Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[IceQueen]

Believe it or not, I DO! Back when he was leaving notes and stuff like that on my door and on my car, I had a habit of collecting everything. Y'know, just in case. All that got put away in boxes and tossed into the closet. Because of this thread, I have been going back through some of those boxes to see if I could find anything worthwhile. I haven't found the really threatening letters, but I do have the first set of post-it notes he left me. I'm going to upload all 12 of them (front and back) here.

Context: This would have been right after I cut him out of my life the first time. I stopped responding to his emails, picking up his calls or answering on instant messenger. He was getting nothing back from me for weeks, and this clearly angered him. One day, when I went out to my car, I found a series of 12 post-it notes attached to my windows. I'm not entirely sure what order these are supposed to be read, but I'm not sure that really matters. There's a lot of weird circular logic here, and it seems like what he's trying to do is make a point that everybody in the friend group is bad for each other (e.g.: Justin's problem should be with me, not Patrick; Shawn's problem should be with Patrick, not me). Note that he's not part of that circular logic in any way and doesn't seem to blame himself for anything.

Enjoy.

That first one, omg... As usual Lucas needs to take his own advice lmao.

I endorse this. I have nothing to hide. I signed up to Kiwi using the email address that's on every single page of Defunct Games: loser@defunctgames.com

If you go to any of my reviews (going back to 2001, when the site launched), you will find that is my contact email address. I have used the same one for 20 years. On my reviews, where it says "Cyril Lachel," it takes you straight to that email address link. You can test it for yourself. I assure you, I am who I say I am and have no reason to lie.

I honestly think VERY few people think you're lying, and even less think you're not who you say you are. I would just ignore the ones who do at this point.

 

[AnOminous]

If I remember correctly, he rage posted gay porn shortly before he reeee’d back to his fart box.

Well of course he'd have a collection of that being a giant fag.

 

[cuddle striker]

Searched the thread best I could for any update on this, but if they've been letting Lucas there, it's not going to last long.

Woman's Club of Spokane wants homeless shelter out of its building

The Woman’s Club of Spokane issued a plea to its neighbors: Call the cops on us.

www.spokesman.com

With the infodump going on I can't find any recent updates, what page should I go back to for most recent sightings/where he's at?

 

[DefunctGames]

If that is the case I have to ask why exactly you're tempting fate by revealing such things now. After all, such revelations will reach lucas at some point and there is a good chance he will revert to his previous behavior and start harassing you. I can't imagine you would want to go through that again

That's a really good question. I think that part of it is because I'm in a different point in my life and he no longer lives near me. These days, I can block his calls, emails, texts, DMs and anything else. It was different when he lived in Olympia, because he would leave things at my door and on my car. With him away and dealing with a mountain of other things, I don't feel as concerned about him showing up or starting in again.

You have to understand that this is something I have largely internalized for two decades. I would tell my close friends about this stalker friend I used to have. When the Starbucks thing happened and I found his YouTube channel, I was finally able to show those in my bubble who I was talking about and how crazy he actually is. That felt good.

After I watched the three-part "Comprehensive History of Lucas Werner" series on YouTube, I decided to start googling my name to see what was being said. When I found Kiwi Farms, I did a search of this thread of all the references to "Cyril" and spent quite a few hours reading through what people had said about me. Most of it was sympathetic to me, which made me feel good. Considering what he says about me in that Autobiography/rant thing, I wasn't sure if people would have a negative view of me. I was relieved to see that, because he had repeated this pattern with many other people, nobody took his one-sided write-up as fact.

The other thing I realized while reading through the posts is that some of the information was wrong. After reading a lot of this, I decided I wanted to set the record straight on a few things. I also just wanted to say some of this stuff publicly, since I had been holding it in for so many years. Writing the lengthy story about my time with him was cathartic. It felt good to finally say some of that stuff. And based on what I had read on this thread, it seemed like this would be the most receptive group. I wasn't looking to humanize Lucas or make him sympathetic, but rather fill in some of the gaps. That's something this thread had already done for me before I even posted. I listened to the audio-only interview from last year where he talks about me in a more positive way. In fact, it was your specific post, WonderWino, that led me to that interview. You mentioned that he seemed friendlier towards me, so I had to hear what was said. I wasn't sure what I expected going in, but what I ended up getting was genuine closure.

