Mall Ninja Weapons you secretly would like to use

[Clostridium Botulinum]

Since Jace Connors has not done anything noteworthy recently and the Deagle Nation days are long past, what kind of shitty BUDK catalog, flea market, or truck-stop weapons or gear would you secretly want to use in your boogaloo loadout?

 

[Virtual Boring]

Always thought nunchucks were cool. But I’d just smack myself with them if I ever tried.

 

[Clostridium Botulinum]

Always thought nunchucks were cool. But I’d just smack myself with them if I ever tried.

Honestly they're not the most impractical melee weapon. I'd readily use a naginata myself.

 

[XYZpdq]

I've got one of those stupid under-the-arm ninja swords and a three head spike ball mace.
It's really pretty fun to kill the shit out of old plastic gallon jugs with them.

 

[break these cuffs]

I don't know that I'd actually ever want to own one, but I thought Gil Hibben knives were the coolest thing out there when I was 12.

 

[some Sketchy dude]

Basically any craftable monstrosity from Tarkov or Dead Rising games. Also, a kusarigama:

 

[Crankenstein]

I once beat a guy with a Boken, if that counts.

 

[[Redacted]-san]

Does a custom made walking stick count as a weapon? Some bleach Balloons, a skillet, or any kitchen knives as well. I'm the last person you could give a weapon to, and because I wouldn't know how to use guns and stuff. And I would either, unintentionally injure myself or another person without looking.

 

[Dick Justice]

The 13$ arm blades but earnestly.

 

[Digital Thunder]

Would the kanabou count as a mall ninja weapon? If so, that.

 

[AMHOLIO]

I once beat a guy with a Boken, if that counts.

Did you have the bokken, or the guy?

 

[Crankenstein]

Did you have the bokken, or the guy?

We were kids; maybe 5 or 6, he had it, but when I stepped forward to scare him away, he dropped it. I heard his dad yell "whoop is ass!" I thought he meant me, so I beat the kid with it until his mom came and pulled me off of him. I didn't do any damage, but gave him an attitude adjustment. Bonus, when his mom came to pick him up and walk him inside, he yanked at her shirt and I saw her bra. Shit was so cash!

 

[XYZpdq]

View attachment 1544243
The 13$ arm blades but earnestly.

Yeah that's what I've got.
I think I paid a little less, was at a gun show with friends and we bought a bunch of stupid weapons like those, a little crossbow, and so forth.

 

[Doctor Placebo]

I don't know if any of you are up on your black metal lore, but there's a famous picture of Varg Vikernes posing like the edgy boy he is with a couple of knives.

That knife in his left hand though? It's actually a crappy replica of the villain's knife from the movie Cobra.



Practical? Not particularly. If you want to have a chuckle you can take a look at all the different sheaths people have designed to accommodate this thing without it stabbing the person carrying it. But it still looks wicked and you wouldn't want to be on the wrong end of it in a fight.

 

[ShortBusDriver]

I don't know that I'd actually ever want to own one, but I thought Gil Hibben knives were the coolest thing out there when I was 12.
View attachment 1544152

I had the throwing axe which is surprisingly easy to get stuck into things because the point at the top in addition to the blade on the front.

 

[Ciscoipphone]

 

[some Sketchy dude]

Does a custom made walking stick count as a weapon? Some bleach Balloons, a skillet, or any kitchen knives as well. I'm the last person you could give a weapon to, and because I wouldn't know how to use guns and stuff. And I would either, unintentionally injure myself or another person without looking.

Hell yes custom walking stick counts. It reminds of this badass (Russian or Bulgarian) assassin who used a custom made umbrella that was essentially a hidden pellet gun, with a trigger in the handle. It shot small ricin pellets into the victims, to which it felt like an insect bite, which would then dissolve over a few days and lethally poison the target.

 

[verygayFrogs]

This. One of the witchblr people found it on their walk and it looks like a fucking dragon fang and I'm a sucker for the color blue.

 

[KittyGremlin]

Chainsaw bayonet. (on a Hi point)

 

[Prince Lotor]

Manrikigusari
It's a chain with weighted ends. It's a gutterpunk weapon. Just carry a chain and a lock or two and you can snap it together whenever you want.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kusari-fundo

or a few Bo-shuriken, basically metal throwing spikes. I have a few and when I'm holding them the urge to see just how much damage they would do is strong.

Shuriken - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org