Magic The Gathering

[Logistical Nightmare]

Return to Lowryn: But somehow The Great Aurora returned...

They’re gonna make the Great Aurora actually be an Eldrazi titan. Gotta force them back into the story some way or another.

 

[SIMON THE PIEMAN]

So I wanted to attend a pre-release since I've heard that the pre-release tournaments are a bit more relaxed than the usual ones. Looking at the schedule the next set is Spider-man, which I don't mind as a character but it simply does not "feel right" to see on the MtG cards. No worries, I'll just attend the next one... except this one is about the cartoon Avatar which I have no nostalgia for and zero interest in, so it doesn't excite me in the slightest. The next opportunity after that is in 2026 with the new Lorwyn set. This means I have to wait four months before I'll have the chance to play in a pre-release event that is about actual Magic the Gathering. I'd like to come up with a witty comment regarding this situation but it just feels so disappointing that I can't find it in me to bother.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

So I wanted to attend a pre-release since I've heard that the pre-release tournaments are a bit more relaxed than the usual ones. Looking at the schedule the next set is Spider-man, which I don't mind as a character but it simply does not "feel right" to see on the MtG cards. No worries, I'll just attend the next one... except this one is about the cartoon Avatar which I have no nostalgia for and zero interest in, so it doesn't excite me in the slightest. The next opportunity after that is in 2026 with the new Lorwyn set. This means I have to wait four months before I'll have the chance to play in a pre-release event that is about actual Magic the Gathering. I'd like to come up with a witty comment regarding this situation but it just feels so disappointing that I can't find it in me to bother.

Not every set is for you, unless you draft because we will shit out a new draft style and a bunch of awful commons and uncommons to fill the set with

 

[Very Professional]

Given that Norn apparently tied the oil to new pheyexias existence and it is now phased out in a way that i am not sure can be undone, zero. Bolas built an army that was better than new phyrexia so why would he downgrade?

In slight fairness to New Phyrexia, the threat level there is wildly inconsistent. It should, on paper, probably be one of the deadliest things in the Multiverse, on par with the Eldrazi, but the writers didn't give a fuck by the time MoM rolled around so they spend the entire story jobbing in ways that frankly don't even make sense, and that's before we get them handwaving a super special angel juice into existence that beats Phyrexians specifically (that no angels before ever had so don't question why it didn't come up in the last invasion, chud). As an aside, making a mobster plane (already fucking gay and retarded) and having the illicit bootleg substance everyone's fighting over be "concentrated goodness tonic" is incredibly fucking gay and retarded.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

It should, on paper, probably be one of the deadliest things in the Multiverse,

No, no it shouldnt, Old Phyrexia prepared for 1000s of years and had an Old Walker tier leader.

New Phyrexia has been around for less than a hundred years and is the size of a small domination nation.

The fact that it was ever portrayed as a remote threat is a joke.

 

[Very Professional]

No, no it shouldnt, Old Phyrexia prepared for 1000s of years and had an Old Walker tier leader.

New Phyrexia has been around for less than a hundred years and is the size of a small domination nation.

The fact that it was ever portrayed as a remote threat is a joke.

I think the big point was that they had a relative mastery of all 5 colors of mana, as opposed to the original Phyrexians being primarily black. Having taken over Mirrodin in a relatively short order (albeit at an advantage), in theory New Phyrexia should be a very adaptable, multifaceted threat that can punch way above their weight class in the absence of any fully-powered Oldwalkers post-Mending. Yes, they're less of a threat, but so is anyone that could oppose them (sans the aforementioned Eldrazi). This is all moot though because WotC squandered them like they do every villain.

 

[CycloneBee]

I think the big point was that they had a relative mastery of all 5 colors of mana, as opposed to the original Phyrexians being primarily black.

>Mastery

Name one time Urabrask was of any use, ever.

Fucking waste of space "praetor". Every time New Phyrexia had anything going for it, best believe Urabrask can fuck it up for everyone

 

[Very Professional]

>Mastery

Name one time Urabrask was of any use, ever.

Fucking waste of space "praetor". Every time New Phyrexia had anything going for it, best believe Urabrask can fuck it up for everyone

That's why I say in theory they should be a threat. Only in theory. In practice they're pretty much all dipshits with maybe the exception of Sheoldred and Jin Gitaxias. Urabrask in particular is up there with Karn as far as dipshit failures go. Orders the rebels left alone. The nanosecond he's incapacitated his faction starts chimping across the multiverse with the rest of Phyrexia without missing a beat.