I have to ask how it can be that someone could bring the lighting, pots, soil, etc... and set it up in a closet without somebody noticing it being done.

I was working a lot at that time and never went into his room. This is after Michelle had left, so it was only me paying for things. Lucas was unemployed and just hanging out in the apartment all day and night. I was working at Circuit City at the time, which allowed me to work as many hours as I needed. I was probably doing 50+ a week at that point. I would come home, watch a movie, play some games and go to sleep. Maybe have some friends over. I would hang out with Lucas if he was in the living room, but there were times when he would isolate himself in his room. I never went in there. I had no reason to. Also, Lucas did not have a green thumb. His plants grew a little bit, but then immediately died. He never came close to actually growing pot. Remember, this was only in the final month or two of him living with me, so it was at a point where things were pretty rocky. Had it gone on longer or even started to smell, I would have figured it out.

 

[ThomasAudley]

Very interesting info and developments in this thread. Thank you @DefunctGames for the insight.

As long as the content drought continues I will tease a bit of info too. Back in early March before it was confirmed that Lucas had quit attending SCC I made a public information request to SCC Campus Security for any records, should they exist, concerning Lucas Werner from Jan-Feb 2021. Sometimes these requests state that after a search they returned nothing. However, this one said that i will get a response by April 26th, and last week I was informed after a statutory 10-day waiting period where they also mail a letter to Lucas (lol good luck) to get his input, they will release the info I requested. This seems to indicate SCC PD has some records on Lucas from his most recent time at the College and the Farms will get more insight into what happened with his latest saga soon.

 

[Josef Mengele]

With this fresh infodump, and the mention of how quickly he deteriorated into madness after discontinuation of his medication, I felt like this photoshop embodies the spirit and vigor with which Lucas avoids adherence to his medication routine. This is the temple run scene form Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark the yellow pill is paxil, a medication the Wern clearly needs to be taking.

 

[Loosey Goosey]

Looks like in his absence some people are having fun in his Instagram comments. Unless he's lost this account too he's just gonna block you when he comes back but anyway I salute you.

 

[boner_alert]

His ability to use KF emojis makes me suspect that it is not Pucas. Probably a sock of another disgruntled poster.

Can't argue that, I think you're right. I concede that it's not Lucas, just someone who's so spergy and socially retarded that one could've mistaken him for Lucas. Which I'd argue is just as bad as being him

@WonderWino I actually appreciate your line of questioning.. I think it's somewhat healthy to practice doubt and have some level of dissent. You brought up a lot of points I hadn't thought about, like how would a childlike oaf like Lucas manage to have a secret (failed) grow operation in his closet.. and I like that @DefunctGames clarified it

I get what you mean by some of it is" too on the nose" but I think by now we've realized Lucas is almost a cartoonish figure, beyond parody. Like the ridiculousness of

• the whole rotten cabbage tweet exchange with the very man whose work Lucas has stolen and perverted into his 'my telomeres are magic and this is why I should be granted the right to fist little girls' dogma
• that one video of him huffing and puffing to crash a picnic he overheard about at the shelter, to reveal at the end he's awkwardly begging for some burnt hot dogs from his sworn enemy, the Flatbill
• the fact he's walking around in temporary hospital gown pants right now. Because as a grown 41 year old man whose entire identity is that he's from the royalist of bloodlines and possess sperm so superior that its of magical caliber, he either had his only pair of pants stolen from him or he ruined it with literal shit

