifarms.net
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- Dec 17, 2019
...a 50 year old socialist homeless man who woo'd her after finding lucas's research on the internet and discussing it with her. She found it fascinating and had to hear more. One thing led to another and now shes pregnant and moving him in with her because it wouldn't be right to have the kid grow up without its father present
Lucas would be absolutely livid to hear that. and the best part is he would have done it to himself by starting the argument that got him kicked out and by either getting himself deliberately committed or losing his phone out of his own stupidity and caused himself to miss his chance at her. It would be hilarious if said zoomer then suggested her new bf might be willing to do poly as long as lucas was at the bottom of the pecking order, just to see how much shit lucas would be willing to accept if he though it would get him puss puss and a place to live
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- Jun 25, 2013
In the interest of promoting responsible, accurate Wernology, I've compiled a glossary of terms frequently used in this thread. Hopefully, it will make Lucas's antics more accessible. The glossary is a work in progress, and will be edited and updated as time permits. As this is an initial draft that was written in haste, there are surely important terms and concepts that I have omitted. Please feel free to make any suggestions.
- Wernology: The study of Lucas Colby Werner, a homeless, floridly mentally ill man with a keen interest in younger women.
- Background sarcasm/voices on the wind: Auditory hallucinations, often related to criticism. Alleged by some to be an expression of Lucas’s negative self-image. It is not clear if Lucas understands that not everyone experiences these voices.
- Smart pretty interesting girl/dream girl/my girl/Ovulators/Kween/Lady Z/Baby Zoom/Bae/Queefy Bae: The target of Lucas’s lifelong obsession, a young, attractive female that will obey him, take care of him, demonstrate his value to other males, and fix all of his problems. Preferably 16-18, though Lucas shows some interest in women in their early 20s. Combines the traits of Lucas’s mother, a tard-wrangler, and a sex slave. Expected to bear Lucas’s children, support Lucas financially, and not interact with other males.
- Move on/Mooooo've on/moooooo/"Let it go!": To forcefully change the subject and then never speak of it again; the moo of a lolcow in distress. Lucas has been known to encourage his "haters," and those with functional memories, to "move on," or "let it go!"
- Catfish: An alleged female that shows any interest in Lucas.
- Full Blush Face: Body language that Lucas interprets as sexual interest.
- The party/ “Where’s the party at”: Something fun that Lucas is excluded from; an unknown location full of hot young girls that seek sex with men like Lucas.
- Swoop: To interrupt a social interaction between a male and female, with the intent of seizing the female’s attention and parlaying that into sexual activity.
- Cockblock: To exist as a male in the same world as Lucas Colby Werner; to prevent a man who has no chance of getting laid from getting laid; to interfere with, or show no deference to or interest in, age gap love.
- Capitalism: An unjust system that provides benefits to Lucas, such as EBT and SDI, at no cost to him.
- Silverback: An aging male primate who, after a lifetime of cringing submissively and showing his belly to superior males, has been endowed by the passage of years with wisdom and masculine potency and is now ready to hump young females.
- Flatbills: A younger, sexually successful male who may evince an interest in hip-hop and baseball hats. They are known to cockblock and swoop Lucas’s chicks.
- Clone: Someone with the traditional trappings of an adult life, and/or conventional attitudes towards politics and the appropriateness of “age gap relationships.
- Wernlings: Lucas’s imagined children.
- Plenty good: The state of being good enough already and not needing to make any significant changes or improvements. Used to describe Lucas’s attitude towards himself and his flaws. Lucas is incapable of accepting his shortcomings may interfere with his goals, or that he may not be good enough.
- Fat Faggot: Lucas Colby Werner.
- Wernling: Lucas's offspring that will never be born. The children he desires (to have, not fuck. For the latter, see "smart pretty interesting girls."
- Creep: The most hateful epithet imaginable, the equivalent of calling Lucas a “nigger.”
- King Roy: Lucas’s estranged biological father, reputed to be a wealthy stud who “deserves grandchildren” and is master of a sprawling estate.
- The Elk Kingdom: King Roy’s royal estate, or home, which Lucas claims he will inherit someday. Often presented as a potential site for Lucas’s dream wedding.
- Telomeres/Telomere Overabundance: Lucas’s misunderstanding of biology, which has him convinced that by virtue of his age, his semen has anti-aging properties and is extremely “potent” and will lead to the strongest possible offspring when combined with the “ova” of a teenage girl; a convincing argument in favor of age gap love, or reason why “intra-ageil breeding patterns” are optimal and Lucas should not be castigated for being a creep.
- Bernie Sanders: A sex symbol who legitimized age gap love.
- Age Gap Love/intra-ageil dating patterns/intra-ageil breeding patterns: Sex between Lucas and an underaged girl, and only between Lucas and an underaged girl. Lucas has used science, mathematics, religion, and political theory to legitimize his interest in young women.
- Agephobe/Bigots/Hypocrites: Someone who objects to the practice of “age gap love,” as advocated by Lucas Colby Wener; a young woman who does not recognize the sexual value of elderly men; Starbucks; anyone that Lucas disagrees with.
- Nigger: A word that flatbills utter to attract baes, that Lucas will not use because he is principled and not a bigot. See also “nigga.”
- Nigga: A word that Lucas will repeat until a bae agrees to have sex with him.
- Dr. Nigga Luke/The Wern: Lucas Colby Werner's alternate identity; a scientists without a degree, a gruff father figure and revolutionary, who is radicalizing the youth and fighting for justice in the face of bigots and agephobes.
