"Mad at the Internet" - a/k/a My Psychotherapy Sessions

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Stamina kang

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I would genuinely listen to a 13 hour MATI lol
 
There's this playlist (not super up-to-date) which might help.
This was extremely helpful. Thank you!
if you can remember any details i can probably tell you.
I’m 99% sure it was All Hail.
I was going to describe it as in between shakey Graves and Harley Poe with a folk punk style and lyrics about society. I don’t think that woulda helped you.
 
if you can remember any details i can probably tell you.
You have a bunch of lesser known music and remixes you've featured on your show, I'm guessing a bunch of us would like to know. Be a good e-celeb and do some lifestyle content by posting us some playlists and other bullshit.
 
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Listening to today's mati has made me glad that I am not alone with the whole Ritalin shit.

I got put on it when I was around 6 years old, and over the years I'd become immune to the smaller dosages until I was inevitably put on something like 30mg at age 12.

It really has fucked me up in specific ways.

my perception of time is just perpetually fucked, from a single minute feeling like 5, to almost 20 minutes feeling like 5 to me.

I eventually went cold turkey at age 15, and what I thought wqs just me being a lazy shit kid, was actually just withdrawal.

Fuck the public education system for basically putting a gun to my mom's head and forcing me to take that shit.
 
"I have ADHD/Autism" is basically an excuse many grown adults use to act like children and not even attempt to adhere to social norms or be a productive member of society. It also gives them bonus points at work (if they do work) for not having to put in effort because telling them to not be lazy is now "discrimination". Most people who claim these disorders don't even have them. It's also promoted to be cool by mainstream media like Big Bang Theory portraying autistic men as a little bit socially awkward geniuses instead of sexpest freaks who rape their elderly mothers.
Dreaded double post because I saw just now.

But yeah. Everyone thinks ADHD is this nice and quirky thing and it's not.

I've been diagnosed and it's fucking awful if I'm not keeping myself on top of things constantly, it's not fun, it's not quirky, it's a nightmare to turn around and completely forget what I was doing.

I sincerely hate people who think it's thus quirky fun thing, when in reality it's not.
 
Listening to today's mati has made me glad that I am not alone with the whole Ritalin shit.

I got put on it when I was around 6 years old, and over the years I'd become immune to the smaller dosages until I was inevitably put on something like 30mg at age 12.

It really has fucked me up in specific ways.

my perception of time is just perpetually fucked, from a single minute feeling like 5, to almost 20 minutes feeling like 5 to me.

The time thing happened to me. Minutes feel like forever, but when I am tasked they go by fast. I got put on ritalin and then Adderall XR, around that same dose.

Ill put my own ritalin/adderall story in. Was diagnosed with ADD around 10 years old, around the millenium. Smoked a ton of weed through highschool, was depressed and dove deep into partying and drinking. Once I was done with HS I stopped taking adderall and I felt like I woke up from a haze. Quit drinking except on occasion, and havnt touched any drugs. Ive gotten over most of the typical ADD symptoms now, I am pretty detail oriented at work and will hyper focus on my tasks to get stuff done easily, but I still need to have music or something going on in the background to distract me. I actually own a fidget spinner I spin on my desk while I wait for work to load or stuff and it helps a lot, just a cheapo that came with some promo.

Will never give my own kids that stuff, I know the kind of fog it puts you in and just cant let them go through what I did.
 
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Dreaded double post because I saw just now.

But yeah. Everyone thinks ADHD is this nice and quirky thing and it's not.

I've been diagnosed and it's fucking awful if I'm not keeping myself on top of things constantly, it's not fun, it's not quirky, it's a nightmare to turn around and completely forget what I was doing.

I sincerely hate people who think it's thus quirky fun thing, when in reality it's not.
Pick a diagnosis and it's much the same.