These are all things that happened. What if they finally get Null and this forum is gone one day.. and we've discovered a new forum tracking and laughing at Lucas and we try to relay to the next, new generations of Wernologists all this info, what we personally heard from the decimated Golden USB episodes where he slipped up to reveal how he regularly pisses himself.. the fact he has once made his way here, with the username @YourWorstNightmare666

If I were one of the new Wernologists, Id have called bullshit. That username is absolutely ludicrous, no one is that cartoonish, it'd have to be made up satire. Especially because I'd never have had believed Lucas could figure out how to create an account here

What's removed doubt for me that Cyril isn't legit and what I found most valuable were the implicit confirmations, rather than explicit. For example, the homeless underaged girls thing.. it's true that he's been rendered incapacitated by women all his life. But the social expectations and dynamic between children and adults are so different that it stands to reason that the most socially anxious adult would not feel the same kind of anxiety and shyness around children as adults. And his chameleon submissiveness/assertiveness was in full display with the Geekroom podcast thing and how he talked to his bottom bitch Goldaor vs "Mia's dad"

Also, something as socially 'sophisticated' (I loathe using that word in association with him) as having a bunch of underaged, drugged up or drunk girls alone in his apartment without raising any alarms from his neighbors or the girls is a glaring outlier considering the smelly, spitting, feral schizo he is.. but his almost Andy Kaufman understanding of social nuances have been mulled over plenty here. How is it he's aware enough to understand that showers are a positive marker of social status, but not understand making a video standing next to a shower to announce that he showers is an aggressively bad social thing to do? How is he able to go from frothing at the mouth screaming GIVE ME A CHICK GEN ZEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! to respond very calmly and casually "oh sorry I don't know where that is" when interrupted by a passerby asking for directions.. then just as quickly contort his face back to scream GREEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!

This for me all aligns with his known behavior. Along with the whole brazen ebay scam thing, like another kiwi pointed out, makes sense with the shameless e-begging he does... these kinds of things have implicitly confirmed for me the legitimacy behind these stories

But again, I do get where you're coming from. Because I always found suspicious that Lucas' family or former friends, especially like his brother and Cyril who'd be inclined towards using the farms in general, would be so ignorant of the farms/Lucas' thread here but I realized I don't have a close former friend or family who is a cow. All this shit is insanely entertaining to me, a stranger with no personal stake at all but I imagine it's actually deeply painful/too cringe to bear to read things on here about someone close to you. In any case I think its good you challenged some things, because things that are legit can stand up to scrutiny.. and I personally enjoyed reading the details from Cyril's elaboration on things

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Is it pronounced "wer-ner" or "ver-ner"?

(the latter how it may be in German)

 

[cuddle striker]

I don't have a close former friend or family who is a cow.

Everyone thinks that, but you should always look deeper. It's amazing how many cows there are, often times their circle come here in shock that this place knows about them at all. And they don't know about their activities.

We've all probably went to school, college or worked with at least one cow during our lives.

 

[Vi0l3t]

Is it pronounced "wer-ner" or "ver-ner"?

(the latter how it may be in German)

He pronounces it Wer ner in videos

 

[Chris Jericho's Penis]

Well this thread took an interesting turn. Thanks for your contributions to Wernstory, Cyril.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Also, something as socially 'sophisticated' (I loathe using that word in association with him) as having a bunch of underaged, drugged up or drunk girls alone in his apartment without raising any alarms from his neighbors or the girls is a glaring outlier considering the smelly, spitting, feral schizo he is.. but his almost Andy Kaufman understanding of social nuances have been mulled over plenty here. How is it he's aware enough to understand that showers are a positive marker of social status, but not understand making a video standing next to a shower to announce that he showers is an aggressively bad social thing to do? How is he able to go from frothing at the mouth screaming GIVE ME A CHICK GEN ZEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! to respond very calmly and casually "oh sorry I don't know where that is" when interrupted by a passerby asking for directions.. then just as quickly contort his face back to scream GREEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!