- Graybeards: Men in Lucas’s age range who have sex with younger women, just like Lucas would like to. Lucas has accused the graybeards of stealing, and profiting from, his “telomere research.”
- Fibonacci Numbers/Golden Mean: A combination of number theory and Lucas’s libido; the very structure of mathematics requires younger women to have sex with older men.
- Laughing academy/puzzle factory/Eastern State: A psychiatric hospital. Lucas has been a regular of these establishments for 2 decades.
- The men with butterfly nets: The gentlemen responsible for handling Lucas’s transitions between raving on the street and relaxing in a psychiatric hospital.
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- Atheism: Disbelief in the existence of god, that renders one immune to a diagnosis of schizophrenia and exempt from criticism.
- The Fart Chamber: Lucas’s last apartment, a fabled lair where he used the sink as toilet and recorded many shirtless videos. Lucas was evicted after attempting to coerce his neighbors into providing him with a sex partner.
- Puss puss/Poon: Female genitals. Lucas seems to be genuinely confused about the configuration of the female body, but is nonetheless keenly interested in reproductive organs.
- Fecund: An adjective Lucas’s uses to describe fertile, sexually desirable young women. An example of his awkward use of 10-cent words to demonstrate his intellect.
- Comically small penis/micordick/stub/MRSA nub: Lucas’s abnormally small sexual organ, noted for a MRSA sore in his infamous dick pics.
- Big Meaty Fist: Lucas’s substitute sexual organ; his hand, which he intends to shove in a woman’s vagina and/or anus, to pleasure her despite his comically small penis.
- Leftists in name only: Avowed progressives who do not defer to Lucas, or actively support his quest for puss puss. Radicals who have cars, credit cards, and relationships with the opposite sex, and will not share the puss puss with Lucas.
- Toaster abortion: Lucas’s cooking; clashing ingredients combined with no attention to safe food handling and burnt in a toaster oven.
- Cheesy cukes/cheesy cucumbers: An infamous example of Lucas's culinary skills, consisting of sliced cucumbers buried in cheese, and then microwaved until the cucumbers wilt and the cheese melts. Often used as a stand in for Lucas's cooking in general.
- Siracha mayo: Lucas's signature condiment, a combination of mayonnaise and Siracha hot sauce that he believes goes well with everything.
- Foot Pumice Face: The complexion achieved by grooming one's face with medicated foot cream. Lucas's swollen foot pumice face proved to be a less desirable alternative to dry skin.
- KFC Meltdown: An outburst of extreme, inarticulate anger, often related to food or puss puss. Named after an incident where a podcaster who had a history of buying Lucas food taunted Lucas and refused to give him KFC.
- Feggit/faygit/biggit/my-sauginism/galoose humor/don't be contrite/asserbick:Lucas occasionally struggles with the pronunciation and use of his favorite words.
- Feggit, faygit, Lucas presents himself as a proud ally of the LGBTQ community, but finds it as difficult to abandon the word "faggot" as it is for him to pronounce. Some Wernologists believe this to be part of a verbal tick of his, where he emphasizes non-standard syllables in what may be an attempt to sound "cool."
- My-sauginism: Lucas, as a progressive, is opposed to "isms." He is a staunch feminist, and opposed to misogyny, or "my-sauginism." Lucas has proven very sensitive to the charge that he my-sauginist.
- Grim, black humor is "galoose." Wernologists believe this to be derived from "gallows humor," though Lucas drops the "humor," believing "galoose" to be roughly the equivalent of "edgy."
- Revolution: Reorganizing civilization to provide poor, old men with greater respect and unfettered access to the choicest teen puss puss.
- Rotten Lettuce: One's self image when one is corrected by an authority on a subject; a rhetorical technique where one dismisses a proposition as an ad hominem attack, without addressing it's substance; the sound in one's echo chamber when someone lobs a grenade in it; Lucas Colby Werner of Spokane, WA.
- Fishies n' huevos: Human reproductive material. Lucas has "fishies," or semen, but lacks the "huevos," or "fecund ova," necessary for reproduction. A quote taken from one of his attraction signs: "They call [my puss puss hunt' a mid-life crisis, but there's some real science on why [underaged ovulators] and I get along so well. It's the fecund point of telomerase in the reproductive cells. This union will gives babies from these fishies n' hueoves the heaalthiest possible DNA.
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Around Christmas when he was on the Greyhound back to Spokane and was begging for help upon his arrival back to WA, I said something like: "Didn't you say your dad lives in Washington? Why not go home for Christmas?" and he said something about how his dad's house was just soooo far away from Spokane (even though he traveled to and from LA with no problems for a stranger) and he couldn't get there, nor could he possibly expect King Roy to make the trip. Then I suggested that he ask his dad for some money to get a room for a few days since clearly Roy is a kabillionaire and loves Lucas sooo much (based on what Lucas says) he should have no problem helping him out, and Lucas said "maybe" but that he doesn't like to ask his dad for money. Though apparently he doesn't mind asking his mom.
So yeah it's always stuff like that, non-answers and changing the subject.
Mother Fucker
kiwifarms.net
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- Jan 1, 2021
Looks like he's back. He's got some kind of live event scheduled on YouTube right now.
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- Jun 25, 2013
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- Mar 9, 2015
I'm not much a man for god, but I can say, god sure has a sense of humor keeping Lucas alive and puss puss free.