 

[Professor V]

Hey I like Urabrask's design... he a cool dude...

 

[Sheriff Mike Chitwood]

A number of years ago i lived in a small town with a prison, and that prison brought a lot of bad issues to the town, niggers and beaners wanting to live closer to their locked up relatives, heroin hellscape, awful, just awful. one of the awful things i firsthand witnessed was a lot of old white guys with fat beaner wives who were all swingers and really into magic the gathering, they'd play magic, battle of the sexes, you dont know jack, all those like adult board game type things then take turns fucking each others fat beaner wives, now to the average normie i'd believe they think that magic the gathering players are fat young turbo virgins, but i just dont see it that way, i dont know if its because magic the gathering has been around so long or maybe the more serious art style with it or what.

so i guess my question is, is my experience with magic the gathering common at all? is there a sizable portion of the magic fanbase that are just old swingers? or is this purely anecdotal and not indicative of any significant portion of magic the gathering players and that they are largely just traditional fat turbovirgins?

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

I think the big point was that they had a relative mastery of all 5 colors of mana, as opposed to the original Phyrexians being primarily black. Having taken over Mirrodin in a relatively short order (albeit at an advantage), in theory New Phyrexia should be a very adaptable, multifaceted threat that can punch way above their weight class in the absence of any fully-powered Oldwalkers post-Mending. Yes, they're less of a threat, but so is anyone that could oppose them (sans the aforementioned Eldrazi). This is all moot though because WotC squandered them like they do every villain.

Punching above their weight would be invading Tarkir and winning because the dragonlords and khans sperg out at each other mid invasion.

They tried to invade the entire multi-verse at once. Every single plane has something that is at MINIMUM the power of a preator. They Phrexians lost on every single major plane that they invaded.

Atraxa, something on par with a Preator got killed without any of the 5 Demon Lords being involved.

What happens to The New Phyrexia when the Ravnican Paruns get involved?
What happens to New Phyrexia if the 5 Demon Lords get involved?
What happened when Zacama showed up and fucking one shot Compleated Etali?
What happens when the Markov and Volderin vampire clans show up? Fuck what happens if The Phyrexians throw things out of Balance enough for Emrakul to decide "Its Lunch Time!"
What happens when you fuck around enough that Ugin decides that it is a better option to let Nicol go free and he gets involved?

Fuck what happened to Original Phyrexia when the Primeval Dragons showed up? The Original Phrexians got schooled by one Plane's ancient power and it would have taken Yawgmoth Personally showing up to match them except for the fact that Darigaaz decided that the Primevals were bad and broke the circle. Even with a better balance of Colors New Phyrexia had at BEST 6 Strong casters and most of them pale compared to the actual Major Players in the Multiverse.

 

[Very Professional]

They tried to invade the entire multi-verse at once. Every single plane has something that is at MINIMUM the power of a preator. They Phrexians lost on every single major plane that they invaded.

Yeah I agree, that was incredibly retarded, MoM was really fucking dumb. New Phyrexia should be a lurking threat that slowly encroaches on an individual plane at a time until the resident planar powerhouse du jour is either dead, converted, or disempowered to the point of irrelevance. Although I would note that much like Phyrexia itself, the threat level of a given planar powerhouse also varies wildly depending on what the writers want—see the Obzedat going from one of the primary players on Ravnica to getting Yaaasss Kweened on a single card. Regardless, even written at their most powerful there's no good storyline where they invade the entire multiverse simultaneously, it's retarded on its face.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

even written at their most powerful

At their most powerful they were losing to Dominaria, which admittedly is kind of higher powered than most planes and had Urza preparing, but I think there are quite a few planes that would be within Dominaria's weight class. (Ravnica, Tarkir, Ixalan, The Plane that Strixhaven is on)

The Invasion of Dominaria was largely a failure until Yawgmoth himself showed up.

 

[Very Professional]

At their most powerful they were losing to Dominaria, which admittedly is kind of higher powered than most planes and had Urza preparing, but I think there are quite a few planes that would be within Dominaria's weight class. (Ravnica, Tarkir, Ixalan, The Plane that Strixhaven is on)

The Invasion of Dominaria was largely a failure until Yawgmoth himself showed up.