That is a really interesting point, we don’t often see the Wern having too many casual interactions with people it’s mostly what he presents for the audience which for us is him showing us how aggressive and loud he can be or what kind of food he eats. Unlike some other cows when confronted by the authorities or is challenged in any way he doesn’t pull out his phone to record how tough he is then. He’s too much of a coward to film his confrontations and needs an image that he can curate and control it seems. It is funny though as you say standing next to a shower to say you clean is just weird virtue signalling or donating stolen goods to the homeless shelter after Fatal Walter makes The Greed of Lucas Werner video.

We've all probably went to school, college or worked with at least one cow during our lives.

Here’s a great lolcow I used to know through friends of friends association. He was a little out there but could still function in society. It was in 2016 he went entirely off the deep end with Pizza Gate. He drank a lot and it was also around this time that he threatened to blow up a police station after his Xbox was allegedly stolen by his landlord. Some of his videos remain on YouTube but sadly most of his channels have been taken down. He also thinks he is being gang stalked so he built a hut in the municipal woods to get away from everyone who he thinks is out to get him. His lunacy was pretty funny at times but he was a genuine menace to people in the city and has been jailed multiple times for threats and causing public disturbances which has resulted in him being banned from multiple businesses and public buildings where he harasses people for “gangstalking” him. The article I attached below sums him up very well.

https://www.google.ca/amp/s/hoaxteadresearch.wordpress.com/2018/02/17/another-dangerous-lunatic-from-canada-unveiled/amp/

Edit: I thought I should include this for the coup de grâce, when he threatened to kill Omni Eros for raping him on the astral plane and Omni did a hilarious stream about it afterwards

 

[AnOminous]

We've all probably went to school, college or worked with at least one cow during our lives.

No matter who you are, you are someone's lolcow.

 

[Da Dude123]

All this Cyril talk is all well and good. However, we are still unaware of the whereabouts of one Dr. Nigga Luke. Where is that cow at anyways? Who is he is siphoning off? If his phone is gone will he need a new Instagram account?

I am really excited about the hospital pants. That is terrific news and they're the best thing going since his Batman pantaloonies. Remember when he wore those all over creation?

Keep your eyes peeled, Spokane Kiwis and report back to us with cow spottings!

 

[Fatal Walter]

I think a lot of people are cringy enough to be lolcows if they were more noticeable. The trait that makes it rare is the ridiculous oversharing of information. I mean, look at how inactive this thread gets when Lucas disappears for a few days. And he's normally very active.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

All this Cyril talk is all well and good. However, we are still unaware of the whereabouts of one Dr. Nigga Luke. Where is that cow at anyways? Who is he is siphoning off? If his phone is gone will he need a new Instagram account?

I am really excited about the hospital pants. That is terrific news and they're the best thing going since his Batman pantaloonies. Remember when he wore those all over creation?

Keep your eyes peeled, Spokane Kiwis and report back to us with cow spottings!

Paging Dr. Niggæ Luke! We have a fecund ova in room 3. Dr. Niggæ Luke, stat!!!

 

[Windex]

Just wanted to bring forward this old screenshot where Lucas goes down Memory Lane to his days cuddling neighborhood kids in his lap whilst babysitting (blech) and that he “used to take in runaways” (omitting the “girls” of course, but I don’t think anyone would imagine he’d take in male runaways - that’s competition!)

 

[Rogowski]

It’s going to be interesting to see what happens when he does turn back up, if he doesn’t immediately check this thread he will surely have a few weens in his DMs telling him that Cyril is posting on the farms.

Being that Cyril was present for many pivotal events in his early adulthood and can refute Lucas’ version of events i don’t see any situation where he doesn’t lose his shit.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Can we all agree that Lucas's constant losing of his phone or his ability to connect to the internet at all, has passed ridiculous, passed comical, and entered into fucking retarded?

You would think that a homeless person, whose worldly possessions can fit into a shopping bag, would be a little bit more careful with his lifeline to the outside world.

You'd think.