Depression went from being the real life ruining illness that used to land people in an asylum for a respite, to a quirky personality trait or feeling occasionally blue. Through that it then became something every lifestyle guru and influencer tries to sell you supplements or a mindfulness routine, because I'm sure further rumination will solve everything.
Losing weeks or months of time you have no memory from because you're crying, panicking, having auditory hallucinations, disassociating or teetering on catatonia, or alternatively getting put under anaesthesia for yet another round of electroshock therapy, sort of clashes with the tortured artist/poet/writer aesthetic you can put on Instagram or a TikTok reel. One of the times I genuinely got pissed off at Null was when he started going on about how depression isn't real and you can just decide to not feel it, sounded like a genuine bonafide retard.
 
The time thing happened to me. Minutes feel like forever, but when I am tasked they go by fast. I got put on ritalin and then Adderall XR, around that same dose.

Ill put my own ritalin/adderall story in. Was diagnosed with ADD around 10 years old, around the millenium. Smoked a ton of weed through highschool, was depressed and dove deep into partying and drinking. Once I was done with HS I stopped taking adderall and I felt like I woke up from a haze. Quit drinking except on occasion, and havnt touched any drugs. Ive gotten over most of the typical ADD symptoms now, I am pretty detail oriented at work and will hyper focus on my tasks to get stuff done easily, but I still need to have music or something going on in the background to distract me. I actually own a fidget spinner I spin on my desk while I wait for work to load or stuff and it helps a lot, just a cheapo that came with some promo.

Will never give my own kids that stuff, I know the kind of fog it puts you in and just cant let them go through what I did.
I'm the same now, besides a few permanent psychological issues, as long as I'm listening to something or have music, I can do work.

I do have the quirk of tapping my finger on surfaces or bouncing my leg so hard it moves cars. But I that's when I don't have anything to listen to.
 
I'm the same now, besides a few permanent psychological issues, as long as I'm listening to something or have music, I can do work.

I do have the quirk of tapping my finger on surfaces or bouncing my leg so hard it moves cars. But I that's when I don't have anything to listen to.
I just have to constantly be on something now to feel anything. I think I've just completely destroyed my brain chemistry. After I was prescribed 25mg Adderall as a kid, it took me about 2 months to figure out that if you took more it would feel even better
 
I just have to constantly be on something now to feel anything. I think I've just completely destroyed my brain chemistry. After I was prescribed 25mg Adderall as a kid, it took me about 2 months to figure out that if you took more it would feel even better
That fixes itself overtime.

I used to be like that, I still kinda am and have issues understanding emotions and how people feel.

But it fixes itself
 
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I'm the same now, besides a few permanent psychological issues, as long as I'm listening to something or have music, I can do work.

I do have the quirk of tapping my finger on surfaces or bouncing my leg so hard it moves cars. But I that's when I don't have anything to listen to.

Sounds super gay but get something you can fidget with, whether its a spinner or just a pen you can spin in your hand. It helps immensely to reduce those leg bounces.
 
That fixes itself overtime.

I used to be like that, I still kinda am and have issues understanding emotions and how people feel.

But it fixes itself
Yeah, there was a span of about 2 years where I was sober from everything and after a few weeks things went back to how I imagine normal is for other people, but as soon as you fall off it's like everything immediately reverts back. It's like when you don't eat anything you will stop feeling hunger after 3 days, and as soon as you have anything to eat you just feel a huge desire to binge eat
 
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Sounds super gay but get something you can fidget with, whether its a spinner or just a pen you can spin in your hand. It helps immensely to reduce those leg bounces.
It's not gay, it's just, how we work. Only instead of us seeing it as quirky, it's more necessity.

Yeah, there was a span of about 2 years where I was sober from everything and after a few weeks things went back to how I imagine normal is for other people, but as soon as you fall off it's like everything immediately reverts back. It's like when you don't eat anything you will stop feeling hunger after 3 days, and as soon as you have anything to eat you just feel a huge desire to binge eat
Aaah one of those, I got no idea how to fix that.
 
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I'm phone fagging at work and will be making a long drive in a bit. Does anyone know where I can get an easy to download copy of the latest MATI? I usually get it off Odysee but the VOD isn't up yet.
 
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