I think some of those planes are debatable but I agree Phyrexia's bread-and-butter has never been out-and-out invasions. The problem is Wizards either can't or won't write them the way that makes the most sense, but I guess that's not unique to Phyrexia.

In other news, my format (Pioneer) remains dead and gay.

 

[Billy the Adult]

In slight fairness to New Phyrexia, the threat level there is wildly inconsistent. It should, on paper, probably be one of the deadliest things in the Multiverse, on par with the Eldrazi, but the writers didn't give a fuck by the time MoM rolled around so they spend the entire story jobbing in ways that frankly don't even make sense, and that's before we get them handwaving a super special angel juice into existence that beats Phyrexians specifically (that no angels before ever had so don't question why it didn't come up in the last invasion, chud). As an aside, making a mobster plane (already fucking gay and retarded) and having the illicit bootleg substance everyone's fighting over be "concentrated goodness tonic" is incredibly fucking gay and retarded.

It was so funny that they hyped up phyrexian oil to be too strong that they had to come up with a reason each plane could beat it, like zombies from Innistrad not being effected.

The perfect plotline was there. The thing that should have broken apart New Phyrexia was the various praetors all wanting control, a once completely unified people broken apart. Instead they really liked the idea of Mother of Machines and rushed it to where they seemed braindead. What should have done the praetors in was their own squabbling, betrayal at the worst time. It was the reason they didn't fully succeed in conquering Mirrodin, because of a lack in unity.

Instead we get the Phyrexians trying to take over everything SIMULTANEOUSLY (reminds me a bit of Bolas inviting every walker, but at least he had a reason even if stupid) and literally scoring no victories. How do you start a billion wars and lose every single one?

Yeah I agree, that was incredibly retarded, MoM was really fucking dumb. New Phyrexia should be a lurking threat that slowly encroaches on an individual plane at a time until the resident planar powerhouse du jour is either dead, converted, or disempowered to the point of irrelevance. Although I would note that much like Phyrexia itself, the threat level of a given planar powerhouse also varies wildly depending on what the writers want—see the Obzedat going from one of the primary players on Ravnica to getting Yaaasss Kweened on a single card. Regardless, even written at their most powerful there's no good storyline where they invade the entire multiverse simultaneously, it's retarded on its face.

Next time we go to Ravnica I'm expecting it to be the worst set ever with how each revisit is increasingly worse. Murders is probably pretty hard to top though, but I believe in WotC.

Orzhov still makes me mad. Now we've got Kaya, who burned a ton of debt cuz morals, but then Orzhov still looks the same as it ever was? There's still spirits and stuff despite Kaya? I'm sure its better explained in writing but I don't care enough to find it.

In other news, my format (Pioneer) remains dead and gay.

Unfortunate, I always liked Pioneer for not being standard but didn't go as far as modern. Although I don't know if its because it was dead or what, because for the longest time it seemed like the meta didn't shift at all. Can't wait for the next new modern format in a few years, because I could've sworn there was a format called Frontier that was very similar.

 

[Very Professional]

Instead we get the Phyrexians trying to take over everything SIMULTANEOUSLY (reminds me a bit of Bolas inviting every walker, but at least he had a reason even if stupid) and literally scoring no victories. How do you start a billion wars and lose every single one?

It's kind of astonishing how hard they pivoted from "The entire multiverse is in peril" during ONE to "Man Elesh Norn sure was overconfident, huh guys?" in MOM. Millennial writing and it's consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

Unfortunate, I always liked Pioneer for not being standard but didn't go as far as modern. Although I don't know if its because it was dead or what, because for the longest time it seemed like the meta didn't shift at all. Can't wait for the next new modern format in a few years, because I could've sworn there was a format called Frontier that was very similar.

Frontier was basically the unofficial precursor to Pioneer that started in Japan because shops wanted to sell off their post-rotation bulk. I think that's why Pioneer still seems to see more play in Japan to this day, it has roots there. When Wizards made it "official" they made the starting point Return to Ravnica instead of Magic 2015 to give the format a larger card pool with more iconic names and faces. It was hailed as a "brewer's paradise" and was a bridge between Standard and Modern where, much like the old days of Modern, you could rock up and take home an FNM with some truly preposterous lists. It also lacks Fetches so 4-5c slop decks aren't as consistent.

Pioneer is still a lot of fun to play at lower tiers with a very diverse meta, but high-tier Pioneer is bland and repetitive. It suffers from a few key issues:

• Threats vastly outpace answers so you're at an even bigger disadvantage than usual taking the draw.
• There are several design mistakes that have persisted throughout the format's lifespan, most notably Fable of the Mirror Breaker, that are now simply held up as pillars of the format and will never be banned.
• Standard has gotten juiced up in recent years and it's eroded a lot of the format's identity. Pioneer has largely gone from a so-called "brewer's paradise" to Standard+.
• The above exacerbates the aforementioned threat to answer ratio. How do you deal with Izzet Phoenix running 4 Phoenixes and 4 Steel Cutters when your best answer is Vanishing Verse?
• This is made even worse because the format doesn't get the curation of something like Standard or Modern, it's a redheaded stepchild format that doesn't make Wizards a lot of money but also doesn't have the legacy of something like Pauper.
• And as with every format, the demand just isn't there relative to EDH. Good lucking getting paper to fire.

I do still recommend it if you have a group of reliable friends you can get games from. It's good filler when you have too many people for an EDH 4-pod or just want some quicker games. The entry price for a casual deck is even cheaper than Standard. I run a mid-grade Humans list that would cost about $100 if you were to buy it fresh and it can usually go 3-1/2-2 with it at FNM.

 

[Retink Retunk]

Given that Norn apparently tied the oil to new pheyexias existence and it is now phased out in a way that i am not sure can be undone, zero. Bolas built an army that was better than new phyrexia so why would he downgrade?

Yea, but the oil Bolas had in his collection that he, or we, didn't know about, was safe because it was locked away with him therefore it couldn't phase out. As to why he wants Phyrexians? Well, he thinks he can do even more if he's their leader and with the oil he can take the lazulite soldiers and make them Phyrexian lazulite soldiers, which is a lot like a regular lazulite soldier but now with five essential Phyrexian oils. And the only way for the Jacetice League to stop him is collect the rainbow infinity stones in order to protect the groomed trans youth.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

if he's their leader and with the oil he can take the lazulite soldiers and make them Phyrexian lazulite soldiers,

But why, the Lazotep Zombies were better than the average phyrexian. Most Phyrexians are just randos. The eternals kept their training and were the best of each crop.

The only reason Bolas lost was Liliana catching a sudden case of the White Woman Feel bads and turned on him.

 

[Oddjob OTP]

Personally I think they should have just reverted to the original blueprint of being Genestealer Cult with the numbers filed off instead of being a dumber powered down Tyranid swarm. If you have a plane of dedicated autists compleating people secretly on other planes using jumpgates only they can use I'm interested, attacking everywhere all at once is stupid.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

Yeah I agree, that was incredibly retarded, MoM was really fucking dumb. New Phyrexia should be a lurking threat that slowly encroaches on an individual plane at a time until the resident planar powerhouse du jour is either dead, converted, or disempowered to the point of irrelevance. Although I would note that much like Phyrexia itself, the threat level of a given planar powerhouse also varies wildly depending on what the writers want—see the Obzedat going from one of the primary players on Ravnica to getting Yaaasss Kweened on a single card. Regardless, even written at their most powerful there's no good storyline where they invade the entire multiverse simultaneously, it's retarded on its face.

The only fictional faction this is even slightly workable for is something like the Borg or the Replicators, that function off zombie arithmetic by converting hostile to friendly assets at an exponential rate. "You" can't overextend because "you" is always growing as a function of your extension.

Which is what I think the writers intended by having the Black Oil so gruesomely OP when first reintroduced, but then realized they'd written themselves into a corner.

Orzhov still makes me mad. Now we've got Kaya, who burned a ton of debt cuz morals, but then Orzhov still looks the same as it ever was? There's still spirits and stuff despite Kaya? I'm sure its better explained in writing but I don't care enough to find it.

The official story (as paraphrased by me) is that Kaya is an incompetent DEI hire who doesn't do amy actual work. After bumping off the Obzedat with the assistance of Teysa, she fucked off to do planeswalker shit while leaving her eminence grise (Teysa) to run the day to day, and she ran it in the way that was most amenable to... Teysa. Funny how that works.

And then Teysa fired Kaya for dereliction and took over as Matriarch after her (Teysa's) death.